For the Week of: 10/8-14/2001

“A man that fortune’s buffets and rewards hath taken with equal thanks.”

Shakespeare’s Hamlet [III.ii.69]

Libra’s question last week? “Uneasy Rider” by Charlie Daniel’s (Charlie Daniel’s Band & etc.) While attempting to navigate the London Tube, and Mercury being backwards still, I managed to direct us onto a westward heading train when an eastward heading train would have been far more successful. When we found ourselves backtracking from one particular station a second time, I refrained from nodding knowingly, having played this game once before.

Aries: You’re like me, I know we share this trait: you thoroughly dislike covering old ground, going back to something you’ve done before, something you’ve already covered — this feels a little too much like back tracking, backing up and back pedaling to get stuff done. It’s not a popular pastime for a decent Aries. Decent Aries? Sure you are, you’re reading this, aren’t you? You must be a decent Aries. And therein is the problem, you’ve got a single little planet, minor planet, really, in the grand scope of things, a little guy who is bound and determined to make you back up — at the least convenient time. What I would suggest to allow a little extra time for accomplishing your goals. It could be something simple, like just allowing for a little extra traffic getting to work. Or it could get a little more complicated. Boat ramps are long ribbons of concrete that stretch under the water’s edge, allowing us a chance to back a truck with a boat trailer down, and into the water. Got the image? Just don’t get in an all fired up hurry, and forget to set the parking brake before you get out of the truck. Seen this happen more than once, and it’s not a pretty sight. Sometimes amusing when it happens to a nemesis, but you’re not dealing with a nemesis right now — just make sure you throw the truck into park and set the hand brake before you pop out.

Taurus: Look: don’t get upset with me, okay? I just report on my interpretation of what the planets are doing to you. It’s not a comfortable place. It’s not that bad, but it ain’t at all great. There’s one problem at work, there’s this annoying tendency for work — or work-related material — to go sour this week. It’s like this great catfish bait I keep on hand, excellent for trot lines. But stink bait, as it’s called, is not something I want to store in my trailer. Look at the name itself: stink bait. It’s not fun stuff to handle. Works like a charm, fetches big catfish in the Brazos River, delicious tasting critters when fried, but the bait itself is not a good thing. What I do, at the behest of more than one girlfriend with delicate sensibilities, what I do is store this stuff outside. Got a special refrigerated ice box in the tool shed. Don’t keep much in there, and certainly I would never, ever keep beer or a similar beverage intended for human consumption in there, not in the same general area as stink bait, much less in the same box. So when your work-related stink bait begins to get really ripe, just remember to store it someplace other than your own domicile. Or trailer, as the case may be.

Gemini: It’s not like the course of true love, or a reasonable facsimile thereof, ever did run very true. It’s not like the road to romance is a smooth, two-lane black-top highway. And right now, this road of love looks like a horribly pitted, rutted, corrugated, washed-out track. It looks like the Gemini romance road is a wagon trail that hasn’t been used in years, maybe it feels like this is a route that hasn’t been used since the last century. That’s a problem. That’s a big problem. But if you have the right attitude, the right mind set, the correct way of looking at this rocky trail of romance, you might get by okay. You just have to slow down. It’s a Mercurial Influence, but you knew that. It’s a subtle shift in the planets, but you knew that, too. It’s not the worst of times, but it’s not like everything is as smooth as it could be. One of the neatest tricks I’ve found has to do with adjusting living conditions. Relocating a trailer, even if it’s just to change the basic north – south axis, can do a world a of good. Just be aware that you might change everything back to where it was before, but if you don’t change something and try, then you’re not really getting anything done. Go ahead and change something, but don’t be afraid to switch back to where it was before, either.

Cancer: The “yoke of inauspicious stars” (Romeo, I think, off the top of my head) is not a pleasant introduction to the way the week starts. But once you get passed the Monday morning blues (more like red than blue), once the week gets fully and truly kicked into gear, it will roll right along. There’s a tense moment or two, at the beginning of the week, but once you get passed that, and what with Mercury in past tense, you’ll be okay. Maybe not great, but you will muddle along, even move forward with this heavy burden. Just remember that yes, Mr. Mercury is doing his best to confound certain issues in your Cancerian life, and yes, Mr. Mercury is not a happy camper. But once the week gets into gear, long about Tuesday or Wednesday, once it gets going, you’ll be a lot happier. Early on, and your mileage might vary, but early on, you’re sorely tempted to read someone the riot act (what is a riot act, anyway?). One word: don’t. So I cheated a little, it’s really contraction of two words, but you get the idea. Instead of creating a lot of problems downstream, just sort of hold on to that rage for a day or two, then see if you can’t work something out. It’s just the planets having a laugh at you, and there’s no need ot create a bigger disturbance later. It all starts to smooth over, if you give it enough time — sometimes, just a day or two buys you all the time you need.

Leo: Don’t send me an e-mail, don’t send me a card, don’t send me any letters, don’t call, don’t write, and you really had better not send any flowers, either. Got all that? Leo’s — remember, I love you guys the most — Leo’s are being a little difficult to get along with right now. The fault is certainly not the Leo’s themselves, no, the problem is the rest of us. But the rest of us are doing a very poor job of understanding exactly what it is that your Leo selves are trying to get across to us. Blame Mercury. Blame the planets. Heck, blame me, I don’t care, just as long as you sit on it for a week or two. Remember that the problem is not you — the problem is the rest of us — we don’t understand what it is that you’re trying to communicate. But instead of adding fuel to the fire, instead of banging your head against our ignorance, instead of risking an aneurism just because we don’t seem to understand, why not just sit tight for a little while? Why not just sit on it? Why not try something different? Why waste precious Leo time on the ignorant masses? We don’t understand you right now; don’t waste your efforts on the lesser signs. You will be heard — I promise — just not this week.

Virgo: I know you want some kind of respite, a little rest from the world-weary feeling you have. I know you want something to hold onto, some glimmer of hope. But if I even so much as suggest that there is anything good about this week, you’ll take it, turn whatever I suggest over in your mind, and then you’ll come up with a negative side to this comment I make. “But I’m always an upbeat Virgo, no, really!” Even when Mercury is so close at hand, and even when this selfsame Mercury is doing his dead level best to make your personal life uncomfortable? I thought so. You don’t have to be so cheerful with me, but don’t expect me to call back if you leave one of those dire messages during the next week or ten days. You do have an unusual influence, sort of weird tango between two planets which have nothing to do with Mercury or his evil ways. So enjoy the little things that occur at this time. Don’t fret about the fact that communications are all screwed up. Don’t worry about the things you can’t control. Don’t get too upset when little things go crazy. And that unusual little tickle? It’s a Mars and Venus sort of thing, and that means the odd romantic encounter, not what — or who — you expect, not your normal thing, suddenly you get a tickle. Might not be the best time to start something, but you know, it does bear — or bare — further investigation on your part.

Libra: Last week, there was a trivia question about a certain musical artist, one which my foggy mountain brokedown memory tells me was a rock and roll guy, but in the more recent years, that one particular guy has been pretty much embraced by the country [and western] side of the spectrum. Since you really don’t care that much about the classifications of popular music, and since you’re really wondering what this has to do with your week, and since you’re all upset about that “Mercury going backwards in your sign” thing, then you might fail to see the connection. There is one. Outlaw music, which defies being filed in one particular category, is what you’re up against. Maybe it’s not really music, but music makes for a good way to explain this. Just because a band has a fiddle, that doesn’t make it country. Or just because there is a hot electric guitar, that doesn’t make it rock and roll. So you’re face to face with something similar, due to Mercury, you’ve got a situation you would like to file in column A, but after a second glance, you realize it really belongs in column B. Tough call, and with Mercury doing his deed, then maybe you shouldn’t worry about the decision. You’re going to have second thoughts, and then, you’re going to second-guess yourself all week long, so why worry about it? It belongs in both categories, or maybe, you think, “It really needs a category to itself….” That’ll work just fine.

Scorpio: Please be patient. Please don’t hit me again. Please be gentle. I know you’ll tell me that you are always nice, but come on, let’s be serious here, you do have that irascible Scorpio side which — only when thoroughly provoked — does come out. You can strike with a vengeance, with that old Scorpio tail of yours. You know I’m right. And as your favorite Fishing Guide to the Stars, and as your astrologer, I’d suggest you don’t let your anger get in the way. Do like I do, blame the planets for whatever doesn’t seem to work. Personally, I’ve found that computer type of devices, and some of the peripherals, these sort of items seem to be possessed by a demon or two. Now, you can do a couple of things to deal with this problem. Call your local church and get a representative to come over and perform an exorcism. That’s the first step. Or maybe that’s the second step. If you’re having problems with mechanical and electrical devices, the first thing I do is unplug them. Pop the battery out. Put it all on the shelf for a little while. In the shed, which I call my workshop, I’ve got a number of dead devices, and right now, between you and me, we both need to leave these things on the shelf. Makes for a less frustrating week. Or call the local church. But just parking the problem for right now is still the best idea.

Sagittarius: You can go out and party, or you can do like I do at a time like this, you can make the most of what you’ve got at home. I’ve been meaning to sort through my collection of valuable designer T-shirts, collectible items like that, old clothes I’ve been meaning to recycle, and deal with this junk which keeps piling up in the hall closet. All I really do is make a stack of the stuff I think I might want to throw out, then move that pile over to another closet, or maybe leave the stuff stacked on the couch until I need to stretch out from working so hard, then I move it to the floor. Sometimes I even get around to wearing some of these clothes. I once tried on a really cool set of “parachute pants” from a narrow era of fashion, must’ve been about 20 years old. I guess that’s a bad sign when I have clothing older than some of my dates, but that’s another story. The biggest problem is that some of the stuff that needs to be sorted through, some of the junk which, quite frankly, needs to be recycled right out the door, here’s the hot tip: toss, throw, haul. Get rid of it. You’ve got things which have been cluttering up your life, and in the best spring cleaning mode — even though it is very definitely October up here in Texas — do the spring cleaning thing now. In fact, it looks like you’ve put this off since last spring, so it’s as good a time as any.

Capricorn: My name must surely be mud in your vocabulary right now. This is due to the untimely influence of two planets, one of which would be Mr. Mars, now firmly in your sign giving you a great reserve of energy, a huge well you can tap to get anything done. Move mountains, even. The other one, though, is less user-friendly as Mercury is backwards in sign that is not entirely compatible with your current way of thinking. That would be the ubiquitous Mercury Retrograde in Libra. You have the power. You have the drive, the motivation. You have the ability. You have what it takes to survive and win. You have your own, personal mojo working so well at this point — but there’s a small problem. No one seems to understand what you’re saying. This is a major problem due to a minor planet. And it’s a temporary situation, but you have to be a little more careful than usual. It’s a great time to hit: 1] the gym 2] the health spa 3] the hike and bike trail. Or hit any combination of all three. While a good, physically draining form of exercise won’t really solve any of the problems associated with Mercury, it will answer that Mars call-to-action, and you’ll feel better. Trust me on this one, a little extra workout will do you a world of good.

Aquarius: We can all use a good excuse from time to time. Now, having been a dutiful employee at one time in my life, I understand. You can say that it’s your car that needs repairs, but your employer might ask to see the repair work order. You can call in sick, but your employer might ask for a note from your doc. The best type of excuse is to explain that something broke at your apartment because the management has to pay for it, but you have to be there to supervise, to let the workers in, and you don’t have any documentation to come up with. Why worried about a good excuse? In the next seven days, in the coming week, you’re going to want, maybe even need, a little time away from that place called “work,” and it’s always good to have a ready-built excuse, all spooled up and prepared for implementation. Be creative, and enjoy your day off, courtesy of the Fishing Guide to the Stars.

Pisces: Once again, I’m high on the Pisces low list. That means I don’t have a lot of good things to say. Naturally, I usually have many good things to say about my favorite Mutable Water Sign (definitely Pisces) but this is time when there’s not a lot of really good stuff going on. It’s more like a lot of little problems. Most of these have to do with relationships, and this doesn’t mean the relationship you have with your boss, or the relationship you might — or might not have — with your parental units. Nope, none of those, which means it must be the Relationship relationship I’m talking about. The Capitol Letter Relationship — means it’s probably of that romantic variety. While I may be a master in the ways of love, and while I do love Pisces, not everyone will be agreeing with us right now. I’d look at two planets, one would be Venus and the other would Retrograde Mercury. Neither one is making you very happy right now. Instead of arguing with me, instead of arguing with the planets, and most important, instead of arguing with your significant other [boyfriend, girlfriend, dog, cat, fishing buddy] or your astrologer, take everything that you hear, some of that torrent of words which seems to wash over you from that person, take it all with a modicum of discernment. In other words, don’t fire off snappy comebacks that hit a little to close to the bone, and don’t take offense at some of what is said, it’s just so much wording, not nearly the big deal you think it is.

(c) Kramer Wetzel, 2000, 2001

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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