For the Week of: 5/8-14/2003
“It was always yet the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common.”
Shakespeare’s Henry IV, Part 2 [I.ii.243]
Mr. Mercury has been making some big news lately. Doesn’t make his wayward action — or inaction — any more pleasant. Want to understand what it all means? Coming up soon: Austin.
Taurus: Taurus is certainly the most important sign I know. Taurus is certainly the best sign I know. Taurus is a wonderful sign with many alluring qualities. Happy birthday. Previously, I’d predicted this Taurus birthday season sets things off in the weirdest way possible. That theme continues, and it only gets a little stranger as this is a couple of days when things are weird to the max.
You’re both energized and lazy at the same time. Feeling this way would be fine except for certain problems with other people. You’re ready to play, and everyone else complains about having to work. You’re ready to work extra hard, and everyone else has gone fishing. Mercury is merely having fun at your expense. Realize that, and the rest of the pieces will–eventually–fall into place. So go ahead and figure that you’re going to feel out-of-step for a little while. Your cyclic rhythms aren’t going to be the same as anyone else. Just the way it goes. That doesn’t mean any of the time is bad, it just suggests that you’re a little different.
Gemini: The statistics I’ve collected suggest that 82% of the Gemini population doesn’t like Mercury being backwards. This is compounded by the fact that it’s backwards in the sign that comes before you, also known as your Gemini solar 12th house. This is not a good thing. It’s like picking up every last one of your insecurities and working it over with that typically overactive Gemini brain.
See, it’s just Mercury and its just doing its little retrograde thing. It’s not the end of the world, although, at times, like these times, in Gemini land, it can feel like it’s the end of the world. Last time this happened to me, I was at the lake at, at the dock, boat in the water, ready to fish at 4:00 AM. My fishing party didn’t show up until around six, that’s an extra two hours. To be honest, at 4 in the morning, I’m not fully functional. I must’ve spent a good 45 minutes not realizing that I was a little early, but the last hour or so? If I’d let my mind wander, I’d been in trouble.
Instead, I fished a little. Cast a few times from the dock there, muttered vague obscenities under my breath, and most important, I didn’t worry about it. When the party showed up, two hours later, they had a printed out copy of my e-mail, it said 6 AM. I was sure I’d written 4. Mercury problems. What do you do with an extra hour in the pre-dawn dark?
Cancer: It’s the best season in the year to be fishing. Not that there’s really a bad time to fish, except in the dead of winter when it’s just too cold for my sentiments. The problem is, after April, my astrology reading schedule always heats up. This is a big deal. It’s where most of the money is. I have to schedule readings on days when I’d rather be doing research, i.e., fishing.
What’s worse, I’ll have someone schedule a reading then come up cash short at the last minute. “Uh, all my [credit] cards are tapped out, you take a check?” I’m a nice guy, but the expression, “The check’s in the mail” doesn’t fly with me. Previous business experience dictates that I wait until payment has been received and said payment has actually cleared the bank before I proceed. Take a lesson from my experiences, for one, don’t hesitate to schedule that work thing, and for two, make sure you get the cash up front.
Leo: We were fishing one day, way up a creek channel. The branches were clawing at us, the water was pretty shallow, in the clear spots, we could definitely see big bass, lurking. Just after mating season, the guy bass hang around and guard the eggs. It’s good hunting, if you ask me. Them old boys have some fight. The problem, see, it was really shallow water.
The little trolling prop got buried in the silt on the bottom, and it stirred up this great, murky cloud in the water. Makes it difficult for us to see the fish, makes it hard for the fish to see the bait, and I’ve always suspected that it spooks the fish.
That’s a problem, and see? Mars is over yonder in Aquarius, doing exactly like that trolling motor. What’s worse, Mercury is like that silt on the bottom, all stirred up and confusing. Between the two, you can’t see much. Doesn’t mean you should get all worked up, just give all of this stuff a little chance to settle. Getting mad at the creek channel or the trolling motor doesn’t do any good–it’s bound to happen.
Virgo: Motivation is sometimes a big problem around here. When Mercury starts back-spinning like he is, it’s doubly worse for my most excellent Virgo friends. They really don’t like times like this. Now, I have a solution, it’s something that works well for me. I’m not sure it’ll work for you, but there’s always hope.
With Mercury’s present disposition, and our motivation sorely lacking, what seems to start out the day best is a cigar and a cup of strong, black coffee. Look: this might not work for you, but it works rather well for me. That cigar clears my mind [usually by clearing the room], and the cup of coffee is the perfect accompaniment for that cheap cigar.
Can’t do one without the other, either, not first thing in the morning. The aromatic [smelly to some] tobacco smoke has a soothing, and claming effect, better than any incense. The coffee perks up what the nicotine placates. I’m not sure every [or even any] Virgo will like my idea, but it works for me. I’m pretty sure, if it’s not coffee and cigar, though, I’m still pretty sure you’ve got a similar form of ritual that works well in getting your motivation back up to a point where it works like it’s supposed to be. We both have a lot of work to contend with, and now’s the time to get motivated, however we can.
Libra: I’ve been “road warrior-ing” all around Texas for more than a decade. It’s the life I’ve carefully chosen, and I enjoy the work, the places, and most of all, the people. These days, I check into a hotel, and I usually find a desk with a phone jack marked “computer,” if not a high-speed net connection, offered as part of the service.
But it wasn’t so long ago, I mean, I can still point out the cheap motel where I stayed when this happened, I had to move the mattress away from the wall to get to the phone jack, to log into the service to get a net connection. It’s an old story, but I still recall the hassles of being an early road warrior, out on the dusty trail, back when most people didn’t travel with notebook computers and such ilk.
Back when it was actually a chore to wrangle up some kind of net connection. Felt like I was out on the wild frontier. Sometime, coming up, courtesy of a combined Mars and Mercury thing, you’re going to get to pull a “Kramer;” that is, you’re going to have to pull the mattress back from the wall in order to find a phone jack so you can make a net connection. This can be backbreaking physical turmoil, or it can be a minor inconvenience, sort of depends on how you look at the problem. My solution involved just bumping the mattress askew by a few inches.
Scorpio: Morning coffee is an important ritual to me. I’ve got to be careful, too, as I don’t want to over consume, as that leads to a weird, wired disposition. I make my first pot of coffee — it’s actually just a two-cup pot, and then I set the teakettle on to heat up again, at a very low heat. Takes maybe 15 minutes, maybe half an hour.
That little teakettle starts to burble, then whistle slowly. Now, if I’m really wrapped up in something, like a stupendous e-mail note, or a reading something online, I miss the fact that the kettle is boiling again. Its whistle goes from a muted whistle to an angry scream. Insistent, angry whistle. Scares me out of my reverie.
So you’re making your way through the Scorpio weekend, and then on into next week, and you’ve set something up, like my teakettle, and all of a sudden, it erupts. Screaming in pain, pent up steam angrily escaping, all those sort of noises. Point is it shocks me. Doesn’t much matter how we position Scorpio during times like this, you wind up sounding like that teakettle of mine. The problem? Whatever causes you to sound off? That wasn’t something you started. I just hope you get answered before you get to the high-pitched screaming part.
Sagittarius: I use a template when I start out with horoscopes. I don’t feel like it should be necessary to type each sign, over and over, 52 times in one year, when I can let a computer template do all the hard work for me. There was a typographical mistake in the template one year, as I outlined the scopes for the next year. Small thing, really, just one, itty-bitty, omitted word.
A small proposition, really. Not misplaced, just forgotten, in my haste to get the work done. I was about a third of the way through with the year’s scopes before some nice editor was kind enough to point this out to me. Good thing, too. Except that it really pissed me off. Wasn’t the editor’s fault, wasn’t the cat’s fault. It was all me.
Let’s be 100% truthful here, that little, missed word? It’s our own fault. Can’t blame anyone else. But getting mad, getting worked up, watching the old blood pressure soar, getting red in the face, tense, irritable, or generally unpleasant doesn’t work. The only one you can really blame is our Sagittarius selves. It’s a trick of Mercury, highlighted by Mr. Mars. Just fix it. Might be a little extra work, having to go back and fix our own mistakes, but you know, we should be glad that this error didn’t carry on through the rest of the year, right?
Capricorn: My love for Capricorn’s, and all things Capricorn, knows no bounds. Regrettably, I am but a single astrologer, and many people don’t share this great feeling I carry in my heart for your lot in life. In fact, few, if any, people will carry this sort of torch for you. The closest you’re going to get to have someone carry a torch for you looks a lot more like a scene from an old horror movie, and the torches are in the hands of an angry mob of peasants. You know, they want to burn down “Casa de Capricorn” because they think that you’re either an evil doctor, or some sort of blood-sucking freak who only comes out at night.
Genius? Yes. Evil genius? Hardly. Blood-sucking freak? I don’t think so. Although, I do know this one girl Capricorn, and she could qualify for that Vampire thing, but that’s a single exception, and it’s not germane to our discussion about having the angry horde at the gate. It’s that angry horde at the gate that’s got me worried, see, I’m the only one on your side right now, and that mob of peasants is clamoring for something.
You and me are stuck up in the castle together, and there’s not a lot we can do. As I looked over this scenario, and the chart associated with it, I figured I’d built up this situation, and there had to be a way out of it. I can’t see one. I think “Casa de Capricorn” will weather this storm just fine. But never underestimate what a bunch of stupid peasants can do.
Aquarius: I’ve only seen Norman Cook perform once, and it was a few years ago. Fat Boy Slim is the stage name. I liked some of the computer generated animations he ran as visuals, though, and I kept thinking about on particular image: a caricature of his face, his jaw opening and closing in manic laugh, and little happy faces for eyes. Perfect symbolism for your weekend, running on into next week.
It’s the idea that no one is sure whether you’re doing a maniacal laugh, or just a laugh, or is that jaw moving in roar instead of a laugh? Screaming, maybe? Not sure about what noise it is? And then, those spinning, whirlpools that are supposed to be the limpid windows to your soul? Imagine little happy faces there. Or, if that image doesn’t work, how about the spirals that seem to spin out of control?
As long as Mars is frying his way through your sign, that one cartoon, caricature image seems to fit with the way you feel. Or the way you think you feel. Or, it might just be us, but we’re not sure how our Aquarian friends are doing, is that a laugh? Is it a roar? Eyes that are happy faces? Or is it something else? As long as we’re confused, you don’t have to worry about trying to explain anything, you can be as confused as we are. Blame Mercury–that works here at my office.
Pisces: You’re going to be the port in the storm for either one, a few or whole lot of your friends. Next couple of days has some unsettling events, not major events, just little problems, and it’s your cue to be our solace. We’re going to turn to the staid, dependable, solid, friendly and helpful Pisces to help us through our difficult times. It’s just a little Mercury thing. You normally like helping us, too, but after a couple of days of everyone turning to you for help, what comes up after that? Who helps the person who helps all the rest of us? Feeling all-alone again? It’s not a big deal, but you’re going to wonder if you’re the only port on this planet. You’re not, but for a little while, you’re going to have to be our rock.
Aries: In the evenings, with my trailer’s door open, the bug light on, I get this feeling. Rather than break into song, I’ll just try to describe what it’s like. The air is soft and gentle, the bird feeder is half-full, a few bats are starting to dart around, looking for a meal. There’s a rosy glow in the western sky, and Mars appears out of the evening’s void, a little past the point straight up, overhead.
It’s the quality of the air, and I’m pretty sure it’s just my imagination, but the atmosphere, right on the front steps of my own trailer, it feels soft. Easy. Peaceful, if only for a little while. The cares and concerns from the last day gradually slip away, and that gentle atmosphere pervades everything. There’s no “artificial air” running, although, at least one of my neighbors is already running his AC unit. The insect buzz is frenzied, and yet, it’s also eerily quiet. Stop and look for a little while, just up, overhead, there’s Mars, as he blinks into existence. Take a moment or two, whenever you can, wherever you are, to stop and enjoy some of this peace and calm. Mercury has everyone turned upside down. The trick is to enjoy what’s going in your own mind, in your own surroundings before you do something too wild.
