For the Week of 7/25-31/2002

    “Wisely and slow. They stumble that run fast.”
    Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet [II.iii.94]

For the Week of 7/25-31/2002

Leo: It’s not you. Okay, so it is you, and it’s all about you, that’s for sure. It’s supposed to be a big party time over here in Leo. You certainly deserve a good party — that’s for sure. The deal is, and this more has to do with Mr. Mars cooking along next to you more than anything, the deal is that Mr. Red Orb Planet is firing up a grill to make you as hot as possible. Now, you can go two ways with this. It’s easy to really irritate you. That goes on for a while yet. Or, you can turn this irritating energy into a good source of vital, life essence. “What’s that mean?” you ask. Good question. No easy answers, but since you’ve got a load of extra energy, why not put it to use? Do something useful. Here’s the trick: do something useful and fun. Remember, I still figure that you deserve a big party, a celebration, after all, it is the beginning of the Leo birthday month, coming up. The problem is no one else seems to be willing to play along. That just means you’ve got look a little further afield to find suitable playmates. The adjoining signs in the zodiac are less than playful right now, maybe look around and look for folks who are less dour at the moment. As long as you don’t let those little things irritate you, you’re going to have a great weekend leading into next week.

Virgo: I really long for a time when I had a much simpler life. The shorts I wore to hike in, the shorts I wore to fish in, and the shorts I wore when I went to bed were all the same thing. I had exactly zero costume changes in a day. What I woke up wearing, and what I wore throughout the day was one and the same. Now, what went into the pockets varied, from phones and pagers to fishing hooks and bobbers. I discovered one style of attire that worked rather well, and I just bought about 4 pairs of those shorts. So even though it looked like I was wearing the very same pair every day, I did, in fact, have on clean clothes. With a pile up in Leo, between Messrs. Mars and Mercury plus the errant Sun’s influence, you’ve got a lot to think about. How many costume changes do you have in a day? Is there a way to simplify this? Anyway to get your business casual dress to look like you everyday wear, and can you get by with spending less time changing clothes? Some folks determine whether a day is good or not based on the amount of money earned. Or the amount of fish caught. In the summer, around my trailer, I consider a day good if I don’t have to wear a shirt. Or shoes. Look at your Virgo yardstick, and think about the number times you have to change clothes, can you make this any easier for yourself?

Libra: I get to spend a fair amount of time traipsing around Texas. It’s a choice thing — I’d rather spend my time in a place where folks seem to understand our various eccentricities. It’s not like other places where folks pretend that abnormal is normal. In Texas, we understand that we’re not normal, and we don’t much care if you’re amused by our weird behavior and customs. It’s sort of a combination of Western Ethics, something sometimes referred to as the “cowboy way,” and the concept that there really are huge expanses of empty land. Wide open vistas. Mile after mile of nothing in particular, at least, nothing in particular to the untrained eye. Take your Libra eyes, and look again. It’s not so empty. Might be a look a little barren at first, though. Take a minute and examine where you’re at. You’re going to find that there’s a chuckle or two, right there in your face, only you’ve been overlooking these amusing bits of life. One way or another, you should be sharing a joke before the coming weekend is over. You should get a chance to laugh at something a little bit different. Maybe it’s something that yourself does, for that matter.

Scorpio: I’m going to ask the Scorpio contingent to take a breather. This is important, too, as you’re going to face one person, one situation, one thing wherein you really feel like you need to make a stand. You feel like you’re right. You feel like it’s a situation wherein certain moral issues are stake, and it’s your right, your calling, your honor is at stake, and this makes a small thing into a big deal. Whoa! Slow down a little. Is this issue, situation, person, or problem really that big of a deal? When you’re up close, right next to, or in the face of, a problem, the challenge is pretty hard to avoid. That’s why I suggest a breather. Take a moment of rest. When I’m face to face with a sticky situation like this, the first thing I do is suggest we head out for some BBQ. A huge meal with many different farm animals slowly seared then served up on a piece of butcher-block paper gives everyone a chance to assess the situation which seems like such a huge problem. From a post-prandial position, you can let a more reasonable Scorpio mind work through the problems. The biggest problem is that after a huge plate of BBQ, I tend to get a little sleepy. Then again, maybe sleeping on the problem will come up with a better solution. Don’t be running off and attacking the problem without first giving it some consideration.

Sagittarius: There are good times, and then there are good times. I went fishing the other evening. Now, after the sun gets really low on the horizon and there are streaks of color throughout the sky, and the temperature gets a little bit less than its usual summer searing heat, then things get good. No fish were biting. The place we were at seems to be “all fished out” because of a recent tournament. The wily, old bass weren’t even giving us so much as a nibble, much less a decent strike. However, it was just the best of times, the lake at sunset, the way everything felt like it was cooling off a little. Sort of depends on how one tends to look at the day: is it a successful day because you were actually bringing home a stringer of fish? Or was it a good day because the sunset was a great, the companionship was agreeable, and the evening felt just a tad cooler than the rest of the day? Sort of depends on where your Sagittarius point of view is. I’d like to suggest that it’s in a pretty good place. You’re not going to be getting enough sleep for the next few days, but that really doesn’t matter — there are other times of the years, better seasons for sleeping. Enjoy the long days, longer evening hours and the short nights. Man, it’s good right now. Or it’s supposed to be. Who cares if you’re not catching fish?

Capricorn: For just about the longest time, I was coerced to write about romance, relationships, and other topics of a similar ilk. I did quite a bit research in this area, especially for the Capricorn section of the sky. Got to be careful about what you commit to, you can never tell when it will come back to bite you on the backside. Looks like that’s what going on right now. The corner of your chart that has a lot to do with a broad topic like “partnerships” is highlighted. This, in and of itself, isn’t bad at all. The problem being, you’ve got a partner, sibling, rival, boyfriend, girlfriend, or in my case, the cat, and this other person is not happy with some of your recent ebullient outbursts. You’re just feeling fine all over the place and you’re partner in crime is less than enthused. To make this worse, you keep feeling better and better whereas your friend is less than thrilled. I picked up some cat food the other night, special treats for the cat. I burst through the door of the trailer, “Honey, I’m home! Look what I got you! Liver and Beef Parts [for older cats]!” The cat looked up at me, didn’t make a noise, watched me through eyes that looked a little upset that I disturbed her nap on the couch, and then she went back to sleep. Which doesn’t mean that I didn’t bring home the groceries, or that the same cat, the next morning, thought I was a great person as she sampled the first of the new food. But at that one moment? Don’t be upset if your fervor is not matched.

Aquarius: I had this one girlfriend, fiancee really, and one of her methods of communication was throwing large, breakable objects [like plates]. Before you get upset, let me explain: she purposefully shopped at a thrift store for her ammunition. Smart girl. It’s not like she was tossing the good china at me. There’s something, according to her, imminently satisfying about the shattering of a plate or a glass. It gives a certain, visceral feeling that just can’t be beat. To be even more fair, she never got close to me. She didn’t want to damage me, just to make a point. Think about shopping for something disposable-like for this week. You’re bound to be hearing some shattering as the weekend progresses and turns into next week. Could be something like an illusion getting shattered, or it might be a little bit different — you might want to punctuate a certain point with an emphatic crash. To your benefit, this all works out rather well. I’m just hoping that your aim is as good as that former girlfriend. She could’ve hit me anytime she wanted to, she just didn’t want to make a mess of things. It also doesn’t mean that this next few days is going to be full of flying crockery, it could be a situation you’ve held onto, certain notions that are just not realistic. That makes a noise, too.

Pisces: I’m not a Pisces, nor can I really play one on the live-action TV series about me, but the idea that I understand what a Pisces wants is pretty clear because I hang around a lot of Pisces. And I do something very uncharacteristic: I listen. Okay, the answer to the question that is forming on the tip of your tongue right now is that you want to play, and my answer — you’re not liking this — is to work. Work? Yes, you know, that stuff where you go someplace, and somebody pays you for your assistance, or you get paid for sitting in a cubicle, or something like that. Last time I showed up for a job like this, I had it pretty easy, all I had to do was test certain pharmaceuticals before they get marketed. I’m not complaining, it’s a way to make a dollar. I’m not sure about the medical experiment myself, but it didn’t hurt — much. I think I’ll get rid of the rash pretty soon. The follow-up medical visits were nice. I’m not sure about the other folks who were getting tested, though, one guy kept calling us all “lab rats.” So I understand your frustration with this work thing, and I feel your pain. But if you shoulder your way through the experiment with work, near as I can tell, there will be payoff at the end. I may not like the drugs they tested on me, but I sure do like that check at the end.

Aries: There’s an explosive quality to the tone of the times in Aries. Now, “explosive” can mean bad stuff. But look at in the context that I’m using, and think back to the recent holiday, Maybe “explosive” can indicate fun. It’s the way I mean it. It just means that things aren’t sedate in the Aries chart. Tons of good stuff is going on. There’s more than a hint that some drama is unfolding, but this isn’t a bad drama, it’s a good one. But if you’re trying to use stealth right now, forget about it. Might as well tell the world as the world is going to notice anyway. There’s just the oddest unpredictable quality to this. “Shaped charges” and certain fireworks are designed to be ignited and fire off in particular direction. I watched one set of fireworks that were clearly intended to be fired in a vertical position, and in this case, they went off in a horizontal position. Made for some extra amusement for some of us innocent bystanders. Be careful where you point that thing, okay?

Taurus: I’d suggest the next few days, typically called, “a weekend,” are a good time to party on. Then I’d suggest that next week, especially Monday and Tuesday, are going to be a drag because you’re back at work, dreaming about the good weekend you just had. This is a pretty safe prediction, but given the amount of e-mail I’ve gotten lately, you guys sure could use a good weekend. I’m doing my best to make it just so. You can also alleviate the problems on Monday morning by doing a little advance work on Friday. “Hey, I’m supposed to go fishing Sunday, and I might get back late….” It’s a good excuse, one that I’ve used many times, and it might help to lay a little foundation so you could slide into the cubicle late on Monday morning, missing the deadlines, meetings, and inherent troubles that always seem to get cooked up while you’re away. Or isn’t next Monday a holiday? I think it should be, if it isn’t. Might want to take the day off, but like I’ve already suggested, there will still be a problem or two that crops up, and only you can deal with it.

Gemini: It’s an old bit of Western Music lore, the story about a certain Derailer’s album with a “secret, hidden track” on it. If you’re not familiar with the Derailers, you could be — it’s straight-ahead western music. Young guys making it in a field usually reserved for old guys. The tune, as I’ve heard it, is Raspberry Beret, originally by the artist formerly known as the artists formerly known as some symbol. For what it’s worth, Prince is a Gemini, last I heard. What’s this got to do with you? Hidden secrets, stuff that’s not usually obvious to everyone else, that’s what is coming up for the week. That hidden track is one of the best versions of that particular song. The first time you hear something like that, you get a little surprised. Then it becomes a little more palatable. So whatever the hidden thing is, don’t fret too much about it. It does get better. Eventually, you find yourself toe tapping to the song, as improbable as that seems. Good luck on your mission to find out secrets. Hard work does pay off.

Cancer: I’ve talked about luck, and the way the Fates spin their webs, and how this was supposed to be such a good time for you. But there’s still a consideration to make. I’ve watched the planets for a number of years, and most of the time, Jupiter acts in concert with Saturn. You get a dose of work stuff and dose of good luck, usually about the same time. The week starts out with that headlong rush towards goodness, and ends up with a blast from somewhere in the dark reaches of your own subconscious. Way it happened to me last time, I was fishing. And I caught exactly zero fish. Got a couple of nibbles, nothing to brag about. Maybe a lot to lie about, but that doesn’t make for good copy. However, the way I see it, a bad day sitting in a boat, fishing, is a lot better than a good day at work. Sort of depends on how you look at what’s going on in your world. A little escape, a day trip to the lake, some sun-block, a good hat, maybe some live bait, that’s going to make you feel a lot better. This work stuff is way too much trouble this week. The weekend coming up, it’s also pretty good. Good for fishing, good for work. It’s next week when I figure you really need that little escape. Luck is weird like that. You can’t predict when it’s going to be good.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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