“We make ourselves fools to disport ourselves.”
Shakespeare’s Timon of Athens [I.ii.138]
Aries: It’s party time, that’s for sure. You’re about as wound up as can be. There’s one little hitch in the coming weekend. For a few minutes, looks like it’ll be Sunday night, but for those few minutes, maybe an hour or two, you get that sense of dread. That feeling, that point where you panic — Monday is right around the corner, and you should be going to bed, and arranging yourself for another week of work. Or maybe you’ve got an early trip. At one point, in the coming weekend, you’re going to want to hit the Aries panic button, exercise some kind of denial mechanism, and do a little freak out about upcoming plans — and the preparation for those plans. That’s the problem. This is also a momentary sense of panic. It’s like having that last beer on Sunday night, really Monday morning, and realizing in a few short hours, you’re supposed to be at work and coherent. Now look: this one moment of confusion, fear, reproachment, panic, whatever you want to call it, it’s just for a little while. Won’t last long. Get back to what you were doing. No need to make emergency phone calls. No need to get all worked up over something you can’t control. You’ll do fine — there are too many good things going on to let one moment of panic ruin and otherwise fine time.
Taurus: Most astrology folks are going to tell you that this is a time for action. I tend to disagree with that assumption because I see something else in your chart. It has a lot more to do with smaller, less tangible assets and how you choose to manage those assets. Some sort of thinking exercise is called for. Too often, astrologers refer to Taurus energy as being “materialistic.” That’s just so wrong. It means you’re ruled by the things that you own, i.e., your stuff owns you, rather than the reverse. I can’t apologize for what other folks say, but I do understand that you’re not really materialistic, not by that definition. Here’s the thinking exercise part: what stuff can you easily get rid of? This is like you having a garage sale. I’ve found some great bargains at just such junk sales. There, among the detritus of other peoples’ lives, I’ve come across rare editions of texts, high quality jewelry, and junk. Lots of junk. You do have a huge quantity of stuff to unload, a lot of items in your personal collection that no longer serve their purpose, and frankly, the emotional or sentimental attachment is no longer there. Get ready to toss this stuff. Like I suggested, though, this is a mental game. You’re not actually going to have such a sale, not yet. But you can sort through the stuff you no longer need, and you can think about making a pile by the door of stuff you want to be rid of.
Gemini: Blast from the past time. Or blast from the future, one of those. Ever feel like you’re a little unstuck in the present “space-time-continuum”? It’s a weird alignment. Not like it’s that strange, I mean this sort of thing happens every few years, only this one has a strange effect on you, particularly this coming weekend. New and unusual. Or old and familiar. It’s like the times I run into people who attended one school I attended. I looked a little different, those many years ago. My hair was a lot shorter, and I figure it started at place a little further forward on my forehead. Get a good visual picture of this? I was also a nappy dressier at that time much different from my current slovenly appearance. [I prefer to think of my style as “advanced relaxed” or “aggressively casual.”] Some of the places I currently tend to hang out at, the term “hang out” gets a whole new meaning. Instead of following my lead, this is a time to consider dressing up. THis is a time to present a really good appearance, a do it up right. You never know just who [or what] you might encounter in the next few days, and being correctly attired helps. I’m one of the few people I know who can pull off wearing plaid shorts and a loud [certainly not matching] Hawaiian print shirt. But that style might not work for you.
Cancer: Trailer living requires a certain amount of self-discipline. The space I inhabit can’t be much more than a few hundred square feet. As such, there’s a certain amount of interior design practices I have to employ in order to fit everything that’s important into such a small space. Bed. Couch. Desk for the computer and stuff. Fishing gear. Cat. Other than that, and my library of rare, exotic, and fluff literature, there’s not a lot of space. It’s a continuing battle in order to have everything that I want around. Mementos from the past, I have to be careful about what I try to keep. Now, let’s combine a couple of things, all at once. Fishing [Kramer style]: Catch and release. Shopping, Cancer style. Interior design, either Kramer style or Cancer style. What stuff do you have that you really could unload? What sort of things are important to keep around? What’s something that you can easily package up and ship off to a distant family member? I managed to unload family heirloom stuff on my Sister because she loved that sentimental and ornamental stuff a lot more. MAde for a happy situation for me, too, as I really don’t have room in my limited cupboard space to have much more than a my own “fishing guide to the stars” official coffee mug. Consider using my “catch and release” version of shopping, and consider shipping some of the goods off to family member who really do appreciate those momentos. You’ll be a lot happier.
Leo: [Hey buddy, thought I forgot? Happy Birthday, dude!] Like I seemed to have forgotten about my one Bubba’s b-day, though, all of the poor Leo’s feel like folks are forgetting that this is an important time. Plain talk: Mars is cooking his way through your sign. You’re moving faster, thinking more, and reacting faster than usual. This is either good or it’s going to annoy you. Instead of letting this be an annoyance, though, there is an easier way to deal with it all. Realize that Mars is coaxing you to higher place. Understand that this is extra fuel. Grasp the concept that you’re just moving faster than everyone else. Got it? So when the little annoyances start getting to you, you have a better understanding of what is the real culprit. Everyone else is a little slow. Not just today, but for what seems like an extended period of time. GRasping the idea that you’re quicker moving than everyone else will help. If you’ll slow down a little, you can actually hear what we have to say. Some of us want to wish you a happy birthday, or give you presents, so it might behoove you to tone it down a little. Then you can get back to your double-time pace.
Virgo: Really happened, I have witnesses: I was standing in line at Amy’s — summer nights require a cool treat like ice cream — the line stretched out the door. Some guy was calling out to his kid, “Hey, Booger, come here.” I was immediately thrilled, I mean, here was a young parent, addressing his child as, “Booger.” For real. Not some kind of redneck joke. I had to inquire, and the parent suggested that it wasn’t the kid’s real name, but it seemed to fit as it was a “little booger” of a kid. Then, the Virgo with me, she just had to point out that I had turned my head when I heard that term of affection. “No one else looked, think it fits, Mr. Fishing Guide to the Stars?” I’m pretty immune to such appellations, but I would be honored to be called “Booger” as a term of affection. Now, not every Virgo I know would be so thrilled. Not everyone would consider that a compliment. Before you let the hackles on the back of your neck get raised, though, and before you take offense at such a term, or a similar term of affection, consider the loving way the term is being applied to you. Circumstances have a lot to do with this. If one of your friends uses that term, or one similar, consider the source before you get upset. Don’t waste good, Virgo ire on something that is meant as a loving compliment. It’s easy to get confused about this — consider the source before you jump to conclusions.
Libra: It’s time to make things work at work. I know, you’re thinking it’s still time for summer vacation action, but that’s not what I’m looking at here. It’s a little different, if you’re willing to work with me. So let’s try this scenario, a coworker, employee, compatriot or contractor comes to you with a problem. Your first inclination is to say something I wouldn’t dare commit to print. Or you’d like to say something about this particular person — and the problem — has run into a forest of dumb sticks. It’s one thing to get hit over the head with a stupid stick, it’s a completely different scenario to run the rough the forest of those things, and hit every one of them. Got it? THis is something that is beneath your dignity, beneath your skills set, and probably a stupid mistake that someone else made. Only, here’s the catch, you get to clean up for that other person. Or persons. What’s worse, is this is seriously egregious error. Dumb. Dumber than dumb. Now, this is a the part where Fishing Guide to the Stars earns his keep. Look at this person, look skyward, then look at them again. Count to four. Swear [under your breath]. Before you say something that will take a bad situation and make it that much worse, consider how silly that other person already feels. Then try a gentle admonishment, like I do to the boys in the backroom, when they pull a stunt like this, “Ah yes. I can see the ‘stupid as a box of rocks’ gnomes have been at it again.” Be gentle — at least, be ass gentle as you can be.
Scorpio: Gun control is a very sensitive topic. Despite the fact that I live in Texas, not all of us are armed and dangerous. According to my last Scorpio girlfriend, I’m not dangerous at all, just foolish. Nor, for that matter, am I armed. I’ve got this terrible opinion about the gun control issue, though. I go both ways on it. I mean, I can see why it would be good to limit or outlaw firearms, but then, I also know one too many legitimate gun owners, and most of these folks carry and operate said weapons in a very responsible manner. For that matter, I’ve been on foot in the underbrush in Texas, heard that scary rattle noise, and a sidearm is just a good idea if it’s down to me or the rattler. See what I mean? It really does go two ways. Before you write to me to correct my ambivalent opinion on this issue, though, stop. Think. Do you really want to waste valuable Scorpio time trying to coerce some Sagittarius guy who writes horoscopes about the validity of your point? You have far better things to do. Scorpio things. I’m a mutable sign — I can change my opinion with great ease. For that matter, it doesn’t much matter where you stand on this issue, I’m sure you are 100% right. Trying to correct someone isn’t the best idea, during the last few days of Leo time. It’s an old trick, but what I’ve learned to do is listen to the opposition before I suggest what my take on a situation is. I’d suggest you do the same thing. Some fights aren’t worth the trouble.
Sagittarius: The title of “office manager” goes to the cat. One girlfriend affectionately dubbed the cat, “Her Largeness.” It seemed fitting at the time, as it is a large cat, and she does run the office, as far as we’re all concerned. As far as she’s concerned, too, it’s her office. My trailer, her office, you get the picture. She has a way of letting me know that there are certain tasks that desperately need attending to, like her litter box. Most domesticated felines are wonderful, odor-free animal companions. Now, on some occasions, certain tasks like emptying the office manager’s litter box go unattended for a few days. The way she deals with this is to leave a large, odoriferous reminder, on the top of the litter, unburied. With such a good weekend coming up, and with that house guest probably stopping by, why not take a few extra minutes out of your already overloaded social calendar, and tend to some task that will make the office manager a little more happy? You can do this ahead of time, being the ever so perspicacious Sagittarius that you are, or you can wait, and the management will leave you polite, possibly smelly, reminder of task that should get done.
Capricorn: Prurient interests are at an all-time high. You know what that means? I hope so. Now, I’m going to go a little out on a limb right now, a little bit further than I might ought to, and I’m going to look at a holistic astrology chart for you guys. See: mostly I just address a single sign when I’m looking at a scope, but from what I’ve seen, every chart has a smidgen of something else in it, as well. This technique is really useful in one-on-one consultations, but it makes writing a general overview for your week a little more difficult. However, I’m going to reason backwards from a couple of points, to get at what I’m trying to say. A little real astrology, or ‘reel astrology,’ if you so desire, is what’s being applied. Romance factor, prurient interests, that new [or old] boyfriend, girlfriend, animal companion, whatever, is the central focus. Look around, you might be missing some hot summer fun. Distinguish between my version of hot summer fun, and the real deal, though. I one of the best places to go on during a time like this, the best choice, is a date at the swimming pond. In Texas, this isn’t so uncommon, although some big city folks prefer a swimming pool. You get to see your date in a swimming suit. That’s important. Nothing is hidden, unless it’s one of those really old-fashioned suits. The cutoffs come off, and there’s nothing hidden from prying eyes. As long as there’s this hot influence, and as long as a certain amount of interest is stirring around in your holistic chart, why not make the most of it?
Aquarius: One of my more Aquarius friends had this really choice gig for a long time. Summers were in Oregon, winters were in Austin. Alas, like most good things, this really sweet arrangement came to an end. Suddenly, her sensitive, kind, and gentle Aquarian soul was forced back to Austin, in the middle of August. It’s hot, it’s humid, it’s sticky, it’s sweaty, and the main form of entertainment is the bat colony under the Congress Avenue Bridge [largest urban bat colony in North America.] By this time of the year, the crowds of bat watchers and the bats themselves are pretty active, right at dusk. Catch those bats at the right time, and it’s an amazing sight. Something like 3 million flying rodents, all taking to the air, leaving at the same time, long strings of critters into the night. It’s just down the corner from Shady Acres, and while I love the tourist value, the fact that it’s free is even more important. Now, you can complain about the Texas weather, as compared to the summer in cool Oregon, or you can just stay inside until dusk, out of that searing sunlight, and take it easy. Then imitate the actions of the bat, go on a feeding frenzy, after dark. You can’t always have it all, but make some adjustments, and no matter where you are, it’s not that bad. Free entertainment, cooler temperatures, a little bit of a diversion, you’ll be okay.
Pisces: I used to log on, on Monday morning, and face — literally — hundreds of e-mail messages. Folks either liked their scopes, or they didn’t like their scopes, or if there was a trivia question, there was always some answers that needed “fact checking.” As much as I would like to delegate fact-checking to some minions around the office, too often there’s a judgment call required, and no one can make those better than me, since, ultimately, I’m the one responsible for the answer. I’m the final arbiter. At least, I hope I am. I sign the paychecks, that makes the boss, right? Now, let’s think about this: pretend it’s next Monday morning, you look at your “in” box, and there’s a stack about this tall, full of stuff. Some is pretty important. Some is less important. Some is junk. Out of that stack, only about three things actually require your immediate attention. How do you sort through your stuff? Over the last decade of doing this, I’ve developed my own system for dealing with mail. Quick glance: does this item require action right now [is there money attached to the note?] Can you answer at your leisure? Those things get shuffled off to a time when I’ve had the right amount of coffee, and the cat has been fed and petted. See how this works? Some jobs are best put off because they require no action right at that moment. Organization is the key to getting through the piles of stuff. Handle the stuff with money attached to it first, in order of importance — biggest dollar amounts get the fastest attention.
