“Thou art the Mars of of Malcontent.”
Shakespeare’s Merry Wives of Windsor [I.iii.98]
Last week the question in Aquarius was about as lyrical refrain from a Pisces singer in Texas, Jerry Jeff Walker is the troubadour, and the song is “LA Freeway” and the lyric is “Going to get me some dirt road back streets…”
Aries: Couldn’t have timed this one better: happy birthday, happy new year, happy Vernal Equinox, happy whatever. I’d warn you about a surprise party, but if I did that, it would give away the surprise. So you didn’t hear about it from me. And if you’re not a birthday boy [or girl — whatever] this week, as long as there just a touch of Aries in your chart, you should be the life of the party. Party time, you animal you. Maybe not everyone is enjoying this as much as you are, but if you just relax, there are certainly more good things than bad. Now, that thing about the surprise party? See, that gives a slight sense of foreboding. It should. It’s supposed to. I seriously doubt that there will really be a surprise party, but your Aries brain is going to start thinking something along those lines. This is one of the times when your brain conjures up all sorts of weird stuff. Fantasies about a party that might or might not happen, done deals, and what could’ve been. Don’t go there, enjoy the good stuff this week — it’s the beginning of a new year for Aries.
Taurus: Yes, you and that character from Shakespeare’s Merry Wives of Windsor share the same feeling about Mars being the malcontent. Mars and Taurus, while I like it a lot in an astrology chart, most of my kind, gentle, sweet, demure, soft and cuddly Taurus types are less than thrilled with the machinations of this little red orb. He’s not making pretty in Taurus. To be sure, there is a lot of activity associated with Mr. Mars. A lot of coming and going, and coming and going around and around. The trick with Martian movement is to direct it. Instead of letting Mr. Mars push and shove you around, pick one direction. Instead of meandering haplessly all over the lake, pick one spot and go for it. Now, I wouldn’t be making suggestion like that if there wasn’t another side to it all. I’m sure some perspicacious Taurus is willing to point out that bumper sticker wisdom: “All who wander are not lost.” I’m just suggesting that the wandering part is better off, under this influence, if you pick just one direction without a lot of course corrections.
Gemini: They say, “time heals all wounds,” but in my limited experience with human nature, I’ve discovered time doesn’t really do a whole lot. Time is kind of lazy. Old Man Time needs to get his booty kicked into gear in order to get anything happening. Consider yourself duly kicked into gear. Or, better yet, consider your Gemini self notified that you’ve got a little booty kicking that needs to get done, and ain’t no time like the present in order to get this sort task at hand (or foot) done. We are just now embarking on a new journey into the next astrological cycle, and Old Man Time needs a little bit of help from your Gemini self in order to get stuff accomplished. So take a quick look-see, and figure out what needs a little extra motivation in order to get things happening. Then apply that bodacious foot to the proper backside and see if you can’t get a few more projects launched. Yes, Chronos (Saturn, Fate, Time) needs some motivating force right now, and you’re the one to do it.
Cancer: You’re lucky number this week is Six. I’ve read certain astrology columns where self-styled astrologers pluck numbers out of thin air, and suggest that these digits are your lucky numbers for the day or week. So, in keeping with that tradition, I’m suggesting that the digit Six (6) or [VI] is the best one for you. Unlike some astrology columns which are patently made up, go ahead look this one up in the books: Jupiter is at 6 degrees of Cancer, all week long. That could mean you win the big lottery this weekend. If you do the math, though, there’s not much of a chance of a win. If the odds are greater than 6 to 1, I would save that money. Not this weekend, but early next week, that’s when life gets really interesting, and this lucky digit #6 comes more into play for you. About six days from the time this scope is published, there’s a lucky break, of sorts. Might not be a big lottery win, might not even be ten bucks on a scratch off ticket. But there’s something, wending its way towards you. Not in six years, six months, but within the next six days.
Leo: Last week was about inspiring the Leo poetic sense, this week is about putting some of those inspirations to use. Think about some of the best lines ever used in advertising. I know, advertising isn’t poetry, but there are some expression, some ad campaigns where the message has become more important than the product. Some folks still remember a certain brand of [insert brand name here] even though they have no intention of ever purchasing that item. Get your Leo vocabulary brushed off, and get it ready to use. Your poetic sense has been tickled, now you can take that poetry out to the street and apply to a real life situation where something needs to be done. You’ve got the cute expression, so go out and express yourself. If all else fails, and you claim you have no poetry right now, do like I sometimes do: plagiarize from some 17th and 18th century poets. They’re not around these days to squabble about copyrights. But I seriously doubt that you’ll need to go that extreme. Apply what you’ve learned recently.
Virgo: I told you things were getting good, and you didn’t believe me. But the subtle shift, even by so little as one degree, as the Sun makes his way through Aries, the subtle shift is ever so much better for you. The only caution right now is not to get too exuberant with this nice little shift. Look, it’s like, “decent,” you know? Not great. Not that all fired up wonderful. Just pretty good. The way it looks from the back end of my boat, the Virgo view is actually really excellent, with good news just about everywhere. The problem? You knew there was a problem, right? The problem is being too joyful, too happy, or too complacent, even though things are really good. The deal is, you might be sorely tempted to brag a little bit. And bragging is fine, when done by a professional like myself. But with Mercury still in Pisces, you might want to curtail the fish stories right now. What works out better, much better, is get yourself a good fishing guide and bring home the catch of the day. Instead of telling us you’re going to do it, go out there and do it, then bring in the evidence. Works much better that way. careful with bragging before the fact.
Libra: Put yourself in my shoes, not so very long ago. Boots, actually. And imagine that you’re single guy, dating a few people, getting sort of serious about this one girl, and imagine that she wants to have “that talk” with you. Feel the fear? Just the idea of “that talk” makes me quake in my boots. Now, I doubt you’re a single guy with a handful of girlfriends, and one in particular, who wants to have a certain long-term, committed type of talk with you. But you do have a significant other who wants to talk about some aspect of your relationship, and the spin the planets put on this leaves you a little worried. It should. Things to say right now: 1] “Yes, you’re right.” 2] “Yes, I most assuredly see your very valid point.” Things not say this week: 1] “Yes, you’re right and I agree with you about everything.” 2] “Yes, I see your very valid point point, but I don’t agree with you.” Get the hint? Be a little extra careful before you commit to anything, but make sure you don’t do like I do, and irritate her with one of those answers that circumvents the question.
Scorpio: I’m going to have to go and look up what I wrote last time Mars was in Taurus because it irritated the heck out of a lot of Scorpio types, and I was pretty high on the list of people the Scorpio’s didn’t want to have dinner with. In at least one case, a particular Scorpio suggested I would make a could dinner entree, if I was allowed to sit on the coals long enough to soften up my more stringy parts. But you’re like me, on that fateful occasion, you need to approach this as a slow roast instead of trying the flash fry thing. Mars is up to tricks. Now, the cool, rational approach is always best for a strong Scorpio, and now, more so than ever before the idea of letting something percolate, the idea of letting something simmer on low (Scorpio) heat is far better than fast food. There are times when something done in a flash is best. Drive though food is great, but for a proper culinary experience, the best stuff is usually cooked a little longer than 30 seconds. Get the idea? Slow it down, even though everyone else is trying to get you to pick up the pace. Take your time, and send me a thank you note next week.
Sagittarius: How do you measure success? Around here, it’s really pretty simple. No, no gratuitous fishing metaphor here, although the cat would really like it if I included some tuna fish as the example. I knew that I was finally comporting myself as a mature adult when I discovered that I had enough paper towels in my cabinet. See: I live in Austin, what used to be a green city if there ever was one, and following the lead of other family members, we’re real careful with non-renewable resources. Besides, for the longest time, I just couldn’t justify paper towels because they were nothing more than landfill fodder. Paper towels — here at the office — are used for one task: cleaning the cat’s food dish. Measuring success is a variable equation, but paper towels is as good an indication of where you stand right now. Look around and figure what luxuries you already enjoy. This is an important exercise. Understanding your own, internal individual Sagittarius comfort zone, level of luxury, and how this is measured, that’s the important concept. Paper towels might not be a big deal to some people, but in the tiny confines of trailer in Shady Acres, it’s a big deal. This is our version of “living large.” The fact that the cat is really fat further proves the point about living large.
Capricorn: Trailer life is a little strange in that there’s never really an adequate amount of storage space. And I originally moved here, so I could save on paying expensive bills for things like storage. Using my beat Capricorn sensibilities, I’ve pared away at the things in my life that matter. I’ve made copious donations of out-of-date reading material, clothing I have no hope of ever fitting into again, and even some T-shirts that I don’t think I’ll ever wear again. I’ve had a hard time parting with a couple of pairs of jeans (you know my brand) but even that, seeing as how they are really worn in embarrassing places, to the point of being threadbare and risking a display of reckless abandon, I don’t ever plan on wearing those jeans again. But they really should go in the can. spring cleaning is the idea, and you have to weigh a couple of factors here. Like my jeans. Wearing them would tempt a citation for exposure, at the worst, and elicit laughter, at the best. What to do? Given the astrological circumstances of the New Season (Aries), the concept of spring cleaning, and wondering if you really can get rid of that old pair of jeans, I’d suggest you put them in a new stack: stuff you think you should dump, but you’re not quite ready to throw away just yet.
Aquarius: While the Spring Equinox (hey, for you folks way down south, it is spring time up yonder in the Northern Hemisphere) is supposed to be symbolic of rebirth, starting over, starting fresh and so forth, there’s this weird kind of tree pollen that seems to accompany the spring around here. And whether it’s the tree pollen or the flowers, or even if this is just an astrological irritant, it’s like a little tickle in your Aquarius proboscis, just the faintest hint that there is something wrong. This not a major “wrong” thing, it’s like that little buzz you hear, maybe you feel it, and there’s just something off kilter right now. It’s not you so much as it just feels like everyone is a little out of step with your music. My suggestion, as long as we’re all trying to get off to a good,new, fresh start? My idea is to overlook some of the little problems. Make note of them, like that tree pollen, and then accommodate them as best you can. Put a little check mark by the problems — you’ll get back handling these in your own, Aquarius way — on your own, Aquarius timetable. I like the phrase, “Duly noted. Next?”
Pisces: One of the most powerful forces in the universe is gossip. It’s right up there with duck tape, when it comes to holding things together, and I suspect, given the right situation (or wrong, sort of depends on which side you’re on), gossip can tear through duck tape faster than one of my filet knives. The cautionary note with this, for my fine Pisces friend, is that you’ve got to be a little more careful with some of the things you’re saying. I’m Native Texan, epistolary postulation with a modicum of hyperbole is quite natural for me. Means I can tell a stretcher with a straight face, and it’s not considered a bad thing. Being Texan, whoppers and story telling is sort of ingrained. I’ve often consider this a birthright. [My Mother really disagrees, even though her family always tells stories.] Now, why all the chatter about family, and telling amusing, if scandalous lies for entertainment? This can get you in trouble. I’m an expert, I’m native, and folks pretty much expect it from me. You, on the other hand, you might tell one of those juicy bits of gossip without a shred of truth in it, and the next day, you find this all blown out of proportion. Careful with the wrong word in the right ear — no need for problems like I’ve got.
