For the week of: 7/2-8/2001
“O, how full of briers is this working – day world!”
Shakespeare’s As You Like It [I.iii.11]
Eclipse in Cancer. Mars is crawling to a stop in his backwards motion, but he’s getting precious close to Mr. [sometimes referred to as the Lord of the Underworld] Pluto. [Note from Mr. Pluto: “I prefer to be called ‘Master Pluto, Esq.’ if you don’t mind.”] Top this off with a theme that harkens back to last summer, and we’re on the same wavelength. Note: not everyone will be on this same wavelength, due to the perturbations in the perceptions about the orbit of Mr. Mars — he’s backwards yet.
Simple advice for all signs: be extra careful with fireworks this year. Mars Retrograde is like a fuse which is a little too short. Boom. Then, “Ouch!”
Last week, the Astronet.com web site started pointing all its links to astrology.com — Mercury, Mars, and corporate merger during retrogrades, that’s what it looks like. If you’re interested, here’s our take on the matter. Help support this web site [keep it open and free]: Order up a report. Buy a T-shirt. Or hit the PayPal donate button [it’s like dropping a dollar in the tip jar, a time-honored Austin tradition. Like the sign says at the coffee shop, “Good tippers are more highly evolved.”]
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Aries: I went with the Elizabethan spelling for briars for the opening quote. I found this one author who had another life teaching Elizabethan English as a second language. I would suggest the difference in spelling would account for some of that. The good news is it looks like you’re almost out of the briar patch at this point. Almost. Not quite, but almost. That’s good news, I hope. And what little hope I have to offer is more along the lines of communications, and language. Imagine me, little old me, stuck in a foreign country where the main language, according to the guidebook, is English. Owing to deep East Texas roots in my heritage, with many forays into West Texas to boot, I tend to twang a bit. And according to the residents in that place where English is supposedly the first language, I sound a bit funny. On a bad day, I can barely, if at all, understand a single word they’re saying. You’re going to feel like me. You can see the lips moving, you can hear the sounds, but your brain refuses to put this second language into a logical, discernible pattern. Try my line, “I’m from Texas, English is a second language.”
Taurus: Ever go out, running a little late, and on your way you stop off in the kitchen to fill your travel mug with coffee? Then, no sooner do you get into the truck, after stepping over something somebody’s dog left in the front yard, no sooner do you slide the key in the truck’s ignition than you spill a little bit of that coffee? Unlike certain drive-thru places, your own coffee comes with no warning label [although Ma Wetzel’s coffee should — she likes it really, really strong — paint remover strength]. Now, it’s not a pretty sight, not so far. But wait, you turn the key in the ignition, and nothing happens. Don’t be slamming your head or your hand into the dash, as you’ll spill what’s left of that too hot coffee. Dead battery. So you go back inside to call the office, and you find the portable phone was left off the hook and the battery is dead, too. That’s two dead batteries, too much coffee, and no way to go any place. Find the landline phone, call the office, and tell them you have monster truck trouble, and you’re not working. Then call some friends with jumper cables, and go fishing. Seems I missed a step in there someplace. If it’s turning into a bad week, take a little time to turn it around. Fishing would be a good place to start. Forget the work thing — you need some rest and relaxation.
Gemini: I have this one pair of name brand aviator shades. Not mirror shades, just plain sunglasses. Bought them, must’ve been ten years ago, maybe longer back than that. For a long time, these shades rode around in the glove box of the truck. When I was digging out some paperwork, I found them again, and I’ve started to wear them a lot more. Given that they really are name brand quality, and given that I do enjoy using them from time to time, I was happy I got something that had inherent quality. Something to prevent the hot Texas sun from searing my blue eyes. The Moon and the Sun are into this cosmic position, but if you’re having a summer like I’m having, a little less time in the sun is a good idea. And the sense that you need to dig something out of the truck’s glove box, something which has lain dormant for many long years, that’s a good idea, too. Dig up something up for a little protection, like that old pair of sunglasses. You could use it to help prevent too much solar radiation from this eclipse pattern.
Cancer: Ever get the feeling that something is passing you by? Ever get that sinking, nagging suspicion that somewhere, somehow, someway, something is missing? Ever get the idea that it’s just on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t quite get to it? Ever get tired of astrologers always asking stupid questions about nagging suspicions? I don’t want you to be paranoid, but there’s a lot of stuff piled about hip deep in your 12th Solar House. That would be Gemini. And then there’s a pesky Super Duper Full Capricorn Moon with a pattern which spreads a wide swath through your emotional stability. So let’s face some facts, you’re not at your best right now, even if it is supposed to be a happy birthday time. Volatile is word I would use. This can be good or this can be bad. What are you going to do with all this energy? While a sudden release would be nice, like a single firecracker going off, you more remind me of long string of small firecracker, “Pop, pop, pow, pop,” and then, when you think the explosions are done, there’s one last one. Maybe nudge the firecracker string with your toe, instead of grabbing it with your hand. There’s still a spark smoldering in there, and things are hot all over.
Leo: You know what happens when you’re driving around in the countryside, on days like this? On a hot summer day, right before the July 4th celebration, there’s a plethora of firecracker stands, places which advertise such rates as “Buy ONE, get 15 free!!!” I always liked the extra exclamations points at the end of their advertisement, as if that helps punctuate the point. You might want to try a little creative typography, too, because it looks like no one is getting your point. But I have to wonder about putting the Leo goods up for sale right now, and I have to wonder about the dubious offers you might try. Something doesn’t ring true here. If it really is buy one, get twelve free, does that suggest the one is priced so high it covers the cost of all 12? Somebody’s got to be making a profit in here. Besides, out of those 12 or 15 firecrackers, what’s the chance that one or two might just misfire? That’s what this week is all about, between the planets’ positions and the Mr. Mars thing, there is bound to be some trouble. I’d be a little cautious about offer that appear to be too good.
Virgo: “Adult supervision required,” is how the label reads. It’s in fine print, about two point size, which means it’s too small for normal eyes to read. Bit of a problem, that. And even though you really like the fireworks display, that “adult supervision” thing is a problem. You’re normally the adult in the group. And this is a period of time, thanks to the odd placement of the planets, this is a time when you’re ready to be the kid. In other words, you could use a little adult supervision. Lacking that, perhaps it’s a good time to play some. I just suggest you be a little careful as the optimum toy to play with at this point is low yield, but possibly dangerous, fireworks. A little bit of common sense and good judgment will stand you in good stead. In other words, maybe set the firecracker on the ground before you light it.
Libra: Ever wonder where gunpowder and firecrackers originally came from? Might not be a bad time to look into just such a question. A little line of inquiry, maybe start out with a quick web search, and see where that takes you. One of the joys of the web is the serendipitous way one link leads to another, and that leads to something else, and suddenly, you’re off on a new chase which has only the most tenuous of ties with where you started out. Get the picture? You’re off on what might look like a proverbial wild goose chase to some. To others, it could appear to be a serious academic study. To you, it’s more like trying to ferret out a little information, and figuring that this trivial pursuit will eventually lead to something useful. Or, failing at that, it will lead someplace of interest. You’re in a little bit of a hotspot about this, but I’m sure you’ll be able to justify the time and energy spent on this quest. Make sure you remember where you got your information — supervisors, bosses, employees, and the fact checking department [as well as that one Virgo editor] will need to know.
Scorpio: Living in a trailer park makes for an interesting collection of misfits, ne’r do wells, the odd flotsam and jetsam of life which settles in a place in South Austin, bikers, deadbeats, and so forth. Colorful characters, too. And rather inventive, at times. That goes for the management as well as the residents. Sometimes, the residents are a little slow in paying some bills. The Scorpio trailer is going to get quite a shake-up. I’m not sure just how legal this is, but it does illustrate a point: the landlord got upset with the overdue amount from Mrs. Scorpio, so the landlord fired up the big truck, hitched up the Scorpio trailer, and adjusted its location. As a rule, Scorpio types don’t take kindly to someone disturbing their beauty rest. At best, this was a maneuver to suggest in the strongest terms possible that Scorpio get caught up with some chores around the house, paying the late bills comes to mind. At worst, this type of action initiates a terrible screaming match with many words about the dubious parentage of both parties. When you fail to stay on top of something, the house shakes.
Sagittarius: Pluto has tremendous power, as planets go, and he’s got a horrendous reputation, as well. Mars and Pluto are of a like mind, and they are almost working together at this point, which points to some rather stupendous energy being loosed in the middle of the Sagittarius sky. That, combined with the stuff over yonder in Gemini, is making life a little weird right now. Fortunately for you, you’re a good Sagittarius, and this isn’t too much of a problem. Right? It’s a nice thought, but frustrations are at an all-time high. This is creating some of the problems often associated with Mars in his backwards position, and Pluto in the middle of our sign. Firecrackers can be hazardous, and while that would make a dandy little metaphor for the week, I’m afraid it’s a bit overused. And, for us Archer types, firecrackers themselves aren’t strong enough. So instead of playing with dynamite right now, just leave the big-bang stuff alone. If it has a fuse, I would heartily recommend not going anywhere near that object. Avoid fuses at all costs. As much as they’re fun the play with, no, not right now.
Capricorn: I usually write long messages, fraught with meaning, metaphor and deep insight. I work particularly hard in the garage to come up with something really tasty for Capricorn. But I’m lacking in length right now. Here’s the deal: let someone else light the fuse. Got that? It’s real simple. During this next few hours, days, the big holiday celebration, the weekend which comes after, I mean everything, just let someone else light the fuse. Capricorn is a graceful sign. Beautiful, elegant, handsome. Whatever. But during this week’s activities, just let someone else handle the detonation part of the fun. It’s a good time to be an inactive participant. Watch, enjoy, but let someone else handle the firepower. Fireworks. You know, let some else make stuff go “boom.”
Aquarius: There’s a natural cycle at work right now, and this is one of those times when everyone around you seems to be at a low point. Holiday (complete with fireworks’ display) notwithstanding, most, if not all, of your non-Aquarius companions are going through a bit of a low point. Normally, this won’t interfere with your good nature. Normally, this won’t affect you too much, but when everyone you seem to come into contact with, from the clerk at the mall, to the cell phone customer service rep, to the guy who takes your money for gasoline, all these folks seem to be a little down. There’s always one happy face in the crowd, and I would just assume, “Hey you, the grinning one, you’re an Aquarius, right?” Get the picture? Turns out that one happy face (pretty clerk at the convenience store near me) isn’t really an Aquarius, but when I looked up her birthday, she had an Aquarius Moon. Same dif, to me. Got it? Don’t let other folks get you down. Don’t let troubles, which you have no control over, get in the way of you having a, as my British friends would intone, “Bang up time. Jolly good.”
Pisces: I know your fine Pisces self is very much un-amused by the machinations of certain planets. We’re not naming names, but a certain red planet comes to mind. He’s doing his dead level best to rain all over your parade. This is exacerbated by the eclipse action which serves to buoy up your hopes. I was going to make a “hope floats” joke, but that just doesn’t work. My only advice for times like this — it’s really pretty lame advice — is not to try and drown your sorrows. All those little troubles you put in a bag, and hauled down to the river’s edge? They all have little scuba kits. You can toss them in, but I’ll warn you, about three of them will make it back to shore, and then you still have the same troubles to contend with. Drowning your sorrows is a good idea, if you can just strip the life preservers off them.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
