For the week of: 7/30-8/5
“Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time.”
from Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice [I.i.51]
As one friend pointed out, “Kramer, where’s the love?” Love us? Then show you care. Hit the PayPal donate button — if just one reader does it, then we’re $1 closer to our goal of not going under. But if all million of you readers do it, then — we’re talking vacation. What would you do? Rent’s come due on this trailer, the cat would like the AC to stay on, the boys in the backroom are clamoring for a raise, and yes, Mars is still cooking in Sagittarius. Plus, there’s that ongoing pesky “Pluto opposite Saturn” thing happening. What’s it mean? Read on.
Aries: From time to time, I have to deviate from the astrology text books as my observations go counter to what the books suggest. In other words, I’m betting on Aries to win right now. It’s like being at a race track, a horse track, one of those places where you bet on the ponies. Ya’ll are a long shot. Odds are not in your favor, but according to my Fishing Guide to the Stars astrology, as opposed to regular old-fashioned astrology stuff, you’re set for a strange, weird, wacky, bizarre, come from behind win to blow them all away at the finish line. Don’t ask, it’s too hard to explain. But just when the odds look pretty dismal, remember, I’m putting my hard earned cash on you. Don’t let me down — I need a win — so do you. We could both be in the money by the end of this week.
Taurus: Hunting bass [sport fishing] is noble sport. It takes a degree of cunning, a little bit of luck, and some will power. You’ve got the will power. You’ve got the drive, the determination. You’ve got what it takes, it’s just matter of getting it all together at the right time. And no slacking, either. A little bit of hard work. A little bit of planning, a little bit of preparations goes a long way. In fishing circles, there’s much to be done before you get out to actually fish. One of the luckiest fisherman I know religiously spends his afternoons oiling his fishing reels. Think about it. It takes a little bit of work in order to make it all come together. Instead of just relaxing, see what you can do, right now, to get ready. This coming weekend holds some good surprises. Go and get what you want, but remember to prepare first. A little lubricant in the right place goes a long way to making everything a lot more successful.
Gemini: In the Texas summertime, a vacation always seems like a good idea. It is a good idea but not for Gemini. You should be doubling you effort at work. Concentrate your scattered, many different Gemini talents, and focus. One thing. One item. I know, “Gemini is the sign of the Twins,” but this is not a time to be two-faced. Or anything thing other than doubling your efforts at work. You’re not liking my suggestion, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: focus, determination, tenacity, a little elbow grease, maybe a little axle grease too, all of this pays off. And you will be seeing some rewards for this effort soon enough. But you’ve got to put off dreams about far flung destination right now. Instead of splitting yourself three different ways, put all that excess Gemini mental ability to work on one thing. I’ll promise there is a reward — if you stick to it.
Cancer: It’s sort of a tradition, in Texas, August rolls around, and it’s time to think about a break from the heat, a break from the drudgery at work, a break from the day-in and day-out stuff. And the heat, did I mention the summer heat? We all could use a little break from that. Think about it. Think about getting out of town. Think about that vacation destination you like. Most of the Texans I know, they all escape to either New Mexico or Colorado, although, there are other options available, as well. Just about anything away from where you’re at would be nice. Just about any kind of escape is in order right now. Instead of just grabbing a few travel brochures and looking longingly at distant destinations, why not grab that piece of plastic, call up the airlines and see what you can do? You need a break, and even if it’s just escaping for a day or two, you really deserve a break. Take it.
Leo: It’s still birthday time for all the Leo folks. And that means you should be having some fun now. In Trinity County, in Texas, there’s a little town called “Friday.” Now work with me on this one, imagine that you live in a place called Friday. Imagine that every day is Friday. Get the picture? So even if you don’t live in such place, just for right now, pretend like you do. Treat every day this week as if it were Friday. It is high time that you had a little fun, so use this excuse, “It’s Friday!” You’ll find that it helps get you through the week, and who knows, maybe you’ll wind up in small town in Texas with a proper name. The year ahead promises to be good, and the time being, promises to be filled with certain fun parties. Make the most of it. It’s Friday.
Virgo: In poetry, there’s a phrase called, “The Long Dark Night of the Soul.” One of those fancy lit terms from back in my college days. Like that phrase, you’re entering a similar type of phase, only, I would prefer to look at it as, “the long, hot afternoon at the office when the AC isn’t working as well as it should be. ” What’s worse, if you’re stuck in an office building, you can’t just open up the panes of glass — it’s not like being stuck in a trailer, or in my case, at the picnic table I use for “al fresco dining” in the “front yard.” Parking lot, front yard, not much of a difference, not to me. So be ready for your long, hot afternoon. My best advice for an afternoon like this is to wear as little clothing as possible. In fact, my Virgo self might be taking itself out to the naked beach at the lake. It’s a little hollow where clothing is strictly optional. I doubt that will work for you, but you never can tell. Don’t expect a lot of help, but taking off as much clothing as possible usually offers some relief.
Libra: My truck’s Air Conditioning system hasn’t worked in about a decade or more. Not much of a problem, as the AC required Freon, and those of us who are environmentally sensitive, we don’t worry about such things. I get marginally better mileage out of it with no AC, anyway. And it also improves the mileage a lot when the suggestion comes along, “Let’s take you truck, AC is out on mine….” Get the picture? To beat the heat, to beat the week, to beat the system, you need help. I’ll wager you’ve got a convenient excuse like I do. Use it. Rely on your friends, family, and the odd date you might have. In my case, it makes it a little easier. This is one of those times when it really helps to open up and ask for a little assistance. Like me, you’ve got an easy opening line — so use it. Then see if that doesn’t lead to some much welcome relief. Anything to get you started helps. “So your truck has AC? And it works? Cool.”
Scorpio: Most of my Scorpio friends are complaining up a storm. I’ve got this one buddy, and no matter what happens, this one Bubba feller just kvetches and bemoans his miserable fate, some bad hand dealt to him by the stars. If it’s not the weather, always a hot topic in summertime Texas, but if it’s not the weather, then it’s his employer. Or his girlfriend. Or his truck. And even though I predict good things, he’ll take great umbrage with any positive and turn it into a negative. Quit complaining — can’t do anything about the weather other than seek out a cool beverage, like a nice, tall glass of ice tea. Can’t do anything about the truck’s AC not working, except not drive it in daylight hours. Get the picture? Adjust some of your schedule and work to accommodate the present conditions. Being a little more willing to adapt is crucial at a time like this. I wouldn’t hesitate to suggest that you survive in fine style, if you would only not complain about the things you can’t fix now.
Sagittarius: It’s summer time in Texas. In parts of Texas, it’s really hot. In some parts, they haven’t seen rain in years. It’s really only been a week or two, but it feels like a virtual desert in places. Other spots have this humidity factor to worry about, as well. Yet, in this parched wasteland we all call home, there is hope. You see a single cloud on the horizon, and that means rain. Or shade, at least. So while you’ve got sweat pouring down your back, trickling down into your underwear [the sweat usually mats my ponytail first], you see this one, lone cloud, and it offers a little respite. Now, as long as you are sweating profusely, might as well look like you’re getting some work done. That’s the great secret, it’s a special talent I’ve developed after years of hard practice — even if you’re not doing anything — look like you’re working. Computers are handy for this, you can sit at a machine for hours, days, even all week long, and look as if you are doing something important. Get a little bit of that sweat thing going, and it looks like you’re working hard. Who knows? Maybe you really are. I am.
Capricorn: When’s the last time you had a nice date? I’m talking about the familiar situation, you know, one of those people who shows up with flowers, opens the door for you, even offers to bait your hook? A box of chocolate is also good, but not required — howsoever — the box of chocolate is always a good idea. Now, as you can guess, I’m going to be getting note after note from single Capricorn’s, complaining that it just ain’t so, no one at the door, not even on the phone promising to be at the trailer’s door. So if your mystery date doesn’t show up on time, consider taking yourself out. You could use a good pampering, and no one is better at getting you what you want, no one knows your inner desires better than your own self. One way or another, you can have what you want. It might have to be a do-it-yourself job, but hey, you certainly deserve a break about now. [There’s some spurious web “reserach I did, looking for that Mystery Date board game. Think about it, the “Dud” in the 70’s is now the stud. Go figure.]
Aquarius: It’s just not the happiest of times for you guys, not at this point in the astrological cycle. It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just not the best that it could be, or, at the very least, that’s what it feels like. Nothing is worse than watching you competition pull ahead in a race. Nothing is worse than watching you arch rival gain a lead on you. Nothing is worse than watching all of this happen while it seems like you’re standing still. No, you’re not standing still — here’s the hint: keep putting one foot (“trudging,” I believe, is the correct term), anyway, keep putting one foot in front of another. See, the way this works, your arch enemy, that one person who is the cause of so much consternation and grief? That one person will get caught cheating. Now, the trick is not to cheat. Don’t get caught doing something that might be outside of the rules. I know you can bend the rules a little to fit a given situation, but you don’t need to, not right now. Got that? Play by the rules, and wait. Even though your competition seems to be getting ahead of you, you have a chance to win — only, this might take a little longer than you expect.
Pisces: Not only has Nature framed some pretty strange characters in her time, you get to feel like you are just such a character right about now. I was traversing the very furtherest reaches of far West Texas, if you look at a map, I was close to that corner of New Mexico. And I was lost. Not hopelessly, just sort of wandering around on some old County roads — hey, the route was paved — I took that as a good sign. I stopped and asked for directions because everything looked the same. I stopped at an “oil camp” which looked like a fishing camp except there was no water, and there was just a big oil rig [and a couple of trucks]. I thought to myself, “Self, this is going to be mighty interesting.” I asked for a particular route, and the three guys, just looked at me like I was from Outer Mongolia. I might well have been, for all they knew. I had on shorts, sandals, and my special mirror shades. I had the distinct impression I was the weirdest thing they had seen all day. I could’ve helped them with the drilling bit they were working on, but I didn’t think they wanted any assistance. “You know that road you were on? Go back to where a road is there, and turn there….” Pretty nebulous instructions. It worked, though. So when you feel like you’re from Outer Mongolia, don’t be afraid to go ahead and ask for directions.
(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001
