Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 2/27-3/5/2003
“Those moral laws
Of nature and of nations speak aloud.”
Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [II.ii.184]
Big news is up ahead, in short order. Ain’t here yet, but I’ve covered the topic in depth elsewhere. But for the next week or two, it’s still a holding pattern.
Pisces: Given my basic, South Texas sensibilities, I don’t get along with cold weather too well. It’s just not my style. Like this last week’s snow and ice. My style doesn’t adapt to cold weather too well. One activity that isn’t a cold weather pursuit at all is the water parks. While I much prefer a tube ride down one of Nature’s versions of a theme park [the Guadalupe River comes to mind], there’s another river around that more closely resembles what this is truly like about now: the Frio River. [Hint: that’s a Spanish name that means “cold” water.] I got off on thinking about a water park because we were going to go fishing last week, me and my Pisces buddy, but the weather turned a little sour. Then, I thought about water parks, and those big slides, you know, you spend half an hour climbing to the top for 15-second fun ride to the bottom, then splash into the tepid stuff at the bottom. This time of year, though, it’s too cold. Way too cold for some of us. I was thinking about this, about fishing, and about Pisces because the next few days, like the water slide, is an interesting trip. See: you spend a lot of time getting to the top, then it’s quick slip to the bottom, and you do it all over again. It’s just, with that last cold snap, I wonder what it would be like to go the water park with a surfer’s wet suit. Water’s still a little cold, but it’s a good image for the next few days, that water slide.
Aries: Get ready. I know, to some, telling an Aries to “get ready” is a large waste of breath as every Aries is ready all the time. For everything. But I’m warning you, just this once, see, unless you read this on the very last day that it’s applicable, you’ll get lulled into a false sense of well-being. It’s like Texas weather, late in February, we get a couple of warm, spring-like days, followed by sudden drop in temperatures. Just when it feels like our week of winter is gone, we get a quick reminder. Before you let Mars lull you into a false sense of security, let me help you a little. March means Aries birthdays are not far off. Mars moves out of Sagittarius, which also means that some [person, situation, thing] is going to jump up and start raising a ruckus. How bad is this? It’s only as bad as you let it be. At one point, you learn to let the folks railing back and forth, just let them alone. They can burn themselves out without any help from your fine Aries self. That’s what you need to get ready for.
Taurus: You ever get that feeling no one understands? Ever have that feeling that no one seems to listen to your scintillating words of wisdom? You and me, Taurus and astrologer, we can compare notes. No one ever listens to me, either, or when they do, they don’t hear anything but the words they want to hear. In over 10,000 personal consultations, I’ve started out, “I’m going to tape this because you’re not going to remember any of the good stuff, just the bad parts, I know….” Consider a similar idea for yourself. Maybe a tape recorder, maybe a cassette recorder, maybe one of those high-tech voice recorder toys that fits on a keychain–I don’t care, just get something to record your conversation, thoughts, plans, ideas, and more important, you want to be able to set the record straight. That’s your record, you want to make sure every other sign understands that you were right.
Gemini: Sometimes, I can report big stuff happening with the planets, as they affect the world of Gemini. Other times, it’s not the big things, it’s the little things. Problem: it doesn’t happen until AFTER the weekend. Good news, though, Mars will finally sashay right on out of Sagittarius, and into another sign. Frankly, you didn’t much care for Mars and his ways while he was in Sagittarius because that was on the opposite side of the wheel from you. However, now that he’s about to shift right on out of there [here, for me, really], like I’ve suggested, life in Gemini Land will improve. Or maybe it’s the quality of life, or maybe, just perhaps, someone special will start listening again. You thought we weren’t listening before, when, in fact, some of us were. The deal is, we’ll look like we’re finally paying rapt attention, like we should, once again. Next week. Since that’s still a few days away, be patient when you think we’re not listening like we should be. You might find out that some of us are listening to you.
Cancer: It wasn’t so long ago, on an island just off the Texas Gulf Coast, and it was me and my fishing buddy. We were dining in a little shack by the beach. My fishing buddy [non-Cancer] was into drowning his sorrows with hard liquor. Not being a drinking man myself, I can’t say that I shared the feeling, but I was amused by his dispirited diatribe about the state of the world, the way things were going in his life, and the various interactions he had with other folks. Since it’s my business to know about peoples’ signs, I asked the waitress. She was an obnoxiously perky Cancer type. Cancer women are like that, in the face of certain adversity, they can be so happy and carefree. My scopes tend to be “non-gender-specific,” so it doesn’t matter if you’re a male Cancer or a female Cancer, but you’re the perky one at this point. What’s that mean? Even when a couple of motley fishermen are sitting there in your Cancer Station of life, be your ebullient, joyous self. You probably won’t be able to cheer up the drunkard, but that doesn’t mean that we won’t leave you a good tip. Any efforts should be rewarded in the next few days.
Leo: Bluebonnets are a tough call. I suppose, there is some discernible combination that can accurately yield a reliable reading on what the wildflowers will be like each year. It’s an arcane computation, something about the amount of rain last fall, the time the last crop went to seed, local weather patterns, enough sunlight, not too much rain, the relative acidity of the alkaline soil, or maybe something as esoteric as the movement of certain planets. Now, I realize that wildflowers in Texas are just a local thing, not something everyone gets to enjoy, but there will be a few stray stands that crop up even in the Shady Acres compound. I figure it reflects a relatively lax form of grounds keeping, but that’s just my opinion. Look: wildflowers, and yes, I’m partial to the local ones, are special. They don’t respond to any outside care. It’s a trick of nature. Same thing for Leo, can’t predict when, or how, or what, but it will be a delightful trick of nature. Just when you don’t expect it, where you don’t expect it, there’s this one stand of bluebonnets–in all their morning glory–brightening you day. Can’t tell you when, but soon. Very soon.
Virgo: Just about every winter, I get some kind of a cold. It’s not like this is any surprise, nor, for that matter, is it a big deal. Proper vitamins, a little exercise, fresh air, some bed rest, and the body’s natural immune system, it all works out. This last time, though, I saw a doctor, and he prescribed some cough syrup for me. Awful stuff. Terrible taste. Worked well, but I was careful not to operate any heavy machinery while taking the stuff. I was riding along with Bubba one day, and I took a swig from the bottle, “What is that? It smells terrible! And who thinks that it has a ‘cherry’ flavor? It seems more like grease remover to me….” Valid point: not the paint-thinner flavor, but the aroma that was supposed to seem like cherries. Wasn’t close. Wasn’t even in the ballpark. Wasn’t even, for that matter, close to said ballpark. The good news? That stuff worked. The problem being, the carrier, the method to get that stuff into my system was a bitter brew. No large amount of imagination could cover the medicine’s bitter taste. I’m sure your perspicacious Virgo senses can detect where this is going…. The medicine for the next few days might, indeed, have the flavor of paint remover, the aroma of road tar, and the consistency of 30 weight motor oil. Worse yet, some marketing guy might suggest that the flavor is genuine fake cherry. Still, if it works, it works.
Libra: Let’s take a quick spin, and look at what’s going on around the other signs. See: it’s Pisces birthday time. That means you need to extend a little extra attention towards your own work. This can mean a couple of things, like it could be that noxious career stuff that needs a little attention. It could be that special project you’re doing on the side, which could use some extra help. It could be a pass time that requires some extra effort. As the Moon goes dark, then slowly emerges from into its “new” phase, you’re going to want to spend a little extra time cleaning up, preparing, doing that extra bit of work to make your exertions go smoothly. I tend to think of this in terms of spending an afternoon sitting down with the fishing gear and getting it a little better organized. Dig through the old tackle box, figure out what belongs, and, for that matter, what doesn’t belong. Then there’s this special oil that I use on most of my fishing reel, and it’s a good time to do a little maintenance like that. This type of endeavor is really rather pleasing, in its own, tedious way. There’s something relaxing about sitting down for an afternoon, and wiping the grime off the old gear, straightening out the lures, getting all the plastic worms put back up in their respective places. In theory, this is labor. In practice, though, it’s the most pleasant of endeavors. You’ve got a little of work like cut out for you. I’d suggest you look forward to concentrating on it.
Scorpio: I had these special, custom made, dining room chairs. They don’t fit in my present domicile, so I don’t worry about it too much anymore. The chairs themselves are large and roomy. I used to use one of the chairs as a desk chair, as well. The cat, for the longest time, loved it as we could both fit on the chair. When it’s cool in the Texas mornings, as it usually is this time of the year, we would both be perched on one of those chairs, her stretched out behind me. Then, over the years, as the cat’s girth increased, she began to wonder what was happening. You can imagine her trying to get comfortable, with parts of her body hanging off the edge of the chair, in her little cat mind, “When did he get so fat? There used to be room for both of us, now he’s got to go….” The deal is, the chair stayed the same size. I stayed the same size. The only change was with the cat herself. But in her [Scorpio-like] mind, that cat was wondering why the chair was getting smaller, or why the label on the waist of my jeans was misrepresenting my relative size. Things are changing in your Scorpio world. Some things are staying the same, but things are changing. This is one time when I suggest you don’t imitate the thinking of my cat. Look around and note what’s different. Just because something no longer fits quite right, it’s not always a bad change.
Sagittarius: Two planets make moves over the next couple of days. Venus slips into Aquarius, and a little later, Mars “exeunt” Sagittarius. All this planetary slipping and sliding makes life a little more comfortable in our little Sagittarius world. We all have dreams. I dream about a doublewide trailer, up on a permanent foundation, with a wrap-around porch. I can almost see it in my mind’s eye, me, sitting on the porch, using an extra long pole, I’d be able to fish from that porch. Now that Mars is just about done frying his way through our sign, it’s possible to make the big dreams come true. Or, if that doesn’t work, at least we can have a little more quiet to dream about the ideal set up. Sitting a singlewide travel trailer, parked not too very far from the edge of the river, it’s possible to have such dreams. Just be careful, though, as sooner or later, during the next couple of days, someone is going to come along and tell us Sagittarius types to get our heads out of the clouds and back to the real world. Such harsh language! Real world. As long as we’re stuck in the land of imagination, I’m all for staying there. Your mileage may vary some, but it’s still a pretty good time as long we can keep these untimely interruptions to a minimum.
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Capricorn: Part of being good at what I do involves being observant of human behavior–and foibles. Observation is important. Sometimes it’s the little things. I was watching this guy in traffic the other day. His [late model American sedan] was lodged tightly between two other vehicles, a truck and another compact thing I couldn’t begin to identify. He was upset that that the other cars were parked so close, leaving him with almost no room whatsoever to extract himself. The local downtown meter patrol folks are notorious for sticking tickets on anything once the time is up. Like a good person, he starts “rocking” the car out of that tough parallel spot, inching forward until his bumper kissed the car in front, backing up until he bumped into the car behind him. I can’t say for sure, but I’d bet the guy was in a rent car–it had that “non-descript late model” look to it. After the third or fourth bump, shift, bump, I think he was getting a little restless, upset or even just plain angry. He must’ve hit the car in front of him a little harder than he planned. A couple of words, here: installed safety devices. His driver side airbag inflated in a puff of gas and dust. I wanted to help, but my laughter was too much, so I left. I don’t know what happened to the guy. Capricorn: watch it. Mars is moving in a weird way right now, big shift with a little planet. Do not, I repeat, do not make the same, impatient move that one guy did–unless, of course, you’re doing that for strictly comic effect.
Aquarius: Ease and grace. Two words. Simple message. Maybe not so simple to apply in your Aquarius life, but I’m here to suggest that maybe, just maybe, there is such a thing as ease and grace, a chance for something to start working well for you. Part of this is brought about by Ms. Venus, as she eases on into your sign. She’s like an old girlfriend of mine, she shows up, and we have us a fine time, swapping tales about the past, reliving certain moments of shared hilarity, and generally catching up. It’s a good thing. Part of this, too, is the idea that we are catching up with where everyone is these days, the ups and downs of what’s gone before. There’s something reassuring about seeing an old friend, even if there’s no current romantic tie between the two of us, there’s still something good about this. So Venus is like that old friend showing up, grabbing a cup of coffee, and spending a certain amount of time just sort of catching up. Wait: not all the planets are this nice, not now, but if you hold onto that ideal as presented by Ms. Venus, things can be good. “Ease and grace,” repeat as needed.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
