Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 1/16-22/2003
“Music oft have such a charm
To make bad good, and good provoke to harm.”
Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure [IV.i.14]
This is the last of the little “Mercury is going backwards” time. As such, some of the usual problems associated with this fellow doing his cosmic review and revision stint are just about over with–the worst is done with. Still, you can never be too cautious during times like this. Get the live scoop in El Paso, last weekend.
Capricorn: A “Texas Rig” is a way to put a hook in a plastic worm, variations on a “Carolina Rig” theme. I’d like to think that the fish are just naturally bigger in Texas; therefore, we use a larger rig. Only makes sense to me. There are variations on these variations, and you can buy this sort of thing “store bought,” or you can do it yourself. I’m of the “do it yourself” mode of thinking. As the weekend arrives, you’re going to find yourself in the “do it yourself” mode, too. Doesn’t much matter where you are, a good, home-built Texas-rig, a fresh start, all of that appeals to you. We’re still dealing with the situations brought up by Mercury and his errant ways, so you need to be aware of that. When you’re starting out on that little project, you might want to allow a little extra time, and you might figure that it will take three times as long to get your little project done. You will get it finished, and whatever it is that you’re rigging up, that’s going to be 100% better than anything you could buy at the store. Just takes a little longer. Allow for that extra time, and remember that those hooks are sharp.
Aquarius: You know you want it. It’s time for another good party. Your month is about to begin. Or will be beginning, just after the weekend. My suggestion? Take this weekend off, and use it to get your “Aquarius is the best party sign” muscles in good working order. I know there are few of you still complaining about what it was like for the whole New Year debacle. That’s why I’m suggesting you get your party muscles into top shape, get everything ready for the big month. See: this year started out with Mercury going backwards, but Aquarius starts about the same time Mercury stops, so the two are pretty wonderful indicators that life will be very, very good. Let’s get our Aquarius selves through this coming weekend properly. I’d suggest sticking to the New Year’s resolutions for now. Then, next week, it’s time to get fast and free again.
Wondering about an in-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Pisces: One of my Pisces friends just got back from a “most excellent” Xmas vacation with the family. Like 99% of the rest of us, this particular family unit is somewhat less than completly functional. Like this is any surprise? Hardly. So the plan, perhaps the best Xmas plan I’ve heard, is their family unit, such as it is, all got together in Las Vegas. When I flew this idea past my own family, no one liked the idea. Still, I find something appealing about saying, “Yes, great Xmas Day dinner, right at the ‘all-you-can-eat’ buffet in the casino.” But let’s look at this idea: it’s both tacky and useful–everyone can find something to do in Las Vegas. Everyone has an interest that can be satified there. High art? Gambling? Other nefarious activities? Yes, that town’s got them all covered. Now, what’s this got to do with your next few days? Mercury, still backwards, is brewing up family trouble. Nip these problems in the bud, get a head start on some holiday planning, looking at your next vacation. Las Vegas? For Xmas? Have I flipped? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. It’s a good idea, and you’ll be surprised how well your weird ideas are received at this point–Mercury or no Mercury.
Aries: A good number of my fishing buddies are vastly amused by my collection of articles supplied by non-fishing persons. My immediate family, distant loves, adoring fans from all over the country, I mean, I get it all. I’ve got more T-shirts with funny fish sayings on them, more pens, flashlights, even beer coolers with amusing fish motifs. Most of that paraphenalia that my fishing buddies look at it? The most common question is “Where’d you get this one, bubba? Har-har!” The problem being, a real fishing buddy came up with some good gifts for me. Now, the trick, when Mercury is retorgroade like this–still backwards as of yet–is to sort out what belongs on the Aries fishing boat, and figure out what doesn’t really belong there. I’ve got a couple of pens molded from old fishing lures. Way cool for a fishing guide. But absolutely useless at 6 in the morning, on the lake. I can barely see, and I don’t need to take such gear when I’m actually fishing. A lure, even if it’s really a flashlight or a pen, makes a great trophy gift, but it can confuse a fisherman on an early winter morning. Mercury is all about what you’re supposed to leave behind.
Taurus: Two words: jump start. I just couldn’t shake the image of a guy standing there with a set of jumper cables, grinning, “Always carry these things, never know when you might need them….” Get the picture? It’s like coming out of the Taurus trailer on a cold winter morning, finding that the Taurus truck won’t start, and needing those jumper cables. You also need a decent soul who’s got a set of cables and battery strong enough to crank over the Taurus truck. It’s just a little trick from that eternal prankster, Mr. Mercury, and he’s just having a little cold winter morning fun–at your expense. The only problem herein is that your “coping skills” are sorely put out by now. There are some days, when all you can do is just let out a little Taurus yell, scream, rant, rave, something like that. It’s all very unsettling. Now look: this isn’t as bad as it seems. A quick jolt of electricity, a real or metaphorical jump start, that’s all that’s required. Given that this influence is almost over, and that it’s really not that bad, if you’re just paitient enough, you’ll find that kindly soul showing up, grinning, with jumper cables in hand. Some guys, we just live for that chance, an opportunity to jump [start] a Taurus.
Gemini: I’ve got this one Gemini client I see fairly regular-like. When I see her, she’s in her workout attire, hair up in a bun, or she’s wearing the “I just cleaned the bathroom” casual clothing. Like most Gemini’s, she has a heck of a time with this Mercury Retrograde stuff. Mercury mixes stuff up–and nowhere does this show up more than in Gemini land. Okay, so I haven’t seen my Gemini regular for a couple of weeks, and she shows up, on my trailer’s front door step, dressed up. Business suit. Hair down, long flowing locks [almost as long as mine, in fact]. Despite the recent spate of nice weather, it’s still bitterely cold at night so I’m wearing some flannel pajamas, little pictures of bacon and eggs on them, sky blue background. Rumpled. Hair messed up, more or less a typcal “Mr. Astrologer just woke up” look. This is a situation where everything is reversed, see? I’m the one looking a little rough [or very rough] and the Gemini is all dressed to thrill. And, after the last communication problem, looks like she’s ready to kill someone, too. I mean that in a highly metaphorical sense, but there could be murder in those lovely Gemini eyes. So Gemini is dressed up and the rest of the world hasn’t caught up yet. Know the feeling? Don’t let our apparent state of undress, the sleepy look in our eyes get in the way of your mission. Mercury has done his worst, go ahead and hit the ground running. Just be aware some of us aren’t quite up to speed yet, not Gemini speed.
Cancer: I got a nasty “collection notice” from an agency, a company I owed some money to, and I didn’t like the tone of the message. “Pay up or else….” I was pretty sure I had sent them a check, like, last month or something. Pretty sure. I started digging through the paperwork, though, and I couldn’t find the check number. As I continued to delve into the problem, stuck behind an astrology text, I found that bill, still unpaid. In my mind, I was already on the phone to the “customer service representative,” reaming them a new one for their mix-up. Only it was my fault, not theirs. Glad I looked it up before I placed the call. So I did get on the phone, and I did humbly beg for forgiveness, and promised that I was mailing a check, and there was screw-up in the book keeping, and the cat had balled the bill up and batted it around the trailer, and it was finally going in the mail. So before you call up the folks with the bad news, bettter check your own records first. Make sure you’re right before you start off on a rant. I can attribute this either to the cat or to Mercury. Before you stridently try to make a point, make sure you’re completely right.
Leo: I’m really a lot less concerned about Mr. Mercury and a lot more worried about the way the sun slides into Aquarius next week. Then there’s always Mr. Jupiter, and he’s still trekking backwards through the lovely Leo sign. Means you’ve got a false start going on. Something that looks good, something that seems like the best of all possible situation, that doesn’t quite work out the way you want it to. I mean, it will work out, but not quite fast enough for your delicate Leo tastes. I’m not saying anything bad is going to happen–just the opposite. Something good is about to happen. You’re just going to get a little more anxious, anticipating this “good stuff.” Like the joke about males goes, I’m just full of “promises, promises.” But from the chart, I can easily predict that there are some rather tasty events headed your way. The deal is, you have to wait a little bit. One cold morning, not long ago, I was at the lake, fishing my little heart out. Like your Leo anticipation now, I kept expecting to catch something, out there, the cold water, the cold air, hoping for some cold fish to take my cold bait [it’s winter in Texas, more or less]. Nothing in the first two hours. Some folks would’ve packed it in. But I persisted, and eventually the fish got caught. Just took a little longer than I planned.
Virgo: It’s just been one of those times, now hasn’t it? Most of the good little Virgo’s that I know, they all look forwards to correctly starting out a new year. Didn’t go like that this year, and it’s just now–after the coming weekend–looking like it will be better. All right: the deal is this: you’ve got some relief from one seriously frustrating situation coming along just about any minute now. (The term ‘any minute now’ means it could arrive anytime in the next seven [7] days.) But this relief might carry a small price. It’s like you get one form of relief only at the expense of another problem. Personally, I’m going to let my Virgo self feel much happier about the whole scene. Some battles are worth fighting, and some battles, really don’t warrant our good attention. Get the hint? Win some, lose some, and sometimes, like until next week, it’s best not to show up, if you can avoid it altogether.
Wondering about an in-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Libra: The other day, one of my Libra friends calls me, hysterical, “I got fired!” Now, as it turns out the hysterical approach was a little overly dramatic. Wasn’t quite the situation this Libra faced, it was more like a nice offer to buy out an existing contract. What one person was spinning as a big, huge negative turned into a three-week vacation, followed by new employment. So the dramatic excess I was treated to wasn’t really required. This weekend: you want to make a big, over-wrought display about some situation. Maybe it’s a work thing, maybe it’s a relationship thing. I would tend to suggest that it doesn’t much matter what kind of thing it is, the use of “over the top” dramaturge is not recommended. I realize that, at the time, it sure feels like a big deal. But is it really that critical? I know it might be to you, but to the rest of us? To suggest that you’re acting a little too much would disparage your sensibility, but you know, to a lot of non-Libra folks, it looks just like that. Might be a good time to tone down the hysterical approach to one [or more] of your problems. Remember, in my example, Libra comes out ahead at the end.
Scorpio: I’m not sure about you. It’s not like I’m ever really sure about Scorpio’s, as I do have a unique ability to really irritate them from time to time. It’s not like it’s anything I ever set out to do–personally, I’m rasther fond of many a Scorpio. But they aren’t always fond of me. This seems to be a communication problem. Now: after this weekend, Mr. Mars scoots on around into Sagittarius. About the time that happens, you get a welcome sigh of relief. That problem with our little lack of communication? That’s still some trouble. It’s like no seems to be listening. No matter how many times I write that I love Scorpio’s, no Scorpio seems to understand what I mean. “Sure, you’re just saying that, we know how you really are.” Actually, you don’t know that. But it’s not going to stop us from having a little problem getting our collective point across. Folks don’t seem to be listening. In the reality of the situation, I actually am listening to Scorpio, it’s just you guys fail to appreciate my comments about your comments. So this is a difficult situation. No one seems to pay attention to your wise words of wisdom, no matter how hard you try. Try this line: keep it to yourself. You might feel like you’re about to explode, and that’s not a good idea, but for this weekend, keep it to yourself: you can thank me later.
Sagittarius: I live in a small space–it’s not like a trailer in S. Austin really has that much room–and I decided it was time to redo the correct, artistic, aesthetic placement of the limited furniture. In other words, I was thinking about rearranging the living room. Such as it is. I moved a few items out the front door, vacuumed up the dust balls, and put everything back where it was. It’s not so odd to see someone doing just this in a trailer park like Shady Acres. On any given weekend day, all of someone’s belongings can be found out on the lawn. There’s one couple, and I do believe that marital discord is way of life for them–at any given time, there’s usually some article of either his or her clothing being tossed out the door. Just sort of the way it goes. In this scenario, you can undertake cleaning your own Sagittarius trailer, or you can come home one day and find some, if not all, of your personal effects getting the boot. Make a decision, then stick by what you decide. Is it all going out the door for a little early spring cleaning? That’s what I was doing. That plan to rearrange everything? That flopped. But it was good to move everything, then move it back. Some plans don’t go quite the way you want them to, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a good idea.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
