For the Week of: 6/19-25/2003
“Your horse would trot as well were some of your brags dismounted.”
Shakespeare’s Henry V [III.vii.79]
Life should be getting back normal, as much as anything is ever going to be normal again. The last few weeks have had a terrible astrological hangover feeling, a lingering question I kept fielding was, “is Mercury still Retrograde?” No, but the Eclipse cycle and then some other influences have hammered away at our astrological psyche. Is it better? What’s your sign say? Trivia question time: for free “planet profile” or similar chart report, what is the biggest Santa Fe rail station west of Chicago? [contest ends 6/25/03]
Gemini: I’ve got a friend with the coolest belt and belt buckle thing, an accessory she wears with her jeans. It’s a GM [branded on the buckle] seatbelt that’s been turned into a fashion accessory. I never thought I’d go to the junkyard for fashion accessories, but it works well on her. One problem, as she’s noted, with this accessory, guys, especially of the obnoxious, intoxicated variety, they like to come up and see if the push-button release really works. I don’t know, she’s not enough of a friend that I can push her button and see if the release really works. She did use the toilet in my trailer once, so I’ll assume it works, but I have no first-hand knowledge of this myself. [For what it’s worth, yes, she is a Gemini.]
Fashion choices like this, though, particularly during an influence like these days, have a tendency to attract a lot of the wrong attention. You get the drunken, staggering, urban youths who want to “see if it works” because that would be funny. I’m not one for defending a young lady’s honor, but if push came to fist, I think I would have to defend her. Problem being, for Gemini, there’s a lot of you, and only one of me. I can’t defend every Gemini’s honor. You might think about not wearing something that provokes such a response, though. That would help.
Cancer: There’s a particular brand of vehicle that I used to work on, not professionally, just as a tool-pusher for my buddy Bubba. One of the most common problems with this type of vehicle was shaking its motor mounts loose. Imagine that motor, loosely connected to the rest of the vehicle. The motor torques some at the start, you feel the vehicle lurch a little to one side, but the forward motion doesn’t occur quite as rapidly as one would expect. Imagine that motor, just sort of rattling around under the hood, held in place by the slimmest threads of metal, not too tightly anchored in place.
See: the next couple of days, your brain is going to come unstuck in your skull. It’s not going to come off the motor mounts completely, it’s just going to rattle a little bit loose. You can do something about this, or you can enjoy the fact that your brain is wandering around under your mental hood. Tightening up those motor mounts, or worse yet, having to replace one or more of them, is a nasty job as it involves getting under the motor, and doing a lot a dirty work. In a trailer park parking lot, it’s not a glamorous job, not between the grime of the motor, the earthen workplace, and the task of getting enough space between the frame and the motor itself, just to make it all work better. Now, you can dig in, get dirty, and fix the problem, or you can do like I do, just put it off for a while. Enjoy the slightly disconnected feeling. Just don’t plan on any fast escapes.
Leo: “Now” is a relative term. I tend to use what I consider the Gemini definition for this term, where “now” really means “before I knew that I wanted it.” Grasp this expression. Consider it. Roll it around in your wonderful Leo brain. That “now” thing is going on, even as you’re reading this. The problem? The problem certainly isn’t you. Then, the problem would have to be elsewhere. So if the problem isn’t you, and you want something “right now,” then the problem must be the other people.
The way I look at your chart, I’m inclined to agree with you about that. It’s not you, but the rest of us don’t seem to understand your sense of urgency, the true [Gemini] meaning of “now.” “Yesterday?” Yes, that one would work, as well, but what keeps coming out of your Leo mouth is the word “now.” Look: slow it down. Not everyone is ramped up on this definition of “now” and not everyone can presuppose what your fine Leo desires are. Slow it down.
It’s not going to happen fast enough to please you. Just not going to happen that way. Wish I could change that, but I can’t alter the way the planets move in their prescribed courses. However, before I get around to doing another horoscope, before the next information tailored just for Leo hits my site, gets into print, you’re going to find that suddenly, everything, and I mean everything, is getting better. Those folks who didn’t understand “now”? They all start jumping, like they should, when you snap your Leo fingers.
Virgo: I was walking along in my neighborhood, just up the hill from the trailer park, and I came across a guy who was doing some detail work on an old car. The car itself caught my attention, as I stopped to chat with the owner, “It’s what? About ’63?” I asked, looking at the taillights. “Yep, bought it from a pair of little old ladies up in Georgetown so I’m the third owner, 63,000 original miles. They really did just use it to go to the grocery store or something. Probably never went outside Williamson County.”
It was in pristine shape, a make and model that I would openly lust after, in a mechanical wanton way, a white Ford Falcon. Think about it, that car and its purported 63,000 miles is more than a 40 years old. Then I got to talking to the owner, and I’m guessing, I didn’t ask, but I was estimating that his car was older than he was. Cars and detail work on said cars are important. No one can detail out a vehicle as well as a Virgo, that’s for sure. Then there’s the other question, too, the one about the funny stuff. No, not that funny stuff, the other stuff: the apparent weird thing that a car is probably older than its current owner. I didn’t make that conclusion until I was a good half block away, and I didn’t feel like turning back to ask. Don’t turn back. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Or keep detailing the car.
Libra: Sunday mornings, when I’m not working, and even though the fish aren’t exactly biting during the middle of the summer, heading out to the lake to pretend to fish is a good idea. The deal is, I haven’t worn long pants in about three months, and I wasn’t about to pull on long pants just to go fish. But up at 4 in the morning, and on the lake before 6 AM, getting the boat up on the plane [plain], and jetting across the predawn water, it’s chilly out there. As a matter of principle, I refuse to wear long pants in the middle of the summer. However, I was busy wishing I’d brought that pair of pants I usually throw on over my shorts, but I was resisting the idea, again, this is a principle thing.
You’re like me, with goose bumps on your legs, early in the morning, thinking to your Libra self, “What was I thinking?” You can stand by your principles, and in the overall picture, you’re 100% right. There’s going to be one or two uncomfortable moments as a result of your principles, but I’m with you, and I suggest you stand your ground. Or, in my case, I was sitting. But stick by what you believe in.
Scorpio: One of the more gut-wrenching, heartbreaking aspects to my business is listening to a lover torn between two loves. The funny side of this? “she left and took the dog, and I’ll sure miss that canine companion.” Sure, I actually heard a variation of that story once, from a friend who gets called “Bubba” a lot. However, seeing as you’re a Scorpio, you’re serious, and there’s a serious moment or two in the next few days. I don’t know if you’re going to be torn between two lovers, trying to decide which one is better, but you are faced with a binary situation.
I went to the Gulf Cost not long ago. I was there for work, as in, doing astrology readings work. But the bay fishing looked good. The idea of a coastal charter was equally appealing. Either/or. Maybe both. But first, I had business to tend to. Odd as it sounds, yes, I do love my work, as an astrologer. And as a fisher guy, too. Back to the binary decision, you’re faced with, which one is better? I can’t answer that for you, but the practical, albeit not quite as much fun, solution was to work. Go with what’s most practical for your Scorpio self in the binary decision. Don’t let outside factors sway your process.
Sagittarius: One of my so-called “friends” gave me a button the other day. “Here, this is for you, seems to fit you perfectly.” The button was in jittery print, “Drink more coffee, do more stupid things faster with greater energy!!!” Yeah, well, gee, thanks. It’s not always my solution, but it works rather well, at least, for this Sagittarius, it works pretty good. Drink more coffee. Get more things done, get them done faster. Sometimes, I’ll slam down a high-powered afternoon cup of coffee, and then drift right off to sleep, just a quick little catnap. Works great. In about 20 minutes, all that caffeine hits my system, I’m wide awake, and ready to go.
That 20 minute power-nap is one of the most useful ways I’ve found to deal with exhaustion, and while slamming down a tall caffeinated beverage before hand doesn’t always work quite right [timing is everything], if you can just hit it perfectly, it’s wonderful. There’s none of the drowsy, “I just woke up feeling,” rather, I’m bolt upright and ready to tackle any perceived emergency. Any number of exigencies can be calling me. Emergency astrology reading, the cat wants more food, I was going to tweak a web graphic, or I was merely going to sharpen the hooks on one of my lures for weekend after next. Rest up when you can, something’s going to jolt you wide awake, and it helps to be ready. Be prepared for something you can’t be prepared for.
Capricorn: I got stuck on a series of truck driving songs, and nothing evokes the open road quite as well as a good song about a “Knuckle clutching, gear jammin’, super truckin’, loose nut behind the wheel” that some old truck driving singer sings. And that brings us right up to our topic for the week, in Capricorn: travel. I doubt many of you are actually truck driving heroes, the last cowboys of the open road. But that shouldn’t stop you from romancing the open road.
In Texas, travel involves lots of wide-open spaces, except for the few of us who live in cities. Even then, pick the time of day right, and it’s okay to travel. The deal is this: if you’re traveling in cities, try and avoid those peak hours. Around Austin, Dallas, and Houston, the Friday rush hour starts about 2 in the afternoon on Thursday. Work around this. My easiest suggestion is to take the weekend off from the moment this scope gets posted, until sometime in the beginning of next week. There’s this weird event that occurs early next week, and that’s going to throw some extra work in your lap. Beat the rush, get out of town and enjoy a few days of peace and quiet, out on that open road, if only for a little while.
Aquarius: A toothbrush really is an innocuous topic of conversation. But given the right time, the right place, even a simple topic like “toothbrush” can kick out some rather hilarious comments. One Aquarius was bemoaning the current price of said items in the stores. “I don’t want you to think, I’m like, you know, a Virgo, or anything, but I watch for coupons and stuff. $2 for a toothbrush, that’s too much!” A Scorpio quipped back, “I get them for free.”
“Dude, what, you steal them?”
“Well, yeah. Sure. But they’re a big company, they can afford it.” Maybe they can, maybe they can’t [afford the toothbrush pilferage]. On the cosmic scale, such a theft might actually appeal to your Aquarius sense of justice. I’ll agree with you about that. The theft of a single toothbrush might help topple the evil empire, through a chain of events. However, our local laws consider that shoplifting, and as far as I know, that’s still illegal around here. You want to make a statement. I’m with you on that. Stealing a toothbrush? I’m not sure that’s the best way to go about making a statement. Leave such acts of civil disobedience to other signs.
Pisces: I’m a guy. As a guy, I can’t tell the difference between purple, peach, puce, plum, and fuchsia. The web designer shows up with presentation graphics, storyboards and what-all, I just look, and nod appreciatively.
“Or we can go with a lighter shade for the background on the sidebar, and then use this color for the highlighted text….” Sure. Whatever. My sense of aesthetic is pretty limited. If the shirt doesn’t comfortably clash with the shorts, then I’m out of my league. Just the way it is. I never claimed to have great tastes. I like my food hot, spicy. If it’s not hot enough to hurt, then add some more peppers. Coffee should be black, strong enough to dissolve a plastic fork. Not have that fork stand up in the coffee, I mean, strong enough to melt is away completely. So my aesthetic senses can be questioned.
I tend to think of Pisces as sweet, gentle, delicate creatures with sensitive emotional states. I tend to try and coddle my Pisces friends and clients as they need a touch more compassion and understanding than most folks. However, you don’t need to be coddled, handled with kid gloves, or baby-sat in any way, shape of form right now. Follow my lead: broad, bold brush strokes. Find the shirts that clash, clash well, clash loudly. Then, drink your coffee double strength. One coffee shop near makes a “depth charge” drink. It’s black coffee, usually a French Roast, and then a one or two shots of espresso are poured in, just to add some kick. You got the kick, be bold.
Aries: Got a couple of points to make so follow closely. Unlike some of my acquaintances, I don’t have any fantasies about “Catholic School girls,” although, I’m sure there’s an astrological prognostication I can make about the genre, c.f., Frank Zappa et al. I was listening to one of my friend meander through various childhood events, and I was only partially paying attention, until she got to Catholic School stories.
“Sure, what you did was put vodka in a Scope bottle, add a couple of drops of green food coloring, and you’re good to go.” The upshot of the story though, was the time her illegal bottle got stolen. Not confiscated, but stolen. “How do you tell the nuns that someone took your liquor?” Frankly, I don’t know how. Can’t help with that one. Might’ve been rum, too, I didn’t take notes about the conversation.
We’re all inclined to hide a few things, and this illustrates what’s going on with Mars, how he puts you in ticklish position due to his influence in Aquarius. No, I seriously doubt either you or me will be dealing with any drunken Catholic School girls, but we might both be faced with similar problem, trying to determine what is right, and what’s really right, in a given situation with murky ethics.
Taurus: Planets move in prescribed paths, easily determined by precise mathematical functions. Makes it easy to see where what planet will be when. Sometime after midnight, Mars creeps upwards from the horizon, hitting a highpoint right before sun-up, at least locally. Conversely, Venus is pretty hard to see by the beginning of next week, hanging really close to the Sun himself, right before sun-up.
These two planets mean you want attention. They don’t guarantee that you get the attention that you want, or deserve, but they do aid and abet each other in strange ways. The problem is that the dynamic between the two planets is a little strange for your Taurus self. One is leaning one way, the other is leaning another way. Use your good Taurus demeanor, reflect on who is paying attention to you, then, if need be, you can always use a certain expression that I’ve found very handy, “Yes, I want attention. Just not yours.”
