“The daintiest last, to make the end most sweet.”
Shakespeare’s Richard II [I.ii.68]
I was listening to a friend, not a fishing friend, ask why everyone was fishing with strippers? “Stripers, it’s fishing FOR stripers. Kind of a fish.” “Oh.” Although, it does being a new sense to the term, “Fish Naked.” [One of my favorite bumperstickers on my truck.]
Aries: This is a time when it’s like getting an early birthday present. One of the problems I have with doing a lot of astrology, like, doing it every day, is that folks think I remember their birthdays. Actually, I believe it’s a male trait, but I’m pretty good at forgetting important dates. But ask me what that person’s sign is, and I can rattle off about half the particulars about the chart, the Sun, the Moon, the Rising Sign, that big conglomeration of planets tucked away in one corner of the chart. But the actual birthday? I can forget that as fast as I can forget other stuff that seems to be so important. Okay, what this means is that you’re in position where it feels like your birthday is here already. Party time. Load up the cooler and go tot the lake. Catch some rays. or catch some fish, sort of depends on what you’re fishing for, I guess. But even though what you’re fishing for might not be the same, the birthday feeling of good will, that little message of good stuff? That implies it really doesn’t matter what you’re looking for, you should be able to find during the next few days.
Taurus: One of the great secrets about being a good dancer is to dance like no one is watching. Wile that sort of advice might work for some folks, I’ve long since discovered that my dance partners tend to shy away from even accepting an offer to dance with me because the partners are always afraid of what my boots will do to their toes. So I might not be the most graceful dancer in the world, the point is to have some fun. Now, when it comes to dancing and having fun, that’s what’s important. And there’s a further bit of advice, from an English poet, about people who practice their craft are usually the smoothest at what they do. He was referring to the grace of a dancer, too. So when it comes to doing what you want to do, then I suggest practice your moves first. You’re going to find yourself in front of a crowd of people, before this coming weekend is up, and in that crowd, you get a chance to shine, like the true star that you are. I’ve always found that a few practice steps help. My cat, on the flip side of this analogy, is not pleased when I scoop her up and make her dance with me. Just make sure you don’t select partner with tenacious claws right now.
Gemini: Last fall, I was hanging around some real Texas hunters. Deer hunting is national holiday, and before you get upset with me for discussing the hunting thing, read on. Imagine you’re up in a deer blind — looks a lot like a childhood treehouse — and you’re up before the sun rises. Down one field of vision, you can see it, it looks like a ten point buck, that huge rack just waiting to be mounted on your wall at home (or in the garage, as in most cases). But you’re not sure, is it really a nice, big buck? Or is it really a tree limb? You heft your cannon to your shoulder, and take aim. The light slowly dawns, and you keep your sight trained on that trophy. And as the light slowly seeps into the area, you keep looking at those antlers that bear an uncanny resemblance to a tree limb. The minutes tick by. In the gray dawn, you discover that the deer you had stuffed, mounted, and its parts cut up for chili, that one object of desire, that one thing you just knew was a big buck, it turns out it really is a tree limb. Before you fire — anything — make sure of your target. Make sure things are what they appear to be. Wait until the light hits it, if you know what I mean.
Cancer: One of my friends, using the sobriquet of Bubba [what did you expect?] refuses to accompany to the mall anymore. It seems that he had a rather unfortunate experience with me and the perfume counter last year, during the Xmas season. The testers were out, just waiting to be tested, so I had at least half dozen fragrances, mostly really girlie stuff, all over me. I smelled like a [insert some metaphor from your own imagination]. I do this for amusement, as much as anything. On some occasions, some female will get a whiff of me, and ask about the delightful fragrance I’m wearing. [Others turn their collective noses up at me.] After the mall, we hopped in his truck to go get BBQ, and then, much later, he picked up his girlfriend de jour. She took one whiff of the lingering aroma I left behind, and she demanded he explain himself. “No, it was Kramer, really.” Plaintive truths, pleadings and even some rather good groveling didn’t get him anywhere. So, no more shopping with Bubba, at least, not any place where there’s a fragrance counter. Now, if you wind up shopping this week, be extra careful with that free stuff. Might not even be perfume, could be anything. But excess is not always good, and it’s your buddies, not yourself, who wind up suffering. Just because one is good, that doesn’t always mean that fourteen are better. Ask Bubba.
Leo: There are a handful of local singer/songwriter types I like to listen to. They have a wry way with words. There’s little hint in their collected works that these guys don’t take themselves too serious. One of them offered the most profound advice I’ve ever heard, about how to use dip (snuff, chewing tobacco) to avoid long term committed relationships. No problem, it’s not an attractive pass time, as habits go, slightly more detestable than cigarette smoking, according to what I’ve heard. I do suppose, though, that it’s handy way to prevent anyone from wanting to kiss you long and hard — not that I have any experience with this myself. But you’ve got to watch it this week, because these habits have a way of interfering with relationships. Guess what seems to be an important theme right now, in Leo Land? Relationships, and bad habits (or good habits — depending on how one is looking at it). If you’re like me, and you like being alone, then keep on doing what you’re doing. otherwise, consider what you can modify about yourself [more like modify your behavior] in order to more accommodating of your significant other. It could be, like those local guys suggest, the dip and chew thang. Or it could be some other habit that some folks find equally deplorable. And I’m not saying change everything, just consider a little modification to what you do.
Virgo: Last week, a Virgo buddy and me had gone shopping with his two girlfriends. Them Virgo guys never know their own luck. We lost the women in a department store someplace, and we were forced to rely on tried and true methods of tracking game in order to find them. LAst time we’d seen the girls, they had been in one dressing room. After waiting patiently outside of the dressing room for about an hour, we finally sent some one [female clerk] in to check. Gone. Failing to turn up the quarry, Bubba positioned himself by the mall exit/entrance, figuring for sure the girls had to pass that way. I was sent in to flush them out, if possible. The trick is to look for women about the same size and shape, maybe just a little younger, than the quarry. I located the game [starting at the cosmetics counter] and flushed them through the front door of the store in less than fifteen minutes. The point of this story is about teamwork, working with others, and using those tried and true techniques for catching game in different environments. Between Ms. Venus and Mr. MArs, there’s some good stuff going on for Virgo. But you’re going to need an able bodied tracker like myself to lend a helping hand. You can flush your quarry out of the mall, but you’ve got to count on some teamwork to get what you want.
Libra: There are three topic in Texas that are bound to raise a passionate level of discussion. Sex, politics and BBQ. Of the three, I tend to believe that BBQ is the most important. And I live real close to the BBQ Capital of Texas. [The point can be argued, but Lockhart, TX is widely acknowledged as a major center for this art and craft.] What’s so important about really good BBQ? In fact, one place in Lockhart claims to be the oldest BBQ joint in Texas, same location for 99 and half years. Another place claims to be the oldest, continuously family owned place. Which one is better? That’s why there’s horse races, to borrow from Mark Twain’s expression. But any way you slice, the best BBQ usually sits on the grill for hours and hours. Maybe even days. Now, you’ve got an idea, a situation you’re rather passionate about — maybe even the same way I feel about a really good BBQ pork rib. This topic, situation, relationship, this thing is important. But like BBQ, especially good BBQ, this thing needs to sit on the coals for a while before it’s ready to be consumed. Good BBQ can’t be hurried. Neither can your idea. Slow it all down, just a little. Stop and and think to your Libra self, “Self, is this ready now? Or should I wait just a little bit longer?” The answer is to wait just a little bit longer. An extra hour or two on the Libra grill really improves what you’ve been working on. almost, not for sure, but almost guarantees success.
Scorpio: I was looking over this week, and a lot of folks are getting quaint Texas homilies, little tales about where I live, and important events in my life. Problem being, that sort of message doesn’t work for you right now. In fact, not much seems to be working for you right now. Short tempered, are we? Sorry about that. It’s not you, not really, it’s Mars [and some other stuff, but Mr. Mars mostly], and this suggests you’re little worked up over some issue. Something’s wrong in the Scorpio world, and there’s not a lot I can do to change that. But instead of getting all fired up and mad at me, or the situation, can I make one little suggestion? Change it. Assess the problem, see what is within your grasp to change, and change that one thing. Then go back, and see if that doesn’t help some. There’s always a chance it doesn’t do anything, but you can’t change everything. Just work on the stuff where you know your efforts will be rewarded. Got that? It’s simple.
Sagittarius: Because I actually read and interpret astrology charts for a living, I can take a glance at my own chart and know what’s up. I had this little thing going on in my chart, an arrangement of planets wherein I couldn’t get a date if I was the last male on the planet. I couldn’t get a date if I paid for it. I couldn’t get the attention of any female, except the cat, but that was only because I had the can opener, and her attention diminished just as soon as the food hit her bowl. Familiar with the feeling? Know how it goes when this happens? Okay, so I knew this was happening, so I didn’t get too bent out of shape. I knew it as going to be a long month (this was last month). Times have changed. Suddenly, we have al this attention being heaped up on us, and suddenly, we’re back on top with the popularity polls. “Cool beans,” as one girl recently remarked to me. Roll with the vicissitude of the popularity tides. There’s a global, renewed interest in our social life by now, so it’s time to get out and enjoy that interest. Too bad I can’t get that one girl interested in me. However, that one [whichever you want: boy or girl] is interested in your social life now. Have some fun. Be the hopeless romantic that you can be.
Capricorn: Last time I flew to California [I’ve got kinfolk out there, makes it worthwhile, nice place to visit, wouldn’t want to live there], the plane trip lasted for less than three hours. Now, back a handful of Capricorn years ago, like about 150, it took six months or more to go to California. Before there was a railroad, the only way was overland on horseback, or worse, in the back of a wagon, or around the tip of South America [in boat not much bigger than my bass boat]. We’re talking six months, at least, just to get from point A (St. Louis) to point B (San Francisco). Consider this, in the span of a few, short years, travel has become increasingly easy. And quick. So, when you find yourself stuck in a traffic jam, or a long line at the airport, and your patience is getting worn thin, think about that crossing to California from St. Louis, think about how long it used to take. This sort of information is really useful when you’re stuck at the back of a line of folks trying to catch a flight. Did I mention that this week also looks like there’s some kind of travel in it for you? So if you’re stuck in that line while waiting for a plane, train or automobile, think about how long it used to take. You should feel better about the whole deal. Matter of fact, you should just feel better in general, as there’s some good, little things going on with certain planets. And it only takes a couple of hours to escape from California.
Aquarius: There are two, somewhat incompatible energies working right now. One of these things deals with the real world, as other [non-Aquarius] characters refer to it. The second energy I’m looking at has to do with the richly textured, storied life in your head. Come on, be honest now, we all have little roles we play in our head. Sometimes, these roles don’t appear to have much in common with the real world. I’m usually a little taller, a little richer, a little younger, a little more mature, my truck is clean, and I have scores of women chasing after me. In the real world, I’m a skinny white guy with poor fashion sense and no rhythm. And you have that fantasy thing going for you, too. Regrettably, it comes careening into the real world. Or reality has chosen this weekend as a time to insert itself into your imaginary image of yourself. Which one will win out? The only advice I have is to let those two energies fight amongst themselves. In my case, since my imagination is stronger, taller, and knows some better moves, I don’t think this will be much of a contest. Let me know who wins in the Aquarius wrestling match with the real world.
Pisces: some folks think that I think all Pisces are a little, well, a little weird. “You think we’re not all hitting on all 8 cylinders, man. That’s just not fair!” is a common comment from the mail room around here (with a Pisces heading on it — we sort all our mail by sign.) That’s hardly the case as I’ve found that most Pisces have an ability to tune into more than one realm, and often time, the Pisces knows more about what I’m feeling than what I know about what I’m feeling. Not a problem, it’s the way the sign is wired. And, in keeping with this, there’s a little down time coming up. Right, smack dab in the middle of your birthday celebrations, there’s an eery quite. It’s like being on the lake, on one of those rare mornings (usually in the middle of the week) when there’s no one else around. Hey, in the middle of hectic birthday time, a little bit of quiet and solitude should be welcome — enjoy it. There’s yet another party cooking up, in the very near future, so don’t be despondent if you seem to ignored for a little while during the next couple of days. Enjoy some peace and quiet — for a change.
