“Awake the pert and nimble spirit of mirth.”
Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream [I.i.13]
Big shift with them planet things, and this is just a heads up for the planetarily aware: Mr. Mars goes stomping into Aries on Saturday and on Sunday, the Sun starts with Aquarius. But what does this mean? Sort of depends on where it falls in your own chart, but we’ve worked up a few possible scenarios to help:
Aries: I wouldn’t be making any big plans for the weekend. I wouldn’t be getting too much stuff ready, anticipating some sort of big deal, not just yet. And while you’ll certainly feel the added boost of having Mars in your sign, this is like the time Bubba added some extra special octane booster [“Guaranteed to clean up your engine, too” read the label] to his old truck’s fuel. Now, that truck was used to poking along on regular, and that extra boost certainly added some zip to the motor — for about two days. After that? All I can say is I’m glad old trucks are easy to work on, and I’m glad there a lot parts easily available through most of the junkyards around here. Maybe it’s better [if you’re a rockstar] to burn than fade away, but in the case of the old truck, lots of parts burned really fast. and Mr. Mars is going to act like that octane booster. Careful you don’t burn up too fast with all the extra energy, not right away. Pace yourself a little — we have to replace fewer parts that way.
Taurus: Ever notice how things can go from good to bad in just the blink of an eye? And it’s not really things turning bad right now, it’s more the usual stuff that comes with Mr. Mercury doing his backwards swing in one of the fixed signs. See: Taurus is nothing if not steadfast. And Mercury is nothing if not just the opposite. And this makes times like this a little less than wonderful. Now, it ain’t all bad, but you’ve got to realize a few things, like, it feels like everything is stacked against you. In fact, if I were a gambling man, and I’m glad I’m not, I would not be betting on Taurus right now. Yes, Taurus will be okay, in the long run, but during the weekend, in the next week or so, you will feel like the odds are just stacked against you. Plainly put: they are. There is an easy way around this, though, make sure that your co-workers, compatriots, and fellow Taurus persons all know that yes, you’re working on it, and you will get their problems just as fast as you can. Suggest they take a number, and point out that the number they just received in the triple digit category, and you’re just now working on the folks with the single digits. Yes, you’ll get to them just as fast as you can.
Gemini: One of Ma Wetzel’s biggest fears is that I’ll use her name in print in some situation that is, according to her, patently false. Or I’ll mention some embarrassing moment from family history, and some of those stories just get better and better the further away the truth gets. And while she’ll deny it, she did pass on one bit of family lore that has always been important to me, a true Texas tradition: never let the truth get in the ay of a good story. However, as much as I care for my family, and as much as I love to tell stories about my family, and you’re much the same way, this is not a time to making up those usual Gemini tales of the fantastic. Put a lid on it. Mercury starts spinning backwards, and by the time you read this, you’re already feeling it although Mr. Mercury doesn’t actually get into a full back spin mode for another day or two. But listen to wisdom from your mom (or borrow mine), and watch the stories that you tell right now. Tall tales are interesting, but sometimes, the stories stretch the limits of our credibility. The problem is, folks aren’t as gullible as you would like right now, and this is inclined to reflect badly on some of your stories. Go easy with tall tales right now, or Mr. Mercury will bite you in a little while.
Cancer: More than Mercury, Mr. Mars is the dude to watch out for right now. He slaps you into gear, and it’s like revving up your Cancer truck motor, dropping the hammer (so to speak) and hope that you accelerate away from the sedentary position with grace and speed. The problem being, that old Cancer truck? It doesn’t like being slapped into gear like that. And while you were struggling with the gear shift, you might ought to be a little more careful, and check to make sure you’re in a forward gear. Nothing is worse than nailing the accelerator, grabbing the steering wheel, and wonder why everything is receding so fast. Reverse and First Gear are close to each other, and you want to make sure you go in the right direction. So when Mr. Mars comes along and gives you this shot of energy, double check to make sure you’re pointing in the right direction, and maybe look behind you, too, just to be doubly sure about which direction you’re taking off in. Or make sure you know just exactly which gear you’re in before you depress that pedal. Just make sure you’ve picked a destination by the time Mars arrives to push you off.
Leo: Ain’t nothing new about Mercury going backwards. And instead of prophesying doom and gloom, there is certain amount of certitude that comes with this sort of planet action. You knew this was going to happen. No big deal. You’re prepared, too. One of my favorite Leo’s always keeps a stash of surplus MRE’s around, just for occasions like this. (Meal Ready to Eat, Army surplus. Each meal is an entree, a dessert, coffee, water, and a package of toilet paper — the Army thinks of everything.) But except for that on Leo with the case of MRE’s, the rest of us are kind of sunk. Buck up, Bubba, it’s not really that bad. Although you’re going to feel the full effect of Mercury going backwards, shortly after that, about the time Mars crosses into Aries, there’s a little lift. There’s some fire, a little spark, a bright spot out of this whole mess. It’s like your buddy here, the Fishing Guide to the Stars, he knows that you’ve got a case of those tasty MRE’s, and you know? We could share them now. In other words, someone is going to notice you, despite Mercury being backwards, and this might not be the best of times, but there’s a small spark of hope, and if you play your cards right, to thoroughly jumble the metaphors, play your cards right, and this tiny spark can be fanned into a decent little cooking fire. Won’t stop Mercury, but that’s really not that big of deal.
Virgo: Just in time for relief from one section of the sky, another planet, another section of the sky goes right down the old tubes. No sooner does Mars finally move out of your way than Mercury hits full stride with his backwards motion. This is just a minor cage rattling exercise, though. Now, it can be the Virgo cage that gets rattled, or you can relax a little, and let someone else’s cage get rattled. I had this girlfriend once, and she got her tail all in twist because of a similar Mercury retrograde. She yelled, stomped, slammed doors, even launched a plate at me. I refused to give in to the planet’s misunderstanding. As a professional astrologer, I knew the planet was backwards, I knew this tempest would blow over, and she would see the folly of her ways. But in the meantime, I had to duck to avoid that plate and its contents. Same thing applies to Virgo, especially now: are you going to rant and rave, and then have to apologize later, as well as clean up your mess? Or are you going to sit there, and refuse to take part in the fracas? you can play either role, you know.
Libra: It’s time for a little cosmic review period. Personally, I’d do this like an academic review session, a time to pour over all the old notes, go over what was said in class, take a little time out to ascertain what the professor’s goals were for the class, and then I’d look up a classmate or two, and I’d go over my findings with what other members of the class have come up with. What’s the point in this sort of review? This is on a cosmic scale, and there are few folks with whom you need to consult. A good astrologer comes to mind, too (know any? Let me know), as a little guidance right would be useful. The deal is this: you’ve got a great idea, but you’re like as not, charging off in the wrong direction. You might not have quite heard the objective correctly. You get one goal set in your mind, and then the rest of the world seems to be moving in slightly different direction. This creates problems. Go back to the idea of a cosmic review, go back to the concept that you need to review all the notes before you proceed. Check with some of your associates. Make sure that you understand what direction you’re really supposed to be going in before you move forward. A little review never hurts.
Scorpio: The typical house cat is a good example of what this week is going to be like. Mine isn’t exactly typical, but she’ll always do in a pinch. Like most parents, I tend to regard my cat as having special powers. This can be disputed, but that’s not the question. Said cat goes to the back door, scratches at it once to let me know she wants out. I open the door. She pokes her head, decides that it is way too cold to be outside, and there, in my bare feet, I stand shivering while I wait for her to either go out or duck back in. She just looks at me and complains because I obviously I set the outside thermostat to something, something which she finds uncomfortably cool. So she goes to the front door, sniffs around, and I open the front door for her. She pokes her head, takes one tentative step, then halts mid-stride. To her, it’s obvious that I’ve been playing games with this outdoor temperature control, and she’s not happy about it. You’re like the cat. Doesn’t matter what we try to do to please you, you’re not happy with the results. What makes this worse, you’re going to have the same annoying tendency the cat does, you stop half in and half out the door when you realize that it isn’t like it’s supposed to be.
Sagittarius: Shady Acres Trailer Park, where I live, has tried a variety of lawn control services. You know,the guys with mowers and blowers, and they always show up at the most inconvenient time. There’s the added problem that some trailer spaces need a lot of work whereas others are pretty simple. To be honest, yes, I’ve actually seen a lawn service technician using a leaf blower on a gravel sidewalk. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. So the lawn guys generally show up in the middle of the week, and for an hour or two, the noise is horrific. To my finely trained astrological mind, I notice that they seem to wait until I have to take an important call, some client with an astrological emergency, and then the guys with the blowers want to nose around in flower bed, just outside the trailer’s door. If it happens once, it’s really no big deal, it’s just that it happens with alarming frequency. Welcome to Mr. Mercury, and what he can do. Just about the time you have to field that one, really important call, the leaf blower starts up, right out side your door. I know the feeling. Don’t try calling me on Thursdays, and especially not during the next three weeks. It may not be a leaf blower, but some one is going to do his or her best to interfere with your normal lines of communication.
Capricorn: The last of the Capricorn celebrations are this weekend, and after that, party time is over. And what with Mercury just heading into a backwards position, relative to where we’re at, here on planet earth, maybe it’s a good thing that the Cap parties are over. I’ll bet you guys are looking forward to a little rest. A little relaxation period a time when you can sort out the mess of the holidays, the birthdays, and just take it easy. Time to get on with life by taking a nap, so to speak. In fact, the next few days, after the hectic weekend is over, the days after that are good for straightening up the place, putting away some of the party hats and noise makers, and generally doing important tasks like taking that extra load of garbage to the dump. Load up the Capricorn pickup truck, and do what you have to do to clean the place up. Just be careful, no, this really happened the other day, just be careful when you go to get rid of stuff, you don’t start picking up what other folks have already discarded. “See? This is perfectly usable couch. Just needs a cover. It would look just fine on my porch.” Unload only after the weekend.
Aquarius: “Okay, smart Mr. Astrology Fishing Dude,” the Aquarius says, “Mr. Mercury will not ruin my week.” I tend to agree, but that’s because — unlike many astrologers — I’m actually very fond of Aquarius. Be that as it may, the little one is going to be backwards in your sign by the end of the week, and he is determined to wreak little mayhem. The good news is that there are plenty of other planets, and those other planets should make this feel less like a bad thing, and the Mercury period should feel more like a minor inconvenience, maybe Mercury will even provide you with a funny story to tell. It’s all a matter of your point of reference. How are you going to deal with this? Consider that you’re probably going to want to double check all your numbers before you send them off to the accounting department. Consider proof reading that note you need to send out before you hit the send button. And remember that spell checkers are really just dumb pieces of software that never catch all the real mistakes. The software can only catch glaring errors. Proof read a second time, check the numbers on the spreadsheet with a hand calculator. You get the idea, right? And be prepared to laugh at the little mistakes that are bound to occur.
Pisces: You can skate right up to the weekend, all the way through until Sunday night, and you’ll be just fine. After that, though, the world seems to fall apart. Not your world, no, the Pisces world is safe. It’s everyone else’s world that seems to come apart a the very seams, the seams which hold together the very fabric of reality. Understandably so, too, as it’s that Mercury backwards thing, and as a good Pisces, you’re not letting Mercury’s little tricks get in your way. Right? right. I hope. This particular Mercury period, now, then, and the on into the next week is going to be a little confusing for some people. One of the nicest things about being a Pisces is that you have rather fluid definition of what hard, cold reality is. You’re going ot be called upon, tapped out, as it were, to explain some things, and only your rather fluid definition of what reality is will help you. Be prepared to explain why something is so, and if you’re adequately prepared, you’ll find that you could convince even the worst of your detractors.
