Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week Starting: 1/30-2/5/2003
“[He’s] a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity, and devours up all the fry it finds.”
Shakespeare’s All’s Well That Ends Well [IV.iii.212-3]
Mars, in Sagittarius, and Venus, moving from Sagittarius, over into Capricorn, next week.
Aquarius: Pork ribs. There’s a little place, not far from the trailer, where BBQ is an art form. And your weekend is going to be like the pork ribs at this place. Just the other day, I sat down, ordered up the usual fare, which includes a couple of pork ribs, and I was astonished. The first rib I tasted was perfect: crunchy, with a hint of mesquite, a delicate yet pert sweetness, the outside of the rib’s meat was perfectly crunchy, the inside just fell right off the bone, the meat was so tender. It was a masterpiece of fine, culinary work. Now, the next rib, it was fatty, had a lot of those “bone ball bearing” knuckle parts, wasn’t really that well cooked. I usually only get two pork ribs on the combo plate, but when the Leo server returned, I politely pointed out that the second rib was just not up to the usual standards, and she let me have another couple of slices of tender brisket to make up for it all. Hey, it wouldn’t be such a big deal, I mean that first rib was just so excellent, a second rate rib just seemed bad after that. Deal is: part of the next few days is like that first rib: perfect. Better than perfect, even. But part of your weekend, or more likely, next week, is going to less than wonderful. I got real lucky with that Leo server, but I’m not sure your luck will be as good. If you find it necessary to complain, though, do so as compassionately as only an Aquarius can.
In-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Pisces: “I live in my own little world….” I saw it on a T-shirt. The rest of it included: “It’s okay they know I’m here,” or, “It’s okay, they know me here.” I can’t remember exactly what it said, but either one of those lines work well enough to get a message across. And while the second part of the message is substantially different with each second line, there’s still a point and it conveys the feelings you get to look forward to. It’s mostly Mars that I’m concerned about, and a few other players hanging close to his position, and that makes all the difference. Or all the problems. Find a T-shirt like I just described, or, better yet, make your own T-shirt with your own special, Pisces message on it. The more time you spend in spend in Pisces land–bereft of other folks’ problems, the happier you’ll be. The second line to that T-shirt was the clue–it starts out, “It’s okay….” That implies, in my mind, that whatever or wherever you are in your mind is okay. From there, it’s up to you. But it never hurts to retreat to Pisces land, not just for a little vacation from the rest of us.
Aries: I was in furthest West Texas, at a chocolate shop, on the town’s square, doing the tourist “thang,” and I noticed sign up over the kitchen, “Ask about our erotic candies….” I asked. The girl I was with that afternoon, she giggled. So I bought her a special chocolate bar, which, all things considered, seemed to be anatomically correct, then, because my dear, sweet Scorpio mother was ailing some, I got her a chocolate “get well soon” bar. One is very dear, the other is tacky. The girl traveling with me at the time, she reminded me not to confuse the two gifts. Just imagine the surprise on Ma Wetzel’s face if I did confuse the two items. Hey, I did get the right one in the mail, and I did get the correct concept across to the correct party. Ma Wetzel seemed very appreciative on my special gift. With planets where they are, don’t confuse the two packages, when you’re at the post office. Not everyone would appreciate your humor.
Taurus: “Linda’s Bait Camp: Fish Naked.” It’s a bumper sticker for a place down on the coast. No, there really is a “Linda’s Bait Camp,” although, I’m pretty sure it’s a lot more like tourist bait shop. Because I’d mentioned this one bumper sticker to a friend, he was kind enough to send me a picture of an absolutely naked female, holding up two decent bass in the front of a fishing boat. Since it was a computer file, I just forwarded it on to another one of my fishing buddies. In keeping with the tone for the Taurus week, my buddy sent back a quick rejoinder, “So what kind of lure was she using?” Not the kind of comment I was expecting. You’ve got a chance to have a good laugh, a little giggle, and some prurient fun, if you’re quick enough. Given what’s going on, planet-wise, I’m sure you can come up with the perfect, snappy comeback. Be prepared. Special note: I’m pretty sure she was using a Texas-rig to catch those fish.
Gemini: I’ve got this one Gemini buddy, “Man, when Kramer’s on, he’s ON.” It’s nice to amaze a Gemini from time to time, but in this case, his question and my answer was just a simple piece of deductive logic. It wasn’t an amazing prognostication or anything like that. Didn’t require great insight, or even tax my intimate knowledge of what the planets are doing. Before you start off with the various oracles you consult, myself included, before you worry yourself sick with horoscopes, soothsayers, naysayers, and astrological consultants, before you spin those Gemini mental wheels and mouths looking for someone else to tell you the answer, think it all through. More than one of my non-Gemini clientele has complained about the apparent lack of coherent logic in a Gemini mental task. The deal, is, you’ve got a chance to see something either with unfailing clarity or you will see it all wraped up in tendrils, roots, and other obfuscations that make impossible to see correctly–the fist time. Think it through. Step back, given it a proper amount of assessment. Dare I say, “sleep on it”? Sure. That Gemini buddy [Bubba], his idea of sleep on it means he waited 15 minutes. I’m suggesting this is more like a cooling off period, like about 72 hours. Think about it before you make that decision, but I’m trusting your own mental process instead of my own astrological one, this time.
Cancer: I was chatting up a nice Cancer girl last week. She was none too happy about much of anything, as work, which was first quiet, then busy, was getting to her. I don’t have any words of wisdom about work. Work has never been a popular topic. Then there was that other, persistent and pernicious problem, the “boy fiend” thang. [It’s not a typographical error, that’s just the best word combination for last week’s scenario.] Now, none of this stuff looks too good as the weekend starts. Work takes too much time, and the significant other isn’t giving you enough time. I know–I’ve heard it all before. But look: the planets keep moving, and with this forward movement, if you’ll be patient with me, and with your significant other, and with your work thing, you’ll find that life gets better. Not in leaps and bounds, but by Monday, the deadline has been shifted to accommodate your work schedule. The significant other is listening more attentively–and paying attention. And the astrologer starts suggesting that there’s some good stuff coming along pretty soon–if it hasn’t started to happen already.
Leo: There are tons of books about cats. There’s “the ten lessons I’ve learned from my cat,” there’s “Shakespeare’s cats,” “cat astrology,” “cat horoscopes,” and even “cat management techniques.” Add to this mix of “cat wisdom lore” from my ubiquitous house cat. I guess she really should be called a “trailer cat” these days. Her favorite place to nap is on whatever pillow I want to rest my own head on. Failing at that, the foot of the bed or the couch works as an acceptable alternative. Then, in the middle of the day, especially these winter days, when it’s kind of cool out, she has the cutest way of putting her front paws over her cat face. I guess it blocks out the light, the cool weather or the annoying human in her presence. Sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. But after the way this year has started out, sometimes, a long nap with your Leo paws over your face, you know, that just sounds good. If I had more Leo in my chart, I would adopt the same pose. I can’t make any of the extraneous influences go away, but I can suggest that you do your best–using cat wisdom and poise–to avoid some of the problems.
Virgo: Rough weekend coming up. Sorry about that. It’s one of those times when no one seems to get on track the way they’re supposed to. No one seems top be paying attention to the fine, perfect even, Virgo advice you’ve got. No one seems to be listening. I’ll listen but even then, I might not respond as fast you desire, nor, for that matter, my answer might not be the one you really want to hear. This is a little problem or a big problem, depends on what you intend to do with the information. Like many things in life, this will change. Next week. Long about Monday, maybe Tuesday, but even before the next scope becomes available, you’re going to notice that the folks who definitely were avoiding you on all weekend, those very same people are suddenly listening. They will be listening with rapt attention, paying heed to everything that you say. Your perfect advice and sage wisdom? All of a sudden, the former detractors all agree that you are full of wonderful bits of knowledge. My only concern is that you get a little upset with people for not paying attention before hand. Go easy on us.
Libra: This one’s etched in my very fallible human memory, I don’t have it in print, but I’m notoriously bad at stock market predictions. But I couldn’t help but think about my lack of ability in stock market picks when I was perusing your chart. See: you have a “buy and sell” thing in your chart. The problem is, you’re going to be tempted to buy at just the wrong time, and then, sell at an even worse time. This doesn’t just pertain to business transactions, either. It applies to buying and selling a number of different items. My immediate suggestion is that this is a good time to “hold.” Might be a good idea to shop around a little, too. There are a couple of different “superstore” places where I buy fishing tackle. Local chains, national chains, those sort of places…. The actual retail price of particular lure I favor changes from location to location. As near as I can tell, it’s some sort of a rule about local conditions versus supply, demand, and other arcane factors. Like the phase of the moon. Which, as long as we’re talking about astrology, is one of the reasons that I’m suggesting that you “hold ’em” for the next couple of days. Ride this one out, remember that you’re just like me, we’re both not very good at stock prices this next couple of days, and while it’s a good time to shop, it might not be the best time to buy.
Scorpio: Not so very long ago, I found myself in a boat, in the middle of the lake, languidly tossing a lure out over the water, watching said lure splash in the water, then half heartedly dragging it back towards the boat. Kind of cool out, low, gray clouds overhead, sort of a dispirited attempt at fishing. When I’d roused myself out of bed, I was raring to go. On the road, fetching up that pre-dawn coffee, I was excited. Later in the same day, after catching only 1 [one] fish, I was feeling pretty good. In the middle though, there was that low point. Must’ve been my blood sugar or something. I nibbled on a granola bar, noticing that some granola bars look a lot like pressboard. Might have been flavored sawdust, for all I know. But that little meal, or snack, picked me up enough to keep trying, and I did snag that one fish. Not a great day, but not bad at all. Long about the beginning of next week, you’re going to hit a similar low point. I tend to look at this as the Monday Morning Blues, but your chart shows it could be Tuesday, instead. The weekend is good, full of hope and adventure, like that pre-dawn run to the lake. The start of next week has a low point, but nibbling on something to help boost your blood sugar might help. Worked for my Scorpio side.
Sagittarius: I was flipping through my notes from last month, last year even, and I came across something from Xmas time. Mars is in Sagittarius at this point, but by next week, Ms. Venus is leaving. So, last Xmas, I went to church with the family, being a dutiful son and all. There’s the candle lighting part of the ceremony that’s pretty enjoyable. But we were at the late afternoon service, not the midnight mass, and as such, there were a lot of kiddies. I watched as one young girl squealed in mock pain as a little hot wax dripped on her hand. I couldn’t help but think that, in about ten or twenty years, that child will be paying someone good money to pour hot wax on parts of her body then peel/rip it off. See, Mars is a hot planet. Mars can be painful, but in the long run, he’s good. Watch what makes you squeal–and don’t complain so much, it could be something that you’ll be paying for later. Just be careful with hot wax.
Capricorn: One BBQ place close to Shady Acres boasts about being “The second best barbecue in Texas.” The rest of the copy includes that no one can remember where the best barbecue is, so being “Number Two” works well. As I recall, that place that rated itself second best wasn’t really that good. Ribs were a little greasy, and not really that flavorful. Might just be my own tastes, too. Besides, they never laid claim to being Number One, so it’s okay if it wasn’t that good. Think about it, though, and that advertising works a lot better than you realize. Look at some company that’s a leader in its field, like maybe Dell. Then look at a little company like Apple. Sometimes, being number two is a lot cooler than being number one. The competition improves the breed, so to speak. Dell, dependable, number one source for computers. Apple, really cool stuff, you know, artists and astrologers use them. Being number two isn’t such a bad spot, not when you think about it. You’re in a number two slot these days, at least, that’s how you’re feeling. Enjoy it, it could be worse. Those guys in the pole position? Everyone is shooting to take them down.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
