Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week: 1/9-15/2003
“This pretty brabble will undo us all.”
in Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus [II.i.62]
Mercury is backwards retrograde, Venus is in Sagittarius, and Mars is still steaming up Scorpio. I suppose that’s redundant–I steam up Scorpio all the time [according to what they say]. Get the full scoop–Austin–last weekend. Next weekend? El Paso!
Capricorn: There are these rare winter days where it’s really cold at night [here in Texas], then the sun pops up, and the day warms up nicely. It makes for an interesting fishing experience. Leave before the sun’s up, and I have to dress in winter wear. What I’ve found easiest is to just wear a pair of loose pants over my shorts because around noon, instead of wishing I was in shorts, I can just peel out of the long pants and there I am, dressed for the weather. Again. Given my tastes, few people turn to me for fashion advice. That’s okay–I’m not offended. But dressing for just about every contingency and permutation in the weather is what is required of your Capricorn self. You’re going to want to be ready for it all. From freezing cold to a day that almost feels like spring. It’s that Mercury stuff. Just when you thought you could put away the long coats and heavy mittens, there’s a cold snap, and you’re up to your Capricorn elbows in snow. Or, just when you bundle up for the cold morning the day becomes one of those idyllic frolics in the spring time [let’s be honest, there will be another cold snap before spring gets here for good.] It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s Mercury. Just carry a little bit of everything, and when it doesn’t work out? Like that fishing trip, I know good catfish parlor, a place to eat afterwards. “So how was your fishing trip?” “I caught three great big filets at the ‘all-you-can-eat’ buffet!”
Wondering about an in-depth, planet by planet outlook for the next year? Get it here.
Aquarius: There are two kinds of voices. You’ve got the “voices in your head” sort of noise, and you’ve got the “what other people are telling” noises. Now, with the Mercury situation going on, you’re inclined to listen to the voices in your head. The problem is, Mercury is also rather confusing right now, and you start getting a little battle going with those voices in your head. That’s a problem. One hemisphere of the brain suggests one thing while the other lobe suggests that the first hemisphere is quite wrong in its assumptions, and therefore, the argument is not logical and rendered null and void. And that’s just the internal dialog. Wait until you start listening to your friends and family, those guys are all telling you what is best for you. Normally, this isn’t a problem because you just check with your “inner Aquarius” and that will tell what’s best for you. But with the two hemispheres having a little at fight upstairs–at the top of the Aquarius brain stem–you’re not sure what is right. I’m not sure I can sort this out, between all the warring factions, it looks like a recent Middle East battleground, all over again, what with the changing alligences and all. Instead of getting a grip, why not realize that there’s too much information, and you don’t have to make an irrevocable decision now.
Pisces: We’re well into the new year, and the first of the resolutions has fallen, now hasn’t it? One of your “big plans” for this year has already flopped. Could be the work out regime you planned. You know, it was a great idea a few weeks ago, but getting up an hour earlier, especially on the mornings when it feels so cold, it just doesn’t get it. So much for that big plan to get to the gym early every day. All is not lost, but it’s okay that you’re not quite living up to your own expectations. You’re reading an astrology source [Fishing Guide to the Stars, in fact] so you know that you can effectively use the same excuse I use: Mercury is wayward [in Capricorn]. Therefore, it’s not really your fault that you not living up to your own expectations. Having a handy excuse doesn’t make everything okay, but it goes a long way in understanding that you might fall short of your own goal, and it helps to make it a little easier on your own psyche for the time being.
Aries: One of the best attributes of an Aries is the quick temper. No, really: quick to flame, but just as quick to cool off. Important characteristic because Mr. Mercury is going to hit one of your buttons, pretty soon. If he hasn’t done it once, already. Not a cool time, not at all. You’re going to jump to a conclusion, get passionately irritated about something, and then realize that you might be barking up the wrong tree. You might get really tiffed about one issue, only to find out that you don’t have all the facts in your Aries hand. Look: this is one of the tricks of the eternal prank-maker, Mr. Mercury. Remember, he’s the smallest planet in the system, so some of his tricks are really lightweight. All he’s really doing is poking at your buttons, just to see which tender spot makes you jump. If you jump too fast, if you draw a hasty conclusion from incomplete data, then you might get in trouble. Personally, I think you look good when you’re mad like that, but not everyone shares my sense of wonder and amusement about your indignation.
Taurus: Relief comes in many different forms. Understanding the nature of Mercury’s mayhem is a good place to start. He’s going to give you some extra time to think about a few things. Being both a seasoned traveler and an astrologer, more than one person has wondered why I like to travel when Mercury is backwards. The trick is, I carry with me everything I need for survival. My needs are simple, though: a notebook computer, a handheld digital thing, maybe a phone, and, because it is Mercury, pen and paper, as well as a good book to read. I carry extra batteries, as well. And a toothbrush. More than one “Mercury is backwards” trip has resulted in me and my baggage arriving at the same destination at slightly different times. It’s part of the appeal of this sort of travel. Get upset? Remember? I’m the astrologer, I knew that might happen. So you do get some kind of relief from the Mercury Machinations, but I still think you ought to be prepared, i.e., carry everything that you absolutely need, all the required stuff, keep it with you at all times.
Gemini: Saturn is close to really trying your patience by now. We’re into the new year, and this was supposed to start with a blank slate, a clean starting point for your Gemini self. Too bad it doesn’t work like that. The reason for paying attention to Saturn and Mercury, see, Saturn is associated with Capricorn, and Mercury is backwards in Capricorn, and Saturn is in Gemini. In typical Gemini fashion, you’re going to attempt a half dozen different tasks, different goals as well as multiple ways of getting from here to there. With Mercury in his current state of disarray, most of these avenues are going to be blocked. Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. See, we’re back to the Saturn influence. One of you attempts turns out to be a success. A big success. A reward you’ve worked towards. Something pays off. One of your goals is reached. I tend to look at this as something from last fall, a little reminder of something that happened last October or so, and it’s back, plus you win. In a sea of troubles, any port looks good by now. Take it. You don’t win in every situation, but you do get to win–significant win–one out of three.
Cancer: My “workspace” is a desk with a laptop computer, a pile of astrology books, high speed modem, network lines, and various, assorted stuff scattered about the living room of a trailer in South Austin. This shows I don’t know what kind of workspace you have, and I seriously doubt your Cancer work spot resembles mine. But if it did, I would be urging you to do something to make that space a little more hospitable. One of my biggest fears is that, as the CEO, COO and Head Technology Officer of my world, I’m really afraid that I’ll start putting up Dilbert Cartoons. Cartoons that poke fun at mismanagement. I would hate to think that I’ve become the archetype for a mismanaged outfit because, after all, I am the the boss. What does that say about my style of caring for the employees if I can’t manage my own assets. Nothing is worse than finding a Dilbert cartoon–and to exacerbate this, what happens if I do it to myself? So when I suggest you clean up your workspace, make the place a little more manageable, do something to make everything nice, make yourself at home. Personal tastes vary, but given that Mercury is doing his dead-level best to confound you right now, why not dig in a little, make yourself at home in your work spot, and make yourself comfortable. It looks like you’re going to be putting in some long hours correcting some one else’s mistake, so it’s up to you to be as cozy as possible.
Leo: A long term view is good–the further down that dusty Leo trail that you’re willing to look, all the better for you. The deal is that Mr. Jupiter, even though he’s making himself cozy in your sign, he’s kind of like a holiday guest who just won’t leave. Jupiter has kicked his boots off, his feet are up on your coffee table, and he’s idly got the remote control, sort of lazy-like, flipping through the channels. He’s not too serious about this stuff, either, but he will drink all your beer. He might make a call on your phone to a 900 line. “No man, see, the lady on the TV promised me I would win the lottery if I called her….” There’s a smooth trick I’ve learned over the years, how to deal with Jupiter–slow down. You can’t kick him out, and he’s going to be retrograde in Leo for a spell. Got a couple of more months of this. Instead of banging into him, and trying to coerce him to do something productive, like, get a job, kick back with Mr. Jupiter the unwanted houseguest. [As one Scorpio author puts it, the “housepest.”] Hang out with the guy. Take it easy. There’s more than one way to get rid of an annoyance like this, and being a mirror for Jupiter’s behavior works well. Plus, it’s easy for you.
Virgo: I was fishing with one of my buddies, and he started to give me copious advice about what to do, what lure works best, where to throw my lure, how to bait the hook, he couldn’t understand why I was casting left-handed, and so forth. As a Virgo, your advice is well-intentioned. You mean well. You really do have my best interest at the center of your Virgo heart. I know you mean well–I’m the astrologer, I understand these things. However, not everyone you encounter will understand your advice. It is meant as sweet, factual, helpful hints. It comes across as a little complaining. The way you pitch what you’re selling, the way you’re letting us know that there’s a better way, it comes across all wrong. It’s not you, and it’s certainly not your good advice–it’s Mr. Mercury, and he’s making some trouble. There were a couple of other planets to consider, as well–the troublesome couple of Mars and Venus. They’re in this mix, too. You think you sound sweet. It comes out as a little too bitter, a little too acerbic, a little too biting. Slow it down, dear Virgo, you’re still right. It’s not the content of your message, the problem is how it gets delivered to us. Hint: try more pretty words.
Libra: One of the greatest ways of getting out of something that I’ve done–a good excuse–is to start by saying, “I feel….” Like, “I feel like not going to work today.” Or, I’ll be looking at spot on the carpet, “I don’t feel like I’m responsible for this….” The term is great–I use it to get out of a lot of trouble. Your uses might vary some, but it’s a good bet that what you’re feeling is not quite the same thing as what other folks are seeing. Or believing. Or even understanding. Culprit? Mercury. Easiest course of action for Libra? Explain what you’re feeling about the situation. Don’t try and be rational about this: reasonable [to you] thought processes don’t seem nearly as reasonable to other folks. That’s why my wonderful way of working with this: starting out with the “I feel” words is so effective. And yes, I don’t really feel like working this week, either.
Scorpio: Once again, I’m going to the top of the Scorpio’s “list of folks who need to be corrected.” Obviously I’m mistaken about something. But as I looked at your chart for the next few days, like, especially this weekend, I couldn’t help but notice that there was a special influence, that Mercury thing again, and I have some advice. Keep quiet. Look like the good-looking, mysterious Scorpio you are. But put a sock in your mouth. The deal is, if you choose to put a sock in your own mouth, you can choose a clean sock. Doing so also effectively gets you to keep quiet. “Oh sure, you just don’t want any of us Scorpio’s to correct you–which you obviously need.” That may be the case, but if you’ll just keep quiet at this point, you’ll notice that other folks are starting to say incredibly stupid things. Logic seems to fail them, and yet they keep talking, digging that hole deeper. So before you join everyone else in the bottom of the ditch, consider saving yourself a lot of trouble. Don’t blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Don’t even make a comment on that comment. Wait. You’ll get your chance. “Timing is everything,” and now’s not the time.
Sagittarius: You would never believe how much junk a small [less than 400 square feet] trailer can accumulate. I figured I would do a little spring cleaning, one of those days last week, the nice weather, couldn’t resist. So I started to pile everything outside the door, intending to remove all my possessions, then blow the place out with compressed air. It’s a handy way of dealing with cleaning–one of the pleasures of mobile home living. You wouldn’t believe how many books I have. Then, the skies started to cloud up and cool off, and I was hastily trying to load everything back into the trailer. My place was a complete wreck. Looked like a disaster area. There is no good news in this sad tale of woe and cleaning–other than I might just give up on cleaning altogether. Nothing much got accomplished. I didn’t stumble across any old love letters worthy of posting. No fond remberances with odd objects. Just a giant pain in the upper body area from all the lifting and moving. Spring cleaning is an activity I’m going to leave for a more spring-like day. Given that Mercury is doing what he’s doing, and Venus has just entered our sign, maybe it’s a good idea that you put off some of that forward-looking “spring cleaning” until a later time. Sit back and enjoy what is.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
Related stories: last week.
