For the Week of: 8/28-9/3/2003

“You are all in all spleen,
And nothing of a man.”
Shakespeare’s Othello [IV.i.88-9] [It’s been said about certain astrology writers, I’m sure, but we’re not naming names at the moment.] Mercury is headed into retrograde by now. Just in time, for your reading pleasure, Fishing Guide to the Stars: Fishing for Love thru the zodiac [ISBN: 1-4116-0156-4] is now available: http://www.lulu.com/astrofish.

Virgo: I have this dream, might be a little unrealistic, but one day, just one day, sometime in the near future, just once, I’d like a Virgo to be nice to me. Not unctuous, false sincerity, just, you know, be nice. Polite. No harsh words. Along the lines of not biting-my-head off nice. Is that too much to ask?

See, Mr. Jupiter is getting good and comfortable in your sign. That’s good. Mars is backwards, opposite Mr. Jupiter, “So that’s BAD, isn’t it, Mr. Smart-aleck-fishing-astrology guy? Uh-huh? See? You hate Virgo’s. I just knew it!” My dream of a decent Virgo being nice to me won’t be fulfilled this week. But I’ll be fair, I’ll warn you that I will publish your note along with your address, if I feel like it, then you have no one to blame but your bad Virgo self.

Why the war wits between me [born-again lover of all things Virgo] and your Virgo self? Some one has to be the target, and it looks like no matter what I write, it’s going to be taken wrong. Mars is inclined to make you impetuous. Jupiter makes you hit the “send” button faster than usual. None of this is particularly good. Rash decisions, or worse, hateful notes to the astrologer? Especially when the Sun is beaming his way through your sign? That’s uncalled for. Go forth, party down. Enjoy some good times. Watch out for Mars-induced actions, though, i.e., don’t put anything “out there” that you don’t want to be held accountable for in the near future — like the next two weeks.

Libra: Mercury is a funny little planet. He’s acting like an evening star right now, but just barely, and frankly, from where I live, you can’t see him at all. In a few weeks, he’ll start being a morning star, and the world’s pace will get back to normal. I was listening to one of my friends complain about the caliber of people she was running into in a particular town in Texas [no names], “Just once, I mean, just once, I’d like to run into females with less than 5 pounds of makeup, maybe with an IQ that–at least–matched the height of their stiletto heels. Just once.”

I listened to her complaints about suitable females, suitable friends, and how the place was just so pretentious. I didn’t bother to point out that the problem, the common theme, involved her Libra self. It was more about where she was going, and the kind of people she was attracting into her life at the time. Sometimes, it’s not my place to point this out, but for Libra? And for the next couple of weeks, and especially this weekend plus the beginning of next week? Before you start complaining about people you have no control over, look at yourself a little more closely. Or be more like me, in that situation, you can listen, but remember, Mr. Mercury is heading into a retrograde pattern, and that would suggest it’s not a good time to offer up “helpful, Libra-like” suggestions for others.

Scorpio: I ran an errand with a friend of mine’s teenage daughter. Being a single guy at the time, I was hoping that folks would look at us, and think something like, “Wow, how’d that old fart score with the young babe? He must be rich. Or something.” I always liked the “or something” part, with its implicit and implied–but not stated–imaginative possibilities. So we were walking around the mall, and I’m gloating to myself, one of those self-satisfied smiles, “Who is the man?”

But listen to teenagers some, I mean, actually listen to them, and there’s a wealth of knowledge that they have access to. Their worldview, opinions, down to what music is currently popular, all of that is very important. Then there’s the mannerisms. Dialogue. Listen to the speech patterns. Sadly, some of this hasn’t changed much since I was a teenager. Angst seems to be a part of the world these days.

Just like my friend’s teenage daughter, though, there’s a certain amount of posture that includes a world-weary cynicism. Careful with that stuff. In her tender teen years, I doubt that she really understands what’s she’s posturing to be so cynical about. Same applies to most Scorpio charts I’ve looked at recently. But flip that coin one more time, and you know, some of them pesky, meddling kids? They’re pretty smart–if you listen.

Sagittarius: Attention versus tension. See: there’s a tremendous amount of tension building in our collective Sagittarius astrology charts. That’s not always good. But then, the way I see it? What’s a little tension among friends, right? Problem is, none of this seems to be resolving in a way that you like it. Or, for that matter, that I like. It’s supposed to be good. It’s supposed to be all right. Still, there’s that little voice of reason, the adult Sagittarius [if there really is such a mythical creature], and that voice keeps suggesting caution, aversion, and maybe, a little more attention to details that you’ve long since overlooked.

Get the idea? No? Okay, let’s try this one, then, you’re a little tense about some situation. You have no control over that situation. Let it alone. Worrying it, playing with it, tuning those thoughts over in your mind just serves to eat up valuable time that could be spent in more Sagittarius pursuits like, I don’t know, a trip to the bookstore? Maybe hop on down to the pool for a dip? Maybe do something a little more useful than just sitting around on your hands, worrying about this stuff? That’s the idea. Try a little action.

My bet is that no matter what direction you set out to pursue, it winds up being a dead end. But you know, every Sagittarius I’ve ever met can make a dead end destination into an adventure. Go have some fun, in spite of yourself. Just don’t plan the outcome of the events. It’s like fishing: you put the worm on the end of the hook, drop the hook in the water then sit back to enjoy the afternoon on the side of the creek. Don’t worry about actually catching fish. When that happens, it’s a bonus.

Capricorn: I try to live and work with planetary rhythms–in other words–I try to move in a synchronized fashion that takes in account the way the planets describe their arcs through the signs. I’ve been living like this, more or less successfully for the past few years. So we’ve got one or two planets going backwards, depending on the way you actually want to time this stuff, but in any case, I’d take this all in account.

That means there’s a Comedy of Errors about to unfold in your Life of Capricorn. I’ve got one close, personal Capricorn friend, and she’s going to be on my trailer’s doorstep, weeping, before too long. But before the afternoon is up, she’ll be vindictive then laughing about the silliness of the whole situation. All in good fun. Of course, when she first shows up, in tears with a long and sad tale of love gone astray and askew, it’s not funny at all.

Now think about this, in the span of a few short minutes, you can have the same kind of manic behavior. No need to panic. Part of what’s so important is proper perspective. Run it past a good friend, a trusted confidante, or just the friendly ear of a fishing guide. A little outside feedback might help you see the comedy in this situation. Your Capricorn self is too close to the problem to see it in the right light.

Aquarius: I was scanning the tech news the other day. Web browsers have long since replaced any form of daily paper, although, to be honest, I have yet to figure out how to sit down to a plate of migas [Tex-Mex standard breakfast fare, second only to a breakfast taco], and read a laptop or palmtop screen while munching in a little dive restaurant [or even a decent coffee shop]. I figure the high-tech look is a little out of place. I don’t make a habit of lugging a laptop around with me, and phone is just too small to really get into a news story.

The way your next few Aquarius days stack up though, you’re going to find yourself someplace where you wish you had your computer with you. Or, you’ll be at your computer, and wish you had a real newspaper, so you could clip out the article. Doesn’t much matter, either way, you’re not quite where you want to be. Or you are where you want to be, but you don’t have the correct piece of equipment in hand at the moment. In this high-tech age, and with a the highest tech signs of all, Aquarius, this leaves you with a bit of conundrum.

My suggestion? Pen and a paper napkin. You’d be surprised how well that works. The only problem with this idea, though, and I’m speaking from personal experience here, is the note I made about a meeting for next week, on paper napkin, the date and time is now covered in BBQ sauce [or salsa]. I know I’m supposed to be meet someone next week. I know it’s on a weekday. But the name, date and time is obscured by a big swipe of delicious sauce. So there might be a problem with idea, but it looks good on paper.

Pisces: Holidays, like the weekend coming up, are usually frustrating for me because no one wants to order up my services during a three-day weekend. Just when I could use the money the most, no one wants to have anything to do with me whatsoever. When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing. Perfect story for Pisces, especially with all the planets arrayed where they are.

See: it wasn’t much fun at the lake, not many fish were biting. I was letting my buddy steer with the trolling motor, and I was just sort of dangling a lure in the water, having it follow along behind us. I got a strike. It wasn’t a little bite, it was a fish of mythic proportions. The fish was so big, he clean snapped the lure right off that light line I was using at the time. Small lake usually means smaller fish. Must’ve been a monster to snap the line just like that. Second time that’s happened, too.

Same thing, real or imagined, is going to happen this weekend. Your Pisces self is just sitting there, not paying attention, and you get a sudden hit, a sudden strike, the tip of the Pisces pole bends under the weight of a huge fish [or whatever you’re fishing for], and then it’s all over. Pay attention to the details, like when someone is nibbling at your lure, so you don’t lose it all in the blink of an eye. I know you can do better than me.

Aries: There’s a quote, up on the wall of gallery, not far from my Austin abode, and the writing on the wall is attributed to Western crooner, Wayne Hancock, “Semper Fi brother, now get out of my way!” I’m sure your Aries self understands the feelings. That sentiment is all over your chart, what with Mr. Mars doing his thing with the backwards boogie.

“Mr. Mars, wait, isn’t he associated with Aries?” Yes, yes indeed my fine Aries friend. And that’s why–although I love that quote–it’s not a good idea to be injudicious about using that sort of sentiment. You might go running right over one of your friends. Or you might make a friend into an enemy with too much Aries energy. Or you might take a simple situation and needlessly complicate the matter by trying too hard. Like I’ve suggested, it’s a great quote. Save it. Use it later–when Mars is in better shape–or when you’re in better condition to use his energy.

Taurus: I was in Ft. Worth. Friday night, I went to Billy Bob’s, yes I was in that legendary honky-tonk of epic proportions, and I was watching a Texas singer sing his songs with his band that had a steel guitar player from Austin. No big deal. About a third of the males in attendance wore cowboy hats. No big deal, it’s “the look,” cowboy hat, tight jeans, belt buckles the size of a license plate, shirts with yokes and faux-pearl snaps. Yee-haw.

Don’t like Western music? That’s okay, don’t show up at a place that has live bull riding every weekend. That was Friday night. Saturday morning, I was at the Kimball Art Museum to see a display of ancient Egypt/Grecian/abstract/impressionists/some old dead masters something-or-other. Pretty danged impressive artwork. A little expensive, must’ve run $20 for me and a friend, but you know, it’s all a part of culture. These are two separate, distinct and non-aligned events that occurred in one 24-hour period.

The only connection is geographic, i.e., both in the same town, not more than a few miles apart. Expand your Taurus horizons. With Mars doing his thing, you might find yourself in a similar situation, maybe not in Ft. Worth, but wherever you are, don’t let the incongruity of the series of events rattle your feathers, or ruffle your cage. [And don’t mix Martian metaphors, either.]

Gemini: It’s been a warm August, around here. The trailer’s “back door,” such as it is, is the cat’s main point of ingress and egress. Therefore, I am the doorman. With the AC unit pumping cool air into the place, and me worrying about the electricity bill when I’m home, I really don’t like having to be concerned with keeping the door shut or opening just for a reluctant critter.

Like many clairvoyant pets, though, she’s got this behavior that drives me nuts. She’ll scratch at the door, I open it, then she’ll realize that it’s really hot outside, and maybe she doesn’t want to go out and relieve herself in the heat of the day. I know, she’s equipped with a fur coat, and that explains why she likes to stay under the bed during the hottest of the summer’s days. It’s not really the heat that gets to her–it’s the humidity. She’s originally an Arizona cat, so she can take the warmth, just not the water content in the air.

Your Gemini self is just like my cat, though, you’re standing at the doorway to something big, and suddenly, you’re stricken with indecision, stay or go? It’s that Mars [and Moon and Uranus and Pisces thing]. The only problem with this lack of action on your part, if I were a Gemini, I’d sit there at the doorway myself, weighing the options, but the problem is, you’re really irritating someone else by your lack of a decision. Stick with the Gemini approach though, even if you irritate us. You can never be too sure. In or out? Tough call. Merits further Gemini consideration–before you decide. In or out? You’re working on it.

Cancer: Coastal fishing is not like the lakes I frequent. The lakes I like are predictable. There’s usually a plethora of sporting and agreeable bass, some with several pierced jaws. Been caught before, and I set them free to get caught again. No need to keep them. Bass, perch, brim, that sort of fish is easy to identify, I can tell what I’ve got. Looks like a fish.

But down on the coast? It’s a game as you’re never sure what you’ll hook. Given that the Texas Gulf also hosts some pretty hefty refining facilities, not to mention offshore oil and gas leaseholds, it makes for an interesting sport. I still remember the first time I caught one of those “flat fish,” when I was a mere child. I thought, for sure, I’d reeled in a filet, some sort of aberration of nature. Both eyes on one side of the fish head, the bottom side all flat and skeletal-looking. Weird thing for a kid to catch. Good eating, but it left me a little confused until Pa Wetzel explained it to me. So when you’re fishing on the coast, there’s always a chance of catching “Picasso fish,” you know, something that looks like an abstract rendering of what a fish might look like with no [normal] sense of perspective.

Leo: One of my friends was over the other day, and we were talking about gardening, looking out onto the trailer’s little patio. My friend, she’s a red-head you know, she was going on and on about this and that, nattering and holding forth about how I should be doing this and that with what I grow outside. I listened for while. Some her advice made really good sense. Some of it sounded like she’d done her homework. Some of it I was a little suspicious about, but that just could be my nature.

She included advice on perennials, African Violets, wildflowers, ferns, and then, she changed the topic to other matters. I was about to take some of her advice when I remembered what I’d seen at her apartment, not long ago. She’s a gorgeous woman, fit, full of life, active lifestyle, and she has a peculiar claim to make, “I can kill plastic houseplants.” She can’t have anything green in her house. She manages to kill off any living plant within a week. It’s a skill, I suppose. So when it comes to taking advice, consider the source. Not all experts are experts. Before you try something that sounds really good, maybe double check before you do it. Not every person offering advice and assistance is really that helpful. Consider the source–maybe look at the background.

(c) 2002, 2003 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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