“If I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o’reaching as this? ‘Tis time I were choked with a piece of toasted cheese.”
Shakespeare’s Merry Wives of Windsor [V.v.136-140]
Mercury starts moving in a more orderly direction, and it sometimes feels like it’s just not happening soon enough.
Aries: Closely observing nature offers many valuable lessons. Then again, it can also get pretty boring. Ever try and watch a plant grow? I’ve stared at my little garden for days on end, and seen nothing change. However, when I take off for parts unknown, say I’m gone a few days, then I come home, the plants have all gone wild. Maybe not all the plants, but there’s this one type of plant that I’ve successfully never killed off from either over watering or not paying any attention: mint. Plain, old spearmint. Stuff grows like a weed. It really does add something to the tea, it’s good for the diet, it’s pretty resistant to bugs and stuff, and it can take all kinds of abuse by either neglect or over watering. It can even withstand the Texas winter, such as it is. We had snow once, last year. Almost an inch. Pretty heavy stuff. That mint just shot right back up, after the frost. If I keep looking at the plant, I never see it grow, but over a few days, the stuff just crawls everywhere. Don’t get in such a big, all-fired up hurry. It’s like that damn mint I’ve got. It’s going to happen, and it’s going to be good, no matter what you do. But actually trying to watch it grow? You really think you can micromanage a plant? Water it, and check back tomorrow. Or next week.
Taurus: Bubba has this boat — we frequently use it for fishing. It’s not pretty, the boat itself must be close to 20 or 30 years old. I think Bubba has a thing for dating women younger than his boat, but I’ve never really inquired about this. The outboard on this particular “lake excursion vehicle” is a sort of reluctant to start, especially when we’re starting out before dawn. Using his considerable brawn, though, he can give that starter cord the right kind of yank to get the motor spinning over, and we’re off. I think there’s a little ritual, though, that goes with getting that old outboard to work. Spit on the palm, rub them together. Grasp the starter cord, pull. Cuss. Pull a second time. Let out a long string of amusing, if not anatomically correct, curses. Prime the motor a second time, just right, mutter the magical phrase about the motor’s illegitimate parents, and pull hard and fast. The little motor sputters to life, grabs a lung full of air, gas, and oil, and we’re off in a blaze of glory. Miss the ritual, or use the wrong curse word, and he has to start all over. It may take more than one try to get going during this next few days, especially if your fishing early on the weekend, but that doesn’t matter. You will get to where you’re going, but the motor might not start right the first time, or even the second time. Remember, there’s a little ritual here, and you have use the right words, in the right order, before anything works correctly.
Gemini: I misplaced a single letter when I was using a Shakespeare quote for one of the scopes I do. Henry IV, Henry VI, what’s a letter transposed among friends? Never mind that these are two completely different plays, from two different cycles, and neither play has much in common with the other. Sure did get under the skin of one editor, though. Got my backside held right up against the proverbial coals, if you know what I mean, and I’m sure, especially with all the planets cooking in Gemini, you know exactly what I mean. Feel like you’re getting caught just a little short for some honest and innocent mistake? I know the feeling. It’s supposed to be a good week for birthdays and all, but like that editor I’ve got, you’ve got one significant authority figure who is really looking out for your best interest, only, at the time, it doesn’t feel like that at all. However, in all fairness, this is really for your own good, and the easier you laugh off Mercury’s little tweaks to your typing fingers, the happier everyone is going to be. But you might want to check your sources, you can never be too sure, what with Mercury just starting to pull out of his bad retrograde pattern.
Cancer: The split if about 70/30 on the Mercury stories, and the tales of woe I have to listen to about warning that weren’t heeded, or the missed communications, actions attributed to the little planet’s meandering way. Good news: it’s over with, pretty much. Anytime I launch into a good news number, though, the ever persistent Cancer immediately asks, “So what the bad news?” It’s weird, see: some planets are in Cancer right now, but not everything. And until the rest of the planets get back up to speed, just having Mars and Venus toy with you isn’t always good. Go easy on that boyfriend, girlfriend, fishing buddy, spouse, or would-be significant other. You’re running into a little bit of frustration during the week, and especially this weekend when folks just don’t quite do everything that they say they’re going to do. Fishing buddy of mine, he says, “Bright and early Saturday morning, we’ll head out before sun up.” What he neglected to mention was he meant sun up in Hawaii, and here I was, waiting for him at 5 in the morning, Texas time. When you run into a similar situation, make a sincere effort not to jump down your buddy’s throat. Hey, the sun still isn’t up in certain parts of the world. No big deal.
Leo: I’ve got this one girl who works for me, and she’s usually really good about paying attention to details. She looks after things like appointments and deadlines, and usually she gently nudges me when I’m getting close to a deadline, and reminds me that I need to do some work so I can make her paycheck good. Problem being, she completely blew last month’s deadline for the scopes. None of the stuff got spooled up to hit the wires on time. She was — apparently — looking at the wrong week on her desk calendar. Now, you can be the girl who works here, or you can be me, but I wouldn’t be relying on folks to remind you about your deadlines — there’s a good chance they are all off by about week. Not the deadlines, the folks who are supposed to remind you. More important, how are you going to deal with them, the folks who forget to remind you? Crack the whip? Nope, that doesn’t work. Be gentle, in a Leo-like way.
Virgo: I was walking into the Shady Acres compound the other afternoon. One of my neighbors has this big, fat [okay sensuous and voluptuous] cat. Just your basic tabby, not at all unlike my own. The cat was ambling long on the asphalt, being hounded by a perky, pesky Jaybird. Those little jays are the bane of most cats’ existence. You’ll understand, especially this weekend, but maybe on into next week, as there’s something, or someone, like that jay bird, dive bombing you, squawking and generally making a nuisance of himself. Or herself. Itself. Whatever self. I can’t tell the gender of the smaller jays. Because this was a big cat, and because this was a small bird, the cat was pointedly ignoring the jay. The jay was ferociously attacking, coming up from the cat’s blind side, raising a ruckus and being major pain to the cat. The cat ignored the whole thing. It saw me, and started to meow once, then intertwine around my legs, completely oblivious to the fact that some little bird was trying to pick a fight. Some fights, some battles, just aren’t worth the trouble. That jay darted in and out so fast, the big cat just knew it was pointless to turn around do battle. Or maybe the cat was baiting the bird, but found a petting device (me) instead. Follow that cat’s example.
Libra: Most of the lakes, in fact, all the lakes I’ve ever fished in Texas, they are all reservoirs. Used for flood control, water resources, or even with one of my favorites, it’s nothing more than a large cooling pond for an electric generator. Many thousands acres of water for cooling a big power plant, that’s all it really is. Good for both catfish and bass, though, and it’s pretty close to town, just a morning run for fun type of place. We were working along the shoreline, heading back to the boat ramp, the truck, and the tournament weigh-in, when I saw this one turtle, sunning himself (herself, I don’t know a lot about the sex life of the average yellow ear turtle). Usually, turtles drag themselves up on a rock, or better yet, up on branch floating in the water, the half submersed tree trunks are also pretty popular places for the average turtle. But this was no average turtle, it was a Libra turtle, and life has been a little strange lately. He perched himself on a piece of styrofoam, looked like part of a cooler, and he was soaking up rays, warming up that thick turtle blood. I guess it’s sort of cold at the bottom of the lake. Okay, so things are strange in Libra land. Can’t find the usual driftwood to sun yourself on? Make do with whatever seems to work best. It might not a natural Libra habitat, but like that one turtle, it really doesn’t matter — even some manmade flotsam will work, in a pinch. You can still get warmed up if you’re not too picky about finding the perfect rock or log, use what seems handiest at the time.
Scorpio: One of the most important uses for real astrology (or reel astrology, as this is often referred to as) has to do with timing. Good times, bad times, when to launch a new venture, when to prune the existing garden as opposed to planting new crops. Of course, the planting and pruning thing is largely theoretical on my part as I have a severely limited agrarian background. Sometimes this is referred to as a “brown thumb.” The office manager (my cat) is happy that I can grow “cat grass,” which is nothing more than a form of oats. Toss seeds into the ground, add water as needed. Timing is important. It’s a great time to plant something. But Mercury is still playing fast and loose with some of your assets. A three-dollar bag of cat grass for your kitten is good. A fifty-pound bag of oats, as residential prices isn’t necessary right now. It’s slow weekend, and if you were to spend a little more time pruning before you got around to planting, you’d be better off. There’s one other consideration, as you head out to work in the Scorpio garden, this is work where you can accomplish a lot if you work alone. Good weekend for solitary pursuits. Next week? Then go looking for your friends and show them what you did.
Sagittarius: Not long ago, I had an exchange of correspondence with a particular friend, and I was getting called a lot of names. My familial lineage was called into question, my skills as an author and astrologer were questioned. Most of the invectives were not really fit for print, nor were they really directed at me. I was dealing with a particularly, even spectacularly unhappy person. Nothing was going the way that person wanted. To be sure, I wasn’t helping matters, but I can just only take so much, for so long, before I get a mischievous grin, and I do my level best to add as much fuel to that fire as I can. It’s like Bubba trying to light his BBQ pit with a gallon and half of lighter fluid. Makes for a large flame. After a round of e-mails, though, I finally got tired, got serious, and suggested that the person “grow up some.” It’s an old rhetorical trick: if there is no flaw in the argument, then attack the person. Don’t fall into that trap. If you do, then you can entertain the battle of wits for a little while, but I’m sure you’re like me, and you’ll grow tired of it. The other problem you should be very wary of? Adding a little too much fuel to someone else’s fire. You might get singed, even though it’s not really your own struggle.
Capricorn: Romance, always a big question around here. It seems to be the stock and trade of most astrologers. At one point, I was the bitter, “everyone is breaking up” divorce astrologer. I’m over that now. Just because I’m over that, it doesn’t imply that the Capricorn set is over it. But before you chuck it all out the window, before you get rid of everything with one, ceremonial flush of the old toilet, make sure this is something you really, really want to do. Maybe you don’t. That relationship stuff you want to flush away? Sometimes it clogs the pipes in the Capricorn trailer, creating an unnecessary trip to outside to bang on the pipes and try to free up the plumbing. Or you have to get a metal plumbing snake to clear everything out. It’s one of those terribly messy, horrible tasks. Make sure it’s something you want to flush before you toss it in the toilet bowl. Better yet, in furious pique, toss it out the window. Or the back door. It’s much easier to retrieve when something’s just been hurled out the window, or the back door. You can always act a little contrite and go back to pick it up. Tone down the drastic actions.
Aquarius: There’s a certain uniform that is requested in most of the “Cowboy Disco” places I’ve been to. It’s not actually required, but there’s a certain brand of jeans the guys all wear, tight. And of course, there’s a brand of jeans worn by the girls, too, equally revealing. Or form fitting. And the footwear is supposed to be boots, even on hot summer nights in Texas, Hats, too. Even in the dead heat of the summer, a good felt Stetson is considered appropriate, as this is dress wear. Imagine now, that you’re headed into just such a dance hall. Only, being Aquarius and all, you’re dressed for some other kind of party. You don’t dress the part. To my untrained eye, I’d suggest you stick out of the crowd. But to your Aquarius sentiment, you feel like you fit right in. There you go, twirling and dancing away, like it just doesn’t matter. I can’t speak for other parts of Texas, but in my hometown, it really doesn’t matter what you wear. There’s a little part of your Aquarius psyche that world really like to blend in with the crowd, no matter where you are, but that’s just not going to happen. So go ahead and be true to yourself. You’ll actually fit in much better if you wear what you want to wear.
Pisces: You and me, we’re both overcoming a little period of rather annoying frustration. The coming weekend still looks like there will a few of the usual missteps, usually missteps taken by other people. I spend a fair amount of time on the hike and bike trail in Austin. I took a detour the other afternoon, what I thought was a well-worn, narrow footpath, in hopes of avoiding the late afternoon crush of people on the trail. All those fitness maniacs get in the way of enjoying a leisurely stroll along the banks of the river. As I wandered off, I was expecting to cut behind a baseball field, and then hook it back on over to Shady Acres. Didn’t quite work that way. My 100-yard detour was blocked by a hurricane fence, and since I had never been that way before, I didn’t know my efforts would require me to back up, and retrace all my steps. A relaxed attitude about all of this sure helps, though, and I just figured it was a little Mercury trick, a trail that eventually leads absolutely nowhere. Get upset? Why? Some shortcuts aren’t so short. The problem is also the little annoyances, not the big ones. Besides, whom can you really blame? I was the one who took the shortcut — so my little experimental navigation, in my own backyard, didn’t go the way I expected it. Summer day, sun shining down, why worry? Just retrace those steps.
