“You would seek t’unsphere the stars with oaths!”
Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale [I.ii.48]
Aries: This has happened twice now. I was shopping with a friend, in the outlet mall, one of many that dot the Texas landscape, and she came across–what I thought–was a unique piece of clothing: camouflage lingerie. Priced cheap, too. After all, it was in the “shuffled off to the middle of nowhere” outlet mall cheap store. The first time was a giggle, the second time, I noted it, and applied some intellectual horsepower to the idea. Camouflage is used to hide something right? And lingerie is used to advertise something, right? Perusing the sizes, though, it was apparent that some of this item had sold, at one time. The only ones left were either extreme: petite or huge. Why would anyone buy this sort of attire? Outside of a very few individuals that I know, I just can’t see how it would be appealing. But then, as the old axiom suggests, you can never go broke underestimating American tastes. Before you haul off and buy some of this yourself, think about. While I trust your Aries sensibility and risibility, not everyone you encounter will be so amused. I think it’s a great gift idea, too. But think about the person on the receiving end, would they concur with us?
Taurus: I was watching the tourist barges ply up and down the limited waterway that runs down the middle of the San Antonio Riverwalk area. Great tourist destination. I’ve been meaning to take one of those tourist barge rides for a while, just never got around to it. From my perch high atop one of the walls, I could hear snippets of the tour guide’s rambling discourse. “And over here, we see….” And so on. The place where I was perched, the water’s pathway narrows, and there’s a loop in the creek’s course. To me, it looked like there wasn’t enough room for two boats to pass each other, like a bottleneck. I watched, it was the middle of a cool winter afternoon, and I wondered what was going to happen when a second, then a third barge pulled into view, loaded to the point of almost bursting. I had remarked earlier about how that might make for some interesting fishing, dropping a line behind one of those barges and trolling along. But I still couldn’t se how those three boats were going to get in and out of that turn in the river’s course. What I couldn’t see, and these tour boats are apparently choreographed with frightening precision, was that there was a loop, and while one boat was passing through the loop, the other two cold pass with relative ease. No close calls. No rushing down to fish wet, drowned tourists out of the drink. It’s all part of a careful plan–as long as the boats move along the scripted route. If some tries to upset your scripted route, just keep talking to your boatload of tourists, and stick to your schedule. You’ll prevent any mishaps that way.
Gemini: Nothing seems to infuriate a Gemini more than “poke poke poke.” Poking along just doesn’t do it. Seems like that’s what everyone is doing these days, just poking along. Not moving fast enough for Gemini tastes? Sorry. I can’t do anything to speed up the planets or the way other folks are reacting. Or not reacting, as the case probably is. While I jump every time I hear from my Gemini’s, I can’t say that everyone else is doing that, too. Might be a problem. Solutions? There aren’t a lot of solutions. Sometimes, you’re just sort of stuck with everyone else (the other 11 signs) moving a little slower than you like. Not everyone has your blistering speed when it comes to brain situations. Not everyone else can think circles around the average person with your warp speed grey matter. My problem–your problem–this week, I don’t have a single clue on how to motivate other folks to catch up with your Gemini quickness. I remember listening to one of my friends, “Clueless, they called me ‘clueless’, hey, what’s that mean?” You know the feeling, don’t you?
Cancer: Clarity is a rare commodity these days. Oh no, it’s not a rare commodity in your own world, which, as of late probably feels like it’s turned to mud. It’s a rare commodity in the rest of the world. There are numerous areas where folks are obviously not seeing something very clear. While I know that you are seeing this clearly, until Mr. Mercury finally gets hisself out of Capricorn, you might want to sit tight on what you know. Just because you’re right, that doesn’t imply that the rest of the world, at least, the other 11 signs, will agree with you. Even if you are right. Even if you do see this one situation with unfailing clarity. “If they would only listen to me, I’d tell them how to run this show…” is a familiar lament from Cancer for the next few days. Unfortunately, the Cancer phone ain’t ringing, the e-mail in-box is empty, and no one wants to hear what you have to say. Well, I do, but then, I’m usually quite fond of Cancer’s. But that doesn’t make anyone else listen any better. Sit tight, you’ll get a chance to point out how you were right–later.
Leo: I got hooked on breakfast tacos at this one place in East Austin. I’m not sure where the “bacon” came from, might have been possum for all I know. Or some other kind of mystery meat. I’m pretty sure the eggs were real eggs, but that could be me. Deal is, there’s a cachet about East Austin, supposedly, it’s a rough side of town. Lower income, rumors about gangs and crimes, that sort of troubled area. In fact, that’s about as far from the truth as can be. Nice neighbors, nice neighborhoods. The only problem was gentrification, where folks come in and snap up run down housing, spruce the place up, and call it “eclectic’ so they can charge a higher price. Anyway, at that one taco place, the food is just incredible. Cheap, too. I’m not sure what the secret ingredient is, I’m not sure why it all tastes as good as it does, and I’ve never been able to isolate that key spice, the single ingredient that makes ALL the difference. Some folks might be upset that a regal Leo would find solace in a cheap breakfast taco, but comfort is comfort, no matter where you find it. Find your comfort zone. Doesn’t have to be a big deal, either, it could be something ass simple a “bacon y huevos” taco.
Virgo: February 11 is the Feast Day of the Patron Saint of Beekeepers. Just a little historical trivia to make your life more interesting. That beekeeping note just made me think about Virgo and what’s going on. Astrologically, you’ve got Mr. Jupiter. Metaphorically, you’ve got a live beehive. The upside, I mean, have you ever tasted Texas Bluebonnet Honey? Wild honey from wild honeybees? There’s a delicate flavor to it. It’s really good stuff. But wrestling that stuff away from the bees? That’s a bit of a chore. If you’re properly prepared, the nectar is amazing. But try to get into that beehive without all that netting and so forth? It’s a not a pretty sight. Trust the patron saint of beekeeper to help provide a little protection. Trust the simple netting of a beekeeper’s outfit to help make the task easy. Be gentle. It’s all there for the taking, the little bees curing out their delicious, sticky substance with its excellent flavor, but you have to be prepared. Don’t act so rash as to stir up that beehive.
Libra: The Balcones Fault is a weird geological feature that splits–or creates–a portion of Central Texas. It’s from the Tertiary Period, which was, like, a long time ago. Coming into San Antonio, usually along Interstate 37, up from the coast, just south of San Antonio proper, there’s a low line of hills, the first break in a 100 miles, the uplift that starts to separate the coastal prairie–basically coastal dunes–from the rest of the Texas. Balcones Fault, then Edwards Plateau, and don’t forget the Llano Uplift (beautiful pink granite there), it’s all a part of the geological history of the state. Plus, that land and these landmarks are gentle reminders of how the terrain shaped history. The Texas references might escape you, but the way the towns are situated on the shoulder of the plateau, the way the geography predicts events is clear. You’ve got something akin to a geological uplift occurring in your Libra chart. Might be a big deal. Might be a more gentle. Still, the uplift also predicts a future with bright cultures and colorful costumes. Even if you feel like there’s some upheaval these days, remember, that ancient uplift eventually produced some of the prettiest countryside in the world.
Scorpio: Bubba got a deal, in the parking lot of an auto supply store, on a set of metric sockets. Came in a cool plastic case. Looked all nice, shiny and so on, with everything lined up. But look at the fine print on the sockets themselves–all metric. I think it’s the 10 mm and the 13 mm wrenches that are pretty close to an American size, as I recall. So he started working on the truck, and all he had was that metric set. To be sure, a more modern truck might actually be metric, like one of those trucks that’s made in San Antonio, but old Fords and Chevys? They require a different set. Now, this one bubba, he’s got a fair amount of Scorpio in his chart, so he started working away with that shiny new socket set, determined to make the wrenches fit the nuts and bolts. He did get the alternator off. He didn’t round too many at first. But as he started to reassemble everything, the problems started to crop up. Metric and American sizes are a close fit, but not close enough for heavy-duty wrenching. Careful: Mars is opposite you. Means that you’re tempted to try to take a shortcut with a cheap set of tools, and that only causes more delays. “Hand me that 5/8’s wrench, wouldja?” Uh, Scorpio Bubba? There isn’t one.
Sagittarius: I’ve done a lot of astrological consultations in my time. One on one, face to face, over the phone, just me and a client. What I’ve learned, the hard way, is to listen to the client. What I’ve had happen, time and again, is that I’ll repeat back something the client says, some important bit of information, and then the client gets really surprised, forgetting that he or she revealed that information just a few minutes before, so I come across as the great “sees all, knows all” instead of just quotidian feller. I didn’t arrive at this particular skill set overnight, nor did I just start listening. I had to learn this the hard way. Works better when I learn it the hard way. Now, take a lesson from me. Start listening. Sagittarius, we’re mostly a blowhard group of great talkers. I can usually expound on just about any topic, and whether or not I have intimate knowledge of that topic or not, doesn’t much matter. I’m practiced at that art of “holding forth,” a time-honored tradition in these parts. But on certain occasions, like as long as Mars is in Taurus, holding forth should be kept to a minimum. Listen, don’t preach. Even though we do make good preachers.
Capricorn: I mentioned an event I was working at, then I mentioned that a certain performer was going to be playing at the same time as I was scheduled to talk. The way I phrased it, one of my buddies shot me a quick reply, “It’s like you and him, dueling banjos style.” Interesting image. I couldn’t play a banjo, and that one performer, he’d probably be playing a mandolin, not a banjo. Or a fiddle. Still, I make no pretensions about my own musical ability–or lack thereof. I was glad that I could be a source of amusement for my buddy, though. Mercury is taking his leave of your sign. Sit back and enjoy what’s going on around you. You might be up against some pretty tough competition, and that would worry a lesser person, but as Capricorn, and with a degree of humor, you’ll find that you’re really doing okay. But play to your strengths, not your weaknesses. While it’s an amusing notion that I could compete with that guy and his mandolin, let’s be reasonable, I probably couldn’t even get that darned instrument in tune, much less pick out a coherent chord. I’ll stick with what I know.
Aquarius: The trailer spot next to my slot in Shady Acres changed. It’s really just a rental, with an absentee landlord, so it’s not like it’s a real trailer with an owner. New tenant, as of the first of the month. A comely lass, of expected proportions, young, blond hair, looks like a student at the University, you can imagine the rest, right? Sure. The problem? After quietly assuming residence on the first of the month, she had some kind of a housewarming party. At least, that’s what I’m guessing she was doing. I noticed one night, that there were an awful lot of cars parked outside, up and down the drive. The doors were open the lights were on, horrible pop music was streaming forth at a raucous volume. This bodes no good. Then there was the screeching. Drunken conversations at the top of their girlie voices. What probably upset me the most, other than my sleeping pattern was disturbed, was the fact that I wasn’t invited. All those young girls, and no one thought to invite the neighbor. I composed a scathing letter the park’s management, in my head. I went over and knocked on the door at 6 in the morning, waking up hung over youngsters, in my head. I went over and introduced myself, and we all had fine time that night, in my head. What actually happened is I pulled a pillow over my head as I was exhausted, and I slept right through, and never mentioned the disturbance. As it turned out, it was a one-time problem, and it took care of itself. Or someone else complained. No more loud parties, at least, not this week. Not so far, anyway. Sometimes, the most diplomatic solution is to do nothing.
Pisces: Pisces is generally regarded as a passive, peaceful sign. I’m not saying all Pisces are like that, but most of the ones I encounter are gentle and sweet. Usually. Mostly. Lots of the time. Every once in a long while, though, some kind of sand burr gets under your Pisces saddle, and you can become quite recalcitrant. I had to look that word up, to make sure I spelled it right. The definition I found said, “obstinately disobedient.” So much for sweet Pisces comments. After what’s been going on, though, there’s an idea here. Instead of going out, instead of prowling around and growling at people, why not just hole up at home? Sometimes, a quiet evening or two, or maybe even most of next week, spending time “recharging your internal batteries” is a good idea. Clear the schedule and gets yourself a little downtime. This is like one of my clients, worked offshore for years. Two weeks on, two weeks off. Not a bad idea, although, I seriously doubt that it’s more than a few days, but a few days off will help.
