Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 1/23-29/2003
“For they are worthy
To inlay heaven with stars.”
In Shakespeare’s Cymberline [V.v]
The good news is that Mercury is no longer in a retrograde position. More or less. Still poking along in Capricorn, though, and that’s like getting stuck behind some guy in a slow-moving pickup truck, probably has a ponytail, maybe a Grateful Dead sticker on the back window of the truck. And he’s not moving quite as fast as the rest of the of the vehicular traffic. I’ve always considered it safer to err on the side of caution, myself.
Aquarius: As an “honorary” Aquarius, I figure it’s a good time for an Aquarius-only party. My honorary status is much like the two pieces of paper I proudly display on the wall of the trailer where I live. One is an ordination certificate from a mysterious church someplace, making it legal for me to marry folks. [No, really. It’s true.] The other is an honorary doctorate degree in Metaphysics. So I can legally be addressed as Rev. or Doctor; however, I usually get called “hey [bad words omitted]!” So I have a right to be an honorary Aquarius this week. In fact, I’m planning on going out with my other Aquarius friends, and while everyone is being sad and forlorn, us Aquarius types are going to play. We’ve earned it. Unlike my proudly displayed diplomas, this Aquarius right to have a good time is real, earned favor from the planets. And me. It’s also overdue, as the last few weeks have been less than wonderful. But this is a time to start enjoying the new year, the way it’s supposed to be enjoyed. So if you’re in the mood, or even if you’re not in the mood, get out and enjoy yourself some. We’re overdue for some good times, around here in Aquarius. And happy birthday, too.
Pisces: There’s this one Pisces, and she’s thinking, “I’m not reading Kramer’s Fishing Guide to the Stars horoscope for Pisces this week. He hates all of us.” Just the opposite, the only thing I want to hold against a Pisces is myself. But you’ve heard that line in its various forms, so I’m not going to try it on you. However, I’m probably the only person not trying to hand you a line–particularly this weekend–but this influence stretches right on into next week, too. You’ve heard them all before. If the lines weren’t so stale, it would be amusing, but after a goodly amount of time, you’re starting to think that everyone is reading from the same book, and you’ve heard all this stuff before. You’re looking good, you’re feeling okay, but the folks you encounter all seem to want something. Look: these horoscopes are often referred to as a “train wreck.” You don’t want to look, but you do. And I’m not warning you about the way you feel, I’m warning you that some folks might be handing you some line about how good you look. If it’s not from me, I’d be a little suspicious about the true intent.
In-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Aries: “Good energy” is a slippery term. I hate it. But there’s a useful, rather sublime quality that’s floating around in your own, personal space right now. I’m not talking about dealing with other folks. I’m not suggesting that this is the way it is with other people, but in the Aries realm, on “Planet Aries,” or wherever [or for that matter, however] you choose to perceive this, there is that “good energy” floating around you. The trick, the way to harness this energy, is to get and do something that you enjoy. If it were my Aries chart, I would be doing one thing today: fishing. Me, the boat, some new lures I just picked up, a man-to-fish fight to the finish, I’m over the mindset that the real trick in fishing is to release what one catches. “Free the fighter!” is our fishing mantra. Or, my personal fave, “Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but pierced lips.” Problem being, that one slogan never caught on. Can’t figure out why, either. Every time I use it, I get the most quizzical looks from people. But like the Aries world, that slogan works for me. You may not please a lot of other folks right now, but you will be amused by yourself, if nothing else.
Taurus: Not long ago, when I was in Far West Texas, I set a new, personal record. In one afternoon, I proposed to no less than 17 different clients. I have to be careful when I do that. First off, I was wearing a wedding ring. Then, in the course of the reading, I had to make sure that the female in question had a boyfriend or husband, before I would slip my proposal in. Finally, I had to make sure that I had an “open return” airplane ticket so, if someone was ever foolish enough to take me seriously, I had a quick way out of there. I’d propose to you, too, at a time like this, because relationships are an important topic, as highlighted by the placement of a couple of key astrology players. Either you have too many [most likely], or not enough [less likely], but you’re still wrestling with the big “R” thing. Doesn’t much matter what you do with it, there’s still some stuff going on that demands your attention. I’d watch the relationship stuff, though, you might wind up with a crazy astrologer guy trying to marry you. Hint: it’s not a good idea to take him so seriously.
Gemini: So you’re feeling better, right? You’re not? You’re supposed to be. I usually get this one e-mail from a particular Gemini, complaining about the state of the world, some of those current events, and the fact that their [Gemini is plural] significant other is not doing what he’s supposed to be doing. Besides that one, lone, dissenting voice, crying “wolf” in the wilderness, though, life is supposed to be better, all the way around. I realize that this could be an invitation to have my mailbox fill up with Gemini mail, which, in and of itself, really isn’t too bad. But there is still that pesky effect from Mercury Retrograde, and while the worst is done with, there’s at least one further, slightly esoteric astrology theory that suggests until Mr. Mercury gets out of his own shadow, then life isn’t back to normal. But then, why be normal? The worst is supposedly over, and you, all of your Gemini selves, should be a feeling a lot better.
Cancer: I was noticing that the Cancer section of the e-mail “inbox” seems to be rather quiet as of late. Either you don’t like me, or the effects of Mercury are that disconcerting. I’m not sure which one it is. I tend to lose popularity points when that particular planet does this, because he’s in the sign opposite Cancer, and for some reason, that becomes my fault. This is like some fishing I was doing, actually last summer. Or last fall, sort of depends on how you tell the seasons. Anyway, the fish were definitely not interested in anything we had to offer. It wasn’t a bad time, the cool morning mist on the lake, the gentle sunlight, a few clouds overhead. But that was last fall. It was almost as if the fish were anticipating our every move, and the fish were doing their best to avoid our friendly temptations. Know the feeling? It’s that way, right now, for Cancer. It’s not bad, in fact, a bad day fishing is still a heck of a lot better than a good day at the [real] office. Even if every attempt seems to be thwarted. Enjoy what’s there, consider hooking a fish as a bonus, not always a necessary event.
Leo: Just slow down for a second. Just take it a little more easy on me, yourself, and some of your fellow compatriots. You’ve got an itch that no one can scratch. Instead of worrying this one situation to death, instead of overworking it, instead of pushing, again and again and again, and instead of trying too hard, why not just lighten up some? In fact, lighten up on yourself more than anyone else. It’s not you. It’s not about you. Or maybe, just maybe, it is about you. You’re in a situation where you tend to push yourself too hard. Lower your expectations for yourself. This isn’t about anyone else; this is about that little Leo voice in the back of your magnificent Leo head, that quiet little voice who keeps say, “It’s not enough–you can do better–much better.” You’re a Leo, you’re already the best. Tell that little voice to shut up. That’s pretty simple advice, it’s just, if you’re not careful, you’ll just keep pushing yourself to a point of exhaustion. Tired kittens are no fun to play with.
Virgo: It’s been so long since I’ve had a regular job, I’m not sure that I understand anything more than the concept. Show up, punch in with a time clock, stay there for 4 hours, take one coffee break, go to lunch, come back for another four hours…. I think that’s how it’s supposed to go. Does that sound right? I work several weekends in row, so my schedule is a little different. And although I’m supposed to work a single, 8 hour shift, by the time I include everything, it’s a lot more like a 12 hour shift. One of those West Texas Business trips can mean one day that’s just interminably long, as well, starting before sun up in Austin, and finishing long into the wee hours of the night in some town way west of here. I don’t get much sympathy when I complain about the long hours I work, either. It’s still the first month of the new year, and you’re going to find yourself getting the same treatment I get, not a lot of sympathy, either. Well, except from me, of course. But no one else is going to notice that you’ve been working extra hard, or that you’ve done a really good job, as of late. Or, for that matter, no one is going to notice that you managed to clean up some one else’s big mess. You straightened out a situation or two, through your own good Virgo efforts. That’s good news. Getting noticed? That’s a problem. Aren’t you glad that I appreciate all your hard work? The only problem? I might be the only one giving you your due on your efforts and results.
Libra: A good friend once pointed out a particular piece of–I’d like think Texas–wisdom, on a bathroom wall. “Talk is cheap because the supply is greater than the demand.” Your mind is racing. Your mouth is racing. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get these two items on the same track? That’s the problem. See: it’s Mercury. He accelerates the whole mess, but it doesn’t happen to everyone. Not everyone is of the same frame of mind as you are. Not everyone can keep up with your thoughts as they race from pinnacle to peak, to pinnacle. Then, there’s your vocal delivery system, not everyone can keep up with what you’re saying. If you go back and listen, you’ll find that you’ve missed a spot or two. You make a leap or three, one of those points where you can only hope that everyone is following what you’re saying. But we’re not able to keep up. Slow down. Keep track of the mental exercises and thought process, you’re doing rather well in that department. The problem is your vocal delivery system–we can’t quite keep up. Slow it down, make sure you show all your work.
Scorpio: No Scorpio ever likes to feel like he or she has missed the boat. You haven’t. No, the boat didn’t leave without you. You’re fine. You’re just fine. As soon as I windup like that, your Scorpio Sixth Sense starts to flash a little red light. There is no down side to this scope. Not now. You’re cruising into a space that’s a little murky, but that’s like lake water that’s gotten stirred up by the recent weather patterns. You haven’t missed a thing, but there are a few items that become less clear after this weekend. Worry about it? Why? Let me try and pitch it to you like this: if your excellent Scorpio vision can’t make it out, do you really think any of the rest of us can see it? Probably not. There is one catch, the Sagittarius friends you’ve got? We’re going to be blithely stumbling along as if we can see our way. Here’s a hint: we’re just as blind about this issue as you are, if not more so. We just act like we have sort of insight. So don’t be perturbed when you think you’ve missed the boat, or the point–we all have. It is just some non-Scorpio folks are better at hiding their confusion.
Sagittarius: I made a pact with my Sagittarius self, two months back. I wasn’t going to gain an excessive amount of weight during the holidays. I knew that I would fail, but I was hoping for a small failure, not a big failure. But between work, travel, the crush of the new year business, all that stuff, I just haven’t had the time to get out and burn off that little bit of extra girth. It’s just a little unnerving when the “large” pants fit a tad too tight. I was busy asking myself, “Aren’t these supposed to be baggy?” It’s not a pretty sight. The deal is, now is the time to start exercising that self-restraint. What’s worse, Miss Venus is in our sign, and as such, she’s busy pestering us not to use any self-restraint. There’s a delightful little BBQ joint not far from Shady Acres, and I was meeting with a client for some comfort food and some astrology. Knowing about this Venus thing, I declined on the dessert. But when I saw my client with a Peach Cobbler topped by Vanilla Bean Ice Cream, I gave into temptation. Who could resist? So the waist on the jeans is still a little too tight. Sometimes, it’s just darn near impossible to resist certain Venus temptations.
Capricorn: I had big fun, years ago, with one sign’s scopes, always plugging in a conspiracy theory link. It was amusing–for me–and the return mail was equally amusing. I’d do a link or two like that now, but my dear Capricorn friends would find this stuff a little too close to home. The creeping, suspicious, paranoid fantasies abound. There’s a major dogpile of planets in the sign that precedes yours. [That would be Sagittarius.] That pile of planets is extracting a toll on your psyche. Doesn’t help that Mr. Mercury is starting to pick up speed, flying through your sign, making your brain work a little overtime. So the deal is, “Nothing is bad, but thinking makes it so,” to borrow from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. While I can’t stop your brain’s little ears from engaging each other, and I can’t stop those cogs in your Capricorn gearset from churning out these “paranoid fantasies” as I call them, I can suggest you that a lot of this is mere fantastical imagination stuff. Less real, more surreal. That being noted, I don’t need to remind you, just because you’re paranoid, that doesn’t mean that they are not out to get you.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
