“The tempter or the tempted, who sins most?”
Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure [II.ii.163]
Certain things are sure at times like this. Traversing the Texas countryside, and having not been many other places, I can’t say for sure it’s like this elsewhere, but on our back road, usually just past the country line, there will an aggregate accumulation of shanties, makeshift plywood shacks with various tag lines to induce sales. “Fireworks Here!!! Buy 1 get 15 free!!!” I never did understand the point to the three exclamation marks, though. Guess I don’t understand advertising. Mars and Jupiter are getting closer and closer together, and that promises some sort of rapidly expanding heat source, just like a firecracker. You can see this pair, right at sunset, but it’s getting harder and harder to see.
Aries: It’s no secret that I’ve been a to see Jimmy Buffet a number of times. I’ve caught his act in East Texas, Houston, out west in Arizona, and probably some other places I’ve forgotten about at this point. Must be a half dozen times I’ve seen this one performer, good, lighthearted summer musical fare. At every show, no matter when or where, there’s always been one person who is very intoxicated. No matter where I am, this one person comes and stands beside me and my friends. I’m not talking about slightly inebriated, I’m talking about knee-crawling drunk. Irrational, singing at the top of his [or her] lungs, and acting quite the fool. Every time I see Buffett, there’s this one drunk trying to keep me company for a little while. It seems like this one person has been partying for several days, maybe even weeks before, getting ready. Judging from the breath, I’d suggest the memories of the show are strictly limited. Given where Mars and Jupiter are, you want to make sure you don’t come across as this one drunk who always finds me at a Buffet show. It’s not yet the big Fourth of July celebration, and there’s no reason to start drinking — or doing anything else — in excess. You may find it fun, but not everyone around is equally amused.
Taurus: If you buy the right kind of “cellular” phone, it has what one of my friend’s calls “deer blind service.” That means, in laymen’s terms, that the phone will work in the middle of the West Texas Wilderness, in a deer blind, in the middle of nowhere. Or, it will work like a “boat phone,” the one I use when I’m in the middle of the lake. The other day, though, I saw a friend answer his phone while we were fishing, He held the phone away from mouth, made a crackling noise, and then said, “Hey, you’re breaking up pretty bad, reception out here isn’t any good, let me call you back.” Click. It’s one of those deer blind/boat phones. Reception is just fine. He just didn’t want to talk whoever was on the other end. Don’t start me making up stories about his was his wife or girlfriend, as that’s just not right. But whoever it was, he didn’t want to talk to that person at the time. Blame it on the phone. In fact, it doesn’t hurt if you blame any communication difficulties like this on “poor service in this area.” Instead of offering some kind of really sage advice, what I’m giving you is a convenient way to keep doing what you’re enjoying, instead of doing what someone else wants you do.
Gemini: Tune in your brain a little. Or, failing at that, look at certain circumstances in your own life right now. While ever other sign, not Gemini, is rocked by the Mars and Jupiter alignment, there’s smaller, but much more important event occurring in your very own sign: Mr. Mercury meets Mr. Saturn. You’re going to have a run in with an authority figure. Since I’ve had to spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with uniformed officials, of the city, county and state, I’ve long since developed a manner that I have found most effective when dealing with just such authority figures. “Yessir, nosir,” and similar terms are most efficient. Even when I’m clearly guilty, I do my best to be friendly without being unctuous. I consider it groveling without actually groveling. Before you get upset, let me remind you I’ve talked my way out of lot trouble with this tactic. One my favorite examples, I was winding my way back through the pine woods in East Texas, and the nice officer discussed the speed he clocked me at [90+ MPH], the fact I had obviously been on the brakes when he finally clocked me, then he wrote a ticket for the maximum amount he could without having to haul me up in front of a judge that afternoon. When he got down, he summed it up nicely, “My shift is up in half an hour, keep slow until then, okay?” Be extra nice to whatever authority figure you run into, you can never tell when they might do you a favor. Small favor, but it cost me a lot less in the long run.
Cancer: On the awning, which is sort of attached to this trailer, where I’m sitting and writing this stuff, there’s a bird feeder. Pa Wetzel gave it to me one year, as an Xmas gift. During the cool, winter months, not much was happening at the bird feeder. But once the summer got here, besides being a great source of “kitty TV,” the feeder has attracted a number of colorful visitors. In the last week, I’ve had both a big, beautiful Blue Jay, and one of those crested Cardinals. In both cases, these were male. How would I know the sex of a bird? It’s easy: the really colorful ones are guys. The bright colors of the birds’ feathered coat tend to attract the ladybirds. Now let’s look at Mars and Jupiter, getting closer and closer as the days go by. What’s the message? Like those birds, the brighter and louder your feathers are, the better chance you have in attracting some attention. If it had just been a normal little girl sparrow, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. But the big blue jay? How can you miss one of those guys? Or the brilliant red of a male cardinal? Take a hint from Mother Nature, and dress yourself up in loud colors right now. You can always say, “A little bird told me to wear this….”
Leo: “If the good lords willin’ and the creek don’t rise, we’ll see you before long….” It’s a familiar refrain from the old style pantheon of country music. As much as I would like to think that I’m some sort of connoisseur, having listened to classical as well as traditional music, not just the regular pop stuff, and a fair sprinkling of the country and western stuff, too, I looked at your chart, and thought about that refrain. There are two ways to read it. Hopeful, as in “we’ll be seeing you soon,” or disastrous, as in, “there’s going to be flash flood warnings soon, as the creek is supposed to rise to flood levels.” How you interpret this is certainly up to yourself. After careful astrological research, this is what I came up with, it’s supposed to be hopeful, as in things are really pretty good. But according to what your Leo brain will tell you, is that there’s a flood coming. Imagine that your listening to that slow, methodical four-four beat of an old country song. Slow yourself down to that pace. You’ll find a lot of reassurance if you just slow yourself down a bit.
Virgo: I had to run down to the courthouse the other day, I had some legal filings to take care of, [it was a tax-related thing, don’t panic, I’m not in trouble], and that meant I had to pass through a metal detector. Here I am, a long haired, casually-attired, easy-going Fishing Guide to the Stars, in the Travis County Courthouse. Turns out my fishing pocketknife, with a handy, built-in hook sharpener and fish scaler, so it seems the blade is way over the legal limit to carry into the courthouse. “Do I really look dangerous?” I asked the security officer. She glanced at me, did a once up and down, and then smiled, “Yes, as a matter of fact, you do look like trouble.” I took this as a compliment. I put my knife in the tray reserved for such objects, and wandered off to find the room where you take a number and wait for the next available county clerk to help you. I could’ve made a big deal out of this. I could have screamed, ranted, raved, worried about leaving my trusty, good-luck totem (the knife) behind for a little while. I could’ve created a scene. That wouldn’t have gotten me what it was that I wanted, that piece of paper and 30 seconds with the clerk. You can rightfully create a scene right now, or you can do as I do, and pretend that you just got complimented, in an obscure and off beat way. Who knows? Maybe you can even get a date soon. There’s just something about uniform that is so alluring. Situations can go either way, it’s up to your Virgo self to figure out how to turn little delays into positive events.
Libra: There’s thing I refer to as “oddball luck.” It’s like a day spent fishing, and you don’t catch anything, until late in the afternoon, and then, what you catch is less of fish, and more of a monster. In some fishing circles, this is affectionately referred to as a “hog.” I’ve watched this happen before. It’s like everyone is catching a plethora of small fishes. Your Libra self, you’re not catching anything, but then, you’re not using the same kind of lure, either. You don’t want a bunch of small fish. You want one big one. Here’s where the oddball luck comes into play, see: you keep fighting the odds. You’re doing things a little differently from everyone else. In fact, the last time this happened to me, it wasn’t even about fishing, it was about two years ago, and what I did was buy a single, random number lottery ticket. I didn’t win big, but it was a couple of hundred bucks, free money from the state lottery commission, and this cash arrived completely unexpected. Oddball luck. One way or another, you’ve got something that hits. Might not be this weekend, might be next week, and you do well by it. It’s not what you’re really looking for, but it’s good. Bit strange though, as it doesn’t come from the place you would expect it to come from.
Scorpio: Romance is ticklish topic, at best. Most Scorpio’s that I’ve known are a little secretive about what they do when it comes to romance. Never quite sure what’s up with that, but they always have this secret, knowing smile. Now look: this doesn’t mean that all romance forever is doomed. In fact, it’s really quite the opposite, but there is a restriction or two about your romantic involvement right now. Things just aren’t as smooth as either you — or I — figure they ought to be. Yes, you know the old quote, “The course of true love never did smooth….” Now, out of this course that really isn’t that smooth, there’s a bright spot. There’s a little bit of light shining, from an odd corner of the sky, and this little bright spot makes life a lot easier. I can’t promise that everything will smooth over, but for a few minutes, a maybe even a few days, that trouble you’ve been experiencing with your love life gets better. Problems fade away, if only for a little while. It’s not the end, nor is it the beginning, but a little rest right in the middle makes everything feel better.
Sagittarius: During certain periods of my life, I find myself traveling a lot. I mean, like being gone every weekend for months on end. Good thing, as a Sagittarius, I like life on the road. Another good thing is I like traveling around in Texas — this place is so weird, it never ceases to amaze me. One weekend, I’m on the Gulf Coast, the next I’m in the high desert of El Paso. Very different places, nearly a thousand miles apart. Part of traveling so much, though requires that I be prepared for certain travel exigencies, like not having all my luggage show up wherever I’m at. Spend enough time on the road, and this is just something that happens from time to time. I’m usually prepared because I always carry a spare toothbrush and dental floss with my carryon luggage. Dental floss can be used as a number of things, like it makes good, stout stitching for road repairs. It can also be used, in a pinch, as fishing line. I realize this is a bit strange, but you’re liable to get someplace this weekend, and discover that even the best-made plan [yours] are somewhat thwarted. Be prepared to improvise some. The more you’re willing to adapt, the better your times will be. You would not believe the size of catfish I once caught on dental floss.
Capricorn: It’s a famous song by Johnny Cash, “Cocaine Blues.” “Come on you’ve got to listen unto me, lay off that whisky and let that cocaine be.” Out of context, the final line really doesn’t do justice to the way things are in Capricorn, but within the framework of the song, it makes a lot sense. I’m not about to quote the whole song, though, as that would take up too much space. What the song’s story’s about, though, is excess. As much as too much of some things are fun, and as much as too much of some kinds of fun are really great, this might be a good time to tone it all down just a little. Consider using my wonderful expression, which is true, and suggest that your Capricorn self, “Lives like a monk.” It’s not a bad line, and it’s not a bad idea, but the planets are conspiring you to push a little too hard, play a little too much, and maybe give into certain excesses to the extreme. Remember that Johnny Cash song, remember what happens to him? He gets 99 years in prison. All that for a little lapse in judgment (according to the song). Think about it before you act. That Mars and Jupiter get-together is making things rather strange, and you’re inclined to act a little less than rational at this point. Think about that one song, and maybe you ought to leave them Capricorn things that rendered your judgment questionable, perhaps it’s a good time to let them be.
Aquarius: There’s a mad dash right now, a hurried pace. You’ve got something you completely forgot about. It’s a work-related, job thing sort of a gig. Forgotten task. I was lounging in my trailer one afternoon, and the little handheld secretary I have (digital variety) beeped at me, reminding me I was supposed to do a reading. I think I was doing something useful, refreshing, and utterly devoid of serious matter. I was probably reading the latest bass fishing magazine, seeing if I got my name up lights in there someplace. I suddenly had fifteen minutes to prepare a chart, grab a shirt, and dash out to the door to meet my appointment. I arrived at the appointed hour, at the appointed place, but I was breathless, and in the summer heat, a fine bead of perspiration was creating a sheen across my forehead. Pull the shirt on, fan myself with a handful of charts, say “hello,” and get down to work. For starters, I’m used to this type of activity, and I adjust pretty quick-like to reading charts as it’s something that comes almost second nature [after years of training]. Being a fisherman, I also have a stack of ready-made excuses, like, “You should’ve been here yesterday — the fish were really biting then.” Double check your schedule before you start relaxing, and try not use any of those handy excuses. You’re going to be rushed a little, and there’s nothing I can say that will prepare you, other than, you should always check your schedule to make sure you’re not late.
Pisces: There comes a time in every Pisces life when a little bit of wretched excess is just the right amount of fun. Getting geared up of the holidays? What’s even more amusing, in my mind, is the one British reader who just doesn’t get the July 4th references. [Pisces, of course.] It’s some sort of historical celebration we have in America, and I don’t really recall what the history is, or why it’s at the beginning of July, but it’s a good party time. Fireworks also seem to be a quaint American custom. We may not have invented them, but we do fire off more of them than anyone else. For this upcoming weekend, sort of as a prelude to the big July 4th thing, there will be this one strong of firecrackers that goes off every night, right around two or three in the morning, and it’s always suspiciously close to that Pisces girl’s trailer here. Somebody is having loud, boisterous fun. It’s probably the Pisces. Loud noises bother me and the cat, but that shouldn’t bother you that it bothers us. You need to cut loose a little, and this upcoming celebration — doesn’t much matter where you live — is a good time to celebrate.
