Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
For the Week of: 3/20-26/2003
“[He] wears his wit in his belly and his guts in his head.”
Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [II.i.75]
Uranus in Pisces, Sun in Aries, and Mars in Capricorn.
Aries: Happy Birthday Aries! You’re feeling better, I just know it. You’ve got to be. I won’t tolerate anything else from you. In my ongoing quest for excellence in horoscopes, I keep checking back with certain signs, just a chance to see what’s up, as a form of research for my own work. In doing so, I’ve found that birthdays are a time when folks typically try to do too much. Reach for a little too far, over-consume the good things in sickening proportions.
Or, remember that game? As kid, you would twirl around and around until you were dizzy? There’s no reason to try a trick like that, not during the next couple of days. See: you’re going to feel really good, possibly over-exuberant, but there’s a problem, too: you’re going to be a little more clumsy than usual. You’ll find that you’re more prone to making those “less than graceful” mistakes that are usually reserved for other signs. As long as you’re the center of attention, go ahead, act like a clown and enjoy yourself.
Taurus: How good are you at picking up subtle astrological influences? Too often, your basic sun sign astrology horoscope addresses Taurus as “The Bull.” Faulty assumption. There’s this delightful, sensual side — one that responds rather well to that delicate touch. And it’s that very “delicate touch” that’s required now. Easy, easy, go easy. Don’t rush. No big deal, don’t push too hard.
There’s a fine line between “aggressive” and “pushy.” It’s certainly all right to be aggressive. Don’t be pushy. The gentle push is from Mars, gently urging you to attain a goal that is actually easier to obtain, easier than you thought. The pushy stuff comes from an Aries Sun, and you don’t want to be too forceful. Get the picture? Pursuing is okay. Chasing is not okay.
Gemini: Let’s agree to disagree, you and me, Gemini and astrology fishing guy. I say, “You’re over the hump, Gemini.” You respond, “No, we still have yet to make it to the summit, and we’re here at base camp right now, and it looks like it’s a long, tiresome haul from here, all up hill, all difficult, all hard, no hope in sight….”
Given the divergent opinions here, I’d suggest that there is some kind of trouble. But from where I sit, in the back of the bass boat, on the astrological lake of life, it looks like you really have surmounted the most difficult of all the obstacles. I understand that it looks tough from where you are, but I’m in another astrology sign, and I can offer a perspective that you can’t get yourself. It’s not nearly as tough as you think it is. Here’s a hint, since I think you’re really over the worst of it: don’t take a simple situation and complicate it to the point that no recognizes the original problem. You’ll be a lot happier that way. Shoot, I’ll be a lot happier that way, too. You don’t need to take something simple and make a mess of it, especially not for the sake of just taking something easy and adding more features than are really required.
Cancer: I was listening to some Rev. Horton Heat [Spend a Night in the Box], and some lyrics really moved me–made me think of the Cancer stuff going these days, “Here in my castle, I’m king of the house/My throne is just a Lazy-Boy/A hotrod Ford is just a toy/I maybe rude but I can’t be mean/I still must answer to the queen” [music & lyrics by Jim C. Heath].
Some things in your life, like a hotrod Ford–you might consider that a necessity–I would agree, but let’s tell the truth, it’s nothing more than a toy. Then there’s fact that we all have to answer to someone. It’s that pesky authority figure thing going on–again. I’ve got it easy, the Queen of my trailer is the cat. I do have to answer to her, and she’s been getting up earlier and earlier these days, now that the sun is coming up earlier. Interferes with my sleep patterns, you know the “astrologer who sleeps until noon” myth. You can live like, in that one song, in a world where you’re the king, or you can, like the rest of us Cancer types, bow to the authority figure in question, and answer like you’re supposed to. I’ve found, after years of painful research, it’s just easier to do what I’m told to do. Times like this, I just listen to the boss, as my boss still has a complete set of claws.
Leo: I wouldn’t want to suggest that any local merchants would be unscrupulous, but when the usual convention masses descend on our bucolic town, I’ve noticed that at least two or three places raises their prices by a dollar or so, with “special convention-time only” menu items and so forth. It’s a lot like this one carpet place I know of, it’s been “going out of business” for years now. At least, that’s the idea I get, judging from the sun-faded “Going Out of Business Sale!” signage. Just makes me wonder a little bit. Now, in the case of the local merchants jacking up their prices, I’ve often felt like I should take the same action as the crowd control requires more staff.
Most of my staff wants the week off, to attend the events. Can’t say I blame them, but crowded bars, crowded restaurants, streets clogged with people and cabs, it’s a good time not to be here. Some place else. Anyplace else. Any place but here. You need a break from the heavy-duty stuff that’s been going on, and this time starts now. Take a break. Give yourself a well-deserved Leo pat on the back. You might not be getting the attention that you want, but I’m noticing that you’ve been working hard, and here’s to you.
Virgo: The last time I bought groceries–I shop at the “warehouse grocery place”–I picked up a carton of frozen waffles. Must’ve been about 48 of the individual waffles in that box. I’ve just about eaten them all. I discovered, a long time ago, that a frozen waffle suits my tastes as the perfect food. It has texture, flavor, the right balance of grain products and chemicals, as well as a few other important things, like, straight out of the freezer, it tastes good [to me.] “But Kramer, if you toast it, it will taste better, maybe add some butter and syrup.” Too much time, besides, all that other stuff contributes unnecessary calories.
It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. A little odd, but good, nonetheless, at least, by my standards. One Virgo buddy’s girlfriend once saw me munching away on the frozen delight, and she forcefully remarked, “That’s so white!” Yes, I am a [male] Caucasian. It might be an ethnic slur, but it’s still a pleasure for me. Guilty little pleasures, maybe you’re like me in that you find the syrup and butter just aren’t as important, these little things we enjoy, these are important at times like this. It’s high time you enjoyed some low cholesterol, fat-free, or whatever, guilty pleasures. Maybe you don’t like frozen waffles right out of the carton, but I’m sure you’ve got something that most of your friends look askance at. Go ahead, enjoy, your astrologer told you it was good idea.
Never hurts to get a second opinion on some events: individual chart reports with e-mail delivery might help.
Libra: Got a couple of things hitting you. One is the very real and tangible world of local activity. You know, friends and family, extended family, cohorts, fishing buddies, and partners in crime. The other is more personal, along the lines of a little bit of soul-searching. We’re back to the original question of family. Now, in the strictest of astrology terms, “family” is supposed to mean folks known as “blood relatives.” I tend to look at a slightly broader definition, though, as I consider my family to include friends and neighbors, plus that one girl at the diner. To be honest, at certain times, she’s more kin to me than my own, blood relatives.
Where you place your Libra loyalty is the question, and it can apply across the whole line, from distant friends to the more immediate family and such. The business world, as we once knew it, used to display incredible loyalty. These days, though, the business family is just as fickle as that last girl I dated. Personally, I tend to rank my fishing buddies as the most important of friends. Who else is willing to come fetch you out of jail at 4 in the morning? Now, in this one example, the jail thing, it was because we were supposed to go fishing, but never mind that now. Look around and figure out the folks you can really count and depend on.
Scorpio: The other week, while I was staying at my parents’ homestead, in fashionable Dallas, I watched one morning as my own, dear, sweet Scorpio Ma Wetzel prepared to rush off to a meeting of some kind. She left. Ten seconds later, she rushed back in, “I forgot that book I was going to return to the library,” she said. She left again. 20 seconds later, she was back, “And that movie to return,” she added. She left again. She came back in 30 seconds, “I was just pulling out, and realized I could go straight from the meeting to yoga class, I’ll just grab my outfit and change there,” she added.
I hadn’t left the kitchen table yet. I was reading the morning paper, about to plug my laptop into their phone line, while I was still nursing a cup of coffee. I’m not sure, but I think she forgot one other thing, and there was a fourth trip. At this point, by my reckoning, she was at least 7 minutes late.
For all that activity, for all the distance she covered, for all the little Scorpio quips, she wasn’t getting anywhere too fast. The whole time, her wood-panel station wagon was idling in the front driveway. Although the car was stationary, she was busy spinning her Scorpio wheels pretty fast. You can be just like her, or, you can set yourself down, have a nice cup of coffee with your son [or something similar], get your little list of things to do all together, then leave. Doing so can keep you from having to install a revolving door at the front of the Scorpio house.
Sagittarius: I was set to go fishing with one of my buddies the other day, and I had a more pressing arrangement pop up at the last minute. “Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll ‘pre-fish’ for you.” Oh great, just like the big bass tournaments? Some deal from a friend? “Pre-Fishing” is fancy way to play with fish in the lake–you cut the hooks off the baits and lures, don’t want to leave the fish too wary. You can test all the stuff you want, without having to worry about catching anything.
Hint: this is a professional trick. I’d call it a “dry run,” but with the lures and stuff soaking in the lake, it’s not exactly a dry run. So over the next few days, as there will be some upsets in your schedule, don’t worry about it. Offer to “pre-fish” the area for your buddies. It’s the least you can do. Or, if you’re like me, and get left behind, just remember that your friend is doing nothing more than a little research, on your behalf. At least, they should be. I’m not sure how much I trust my fishing buddies to “pre-fish” a lake for me. I sometimes wonder if they aren’t really just fishing, and telling me what I want to hear. Know the feeling?
Capricorn: Wasn’t it at lunch, just last week? My Capricorn friend called me up, wanted to “break bread together,” and we hooked it out to the place by the lake for a quick meal. She was upset over something, and wanted to talk about it, but I’d had a rougher morning, and she no sooner showed up at my place than I started to cuss. Do about three or four phone readings in a row, listen to the same sad stories, blame the planets a couple of times, and I can get quite animated about what’s going on. So even though this was supposed a meal where she could vent, I wound up doing most of the talking, at least, at first.
Same situation, different week: you’ve got some stuff on your heavy Capricorn chest that you want to unload. You’ve got a dear friend that you want to “dish” with. You’re also going to have to listen to a long, rambling diatribe about someone else’s troubles before we get around to talking through your problems. Capricorn patience is in short supply. You don’t want to listen to us, but look at what you’re going to put us through, “us” being the other 11 signs. Let us unload first, then I promise you’ll get your chance. Let the other signs go first, and that way, you’ll be the last and, therefore, most important. Like it should be.
Aquarius: Ever get that feeling in the pit of your Aquarius stomach that something is about to happen? Venus is flying through the trailing edge of your sign, and she gets mighty close, at the end of this scope’s duration, to your ruling planet. That’s the source of the rumbling in your Aquarius tummy. I wouldn’t want to suggest that this is just a ruse, or a chance for the planets to fake you out, but I’m not so sure that there really is a source for that premonition you’ve got. The way I see it, it’s close, but not in your sign. Strange things are, indeed, afoot.
But that sense that something is about to happen? That feeling gnawing away at the peripheral Aquarius vision? That sense you get in your abdomen that something is about to go horribly awry? You know what? I think you’re just hungry, and good meal will satisfy those cravings. Go ahead, give into the temptation. You’ll be surprised how a little indulgence can make you feel a whole lot better.
Pisces: I like Pisces. Pisces can be quite passionate. Whether it’s a discussion about local High School football, the all-important topic of barbecue, or other, more mundane topics, my Pisces friends can be quite animated and display great passion about these various threads of conversation. This is stuff that’s usually very important. Completely unrelated, I know one Vegetarian Pisces, and she’s particularly good at finding excellent, out-of-the-way barbecue places. Go figure.
It only makes sense, though, it’s part of that Pisces passion, that quest for excellence. Regrettably, after looking over your Pisces planets, there’s a sense that you can’t be bothered about this. What was a big deal last week, last month or even last year is not longer that important–Pisces, and I quote, “I just can’t be bothered by this right now,” unquote. If it’s bothering you, put whatever it is off until later. But if you’re like I suspect you are, you just can’t be bothered with our mundane, unimportant problems. That’s not your problem, either. Tell them–or us–to wait. [Guerilla astrology tip: put everything off until Miss Venus makes it into your sign, next week.]
(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
