For the Week Starting: 7/10-16/2003
“[Your] face is not worth sunburning.”
Shakespeare’s Henry V [V.ii.150]
“Kramer, can you realign the stars and make everyone quit being so cranky?” It was a call that came in the other afternoon. Had to do with the relative position of the Sun, the Moon, and of course, the recent weather patterns. If I could, I would move the planets on around. Unfortunately, all I can do is report on the present dispositions…
Cancer: Patterns are important. I was reading a post on public board someplace on the web, and I found the most engaging signature file, “Putting holes in things with my AK-47 or quilting.” What a perfect way to capture the moment in Cancer land, huh? To be perfectly honest, I don’t really recommend either activity, as quilting strikes me as boring, and the AK-47 thing, that’s fun, but probably not legal in some areas. Then there’s always the chance that the firearm is not legal, too. Rules vary from county to county and state to state.
However, one part of the pattern that I’m sure about is a sense of gnawing, growing frustration. The other part of the pattern is how you deal with said frustration. Between birthday celebrations, and Saturn, life isn’t all that it can be, or, at least that’s what the reports filtering their way back to me would suggest. Venus is making nice for a short time in your sign, you can do something with her energy, you just have to be aware that Mr. Saturn is liable to over-ride her good wishes. Enjoy the fun little things, but I hardly recommend things that “go bang” as a pass time these days. Believe me, I feel your frustration.
Leo: Sitting in a boat on early on Saturday morning, pretending to fish, and trying to escape the heat, I heard the strangest tale about deer hunting.
“See, I was in this one blind, up a tree, and I kept seeing a deer appear. I was pretty drunk, it’d been a long weekend, so I popped that first deer. Damn thing didn’t die. I know it was a good shot, so I shot again when it crossed into the clear line of sight. Damn thing didn’t drop. It appeared again, so I shot it again. I may have been a little drunk, but I wasn’t that toasted, I mean, it happened four times. My hunting buddy came running up, after hearing all the rifle fire, and started yelling at me ‘Stop! Stop already!’ See: it was a crossing, and I’d shot four deer. There was a heap of dead dear. Since it was way over limit, everyone got to take one home. Man, I quit taking so much beer with me to hunt, after that.”
I cannot ascertain the veracity of this tale; consider the source, the place where I heard the tale, so it might not be true. Or it might be stretched a little bit. But it has a good point or two, especially for Leo’s, and particularly in the middle of July, careful when you make a point. No need to turn a harmless sport into an outright slaughter. Make your point once. Punctuate as necessary, but no need to keep plugging away at something when you feel like you’re not getting through. Game wardens tend to look a little askance at such thing, and you really don’t want to irritate authority figures in the next 7 to 10 working days.
Virgo: Beating the heat in the summertime usually involves a dip in a pool, or a dip in the creek, or, on good days, both. I was running around with a Virgo buddy, and we compared notes as we headed out the door for some dinner, “I finally took a shower, you know, after the pool, the Springs, the pool, I think it was almost 48 hours between showers for me,” she was explaining, “I knew it was time, my head itched.”
This doesn’t sound like normal Virgo confession, now does it? However, the summertime heat, as well as the astrological heat engendered by Mars and his relative position, that does mean that it’s time to do something different. Break out of the Virgo mold, a little. Be daring and resourceful at the same time. If you’re the “clean-freak” kind of Virgo, then be messy for a little while. Never hurts. And if you’re the messy kind of Virgo, then be neat and tidy. Either one works, just try something that’s a little out of the ordinary for yourself. You’ll be amazed out how good that feels, especially in times like this, when nothing seems to be going quite right. Like swimming in that cold creek water.
Libra: I got on a kick, and like many of my strange compulsions, I didn’t let up. I would ask various people I encountered in strange places, what was the weirdest question they’d ever heard. My best answer was from a hostess at a 24-hour coffee shop, deep in America’s heartland, “Strangest question? Look, the sign [certain words omitted for the sake of propriety] says we’re ’24-hour’ right? So you’d be amazed at the number of people who come in and ask, ‘Are you open?’ It’s astounding.”
The vehemence that accompanied the answer from the hostess? I’m not sure it’s called for, I was just asking an innocent question. I like to be true to my nature, but I was unable to come back with, “So, are you open?” As funny as I thought it would be, I’m not sure it would’ve been well-received, but I guess you had to be there to understand the dynamics.
Look: the concentration of planets are making some things really obvious to you. You can be like that hostess in the 24-hour coffee shop, and you can be exceedingly frustrated with the idea that people are stupid enough to ask if you’re open, or you can be like me, and you can bite back the snappy comment, “So, are you open?” Your Libra self gets to make the call, but a number of things are leaning on you, and those sarcastic comments might evoke an angry response. Go easy on them.
Scorpio: At the park, the other afternoon, I watched a dog guy playing fetch with a Golden Retriever. One of those touching, warm feeling sights, at first. But watching that dog, it was fun, for me. Must be a Scorpio dog, near as I can tell. The dog quickly tired of fetch. It would chase after the ball, catch it, trot towards the owner, then stop, plop down on the ground and start chewing on that ball. “Sandy! Sandy! Bring it here! Bring me the BALL, DOG!” Yes sir, that was a smart dog.
In the summer afternoon, it was hot out, and that dog was probably pretty tired of chase and fetch, so he just sat there and let the master come to him. Makes you wonder just who was really in control, the dog or the owner? Reminded me of the way things are going in Scorpio, too. Just who is in charge here? Ostensibly, it’s somebody else, not Scorpio. But just like that dog, your own agenda, your own ways and means can easily be served if you’re willing to take a small risk. You might arouse the ire of someone who thinks he is in control. Just because that person hold a leash in his hand, that doesn’t imply that he’s really in control of the Scorpio.
So when you decide that it’s time to plop down and chew on something, I’m all for that. You have a supervisor, boss, client, or even a master who might not be so thrilled with your break from the routine, or the way you’re apparently skipping out on something you’re supposed to be doing. That’s their problem, not yours. Sometimes, in the Scorpio way of seeing things, tennis balls make ideal chew toys.
Sagittarius: Ever feel like the world is out to get you? I was out during the festive holiday, what with all the fireworks and so forth, and noisemaker cracked just off to my left, a little behind me. I about jumped through my skin. Imagine that, fireworks scaring me?
Deal is, all of us Sagittarius types are little jumpy. It’s either jumpy or teary, and I prefer to be a little jumpy than that emotional stuff. Ride this one out, as there’s easy and effective cure. There will be days, in the next week, when it’s like too much coffee, only, you didn’t drink too much coffee. It’s that nervy, sort of on edge feeling. It’s like you know something is up, and you’re not sure what. And when those stray firecrackers go off, be prepared to jump a little bit. Not much we can do about that.
One friend once suggested that cutting down on the caffeine really didn’t make me any less strange. Likewise, cutting back on your caffeine isn’t going to make you any less strange, or less jumpy, or less emotional, not during this period of time. My only suggestion, what I’m going to do with my fine Sagittarius carcass? I’m going to saddle up to serious comfort food, something to help my jangled nerve ends: Tex-Mex. Might want to join me.
Capricorn: Scenes from trailer park life — by the dumpster, one of the resident’s little dog was dragging and chowing on a piece of pizza crust. Actually, it was less crust and more half-consumed pizza slices that littered the ground. Now, what I really couldn’t figure out was how that little dog got up and into the dumpster in the first place, to dig out those remnant pizza slices. The dog is smaller than most house cats and not nearly as agile. Maybe somebody was tossing old pizza and missed?
The deal was, there was nothing but pizza slices, by the trash. That little dog was having himself a fine time. Might be a Sagittarius influence in the dog’s chart, the way it was enjoying the cold pizza. You’ve got a confrontation headed your Capricorn way soon. Like me looking at the dog. You can scold the dog, and pick up the trash, and then try to find out who’s to blame for this mess, or you follow my lead, and watch with a detached interest, maybe make note of the toppings that the dog likes so you can get back to the owner about the pizza preferences for said critter. Make a scene, raise a stink? Or maybe, just sort of watch and say, “That’s interesting, I never knew another dog that liked hot peppers so much….”
Aquarius: it was after work, one weekend, and we were cruising around, looking for something to eat in some strange town out in West Texas. To be sure, just about every town in West Texas has some quirks and oddities, that’s for sure. I tend to regard it as local color, the eccentricities of Texas are fine by me. So we’re driving around in some little town, and we happen upon a strip center, sort of an open-air mall, and there’s a chain restaurant there, it advertises “Country Style Italian food.” I had to ask what “country style Italian” was, “Like, they serve cream gravy, chicken-fried, and cornbread?”
Apparently that’s not the correct answer. I don’t know what it really is, and frankly, I’m not too concerned as I much prefer local establishments to over-sanitized chains where everything is the same across the country. Give me some deep-fried pickles any day. You’re going to make a comment, a droll observation, and then a choice based upon some kind of innocent Aquarius observation, and the outcome of that decision is going to affect the people around you. Local color is always better, even if the sanitation is somewhat suspect.
Pisces: I looked at your chart, and thought about one image I have, it’s one of my friends, he has a three-year old daughter. The child is actually a Leo, and as such, that kid demands a lot of attention. It’s that very child’s behavior that reminds me of the way Pisces are probably feeling, particularly over the next few days. “I’m not tired,” the kid doth protest, “I’m not sleepy; I don’t want to go to bed, Uncle Kramer is here, he’s funny looking.”
What makes this special is the way that the kid’s eyes are at half-mast, and sinking rapidly. It’s a losing battle, kid. Sure, I may be amusing, but growing children [and Pisces] need their rest. So there is your Pisces self, looking at this news, and thinking, I’m not tired, just because I’ve been running on less than six hors of sleep every day for the last month, no, I’m not tired. You’re starting to sound like that whining brat of a child, “But I’m not sleepy,” standing there, almost passed out from relative exhaustion. Rearrange your schedule some, you’ve been pushing yourself too far, too fast, too hard. Mars is going to be around for a while: trust me, there will be plenty of time to get everything done. I promise, if you go to bed now, you’re not going to be missing a thing.
Aries: “Never leave fish to find fish.” [Conventional fishing wisdom, I would hope.] But what does that mean? It’s really simple: If you’re in one spot on the lake, and the fish are nibbling there, then stay put. I’ve had this happen to me, I’d be at one end of the boat, and at the other end of the boat, my fishing buddy would be reeling them in. Just tearing them up. Catching a lot of fish. In fit of pique, I’d suggest it was time to move the boat to better spot.
However, as long as someone [not me, not Aries] was catching fish, conventional wisdom suggests that the most correct course of action is to stay put. Don’t go anywhere. The planets, and mostly Mars, suggest that wandering around isn’t in your best interest. Just because you’re not having any luck, right where you’re at, that doesn’t mean that it’s not good. Look at your buddy. See? He [she] is doing well. I’d suggest that you will — eventually — catch up and surpass your fishing buddy. But as the weekend starts out, remember that axiom, “Never leave fish to find fish.”
Taurus: I kept referring to a type of lure as a “Tiger Lilly” when, in fact, it was really called a “Fire Tiger”. Right idea, right color, looks like a shirt I’ve worn fishing a time or two, but it was the wrong name. Bass fisherman get picky about certain details, and that’s one, calling a lure by anything other than its proper title upsets those guys to no end. I still haven’t heard the last of this, and my buddies still chuckle about my creative naming process.
I was figuring that a “Tiger Lilly” was the same thing, as it described the lure pretty well. Bright green with orange stripes that looked like a tiger, it all worked in my mind. But that’s also where you have to be careful, what works in your mind, and what works in the real world doesn’t always add up. Works for me, works for Taurus, but with the way the last couple of weeks have been going, just because it works for the both of us, that doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. We’re [Taurus and I] not really a random sample of the population, not by strict statistical methodology. So when it comes to naming things, you might want to look up what the real name is instead of going off what you think it should called. “Tiger Lilly” will work for you and me, but the rest of the guys? They need to know what the real name is, not some sort of shorthand we’ve got worked out.
Gemini: It’s not as bad as you think it is. I ran into an old girlfriend the other evening. She was sporting a huge, diamond encrusted, platinum ring on her finger. Huge. I mean, the ring was huge. Baguettes surrounded a setting filled with enough sparkling stuff to just dazzle the eyes. I had to ask, “Engaged? Married again?” “No, no, no!” she replied, “my last boyfriend? I got him to get me this, I told him it was a lot cheaper than a divorce.”
Seeing as how she was no longer seeing the boyfriend in question, I guess that ring was a lot cheaper than a wedding, honeymoon, and divorce. Given that particular woman’s short attention span, it might have been a wise decision for everyone involved. This might be about relationships, and this might be about other types of endeavors, but a “cheaper than a divorce ring” is a lot better than making a lasting, long-term commitment.
Think about it. Is there some gesture, some overt display, something you can do that will be better than actually making that long-term commitment? Some guy, some place, is thanking his lucky stars he didn’t marry that woman. He got out cheap. Gemini can get out cheap this week, too, if you stop long enough to think about it.
