“If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as work.”
Shakespeare’s Henry IV, part one [I.ii.208]
This horoscope is intended to be used from 3/14/2002 until 3/20/2002. By installing this horoscope, you agree to the disclaimers, terms and conditions, and accept liability for your use of said horoscope. See: I live in Texas, so I use a chart which centers on what I perceive to be the center of the world. I know your mileage will vary from what I offer up. The precise timing of the charts, to me, indicate that Aries will be underway by the end of the prescribed period, but only by a matter of minutes. According to the textbook, though, Aries doesn’t start until March 21 this year. Remember, your result may vary. Aquarius has a quiz at its end, but it’s open to all signs.
Aries: It’s almost happy birthday time. It’s almost party time for my favorite Ram Tough sign. It’s almost lots of things right now. After looking over your chart, I figured you’re already on the party wagon, and you don’t much care where this wagon goes, either. Now, I’m not real familiar with party wagons, but there’s a party barge or two here at the lake. What’s really fun is to watch when all the passengers crowd to one side, to see something, or go to the bar, or something like that. And when everyone is all on one side, the party vehicle tends to look a little lopsided. There’s this one barge, really a model of an old steamboat that used to ply the Colorado River, from the coast up to here. And when everyone is crowded on one side, usually on the top deck, the bottom floor stars to ship a little water. I’ve always been fascinated, just waiting for that thing to roll right over. Then we’d all be fishing people out of the water. Be a just a little extra cautious about doing any one thing to excess right now, you don’t want to upset your won equilibrium. Happy birthdays are just around the next bend in the river.
Taurus: I sincerely hope you enjoy the next couple of days. If you’re in Texas, especially South or Central Texas, then it’s wild flower season. While it’s not the best of years, it’s still not too bad, and the riot of color across the landscape makes for a decent change. Nothing dreary about this. Nor, for that matter, is there anything dreary about what you have coming up. It’s going to involve a high degree of activity, that’s for sure. And while it lasts, there’s also going to be an increased emphasis on getting out, and enjoying the spring like weather. The important thing to realize is that you have an increased amount of energy. Thank Mr. Mars for that. Now, you do have to be careful with all this extra “get up and go” because you might get right up and roll on over one of us. You don’t intend to, but in a burst of very uncharacteristic Taurus enthusiasm, you get all excited and just romp right over your friends. You know you’ve got the drive, and I know you’ve got the drive, but that doesn’t mean you should drive right over the rest of us. Stop and look at the flowers along the way, the Lupines in Texas are really quite colorful right now, and there’s no reason to miss them.
Gemini: Ever feel like everyone was out to get you? Ever feel like there was giant conspiracy and you’re the main target? I don’t want to excite your imagination, but if you look around, you’ll begin to feel like they are out to get you. And we don’t even know who the “they” are. That’s part of the problem: there’s really not any one person out to get you. Matter of fact, some of us just want to be your friend. Some of us care. Some of us would just like to express our sympathy for your current predicament. How’s that expression go? “Once burned, twice shy, three strikes you’re out?” Is that the quote you’ll throw back in our collective faces because you’re not too sure about all this? I hope so. And I hope you have my gift for trashing the language like I do. You’re probably going to do that, too. Not that it matters, either. If you can laugh at certain paranoid delusions you’re having, then your life will feel a lot better. But just because I’m tell you that it’s your imagination telling you stuff, that doesn’t always make you feel better. But it should. Trust me.
Cancer: if I were a Cancer, I’d be planning on how I’m going to spend all that vast wealth I’m amassing right now. Not amassing a huge quantity of moneys? You should be. Or you could be. This might require a little more effort than you’ve been making, and given the current economic climate, this might seem like an impossible task, but it’s not. You can be in the right place, at the right time, and it starts this weekend. Next day or two. Whatever groundwork you lay now benefits you — mostly long range — but some this is much more immediate. Okay, there’s a BBQ place right on the edge of one of the lakes here, and it’s a popular destination. Just downstream from that place, there’s a bend in the tributary, and the willows hanging over the water’s edge provide the perfect place to fish on a hot summer day. Plus, there’s the benefit that no decent fisherman would ever work so close to the restaurant’s border. There’s the added advantage of a scouting trip, just to locate such a destination for fishing — you get to take in some BBQ. It may not be great, but you can make just such realizations in, apparently, unlikely place. Make the connections, and see what happens.
Leo: I know you’ve heard this before, but you really do have the soul of poet. And instead of trying to write your own poetry at this point, I suggest you read some, listen to some, or otherwise engage your poetic sense. Now, you can try something truly frightening, and locate a coffee house nearby, then go and listen to an open mike poetry reading. Or you can participate in other ways, like singing in the car. Poetry doesn’t have just have to be in books. The lyrics to a favorite song can speak volumes to your Leo soul. Some [non-Leo] people might find this quest for poetry a little strange. or they might not understand why, suddenly, you’re in a much better mood. Maybe it was a clip from a song, maybe it was some Elizabethan verse, maybe it was a few lines from one of the post modern scribes. Doesn’t much matter where you look for the poetry, it’s where you find it that’s important. A favorite way to accomplish this sort task around here to head on down to the bookstore, get loaded up on Espresso, then nestle down in an easy chair with a stack of books to peruse. You can give it try — no purchase is necessary, you’re just looking for words that make you happy.
Virgo: Oh my dear Virgo. Oh my dear. Oh my. Oh. I was visiting a Virgo, and she kept assuring me that, “The house was wreck, you know, with kids and all,” and unless I got out a white glove and ran my fingers across the top of a picture frame, I seriously doubt I could’ve found one speck of dust in that place. Or find anything out of place. I didn’t see the previously alluded to mess. Now, I don’t have a Virgo’s eye for detail, and it’s been a really long time since I’ve had my bed inspected for proper hospital corners. That doesn’t stop you from presuming that everything is wretched while the rest of us look, and we just don’t find the faults that you do. In plain, simple language, there are a number of good events about to happen. It’s how you look at these events that will determine the outcome. Let go of some of that over achieving attention to detail. Just let it go for a little while. Get yourself out in the garden, real or imagined, and dig around the dirt, real or imagines, and get close to nature, real or imagined. It will really make you feel better, and doing so this coming weekend means that next week gets off to a good start.
Libra: I’ve often mused about the providence of the open road being the place for the young, the energetic, the people with a mission. After a while, saddling up to the luggage, packing the overnight bag (with hopes of making that clothing last all week), it just gets to be a bit much. Tiresome, to some of us. As any “road dog” who’s been around the state, the country or even the globe. I’ve done all of them. However, there’s a suggestion that this is the time to get ready to saddle up again. You’ve got something happening, something that looks like a combination of work and play. Like a business trip in Las Vegas. Okay, right, like that’s supposed to be convention where you press the flesh, slap each other on the back, and do the networking thing. But there’s also a chance to catch a show, and then there’s the odd allure of the slot machines, the faintest buzz of machinery, that high pitched whine from a casino. I won’t promise you’re going to Vegas, and I won’t promise that you win, but I will promise a chance to combine business nd pleasure at the same time. Either way you slice that message up, it’s pretty nice.
Scorpio: In the good old days, Mars was the sole ruler of Scorpio. And while that implies a certain amount of patriarchal imagery, calling a definitely male planet a ruler, there’s a softer, gentler side to this. But that softer, gentler side is no where to be found right now. And don’t start hurling objects at me, either. I just report on the particular planet’s position. Mars is in the sign opposite Scorpio right now. It’s not a happy thing. It’s not a good thing. Or it can be, but you’re going to hit the wall of frustration before you’re willing to listen to my sage advice. Hey, I’ve been there, it’s not like this is the first time you’ve considered me a fruitcake until you tested my theories. So, what’s all this mean? It suggests you’re going to go banging into something, like a wall of frustration, a feeling that there are large number of obstacles that oppose you. What are you going to do about it? Head the other way. If you’re not making any forward progress with your current line of attack, and after you figure out it’s not working, then do what I do, head off in a completely different direction. If one thing doesn’t work, then drop it. Period. It’s that simple. If it works, it works great. But if it doesn’t work, don’t be a stubborn fool. Mars is against you. I’m not, but Mr. Mars is.
Sagittarius: I’m a Sagittarius, no news there. But as the spring time weather in Texas begins to look like it might be getting really nice out, I have this problem right now. You do , too. It’s a form of spring fever, a time when you just, to be quite honest, don’t feel like working. And yet, there is the persistent problem with that very topic. “Work,” as a subject matter, is not popular with me or any of the office staff around here. But this is a main consideration right now. As nice as it looks outside, you really should lash yourself to word processor, work processor or even the food processor and get after what’s really important. The drive to do well is accentuated by the planets. That means you can actually get a lot of stuff out of the way, if you’re just willing to tackle it. I managed to move a large pile of material from the overflowing “in” container towards the recycling container. [Some of the stuff folks send me makes really good mulch.] It’s all a matter of sitting one’s self down, picking up the pencil [or mouse] and getting after what is required. So this isn’t a pretty outlook, but there is a hint, the more you move out of your way right now, the more time you get to play in the very near future.
Capricorn: I refuse to see anything bad in your chart. And no sooner do I suggest that everything is good in Cap Land when a certain Capricorn picks up her phone to ring me up on the boat phone, and tell me that life is not good, and I may be a nice guy, but I’ve got this week all wrong. I prefer my version, and if you’re panicked about something, then consider giving me a call. You know the number. The week has more positive things going for rather than negative things, and sometimes, it’s just a matter of how you look at it. I hate to delve into Neo Paganism, or New Age Speak, but you’re not looking at any problems right now. To be sure, you’ve got a challenge or two, but it’s not all bad. You can just shift your perspective a little, just change how you’re looking at the supposed problem, and suddenly, it all becomes a nice puzzle you get to work out. Isn’t that a nicer way of looking at it?
Aquarius: If life is journey, then you’re going to start asking me if there is any smooth road anywhere around for Aquarius. Seems like you’ve been a dirt road for a while now, and you’re not very happy about the apparent texture of this dirt track. It looks lot more like corrugated cardboard instead of the nice, smooth glassy superhighway that other signs seem to be enjoying. Now, my favorite truck lacks proper suspension parts. Or rather, it’s got the parts and pieces, but they don’t work together too well. Even smooth pavement is a little bit of challenge. But on some dirt roads, getting to the right speed results in a relatively smooth ride. Can’t be too fast, that’s just plain dangerous given the lack of responsive steering, but getting to the right speed, not too fast, but not too slow, then everything smoothes out. Same thing for you, especially now. This going to require a judgment call on your part, and maybe a little bit of experimenting because local conditions vary. But if you can get to the right speed, then everything smoothes out. For a chance at a free [abbreviated] Planet Profile [delivered via email only], what song lyric from a the usual Texas canon of singers correctly evokes this feeling? There’s only one tune in my head — that’s the right answer, but good guesses, graft, and empty promises work almost as good.
Pisces: This weekend is actually a pretty cool time for Pisces. No, really, it is. See, these scopes kick off on the tail end of a New Moon. I can’t speak for all Pisces, but from what I’ve observed, there seems to be a strong urge to nap under the dark of the moon. Then, as the faintest sliver of a moon begins to emerge, it’s time to get about doing things. Whatever things you deem are important. I tend to take a somewhat lazy view of this sort of time, though, and tend to figure it’s a good time to throw cane pole over your shoulder, and seek out a little bit of tranquil spot on the river someplace, somewhere you can fish — and nap — at the same time. “What are you up to?” they ask. “Just drowning worms,” your Pisces self answers. of course, you don’t want to hurt any worms, so you’re just there with a few props, to looks like you’re fishing. Not that I know anything about this myself, but the kind hearted Pisces that you are, you should take it easy, but get out and at least look like you’re doing something vitally important.
