Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 3/13-19/2003
“Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment.”
Shakespeare’s 12th Night [II.i.32]
Until a few years ago, Midland and Odessa were just tiny points on the map, not famous or anything. Right in the heart of the Texas Oil Patch, as it were, the Permian Basin. Midland earned its name from the fact that it was halfway between El Paso and Ft. Worth, two very fine towns, I might add. Odessa sports a personal favorite, too, the Odessa Jackalopes [ice hockey].
Pisces: We’re wrapping up the last of the Pisces times for this year. Got a fun-filled full moon early next week. Got a lot of things going on. Work’s been a little too busy for your refined Pisces tastes. And then there’s that pesky social life that keeps inserting itself into you schedule, too. This translates into a lot of frantic activity, especially with that lunar phase. What are you to do? I have s solution, an idea. I’m going to try it with the Pisces here at the office to see how things work. It’s singular idea, a way to deal with the information overload, the over-abundance of mundane chores that take up too much of your precious Pisces time. Instead of two containers, one called the “in box” and another labeled “out box,” why not try just one box? One container, labeled in a Zen-like fashion, “in/out.” I know you get it. I’m not sure any of the other signs will understand, but you know what? That’s their problem, not yours.
Aries: Plain and simple: no. I know that’s not the answer you want. I know it’s not what you’re looking for. And I’m fully aware that no Aries likes that kind of an answer. But it’s simple, see? Instead of charging off in the wrong direction, instead of battling insurmountable odds, instead of working yourself up over something you have no control over, just answer a simple, “No.” Makes life much more bearable. Aries is nothing, if not straightforward. That’s why a simple “no” is the answer to this week’s Aries question. Before you get long winded, worked up, and want to go at length about this or that, the extenuating circumstances, and what not, hold off. Planets: Mars in Capricorn [squares your sign], Sun in Pisces [right before you, might be your 12th House], Uranus just entering Pisces for a flirtation. All of this energy shows up as a confrontation. You can take the bait, if you want, but then, like as not, there’s some hook in that bait. Think about it. “No” is a perfectly acceptable answer.
Taurus: South by South West is an annual big deal in Austin. There’s film, software and then the music. The town gets overrun with foreigners. At least two local restaurants raise their prices to reap some extra benefit from, as my friends who work here call it, “south by.” I was wandering through the convention hall, killing time between workshops, and I ran into one of my clients. She was in a panic. She was clutching her cell phone, complaining that the battery was almost dead, and she needed to talk to one of the organizers right away to handle some perceived emergency. Come on, this is in Austin. It’s a business event for musicians.
Think about it. How many musicians are always on time? Yes, I know, there are some, but these are the amateurs, the aspiring teen-pop-idols, the next greatest thing, and some seasoned industry professionals. The schedules are guidelines, not “etched in stone” mandates. It wasn’t, in my eyes, a real emergency. No blood, nothing broken, a band was running a little late, a workshop lasted longer than its allotted time. Don’t get worked up into a panic over something that might seem trivial. You’ve got plenty of extra energy–use it wisely.
Gemini: I was dropping a friend off at the airport. I call a trip like this “airport karma” because it means I can depend on some kind soul to drop me at the airport next time. It’s never the same people, but it’s all part of that great cosmic “can you give me a ride” thing. Most travelers understand this. There’s a long, sweeping curve going into the airport, perfect for a high-speed approach. The posted limit is also ridiculously slow. Being the kind of driver that I am, I tend to obey the posted limit. Good thing, too, as there was an airport cop with radar gun, waiting on people who were running late, just so he could make them more late–and have an extra expense of a traffic fine.
Here’s where it all gets a little silly, if you ask me. It wasn’t like, a cop in car. It was a bicycle cop. How bad is that? Speeding tickets from a cop on a bicycle? Try explaining that one to your friends. “So I was running late, and we came into the airport at about twice the posted limit, and I got ticket from a cop–on a bicycle.” Feels pretty silly, now doesn’t it? At least one Gemini I know is going to write back and ask if this means she should slow down at the airport. Yes, that too. But there’s more: be careful with certain authority figures, no matter how silly it seems at the time. Failure to heed my warning can result in seriously stupid error–like getting a speeding ticket from a cop on a bicycle.
Cancer: My dear, sweet, much put-out with her son’s career, mother is an endless source of interesting tales. Not long ago, I picked up a T-shirt for her. It had something nice on the font of it. Must’ve been an opera shirt. Or the symphony. Or something akin to that. Might have been a Shakespeare shirt. Or even one of my own astrofish.net shirts. Whatever. Her comment was priceless, though, “Oh look, it’s black,” then as an aside to me, strictly off the record, “I like black, I don’t have to wear a bra underneath it.” Then she giggled. After Pluto got done frying me, some years ago, I got used to wearing black — makes it a lot easier to color coordinate my outfits. One shade. And black hides coffee spills, too. For some reason, black T-shirts seem like the thing to wear. Mars is making a scorching trip through Capricorn, and in doing so, he’s upsetting your world a little. It could be something as simple as a little spilled coffee on the front of your shirt. It could be something much more difficult to handle, like your own mother telling you she likes a certain shade so she doesn’t have to wear a bra.
Leo: How about a little astrology lesson? Leo is a fire sign. It’s also a fixed sign. That means, amongst the other fire signs, ya’ll tend to be a more stable. Or more rooted in reality. Or more grounded, or as other astrology types suggest [not a word I would use], stubborn. I prefer to think of Leo’s as “tenacious.” The problem with that is that it can be seen as a fault. You lock onto a scenario, scene, a situation, a significant other, and you just don’t let go. You don’t give up until that Leo fire is thoroughly and completely satiated. Astrology lesson is over.
The problems, especially for almost a decade now, is that Mr. Uranus, that big spooky planet we don’t know a lot about, he’s been making your Leo world more unstable than you would like. That’s a problem. Good news: he’s leaving you alone now. You have some little changes over the next couple of days, but the big, “where did that come from” type of radical change should be over with for a little while. It’s almost, not quite, but almost time to relax some. Life in Leo land should always be a party, and now’s the time to start thinking like that again.
Virgo: I was opening package of trailer repair goods, and the little gadgets were held in place with the universal zip ties. You know, those little plastic tie things that hold together almost as much stuff as duct tape? When they’re fresh, the plastic wire ties are rather flexible, but after they’ve sat on the shelf for a while, or in a display case, or hanging around hardware store, those ties harden. I suppose that plastic really doesn’t last as long as suggested, or maybe there’s some kind of a curing process that occurs. So I whipped out a pocketknife, snaked the blade under the plastic zip tie thing, and tried to saw my way through.
My first efforts weren’t rewarded. I put more upward pressure on it, and finally, the blade cut through the plastic. And it kept on cutting, too, right into my palm. Not a Palm Pilot, the fleshy portion of my palm. Bright red blood, everywhere. Quite the mess. I went through a half dozen paper towels before I staunched the flow. Didn’t hurt so much as it was annoying. There are a couple of morals to my story, and they really apply to you…. Careful with the sharp objects, either a real knife or the sharp edge of your sarcasm. Little things, like plastic ties, can present a better than estimated challenge. Be a little more careful when doing something that you think is routine–the forces opposing you are greater than you estimate. You might want to make sure your tetanus shot is up to date, too.
Wondering when might be the best time for an astrological shot? Consider the weekly news delivered via e-mail. Or get a detailed overview of a whole month, six months, or even a year.
Libra: I’ve got one friend who claims he can actually feel the movement of the planets, like now, when Uranus transits into Pisces for a little while. He claims that it affects him, he feels the shift in energy, and I think he’s been consuming too much local flora and fauna, myself. His claim isn’t a recent one, but the effects of Uranus moving into Pisces has a weird little echo effect over here in Libra. It’s strange one, that’s for sure. What this does, in one way or another, is to open up some new avenues in your work scene. Good avenues? Paved streets? Dirt roads? I was thinking more along the lines of cobblestones and similar antique paving. Walking on cobblestone streets in cowboy boots–I have extensive personal experience with this–is a challenge, to say the least. So you have a new avenue opening up, but it looks like it’s paved with something really old. That means you need to watch where you’re putting your feet as traverse this new avenue. Look on the bright side: it is a paved street, just maybe not paved with what you think is the easiest stuff to navigate.
Scorpio: I was listening to a political commentator just the other morning. He was fascinating to listen to, although, if I did any kind of critical analysis, it would be clear to see that he was working a strong rhetoric backed by somewhat limited facts. In the absence of facts, a strong emotional case is always more interesting, and it’s possible to whip up the masses into a feverish pitch over some perceived slight. Critical thinking is important. I’m sure a few Scorpio’s will reply and suggest that they always think critically, but that’s not really been the case lately. You’re in a position where thinking critically is important. It’s about examining the facts before you render a judgment call. It’s about looking beneath the surface before you go off on a tangent. As long as you understand that the facts are a little on the thin side, and as long as you are good at that Scorpio rhetoric, then you’re okay. You’re good to go. But remember, there might be a listener out there in the audience, one just like me, who sees through the fancy words and emotional hooks. Make sure you’re using real facts, not just ones that seem to fit your Scorpio “cause de jour.”
Sagittarius: Living in Texas, with our mixed heritage just means that I get to see weird things on a day-to-day basis. Last week, I think, I was running around with one of my “hippie-chick” friends, you know the type, too young to be a real hippie, but she fits the mould for “neo-hippie” person. In the backyard of her house [typical South Austin abode] there was a hay bale. At one end of the bale, there was a set of faux cow horns. In case you miss the reference, this is a dummy used to practice roping. You know, like the cowboys on TV? In the movies? The Westerns?
Yes, it was a real roping dummy, in her backyard. No, it didn’t come with the house, it belonged to her boyfriend, or roommate, or whatever one calls that significant other thing. What’s important about this? Sometimes, you don’t have to go any further than your own backyard to get just exactly what you need. While sometimes I urge a Sagittarius to look further a-field, sometimes, what we seek is right there, just look out the window. Yes, a roping dummy in the backyard is about par for the course around here, to mix up the sports allegories. Yet, there’s something oddly familiar about this, too. Instead of ranging far and wide, as is the typical Sagittarius habit, try looking in your own backyard. You might find the variety there just as pleasing. Plus you could sharpen up those cowboy skills.
Capricorn: For the longest time, I didn’t own a TV. Still don’t. This has evoked many amusing responses, like the time one of my fishing buddy’s significant other [wife] took one look around the trailer’s living room, asked where the TV was, and seeing that there wasn’t one, promptly asked what I did for entertainment. I guess the overflowing bookshelves weren’t a good enough clue. So when I make a TV reference, like to a cartoon I saw, folks do wonder where I saw it. I think I’m just about the only person without a TV. Neighbors, hotels, family and friends all provide me with plenty of TV footage.
The image I was thinking about, after looking at your chart, is simple. It’s nothing more than a cartoon version of a rapidly, wildly vibrating uvula. That’s the little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat. Cartoon characters have greatly exaggerated ones, especially when there’s trouble. Or when they are trying to emphasize that someone is screaming. Know the feeling? It’s even better when it’s an animal character — they don’t really have uvulas. The land of fictional yelling is good ground for Capricorn. It’s Mars and he’s creating a situation wherein a good scream just feels right. After you have a good, cartoon-like scream, after you let off some of that Mars steam, you’ll find that you can see the problem–and the solution–much more clearly. But let off some steam, first.
Aquarius: There’s a legendary Steak House just east of El Paso, sort of a dude ranch and restaurant. They board horses there, and they keep a small flock of Shetland Ponies for the tourist kiddy appeal thing. There’s this one little male Shetland, his head doesn’t come much above my knee. But he just thinks he’s the baddest of the bad dudes ever. He seems to think he’s a ladies man, in horse terms, whatever that is. The last time I was on the ranch, I was amused by the way this little guy kept trying to flirt with one mare. She’s a stately, elegant horse, a good saddle horse, so she’s about 5 times taller than that little pony.
The thought of those two trying to mate is an amusing picture, to say the very least. I’m not sure, but in horse terms, I couldn’t tell if she was flattered or annoyed, or maybe, like your Aquarius self, a little bit of both. It’s flattering when someone flirts, even if he’s from a different species. But his persistence can be annoying, too, and that’s the problem. Don’t get upset when someone starts making nice with you. Even if it gets a little annoying at times, be gentle. Don’t let it get to you. Venus makes you appealing, and just because the person who “doth protest too much” is a wrong breed for you, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t indulge some of their intentions.
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
