Two Meat Tuesday

Pick two. Any two. Includes your choices of side dishes, I’d recommend a salad with Ranch dressing. Plus some fried okra. And free Wifi.

1. BBQ. With Gemini Sean Bubba and that Aries. I hope she’s an Aries.

1. I was poking along on the hike and bike trail, cell phone stuck in my ear, chatting up a client (just arranging a reading, really), and a nasty bicyclist passed me, hollering, “BIKE ON YOUR LEFT!” Irritated me as he was unconscionably loud. Pedestrians have the right of way, phone or not. So as I was coming out the post office parking lot, a big Chevy truck was crowding me. I was about to do something evil, to assert my right-of-way, when I noticed the sticker: Fish tremble at the sound of my name. The more I thought about it, the more I chuckled. I don’t need a sticker on my truck making such a claim.

1. I was chatting with a buddy not named Bubba while I was idling along the hike and bike trail, “Oh yeah, dude. Dude. How much would you charge to do a wedding?”

I laughed, then I gleefully pointed out that a wedding service, performed by the Rev. Kramer is actually a legally binding service, and not something that’s just for fun. I take my ministerial duties, well sometimes, anyway, I take them “pastoral care” duties serious-like.

“No man, really, how much would you charge?”

The details? On a party barge, in Town Lake, food and drink provided? I could have a fishing pole by my side, wearing shorts, barefoot, probably a straw cowboy hat and Hawaiian shirt. What’s that tradition? After being married a few times, participating in countless weddings, and officiating one or two, I think that the groom is supposed to slip the presiding minister $50 or $100 at the end of the service. But if I could fish? I might waive the fee. Or wave the fee?

1. Furor over the Apple ad? I don’t get why some apple users are upset. But as a web-based writer, I’m sensitive to notations about copyrights and intellectual property rights. I thought the ad was okay.

1. Seems like The Fat Guy passed through Austin, and seems like he didn’t look any of us up. More’s the shame. Next time, dude.

1. Two-Meat Plate Q&A:
“Where do babies come from?”
“Well liquor.”

1. Pursuant to that last link? I really do live like a monk.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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