For the Week of: 3/25-31/2004

“O thou thing!”

Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale

Aries: Happy birthday Aries! There’s a particular section of the Aries sky that’s seeing some action these days. Lots of action. Lots of events are unfolding. Much coming and going. Much talk. Less action. Therein lies the problem. Aries are nothing if they aren’t action-oriented. All this chatter, while it’s nice and all, it just doesn’t satisfy the yearning for activity. I know it’s birthday time for your Aries self, but there’s also a lot more talking and lot less doing going on. That’s still a source of frustration. One of my fishing buddies made fun of me, I was joking, but he took it serious. I made a dry comment about how “I saw it on the Bill Dance Fishing Show,” so it must true, right? My buddy was quick to point out, in true fishing buddy fashion, that “watching it on TV is like porn, it’s not nearly as much fun to watch as” and I leave the rest of that analogy to your own, prurient minds. But it’s a valid way of looking at the Aries world. Talking about it, watching it, as opposed to some action on your part, is a lot more entertaining, whether it’s fishing, or some other activity.

Taurus: I was listening to a Taurus buddy, oddly enough, his nickname is “Bubba,” and he was basically depressed. It had something to do with his significant other, who was not responding like a significant other was supposed to react. “So she did call, but she was out with her husband, and she couldn’t talk at the time….” was the general way the conversation went. I listened for a while, but I wasn’t in position wherein I wanted to point out that my buddy was pursuing a situation that had a built-in limitation. It’s that whole, “my husband” aspect. I’m not about to suggest that your Taurus self is out running after some person who is married. But there are some limiting factors that I’m not sure you’ve been wiling to look at. Let’s be a little more reasonable. Let’s try this from a different tack. Some events just weren’t mean to be. Instead of arguing, cajoling, pleading, or acting desperate, why not skip it? You’ll be a lot happier. That’s my goal: make Taurus happy.

Gemini: To this day, even, I have to let people know that I am not related to some “cosmic” character, living in perpetuity through reruns of old comedy shows. “Kramer? Like on TV?” Very funny. Move along, no connection here. Except, there is one. Remember what that character Kramer did? The best of entrances, always sliding into the room? Yes. That’s actually Mars, not some supporting character played by a Virgo actor. Mars bangs through the door, arms akimbo, slings a loud “Hello! Hey!” Then Mr. Mars bounces around the room a time or two. This is a great comic entrance. It’s a terrible dramatic entrance. Can’t be sneaky, sly, or covert. Remember that. You’re just like some character who is not modeled after me, and you’re sliding into the room, under that Mars power, making a grand and sweeping statement. You might even comically bungle some of the entrance. Mars does that. You’ve got a great plan, but like that one character, not everyone will take you serious now.

Cancer: I started various components in my garden years ago. Then it became fashionable to grow your own herbs, and I was way ahead of the curve. Depends on some seasonal influences, but by now, the Jasmine and some other ivy kind of plant with big, white, sweet-smelling flowers is just going hog-wild. And I’m reminded of Magnolia trees, with their intoxicating blooms. The thing of it is, though, that my garden took a long time to get situated. I began with mint. Simple stuff, grows like a weed, can hardly kill it. Loves to be watered every day, but if I’m absent for up to w week or two, the stuff does just fine, bereft of support. I gave some to neighbor, just basically uprooted a section of mint and handed it over. My neighbor, bless her Cancer soul, couldn’t get it to grow. Here’s a plant that I can’t kill, and some poor Cancer girl can’t get it to flourish. I’m sure you’re familiar with the same sentiment. Gardens and Saturn have a lot in common. Gardens take time. In my case, it wasn’t so much careful planning as it was happenstance and luck. But just because that one plant didn’t take root the first time, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it again.

Leo: I’ve got one friend who was infinitely jealous that I got to spend so much time living in a travel trailer. The problem being, of course, that my travel trailer was rented, not owned, and my travel trailer didn’t actual travel anywhere. It sat up on its blocks in a trailer park in South Austin. Took one trip, and then it never went anyplace else. Became some kind of investment property, although, I’m unsure of the economics of the situation. Which is curious, at best. So although I enjoyed a wonderful “trailer park/travel trailer” lifestyle, I wasn’t actually going place. Since the tires are flat, and the travel equipment is resting on cinder blocks, it’s really not likely that the domicile itself will be moving any time too soon. Doesn’t mean it’s not the good life, though. Just means that the forward momentum comes from another direction. Instead of looking outward, or being jealous of someone who actually lives in a travel trailer, figure that outward appearances aren’t always what they seem to be. Notice that my place was up on blocks.

Virgo: I was trying to describe this yearning I felt. I was talking to a buddy of mine whose nickname might–or might not be–Bubba. “It’s a painful, strong desire, you, know, a burning sensation….” “Whoa there, ‘burning sensation’? Better see the doctor about that. Sounds like you need a good dose of antibiotics,” he interjected. So I was trying to eloquently describe poetic love, and he was confusing it with the physical act, and from there, he was taking places I would rather not go, not without protection. Or unarmed. So you’re like me, trying to describe something that’s poignant and intense, some action or inaction that matters. A sense of loss and betrayal, a sense of desire and longing, maybe some strong sentiments that have to do with desire on many different levels. Then along comes a good buddy, and he turns the whole equation upside down. Hate it when that happens. Never mind, the Virgo poetic license is still good, just be prepared for other characters in your life to misunderstand the point.

Libra: I don’t feel funny. According to one of my friends, I do smell funny, but I was sort of figuring that was intended as a slight, not that it really applied to me in any sense of the way it was implied. I know I do look funny to him, but then, its a long standing rivalry that is based on mutual respects, kinship, “love you like a brother, man”, and the exchange of veiled threats and barbs. So his little verbal jabs are a form of amusement. I was standing in a coffee shop, picking up an afternoon libation, trying to get back to my usual summertime, exchanging repartee over a cell phone, and the little barista looked askance at some of my comments. She couldn’t help but overhear my portion of the conversation. I thought about my answer, at least for a second or two, then I assured the delicate barista, that the comments were all in jest, and it was an old school chum. Hearing half a conversation can result in some misunderstandings.

Scorpio: Redundant arrays and backup systems are pretty important. I’ve been twiddling this website for years. I had minor computer emergency, and I was forced to go back to using a text editor to hammer out the scopes one week. Pretty weird, after being used to the fast and fat internet pipe, pretty difficult to jump back to dialup connection. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. I found that I was pretty rusty at some of the command line interface, too. In fact, and I can admit this now, I forgot some of the answers to the computer’s prompts. Embarrassing. Setbacks like this do occur from time to time. I had a perfect emergency plan in place. What I didn’t account for was that, even though I had all the backup stuff I needed, it was still really slow going. As a good Scorpio, I know that you have emergency backup plans in place. Now, if you’re like me, and you have to resort to some older version of some project, you’ll find that it’s not all that bad. It might be slow going for the next few days, but you are still making forward progress. This is good.

Sagittarius: “Fit to be tied” is a colloquial expression. Mr. Mars, that occasionally ugly little warmonger, is in a position opposite from Sagittarius. What’s that do to us? We’re fit to be tied. Mostly upset. Mostly irritable. Mostly a little short-tempered. Mostly, well, mostly a lot of things that have to do with other folks not understanding the urgency, expediency, and necessity of tasks that our Sagittarius selves feel like are really important. This is a problem. But once your Sagittarius self realizes what the problem is, namely Mr. Mars, you can harness that energy. I’ve found it helps to double up on my workout, just for starters. Plus, that gives the body a chance to tire itself out enough so I can’t let my mind attack me with all kinds of weird thoughts. Again, this is a positive way to deal with Mr. Mars. Besides, halfway through a good, long six or eight mile hike, the problems I associated with Mars start to fade. Stop off for some tacos someplace. Eat light, but add fuel as needed. Suddenly, I’m in a soporific state, and the long mileage starts to feel good. Mars and his inherent frustrations are still there, but the problems are in a more manageable state.

Capricorn: I took over an administrative temp position to help out a couple of friends. Seems like the last guy to have the job spent an inordinate amount of time answering personal e-mail and writing love notes to girlfriends. Apparently, the final moment came when the now-former employee refused to tear himself away fro his personal endeavors to answer the boss’s phone call. Bad move, if you ask me. Paved the way for me to jump right in, and take over. When I scoured the old company computer the tasks I was assigned, I came across a couple of jokes that were forwarded back and forth. I actually stumbled onto a joke I’d never seen before, so the first action I took was to bounce it out to my own joke list. Then I deleted the message. No, I didn’t bother to erase it all and zero out the hard drive. But from that point forward, I didn’t spend any time forwarding jokes from the company’s desk. Look: I didn’t care if I got caught plus, I didn’t spend any more time chasing after fun instead of working. Priorities are important. More so now than before. When I’m paid to sit down and interpret a chart, that chart and the client have my attention for the 15 minutes or the hour, or whatever. You’re being paid to do something. Do it. Do it well. Don’t let little distractions, especially personal matters like jokes, get inthe way of doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

Aquarius: This whole “job thing” is a problem. It’s a little confusing, too. Or really confusing, sort of depends on where you fall in the Aquarius slice of the sky, but more or less, it’s all related to work, earned income, and how we spend our time. I was trying to wrap my brain around how to explain this, and got to gazing out the tiny window that looks out over the river. The water was peacefully flowing by, it’s a bright morning in the springtime, I had a little cup of coffee and fresh cigar, life was good. I stood there for a minute, just watching the sunlight’s glinting reflection off the surface of the water, the river slowly making its way down towards the Gulf, and suddenly, almost an hour had gone by. The e-mail alert was going “boing-boing,” the cat shifted once in her positon on the couch, and I hadn’t accomplished much of anything. But it was so peaceful. How we chose to spend our hours at work is important. How we distribute the time that we’ve got is what is the focus. I was searching for a muse. Not every task is so peaceful, and therein is the problem. You going to do like I did? Spend an hour enjoying a calm, sunny, spring morning? Or are you going to get some real work done around here?

Pisces: I was meandering along, listening to talk radio the other morning. The local program was a couple of “good old boys” and their format is politely conservative. They like their opinions like, I’m sure, the way they like their steaks, well-done, not half-baked, and without a lot of spice. Maybe just some ketchup. I wouldn’t hesitate to suggest that they needed a little grain of salt with some of their comments, finding it difficult for my more liberal views to work into their arch-conservative style. The more I listened, the more I got tempted to call up and suggest a point or two to correct their erroneous “facts.” Now, in my place, the phone is right next to the radio. I got up, slightly indignant, ready to make a phone call and I realized, if I called in, I would just create an upset stomach [mine], and provide them with some good fodder for sarcastic fun. I reached for the phone, but I just flipped the radio off. Best move I could make. I felt better almost immediately. Mr. Mars and Mr. Uranus square off against each other.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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