“Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love;
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.
Let every eye negotiate for itself,
And trust no agent.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado about Nothing [Act II, scene i]
Aries: Much as I love dear Aries, sometimes you’re going to get a feeling from me that I don’t. It’s not me, and it’s the planets. Now, none of this is a big deal, but after a week of annoying little deals, you’re starting to get a little suspicious, waiting for the next event to turn sour. Mercury does a really strange thing — it’s not like being backwards is strange enough — but Mercury swaps positions with the Sun, and then Mr. Mercury moves further back into Virgo. For a little while, you’re going to get it easy for bit. There are other, pesky influences, but none of this is a big deal. However, I would plan on your good nature being tested a little bit more than your good nature likes to be tested. Patience, virtue, and a good sense of humor will help. While we’re at it, plan on that good sense of humor being sorely tested. The question is whether you let them push you to the breaking point or not. It’s one thing to skate up close to the edge, and it’s another thing to going blowing over that edge. Could be a long way down if you’re a little careless.
Taurus: One of the biggest thrills I have is BBQ. It’s a hot topic, perhaps more important than any other issue around here. Where’s the best? I’ll admit I have some favorites, but one of the coolest pieces of BBQ advertising I ever saw isn’t far from me, just on the other side of river. It’s a ramshackle place, it’s got the right ambiance, and it’s great claim to fame is “the second best BBQ in Texas.” This was obviously some pretty careful work on the part of the advertising team. Too bad I didn’t really find it to be true, but that doesn’t matter. I’d rank it third or fourth, maybe fifth in overall ratings, but I’ve traveled quite a bit, and I’ve been on the BBQ Trail for years. To an average out of town visitor, this place might seem real authentic [it is]. With Mercury still dancing backwards, but not as bad as before, you’re going to want to consider some Taurus advertising just like that. “I’m Taurus, through and through, and I’m the second best sign in the you will EVER encounter.” This works on several levels. Mercury is destined to make some problem at work, and while the problem isn’t that big, you can claim to be the second-best person for the job. And since that one super-hero is now retired, you might be the only person available. Get the drift? Since fictional, mythological characters aren’t there, you’ll just have to be the best that’s available.
Gemini: I often choose clothing that is, in my mind, “taste-tolerant.” More commonly, my attire is referred to as “fashion-challenged.” Sloppy shorts, sloppy sandals, and shirts that lack anything but loud colors and strange patterns that appear to defy gravity. The patterns defy gravity, not the shirts, as I do wash them regularly. Mercury, backwards in an air sign, sliding, to a final resting place in Virgo [a mutable sign that squares you] means no one is listening to your wonderful words of wisdom. Instead of talking while no other folks listen, try to make a statement in a simpler, easier way. No matter how vociferous you are, the message doesn’t get across. Try wearing something loud instead of talking loud. That sort of medium carries your intent much better. Stop by a thrift store and scare up a couple of T-shirts with messages on them. Dated material like that will help get your message across, and you don’t need to worry about your image — Mercury, remember?
Cancer: Last week, there was trivia question about a quote. This week, that weirdness, and the quote, seem to dissolve like the morning’s mist on the lake. When I get to fish for fun [instead of work], nothing is more awe inspiring than the gentle tufts of mist rising up from the surface of the lake. To be honest, that one lake isn’t really a “lake,” but a large cooling pond for a power plant. Makes for a lot more mist, especially during the cool fall days, like what’s just up ahead. The little slice of reality, that magic time when the east is glowing with the approach of the sunrise, but the sun’s not over the horizon yet, and the mist on the lake’s surface is most pronounced, has an eery and magical feeling to it. It’s usually pretty quiet as it’s too early for weekend fishermen. It’s that perfect time. While it might seem a bit odd, it’s not unusual, and the natural splendor can be breathtaking. Things are strange for the other signs, but as time goes by, the strange stuff for Cancer begins to burn off like that mist. There’s this one cove I know about, sometimes it’s excellent for an early morning across the lake. Even if the fish aren’t biting, there’s still some of that stray most there, floating along the surface, like some kind of low-flying cloud. All this stuff will vaporize into thin air as the sun climbs up in the sky, enjoy the remnants of the strange stuff — aware that it’ll go away pretty quick.
Leo: I’m getting tired of writing about luck for Leo. It gets old after a while, and the feedback hasn’t been too kind, either. Seems like the Mercury Situation is getting to you Leo types a little more than you should let it. “Oh, that’s easy for YOU to say, Mr. Smart-aleck Astrologer Fishing Guide to the Stars, sure. Easy for you to say.” other folks are less eloquent than that. Some of it is even unprintable. Part and parcel of doing this kind of work, though, I get blamed for whatever the heck the planets are doing. Here’s the hot tip: slow down. There’s still residual miscommunication stuff floating about, due, no doubt, to the errant position of Mr. Mercury. But look on the bright side: he’s not in the mighty Leo’s sign. And before too long, he’s going to clean up his act, and that problematic-prone planet will start making life really good. It may not be this weekend, so I’d suggest you stick to the usual warnings about that. You know, read everything three times, double check the facts, get it in writing, that sort of thing. Maybe bide your time a little before trying to make your point. Give Mercury a chance to catch up with his misdeeds and turn this stuff around for you.
Virgo: Most Mercurial Periods, that predictable time when Mercury makes everything unpredictable, most of those times really aren’t too bad. Details get missed, appointments run late — or early — and you know the rest of the funny tales I’ve got about this kind of time. As a good Virgo, you know about this ahead of time, and life is bearable, if not absolutely wonderful. By the time we get to the third week of such a Mercury Mess, then most of the rough stuff is usually over. Problem being, Mr. Mercury is trying to pull a quick one over on the Virgo section of the sky. It’s like this, next week, he’s going to drop into your sign for a brief visit. These days, I’m usually on pretty good terms with my local delivery drivers. One’s a cute Cancer and the other is a striking Sagittarius — both friendly, both nice, both know how to find me. They’ve stopped me, on occasion, on the street, to hand me an undelivered package that required my signature. This weekend is relatively calm for your inner Virgo self. Next week, though, your regular driver is off, and there’s this one package you’ve been waiting for, and since the regular drivers aren’t there, and the replacement doesn’t know to drop it at your trailer’s mailbox, and you can see how this is. What’s worse, with Mercury in his present state, you can wait all day, and the minute you go around the corner for a coke, that darned replacement driver shows up.
Libra: This birthday time is marred by certain little problems. Nothing big or traumatic, just little stuff. It’s further accented by having Mr. Mars not quite up to where you’d like to have him. He’s close at hand, and you can begin to feel his warming influence, but we’re not all here yet. Reminds me of a local bumpersticker, referring to my neighborhood [should be one for Shady Acres], “We’re all here because we’re not all here.” Laugh about it. It’s the best source of mental balm for a chapped mind. The deal is that birthdays tend to make Libra’s a little self-centered [rightfully so!] Mars tends to make us want to examine how things are for other people, put their goals, objectives and desires ahead of our own Libra wants and needs. What it amounts to is that the more you do for someone else, the more you receive. So that’s another stupid truism about life, but you get the idea. “I thought this would be a good party for everyone,” should be the idea. It’s not all about you. Okay, so it is all about you, but as long as Mars and Mercury are doing what they’re doing, pretend it’s about us, and not about you. Makes those problems a lot easier to handle.
Scorpio: One Texas author I’m particularly fond of is Joe R. Lansdale. He lives in Deep East Texas. He usually writes about his native environs. He’s funny, crude, literate and most of the stories have a fairly high body count. His canon defies conventional literary taxonomy. He’s written Westerns, Science Fiction, Fantasy, Comedy, and Mysteries. Just when it looked like he was going to stick to one genre, though, he upped and wrote something very different. He took his own career off on a strange writing tangent — he did one of those “one-off” novels that was remarkably sensitive, probing, and historical. Following that, he had some short stories that were too long for short stories and too short for novels. Blood, gore, carnage, some old-fashioned East Texas butt-kickin’. Again, this is a like taking off on a tangent that no comfortable author would’ve followed. It’s not a plan for being rich and famous. It’s not plan for career moves that will guarantee success. Mr. Landsale is an interesting Scorpio. Follow his lead. Take off in a different direction. Mercury is promising that nothing will be quite the same, so go ahead and explore some different avenues.
Sagittarius: It’s been more than a decade since I worked with this one editor. When I first started seriously writing lots of horoscopes, this one editor admonished me to quite writing to fill a certain slot, and let the length of the material find its own, happy medium. Turned out to be a little long, but I’ve never been able to tell which scopes I should cut. As a Sagittarius, I tend to be a little long-winded. Not that it’s a problem, but the with the relative influences occurring during this next weekend, you’re going to want to think about that long winded thing. One particularly erudite and loquacious Sagittarius once suggested that a well-timed pause was a lot more effective than many words. I like that sentiment, especially for us, and particularly as this weekend turns into next week. Face to face with a Mercury communication problem, you’re going to be attempted to fill a void with a lot of words. Sometimes, a lot of words are not the correct answer. Unless you like you tough boot leather, you might want to keep your mouth shut for the time being.
Capricorn: I want to buy you a little time. Or get you to buy yourself a little time. This isn’t like hiring me — I sell my time by the hour — this is more along the lines of biding your time. Mercury is in cahoots with a couple of other objects in your chart. Mercury is also doing a really nasty “Mercury is retrograde” number on you right now. Not much can be done about this. Instead of reacting to all the little problems, and instead of shooting from the hip, think about it first. Do you really want to tell your old fishing buddy about all of his nasty habits right now? When I’m out on the boat, far from shore, and there’s no one looking, it’s really easy to relieve one self’s, right over the edge of the boat. But there are certain condition that have to be taken in consideration. Wind direction, water current, where my fishing buddy is currently tossing his lure, all of that must be determined to make sure I don’t wind up making an error in judgment. Okay, so there are a few extra objects in the heavens, and they all suggest you think twice, maybe analyze something before you make any hasty decisions about your next action. Don’t just react to given set of stimuli — look, think, analyze, then take careful action, if need be.
Aquarius: Many years ago, a certain movie brought attention to the fact that the mineral substance Amber sometimes had little, very old bugs, stuck in it. Most of my new age buddies have long since considered amber to be a desirable substance for jewelry because it’s supposed ot help them channel [Elvis?] I’ve got a couple of chunks of the stuff floating around the trailer, but to be realistic, amber is usually too soft to make a decent piece of jewelry for someone like me. I tend to be hard on equipment, as the cliché would suggest. This is one of those things that looks good on paper, but doesn’t work in the real world, amber jewelry. As it is turns out, there’s also a lot of fake amber around these days, due to its popularity. Brown plastic, maybe with a modern bug tossed in for good measure, would fool most folks. I started writing about the amber because you’re stuck in a place that feels like you’re one of those bugs, frozen in time and space. What are you going to do about it? Given the condition of the times, I’d suggested you let someone cut you up and make you into some decorative jewelry — requires you to do nothing but sit there, frozen — and look good.
Pisces: Relief comes in strange places. Particularly when you’re dealing with a week like what’s about to unfold. It doesn’t happen all at once, but probably by the end of the weekend you’re going to get one of those really strange phone calls [work with me here, it could be an e-mail, possibly a post card, maybe even a telegraph — or even the jungle drums carrying news on the cocoanut grapevine]. It’s an announcement, an invite, or some other bit of news proclaiming something. Only, remember that Mercury is backwards, this notice, note, piece of e-mail, it arrives a little late. Brush up on your negotiating tactics. Mercury is moving into a place where he’s going to force you to negotiate. Brush up on the social graces. Around here, mostly in Texas, but this can apply in other parts of the South, the little terms of endearment are part of our everyday conversation. My favorite example is the term, “little darlin’.” It’s not a sexist comment, it’s meant as a form of social grease. Lubricant for conversation, an easy handle for addressing just about any female. So either you get addressed as “little darlin’,” or you should be addressing someone in such manner. So when that strange message comes through, be prepared to use whatever local social grease works to help ease the situation. “Sweetheart, that’s not the way this thing works,” is the phrase my Pisces self will be most likely to use.
