For the Week of 11/14-20/2002

“The gentleman is not in [my] books.
[If] he were, I would burn my study.”
Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing [I.i.71-2]

Strong words, strong sentiments, and a strong Venus is moving backwards time. All about the same.

Aries: The last time Mars was in position like he presently is, I mean, I’m an astrologer, I’m supposed to watch my own chart, right? So when Mars was in the sign opposite me, I was extra careful. I avoided confrontations. I avoided driving. I skipped fishing for a little while, not wanting to hurt myself with fins, fish hooks and filet knives. I avoided everything sharp. Two things happened to me — one, I ran into a tree root that tripped me up and skinned my leg. [To be brutally honest, the worst damage incurred by the aforementioned tree root was my pride.] The other event was more like a series of events, I was avoiding sharp items, and managed to get a couple of paper cuts. One was from those stupid “postage paid” reply cards, as I was crumpling them up. Another was from a legal document. Papercuts hurt. Papercuts are not life-threatening. But those little papercuts sure are annoying. The little blood vessels at the surface just spout copious quantities of red dye. It finger prints everything for the next have hour. Worse yet, one papercut was on a typing finger. I was restrained from two-finger typing down to just using one finger. Look: Mars is doing this to you, right now. Be extra careful. However, if you’re like me, and reduced to just one finger for typing, then maybe you can choose your words more careful. Might help prevent you from lashing out with a sharp tongue.

Taurus: I was feeling poorly the other day. I looked at the sky, asked whomever it is that lives up there to send me a sign, and I bought a Texas Lottery ticket. Two days later, that ticket turned up with three of the six required numbers. Not much of a sign, if you ask me. Three bucks, that means, the ticket had a profit of two dollars. I think that means I doubled my money. I’m not always good with financial statistics. One dollar became two dollars. Maybe a lottery ticket isn’t the way your luck shows up. Maybe it’s some other form of sign. I’m not about to disparage the idea that the heavens should send you some hope, in fact, I wouldn’t be suggesting this if there wasn’t a hopeful sign. But I’d watch out for the gambling — that doesn’t look so hot. It looks more like a situation where you desire a sign, and that sign isn’t going to work unless you do something. Now, with that $2, I after I cashed in the ticket [“Hey, give to me in singles, so I feel like a winner!”], I bought a candy bar and diet coke. It wasn’t what I was hoping for, but it did add a bright spot to the day. Don’t argue when the sign you want, and what you actually get, seem to be a little different. The lesson is about expectations. The way I see it, that candy bar and diet coke? That was a free lunch.

Gemini: I’ve yet to encounter a Gemini who doesn’t embrace change as a constant in their Gemini lives. Time, technology and progress march forward. It’s a great occasion to consider making some sweeping changes in how you relate to technology. One would suppose that a standard way of approaching this would be a new device for organizing and keeping track of that Gemini schedule. New software, new hardware. One of the guides I’ve worked with [that would be a fishing guide, not any other kind] is the perfect example. He’s Gemini, but he’s resisted the new technology for fish radar’s. But he’s been carefully shopping, and I think he’s about to make his purchase. Perfect timing. He needs something to help give him that extra leverage. All those bell, whistles, gadgets, transponders, radar domes, radar screens, photographic electronic imaging of the lake’s bottom? That’s good stuff. I use it all the time. Or most of the time, anyway. There are situations where a seasoned professional like myself can outthink a machine. But such times are often accentuated by the new fangled technology. It’s an old, tired expression, but this cliché works now: work smarter, not harder. Let the machines do as much of the repetitive stuff as possible.

Cancer: You know you can never be too prepared. I walked up to a place on the corner here, for an evening of fine Tex-Mex cuisine, as only found in South Austin, and I was prepared for the cool [read: cold] winter’s night. As it turned out, my extra shirt was quickly draped across the back of the seat I had on the patio, and I was quickly moaning about the fact that I’d worn long pants and boots when my more traditional attire would’ve been a better choice. Weather around here is funny like that, just when you expect a cold snap, it’s just as balmy as can be. Your astrological weather is about the same. I’d prepare for a cold snap, but then, being Cancer and all, what with the action in the heavens, you might find that you’re a little overdressed for the situations. As one Cancer friend always admonishes me, “Dress in layers — that way you can add and subtract so you’re most comfortable.” Since the only thing I can predict is that it’s going to change, be prepared. You’re either shedding clothing, or adding stuff, but when you’re expecting a cold front, you might be surprised when warm [emotional] weather surrounds you.

Leo: One Leo, THE Leo, her main form of communication is the phone. Another Leo, THE Leo, her preferred communication is strictly e-mail. Still another, THE Leo, she prefers only face-to-face communications. Each one of these Leo’s have their own, preferential way of getting their ideas and commands across to the rest of us, the lesser signs. Doesn’t much matter what your favorite form of Leo communication is [as long as it’s not yelling at me], try something different. Try a new line. If you prefer phones, then try the e-mail thing. If you like postcards, then send a letter. If you like face-to-face, then now’s the time to try a portable phone. All I’m trying to get you to do is change up your methods. This doesn’t have to be a drastic change, it can be a little one. This also doesn’t have to be a permanent change, either, it’s more like an experiment. You’re more charming and chatty than usual, and you’re also [not according to me, but some of your spouses] full of more bluster. It’s like a strong north wind, blowing down from Canada. That cold wind carries the promise of winter nights, snuggled up on the couch, the heater warming the trailer, and using that new-fangled line of communication.

Virgo: There are two special times during the average 24 hour period, for this next week or so. One occurs right before the Sun pokes his head above the horizon. Twinkling over the dawn’s dew, through that rosy glow, there’s Mars and Venus, barely visible. Then, right after sundown, there’s the moon, looking more full than ever before. The biggest trouble time for you is in the hours located on either side of these moments of beauty and grace. Unfortunately, other than at the still, quiet time, you don’t get much a rest. If it’s not one thing, then it’s another, and everyone wants a piece of you. This is not always in a friendly, jocular manner, either. Your attention is sorely tested because everyone else has troubles that, or so it seems, only your Virgo self can help solve. I’ve learned, after years and years of “emergency astrology,” that a dire situation on someone else’s part does not mean it’s an emergency on my part. There’s only so much I can do. But like you, I’ll be up, taking in the peaceful sunrise, watching as the moon climbs up into the night sky, and enjoying a momentary bit of reverie. It’s your schedule, do like I do, tell them that, “I’ll get your problem just as soon as I can make it humanely possible.”

Libra: I’ve never really accused a Libra of being headstrong. Although, in my travels and travails, I’ve found that a numerous Libra-loving-people perceive that a typical Libra is, indeed, headstrong. You can ask Ma Wetzel about that one, she married a Libra. Between my version of a positive Martian influence, and my version of a negative Venus influence, you get a chance to see my version of stubborn Libra — in the form of yourself — coming up soon. Might be today, might be the weekend, or it could happen as late as early next week. But you’re going to stop, dig your heels in, and refuse to budge. Ever watch rodeo? Great spectator sport. Imagine that you’re the cowboy, you lasso the cow’s horns then try and stop that critter from moving forward. Unfortunately, you got one of the recalcitrant cows, and she doesn’t want to stop moving. Dig your heels in, and you leave a nice set of furrows in the arena’s dirt. Now, if you’d quit being so stubborn, you’ll find that a partner is willing to help. Be more accommodating to accept a little assistance with project. Just digging in your heels right now won’t accomplish what you’re trying to do. Or trying to stop.

Scorpio: We’re still stuck talking about what you can do for other people as opposed to what other people can do for you. It’s a trick of the planets, but a little bit of selfless Scorpio giving [maybe forgiving] during a time like this “goes the distance” towards achieving what you want. This is one of the Zen-like riddles, too, how can putting your own desires aside yield exactly what you want? Instead of worrying about this, or trying to attain the “Bubba Mind” in a meditative state, why not just give my suggestion a try? Put your wants on hold, attend to someone else, and see what happens. I did this with one friend last week. All I did was buy him dinner and listen while he ranted about various aspects of his love life — or lack thereof. Two females approached us. The more I tried to sell them on the idea that my buddy was the hot ticket between the two of us, the more those two girls thought I was the one worth flirting with. The more I pointed out that I was “the one your mother warned you about” the more attractive I became. Same thing will happen to you, as long as you look out for your buddies. Put their interests first.

Sagittarius: There’s this restless energy you’ve got. It would be wonderful if I could give you some direction, some idea what to do with this sense that you’re supposed to be someplace other than here, but like you, I’m Sagittarius and I’m feeling this a lot. It’s a combination of factors, the least of which is an approaching full moon. Actually, it’s a little more than a full moon, it’s an itty-bitty eclipse thingy. Those are highly technical astrological terms I use. It’s hard to explain, but the deal is that this works like a super full moon coming up — hence the extra, restless energy. But it’s not quite on top of you. Close, but not quite. According to Shakespeare’s characters, eclipses portend no good. For once, I’ll have to agree with the old texts and lore. This isn’t one that you want to be a part of. It might be party time for some, but I can’t urge this strong enough, a little caution would go a long way in preventing untimely mistakes. Yes, Venus is still backwards so I’d take it easy on the relationship front. Do like I do, nod knowingly, but say nothing.

Capricorn: Stay low. I was walking into a pub in England, some years back. The building was positively ancient — more than 900 years old. As such, it either settled on its foundations, or the people weren’t quite as tall as me when it was first built. I took one look at a door frame, turned around and commented on the low frames, then turned back around and promptly ran into the same door frame with my forehead. With boots on, I’m well over six feet tall. Clumsy, comical mistake. But my mistake has a good lesson for you. Duck. There’s a lot of stuff flying around, and this weekend you want to cut loose. Great idea, might not work quite as well as you like. If you’re not careful, you’ll tell someone that you’re supposed to duck, then you’ll turn around and run your forehead smack into the same door frame I hit. I’ll save you the embarrassment: duck.

Aquarius: Mars and Venus are rapidly approaching each other. But before those two collide [no, they won’t collide, but they will line up in the morning sky, right before dawn], you’re going to start feeling a boost. Bubba bought a new car last month. It’s not really a new car, but it replaces a truck with something like 300,000 miles on it. “Man, you know what I like about this? It’s got POWER!” he said, as he punched the pedal. Personally, I’ve ridden on faster vehicles. It wasn’t the quickest trip ever, but it’s sure a lot faster than what he was driving. That old truck took half a city block to come close to approximating the speed limit. Side-to-side, back-to-back comparisons, the new vehicle is a lot quicker. Likewise, you get a short, brief, kick in the backside of your Aquarius trousers. It’s not really that great, but by comparison, it’s wonderful. Typical of Aquarius fashion, it’s not when, or where, you expect it. But like Bubba suddenly showing up in a new vehicle, and taking you for a ride, you get a boost.

Pisces: I’m always reminded of a certain Aquarius, and what that certain Aquarius sang in a big Country and Western hit, from years gone by. What’s even stranger, it was one of my more modern buddies who pointed this out to me. I’ll mention it because I’m pretty sure he’s a Pisces. The words of wisdom? “I’ll be standing at a river/Staring out across tomorrow/And the bridge I need to get there/Will be a bridge that I have burned.” [Burning Bridges – Stephanie C. Brown/Garth Brooks] So what’s up with this? It’s like looking at something you need to do, and you’re not sure whether or not you should actually go ahead and do it. I’m going to suggest you be careful about the actions you’re planning on taking. The lunar phase fills you with exuberance, and some other stuff adds a bit of an edge to what’s going on. Hence the caution. For once in your Pisces life, you’re going to feel exactly like me, and you’re going to be inclined to act in a similar manner. You’re sorely tempted to tell someone exactly what you want to say, not mincing any worlds. You lack my goofy smile; you’re not oafish like I am. You’re certainly not as uncouth as I am. Careful with what you say, as you don’t want to burn bridges that might need for crossing later.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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