“The fool hath planted in his memory/An army of good words.”
Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice [III.v.59-64]
Cancer: This scope is dated for July 4th and onward. Problem being, the actually holiday, July 4th, isn’t such a great time. I know I’ll get at least one disgruntled Cancer who’ll write to me, and complain that I ruined the birthday celebration. Get over it. Save that digital ink for something important. The coming year, the coming weeks, heck even the approaching weekend is good. And by next week, everything will be rock and roll, all over the place. For the holiday weekend, though, take it a little easy. It’s a lunar phase that we’re not all happy about, not me, not the cat, and not most of the Cancer folks. This is a good time not to try igniting fireworks with short fuses. Matter of fact, what with Mars in your sign, even as you read this, it might be a really good time not get anywhere too close to any fireworks. A few blocks east of Shady Acres Trailer Park, here in South Austin, there’s a bridge across the river. And the annual, city-sponsored display of fireworks is great. My Cancer self will hop on up to that bridge to watch the fireworks, then my Cancer self will “ooooo” and “aww….” with the crowd. Then I shall retire for the evening. It’s at least a quarter of mile from the actual pyrotechnics — a safe distance with Mars. Keep a safe distance between you and the loud things that explode with fire and color. Things best viewed at a distance are best viewed at distance.
Leo: I am not trying to pin you down for anything, but let me tell you what happened last week: Two women showed up at the airport to pick me up. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, now doesn’t? Except, it turns out that these two friends of mine are also close friends of each other. They were standing outside the baggage claim, chatting away, “Hi Kramer, get in the truck,” and then continued to chat, agreeing to meet someplace for drinks or coffee or something, and I was like an unwanted appendage in the situation. Luck is a funny thing, and how you view what’s going on in your life is a funny thing, too. You can be apologetic, but that doesn’t work too well. You can try to smooth over a situation, but like my best attempts, that meets with stony silence and stares. Or, you can shut up, like I did. No Leo [or self-respecting male] likes to have the spot light someplace else, but in this situation, at the airport, then at the trailer, it was okay. There was no fanfare, no triumphant return to home, but then, there wasn’t a cat fight either. I was left alone. One of them dropped me off on my trailer’s doorstep, then hastened onward to meet the other girl, and they did girl things. Okay, the point is, I didn’t get in any trouble, and I didn’t make the worst of what could’ve been a really bad scene. I’ll be honest, though, next time? I’m taking a cab.
Libra: I was working in El Paso, at an event, doing readings, and as usual, I was wearing a pawn shop band of gold, left ring finger, so it looks like I’m married. Keeps the heat off, especially in the middle of the summer. Now, after working all day, me and a couple of the female readers were stopped at a convenience store, picking up something to drink, on the way to dinner. Earlier in the day, I loaned some money to one reader, and I asked for the cash, while she had her purse out. The clerk took a look at me, the ring on my finger, and suggested that my friend let “her husband pay for it.” The reader turns to me, then very deadpan, replies to the clerk while looking me dead in the eyes, “I wish you wouldn’t wear your ring when I’m out in public with you.” You’re going to get a chance for similar, comic, one-up-man-ship statement. Timing is everything. Time your comments wrong, and it looks silly. But if you have a good Sagittarius fellow there, and if he’s just providing you with the most appropriate foil at that special time, then use it. Sometimes, good lines are too hard to pass up. Use that trenchant wit, strike when you can. In that store? You could here a pin drop — although, to be honest, I think a couple of the guys were looking at me in an appreciative manner.
Scorpio: I hate to dwell on the past. Nothing is more disheartening than looking over years of failures, and wondering what good can be found in it. I know you don’t like me suggesting that a little look at the past would actually chart something for your future, but there’s a suggestion that there is, indeed, a past failure that really isn’t a total loss. The temptation is to say, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” Okay, enough high flying rhetoric. Let’s get down to some basics: you once made an error in judgment. I’d suggest it was in the last year, but not everyone will agree with that. Look at your little lapse of rational thought, and then look at what led to that momentary pause in logical thinking. With me so far? You’ll find yourself, on this holiday weekend, face to face with a similar situation. Only, because I reminded you to think about what caused the problem in the first place, because your Scorpio mind has taken a good look at this, you don’t have to repeat that problem again. Last time you had this going on, you said, “Yes,” without ever thinking about the consequences. This time? Just think about what might happen. You’re a good Scorpio, you’ll probably say “Yes,” again. But at least you can say you thought about it first. Better yet, instead a of a quick answer, why not try my line, “Let me think about that, before I say yes.”
Sagittarius: It’s a noted fact that Sagittarius is a sign not noted for our ability to maintain single, committed, monogamous relationships over a period of years. Might be a reflection of my own, personal history, and the fact that I haven’t always made the best choices in the past. But that’s changing, and not just for me. Relationships, of many varieties, are important at this point. Pay attention to the little, finite details. Yes, we’re all supposed to be the “big picture people” but for this little holiday time, maybe turn some of your attention to some of the more mundane details. The little things are important, too. There used to be these little, baby firecrackers called “Ladyfingers.” Smaller than the regular fuse – bang type of ordinance. Played right, though, the little ones are more effective. It’s less of a single, giant display, and lot more about a lot of little bangs that add punctuation to the event. It’s almost like background noise. Now, what sort of backdrop are you going to create? Remember, itty-bitty things are important.
Capricorn: When I’m fishing, I’ve got this one kind of lure/bait thing I use. It’s called “crank bait,” and there’s this one particular one that’s really useful in the summer time, on the lakes in Texas. Bare with me, I’m going some place with this: the crank bait I favor looks like nothing that rarely occurs in nature. It’s a brightly colored piece of plastic that sort of resembles one of Mother Nature’s less successful experiments. But the fish love this one shape. It looks like a tadpole of unnatural proportions. The best color is an orange with little flecks of sparkling metallic colored stuff in it. Like I’ve said, it doesn’t look natural. But it works better than anything else I’ve got in my tackle box. What’s with that? Who knows what the fish are thinking when they strike at this bait. Bright colors, a wiggle, walk that lure along the edge of lake, and reel in the fish. You can catch whatever you want right now. It’s how you present your bait. Unnatural colors, nothing subdued, a shape that may not be 100% natural, you’re starting to get the idea. You stand a chance of pulling in something that resembles a trophy-sized fish, but you have to be willing to experiment with something that doesn’t make logical sense right now. Try your own crank bait.
Aquarius: The grief process has a couple of steps you have to go through. If I recall, it goes like this: you get mad, you get sad, you get even. I might be missing something here, but I think I’ve got all the important stuff covered. Point being, make sure you cover yourself for the important stuff first. The rest of the processes will take care of themselves in good time, but only you can look out for your Aquarius self best. You’re liable to get called up for being a little short, or a little light, or little unprepared at work, if you’re not really on top of stuff. Hey now, I’m on your side! So get prepared. Remember that there’s a process, certain steps you have to go through. Each step comes in order. That reference to the grief process? Play this one right, do what you’re supposed to do, and then watch as it’s your old nemesis who’s thrown into the grief process. Never, ever underestimate what an Aquarius is capable of doing. Just don’t omit all the necessary steps. No shortcuts.
Pisces: Poor little Pisces. So often, astrology writers begin at the top and work their way through the scopes until Pisces, which comes last. Bummer, dude. Means we’re all burnt out by the time we get the end of the scopes, and Pisces gets a short shift. I’ll type real slow-like so you understand: You’re on top of it right now. Not the bottom of the list. Tops. Best of the best. Wonderful. Lucky, driven, and successful. If some of those words don’t fit you, then change something before I post the next horoscope, and you’ll find that you’re launched into a new cycle. There’s an odd echo in here, something that seems to be repeating, or appearing twice. It’s both love and luck. The luck is at work, and the love, well, that’s up to you to decide, but both of those are good right now. Or should be. If there’s something missing in the way I read this, then maybe there’s a change you can make that will help. You’re still supposed to be tops, really.
Aries: I am destined to make no new Aries friends this week, and especially at the beginning of the next week. There’s a little hint from the planets that your jeans are feeling a little too tight. Some years ago, I followed the doctor’s orders and I took this medication that made me retain water. I found out — first hand — what is meant by that “bloated feeling” often referred to. My feet swole up. I have sympathy. The easiest solution is to curtail the salt intake and drink lots of water. Now, this doesn’t constitute medical advice, but you are feeling a little bit like you’ve got your winter weight on, only, here it is, in the middle of the summer. Traditional, standard, picnic fair is not suggested. The usual 4th of July treats, tempting as they may be, aren’t recommended. That bloated feeling from a couple of planets that are pushing you to excess. While too much of some things is a good idea, too much of certain substances like home made ice cream, apple pie, and other culinary treats is not advised. Slow down and enjoy the holiday spirit. No need to overdo anything right, not now, not this weekend, and not next week.
Taurus: Texas has a strange clash of cultures, there’s the traditional Country and Western singer/songwriter motif, carried on by our own troubadour musicians. Combine this, and a crowd that’s basically dressed in jeans and boots, then add a smattering of “rock and roll/mosh pit” antics to this crowd. Culture clash, remember? I recently watched as a particular cowboy was surfing the crowd at a show. No, I mean it. Like something out of a rock show, only it was a cowboy, complete with boots and hat, riding on the hands, held up at stage level. That cowboy made it about halfway to the main stage before there was a slight mishap: the last thing I saw was boots, stuck straight up in the air. When you’re crowd surfing, real or imagined, this weekend, remember that it’s important to keep your head above the crowd. Near as I can tell, it’s like being at the lake, head above water. With everything that’s going on, you can get swept up in the moment, only, there seems to be a certain lack of follow through, either by you or the crowd. Remember to keep your head up.
Gemini: I was at an outdoor concert, given by a particular Texas singer and songwriter, and me and my date, as I had my arms around her for most of the show, we got to looking around at the crowd, while the main band set up after the opening act. Me: long hair, sandals, surfer shorts. The rest of the crowd: short hair, boots, jeans, sweaty T-shirts. Me [and my date]: twice as old as most of the folks we saw standing around us. I was just amazed that so many of the crowd knew every word to every song whereas I only recognized handful of the tunes. It was like a giant outdoor karaoke set up, the performer playing off the crowd and letting them [us, too] fill in from time to time. The worst part was when one of these kids started to back up into my date. She planted an elbow in his back, then suggested that she was, indeed, old enough to be his mother. That got a laugh from me, but do the math, and it could’ve been right. It did accord us a little bit of extra space for a while. Hot summer nights. Crowded outdoor venues. Some music. A boisterous crowd. You get the idea, as that’s just what your weekend is like. You’re in a crowd, only you feel like you’re the only adult for miles around. Even though you like the music, the ambiance might be a little childish. It’s not your fault, some days, somebody has to be the grown up. Imagine that, the Gemini being the grown up in a situation this weekend, or even next week. Or both (it’s a Gemini thang).
