“This root of his opinion… is rotten/As ever oak or stone was sound.”
Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale (II.iii.89-90)
Aries: The problem being that Mr. Mars, in all his edgy exuberance, really likes events and actions to push forward, at a high rate of speed. Aries like that, too. Move, forward, now. In fact, with that last dangling sentence, it would fit most Aries I know just fine if I dropped the commas. Further, I could make one more Aries happy if I capitalized the last word, like this: NOW. Okay, what we’re dealing with is two, maybe three astrological items. One is obviously Mars, frying through your sign. Second is Mr. Jupiter, backing up in Virgo-land, and finally, we’re just spinning out of a Mercury retrograde period. That all stacks up to some delays. Not big delays, and your Aries wishes will be fulfilled, but you’ve got to watch the time thing. As in, no one is moving as fast as you are. It’s just Mars, and he’s just pushing you along. You’re supercharged, and the rest of us are just “naturally aspirated.” Means we can’t move as fast, or, for that matter, keep up with you.
Taurus: 200 miles and Texas weather. I was on a road trip a week or two ago, and I noticed that the weather patterns north of Austin and the way it feels in Austin is substantially different. It’s all Texas, and it’s just Texas weather, and it’s all a little weird. So is your Taurus life. You would be surprised to find out what a few hundred miles can do to change your outlook on life. The song of the open road, the wheels squishing along on the tarmac, the sights along the highway, it all makes for a better way of seeing the world. When I was in England not long ago, I discovered that 200 miles was a long way away. In Texas, though, that’s sometimes just a morning jaunt. I know one guy who commutes that distance every day. Not that I could do that, either, but it’s an idea. Remember “6 degrees of separation”? How about 200 miles of separation? Drag out a map. Plot your location. Figure out how far 200 miles is, like, with a piece of string. Then circumscribe a circle with that radius. You’ve got a 200 mile limit to work with.
Gemini: I was looking at Bubba’s Gemini astrology chart, at his behest, and he was asking that single question that I’m used to hearing from any number of Gemini’s, “When will my life get better?” Without missing a beat, I could just think back and realize Mercury was no longer RX in late Sagittarius, and, by the end of the week, Mercury would scoot forward in Capricorn, and I’ll give you the same answer that I gave him, “Soon!” The problem being that “soon” in Gemini terms and “soon” in my precise, astrological terms have two different meanings. I mean like soon as in within this next 5 to 7 days. A Gemini hears “soon,” and that Gemini expects life to be better as of yesterday. Alas, I can’t turn back the hands of time, nor, for that matter, am I willing to work with a different version of the definition of “soon.” So soon is when it all changes–for the better. One more little problem: Jupiter is starting backwards trek, and that’s going to act like a little governor of your Gemini racing motor. So soon might be the definition of the rest of us. Adjust your schedule, and it’ll work out fine.
Cancer: I’ve extolled the virtues of silence and hard work long enough. I’ll be brutally honest, I don’t understand the rewards of hard work because I’ve never gotten around to hard work myself. I figure dragging my lazy self out of bed was enough work for one day. You get some much needed relief during the next couple of days. I’ve hammered you about Saturn, I’ve warned you about Mercury, and you know what? None of it matters that much, because your time is here. Now. In other words, for the next couple of days, you get a break from the planets. Maybe not a big break, certainly wasn’t the exciting offer you were hoping for, but you know, any port in storm will be all right by your standards. Especially the way this New Year started off. So take a little break. Look at what you’ve accomplished thus far, and start plotting a course to take you further. Plus, with the decent little break, life will be just fine for a few days.
Leo: I just can’t get over it, the way the tides and fortunes turn so quickly. Down one minute, up the next. Look: at a truck stop in El Paso, I discovered perhaps the very best bacon in the world. Don’t ask me why it was in a truck stop, or why it was in El Paso, TX of all the forgotten places on the planet, but there you have it. Simply the best. I’ve been back there on numerous occasions, and the bacon is consistently the best. Huge slabs of pork, fried until crisp, not quite burned, but almost. It’s a close call. Maybe that’s the secret. For some reason, and this defies logic, but sometimes the best things in life are in the most unlikely of places. Perchance, it’s right in your own backyard. Or maybe, you’re making a long haul from LA to Houston, and the middle point is that truck stop in El Paso, you pull in for some breakfast, and discover that, yes, I was right, it is the best bacon you’ve had. Ever. Drop the “high falutin'” search for Leo Nirvana in far-flung and exotic destinations, start looking right in your own backyard.
Virgo: I was in a little ranching and farming community, not far west of Austin, and we’d stopped in a Dairy Queen. My traveling companion needed to relieve herself, and I’ve found that the best local gossip can usually be found at the DQ. It’s social center, at least, it’s the daytime social center. There was one table with a half dozen elderly gentlemen, done up in their ranch-wear best, sipping on warm cups of coffee, bemoaning the economy, the crisis points in the world, and generally carrying on in a way that was really rather comforting. The local weekly newspaper was read and numerous items from its pages had apparently been dissected and discussed. I overheard a snippet of conversation about the football team, and watching that new kid who could “really throw a ball.” You’ve got a choice to make in the next couple of days, you can be the star of that discussion, as in, you could be the up and coming new High School quarterback who can really throw a ball, or you can emulate my capacity as an observer. You get to choose, but my suggestion is to write down that new quarterback’s name. Never can tell when you get a chance to say, “I knew him way back when….”
Libra: I saw brilliant T-shirt over the holidays and my sister and I had an excellent chuckle as a result of seeing that one shirt: “No kidding Mom, I’m weird.” Well, to be really truthful, the shirt had a slightly different expression. I edited it for the sake of publishing and being a nice guy. The idea conveys rather well to Libra for the next couple of days. Life is strange. You’re weird. That’s the way it is. There’s an added caution, too, even though Mr. Mercury is moving in a much more orderly way, you’re still inclined to pick up the pieces of your weird “Life of Libra” and try to put it all back together. Mercury took three weeks to shatter everything, do you honestly think you can put all this back together overnight? Probably not going to happen. Slow it down, tone yourself down, and lower your expectations. I didn’t say anything about lowering your standards. I just suggested that you ease up on the rest of us. After all, and even your mom would agree with the shirt threes days, you’re feeling a little weird–maybe weirder than the rest of us.
Scorpio: Quick, look at your schedule. You know, the paper appointment book? The day timer thing? Or, in my case, the electronic version? Whatever it is that you use to keep track of events and appointments? Look at that thing. Or device, display, whatever. I can never tell in this modern age. Used to be, I would buy a new paper calendar every year, dutifully put it in the binder and then forget all about it. Deal is scheduling, and you’re going to find that folks keep switching times around on you. We were headed out to fish the other morning. I got call at some really unreasonable hour of the morning alerting me to the fact that the guy with the boat decided the weather wasn’t worth braving to fish. Too cold, too windy, or, in my assumption, too dark. If I recall, I’d been out a little late the night before. We both figured it was a good call–freed up my morning for an impromptu astrology reading. But I’m not a Scorpio, and I know how you hate to have to change your schedule for outside influences. Deal is, there are still going to be some changes, and I’d suggest that you be ready. Fortunately for me, I don’t feel strange showing up for reading with a fishing lure or two stuck in my hat. I just consider it “local color.” However, your business associates might be a little worried if you show up for an important meeting dressed casual — like me.
Sagittarius: The astrological sign of Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter. Jupiter is considered a gas giant in astronomical terms. Some folks find that more than a few of us Sagittarius types are very like our sign, often times filled with a lot of hot air. Or noxious gases. Or both. With Jupiter starting an annual backward trek, now in Virgo, at point that’s within kissing distanced of making a disturbing angle to Pluto, there’s bound to be an eruption or two. Me and some buddies were wrapping up and walking out to the truck after an evening repast of fine Central American cuisine. Problem being that beans are a major part of that food group. High protein, I think. Also full of sulfur compounds. Three guys in the front seat of a pickup. Aren’t you glad you missed that ride? Two items, one, only in Texas is flatulence considered a competitive sport, and two, sometimes missing an opportunity isn’t such a bad deal. Missed riding with us? Think of all the fun you missed. Sagittarius, you might miss a trip or a connection: don’t worry. You might be glad you missed that ride.
Capricorn: True story–a Department of Public Safety officer observed a car [4-door sedan] weaving and speeding on the highway. Pulled the car over, “My wife’s having a baby!” So the officer did the nice thing and escorted the car to the emergency room here. Then he proceeded to ticket the driver. Baby’s fine, wife’s okay. Baby boy (Capricorn), I think, in this example. But just because you think it’s an emergency, that doesn’t mean that you can just blatantly disregard all the rules of the road. While I’ll agree with you that it was a cold shot from the public officer, he was only trying to do his job. And that car? Parked up on the curb? Irrational father, and the panic? Seems the car had a small problem with registration, it’s not like he was getting a ticket for speeding or erratic driving. Just a parking ticket, and no inspection sticker, and no insurance, and whatever else for paperwork that wasn’t quite in order…. You have to see both sides of this story, see, and then it makes a little more sense. Same applies to you, are you the officer? Facing moral outrage for your sworn duties? Are you the happy new daddy, suddenly in trouble because you forgot to handle a few details correctly?
Aquarius: You know, your life got easier a few days ago. I’ve been singing that song for a while now, but I’m serious. Ms. Venus is flying through your sign, mostly through latter stages of Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter where she winds up in your individual chart, she’s bringing good stuff. Last time, when Venus was in Sagittarius, same spot for me, I was out fishing one morning. Caught me a string of fish. Well, I’m a catch and release kind of guy, so all I did was leave some bass with sore jaws, out at the lake. Got a picture or two, but that was about it. Made for a great day. Depends on what you’re fishing for, in your Aquarius life, but I’ll promise that you can do as well as I did. It’s possible to meet and exceed your own expectations. Mostly. I was just fishing for fish, a special kind of fish, too, one with a degree of spunk, fight, and possibly, just a little ire. Makes for some fun in the morning. Makes for a sporting proposition. So even though it’s (supposedly) the dead of the Texas winter, there’s still a shot that you have at something fun, sporting, maybe with little fight and spunk, too. That’s what you’re really looking for, isn’t it?
Pisces: I was out for an afternoon stroll, just a couple of days ago. It felt like a rare break in the weather, you know, one of those days when it feels like it’s going to be sunny and have the temperature climb up over the magic seventy-degree mark (Fahrenheit), not all that rare in the winter, not around here. Now, it’s the middle of January, and I’m not that stupid to fall for old Mother Nature’s tricks. I took a long sleeve flannel shirt with me, wrapped around my waist when I set out. I got about halfway into a decent hike, and all of sudden, the wind shifted, the temperature plummeted by ten degrees, and I was shivering. Fortunately, I wasn’t so far from home that I couldn’t dash back to the trailer. But I’ve lived here long enough to understand the vagaries of our local version of weather. Are you properly prepared for the same kind of changes? Goes from hot to cold in the blink of an eye? The wind suddenly shifts direction and it feels like an arctic blast from the North Pole? Or maybe it’s a shift in the other direction, with some situation finally heating up? Might be prepared, either way.
