For the Week of 6/13-19/2002

“Keep a good tongue in your head.”
Shakespeare’s The Tempest [III.ii.37]

Aries: Good communication is always important. Knowing when to shut up is even more important. At least one of my buddies [who married an Aries], observed, “She can use more words, and say less than any other woman I know.” This could be a spouse observation, too. As long as Gemini is going on — that means as long as the Sun is in the Tropical Zodiac sign of Gemini — you’ve got this incredible urge to communicate. Now I have a hint: write it down. I know, and you know, that verbal skills are very important. But some things need to be rehearsed. Sometimes it’s a lot better if you look at the words on a piece of paper before you say thing. Consider what it might look like if you say it. Think before you start hitting the rest of us with an effusive flow of flowery language. Let’s try another metaphor, it’s like sitting on the “skinny dog airlines” [Greyhound Bus], and you’ve got a six hour ride with one stop, and the guy sitting next to you has on a set earphones. His music is loud enough for you to hear the bass thumping through. Just think how much nicer it would be if he was silently reading that on a computer screen, instead of interfering with your otherwise restful ride. Tone it down.

Taurus: I wonder if old Bill was thinking of a double meaning when he suggested to “Keep a good tongue in your head”? Reading some extra meaning into a statement that just plain isn’t there, that’s a problem. Sometimes folks find meaning in these scopes that I never intended. Now, as a caution for the next few days, especially this coming weekend, make sure you’re not reading more meaning into some situation, a particular action, a set of given circumstances. There are times when what you see is exactly what you get. I used to frequent a marvelous restaurant in Dallas, and the menu had all manner of delectable pictures, purportedly actual photographs, of the food. It was Central American cuisine, and the pictures themselves looked quite appetizing. But I suspect that something had been done to the lighting, maybe a gauzy filter over the lens, or some similar trick. What got served up was fresh, aromatic, and exceptionally tasty. But the stuff served never looked like the pictures on the menu. Don’t be judging a book by its cover, to borrow an old cliché. Or, don’t judge the food by the picture that appears in the menu. Make sure you taste it. The food, that is, make sure you taste the food, not the picture. While you’re at it, watch out for double meanings that really only mean one thing.

Gemini: There’s this one, last, lone Gemini (wait, if it’s the sign of the Twins, is any Gemini truly alone?), and it’s her birthday. Happy Solar Return day. Now, things are not as smooth as they should be in Gemini land. Things are a little choppy. There’s an inherent push and pull, and this is like the ebb and flow of the tide at the beach, I was just down there, trying to get a free fishing trip. My free trip on another’s guide boat didn’t work out. However, what did work was time with my feet in the sand. While things were choppy for my fishing trip, they weren’t so choppy for the rest of the experience. Likewise, for Gemini, just because it doesn’t seem to be working out the way your originally planned it to go, that doesn’t mean it’s not working out at all. Darling Gemini: you’ve just got to trust the process. Having your Gemini heart set on just one thing will never work. Let the good times take your feet where they may. You might not get the boat ride you want, but then you wind up on the beach, and some of my friends assure me the view is much better there, near the water, rather than out in some fishing vessel.

Cancer: My cat snores. It’s not like the cat has “sleep apnea” or any other kind of real disorder, it’s just a very quiet sound, not really like some of those other people — I was once in a motel where I could hear the person next door snoring. Rattled the windows, it was so loud. No, the cat snore is more delicate. Of course, she gets indignant if I mention this, but there you have it. It’s a noise that’s almost cute. During the warm summer months, she’s taken to sleeping on the floor, right beside the couch when I’m in a supine position with a book. If the radio is playing, or if there’s a loud noise outside, I can miss the sound. But when it’s really still, and she’s completely relaxed, there’s the sound of a cat snoring. The conditions have to be just right, one of those still summer nights when I have the door open, but no one seems to be partying in the old trailer court. Or, late at night, if the cat beats me to sleep on the bed. It’s almost reassuring, that gentle sound. Sort of like a distant set of breakers, sort of background noise that is more comforting than annoying. You have to be quiet to hear this sort of noise. You’ve got a similar, reassuring sound, only, you’ve had a hard time being quiet these days, and it’s best if you listen for a little while. Mars and Jupiter make you want to shout, but if you do that, the cat wakes up and you miss the sound. Listen. Be quiet and listen.

Leo: In the middle of the weekend, Venus crosses into your sign. While this, in and of itself is not really that big of a deal, just about any little deal could help right now. There’s some otherwise stubborn stuff going on, and a little lift from the heavens, like Venus, goes a long way in making you feel a lot better about everything. Maybe not everything, but that one problem ceases to be a problem, that’s for sure. Now until we get through the middle of the weekend, when this little Venus shift occurs, you’ve just got to take it easy with the plastic and cash resources. And even after Venus changes her position, take it a little bit easier with the resources, the financial resources. Watch your spending, is what I’m trying to get across. Maybe it isn’t such a good time to select artwork for the house. I know you’ve lusted after my Black Velvet Elvis, but you might want to check and make sure that the arbitrary price established by the vendor, it might be priced too high just yet. If you’re willing to wait, you’ll see that price drop before too long.

Virgo: The discussion for this weekend was prompted by a recent journey, one of those long trips in the front of the truck that is required of troubadour journeyman astrologer in Texas. I made a careful selection about the career path I took because I wanted to see parts of Texas that some folks just ever get a chance to see, the little nooks and crannies that are easily avoided in jet planes. Or places that are easily avoided when you’re in a state smaller than our belt buckles. When the panoramic view of the West Texas sky opens up, when you’re heading into the setting sun, and there’s not a cloud on the horizon, you can see the trail left by a oil field worker’s truck as it crosses the landscape, off in the distance. I was traveling down just such a highway, two lane black top [baked to a shade of gray], with one of my Virgo buddies, and he allowed as how this sort of terrain, “Just gives a feller some breathing room.” A little bit of Bob Wills on the radio, the simple reel of the fiddle tracing memories, dreams and reflections, and space. Lots of space. Breathing room. You need a little bit of breathing room. You need a little bit of space, which is quaint Texas hyperbole for wide-open spaces. Give yourself a little room to move right now. Stretch them Virgo legs a bit.

Libra: I’ve got to tell the truth. I’ve never herded cattle. I’ve never branded a calf. I can hardly tell one type of cow from another, other than they all look like hamburger-on-the hoof to me. I’m not afraid of horses, either, but I don’t ride them very often. I’m not fond of the idea of having to kick something in order to make it go. Close as I ever go to that was probably kicking the tire of the truck, but that didn’t make it go, my kick just relieved some of my own frustration because the truck wouldn’t go. Makes you wonder if I’m really a cowboy. But in a sense, I am. I’d like to think I was more like a hired gun, but once again, that’s entirely metaphorical in its use. Close as I’ll get to that action is probably the way I herd and choral electrons through a computer, which might make me a computer cowboy. But the idea is tenuous at best. Now, you tell the truth, too. I know, I know, every Libra always tells the truth. But let’s be brutally honest right now, you’ve got some stuff you’ve been fibbing about. Maybe stretching the truth a little, perhaps you’ve only revealed some of the facts, not quite all of them. It could be you just glossed over the fine print, and it’s loaded with a couple of clauses that are less than wonderful. Could be any number of situations where you omitted a little bit of information. Doesn’t matter, before you get caught, you might want to think about owning up to your little secret. I did; now it’s your turn.

Scorpio: West Texas travel is tedious to an untutored traveler. It’s miles and miles of what appears to be nothing. Drop off into the countryside itself, and you’ll find that the ground cover is tough stuff. Cactus of many variations, spiny grasses, tough little Mesquite trees, and the odd oil well, all seem to sprout up out of the semiarid ground. I believe, in classical taxonomy and geography, portions of West Texas are really desert. On the road to the middle of the Permian Basin, there’s a place where the two-lane black top crests a small rise, and it’s flat as far as the eye can see. The sky touches the ground, there’s lots and lots of space. Breathing room. On the right day, at the correct time, it’s also rather beautiful. Or oddly pretty, depending on how you perceive such things. Pause for a second or two, and look around. It’s like that little crest of a rise, and if you stop and look around, you’ll see the oddly pretty way everything is. Instead of bemoaning your fate about how you’re stuck in the middle of the desert, look at the delicate colorings of the plants, the gentle shadings, the way Nature uses cross hatches and a thin film of dusky dust to add texture to the landscape. Your ability to see beauty where no one else does is useful — so use it.

Sagittarius: The simplest expression is my frequent suggestion to, “Get over it.” Both of us know that such a phrase does little to evoke any sympathy. However, there is a suggestion that you’re being confronted with something you don’t really like, probably coming from that quadrant of life called, “work,” and you’re not liking this stuff about that mythical beast called “work.” I know I’m not liking it. I had one period like this wherein I was gone every weekend for months on end. If you’re willing to “get over it,” though, there will be a reward for all your hard work. The problem being, you’re like me, and you’d like a little more gratification rather than just being snubbed for all the effort you put into this “work” thing. Get over it. You will be recognized; you will be amply rewarded. It will be okay. Maybe not right now, but it will be getting better.

Capricorn: I make an honest effort to report trends. Following what events happen is the easiest way to write an honest horoscope. My trend, faithful recorded elsewhere, involved the simple fact that there was a plethora of redheaded Capricorn women following me around for a while. It was just a single influence, but one that I remarked upon on numerous occasions. I didn’t get it, but I did try to see what the connection was. Red hair, either real or suicide (dyed by their own hand), fiery tempers, passionate, smoldering, smoking gun, devastating good looks, yes, it’s all there. To think, it’s been suggested that I don’t really care for Capricorn’s, either — see? It’s just not true. If you’re trying to understand what the connection is, try this: the myth (backed up by my empirical observations) is that the redheaded ones are more prone to passionate outbursts. Both good and bad. Irritate one, and you’re in deep you-know-what. Please one, and there’s all kinds of good stuff going on. So if you’re Capricorn, or have a lot of Capricorn in your chart, and even if you’re not a real red head, you have permission to act like one this coming weekend. In fact, you can do just about any outlandish activity you want. As long as there’s this intensity of experience going on, might as well live it to its fullest.

Aquarius: It’s no secret that I have a certain affection for the Gemini section of the sky. There’s a reason for this, see: it’s an air sign, and as such, it tends to be a lot more entertaining than any other sign. “More entertaining than an Aquarius? Surely you jest.” No, I’m not jesting, but the Gemini stuff is important. Sign of the Twins. Two are better than one, right? Not always. Look, my fine Aquarius friend: there are two areas that are heavily impacted right now. In and of itself, a major development in one area would be really cool. But to have two different areas so heavily energized is a bit of a problem. I was thinking about how to say this to you, how to explain it all, and I paused long enough to sip some coffee. Then it hit me, that’s your solution: coffee. The two areas that are heating up? Love and work. Not love of work, that would be too easy. No, it’s two different areas, and it slams you hard. Now, if you follow my lead, you’ll drink way too much coffee, you’ll have way too much fun, and you’ll work until you’re blind. None of this is a problem, either, as long as you realize that there’s not much time leftover for sleep.

Pisces: The sensitive and delicate Pisces soul needs a little soul food right now. In my own neck of the woods, there’s a perfect place for this sort of pursuit, it’s a little juke joint on the east side of town, in a less than respectful area of town. Nice way of suggesting it’s in a bad neighborhood. No streetlights. Colorful characters at night, folks willing to relieve you of your wallet at gunpoint. Get the idea? It’s not a nice end of the ‘hood. But in comparison, at this one little joint, the food is good. Soulful food. Rich vegetables, pork ribs that melt, greens with a little ham hock in them, just for flavor. Best beans in town. Good food, the right combination f everything to make a dear Pisces feel a little better. The deal is, you should be feeling okay, it’s just that the places where you want to go, the places you need to be, they might not be in the best locations. Is it worth the adventure? Pursuing your chart, I’d suggest that yes, it is worth the adventure. But maybe this is place you don’t want to go alone at night. Get the hint? Take somebody with you at night. I think I’m free for dinner now.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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