“You have sold your own lands to see other men’s.”
Shakespeare’s As You Like It [IV.i.21-22]
Aries: I got a call from an Aries client the other evening. It was an “emergency astrology reading,” and don’t laugh. The client was on the road, and needed someone to listen to a problem, possibly to offer astrological advice. The cell service, despite it being an Interstate and all, was one of those “can you hear me now” situations, and I had to take three different calls in order to hear the whole story. Long, sordid story, just like a bad ballad, someone done someone wrong, and now there was hell to pay for. The biggest problem, though was that the call, normally a half hour consultation, that took almost an hour and half, to complete, what with the misdials, the time in between, and the call backs. Once I pieced together the story’s thread, though, I was able to understand that Aries is facing some frustrating events these next couple of days. Nothing is really bad, as it’s not the Aries themselves who are in trouble. It’s other signs with bigger problems. But there’s also only so much that your Aries self can do. Sometimes, I mean, if you want to arrange a phone reading, let me know, but sometimes, it’s matter of just stepping back. And while rushing to be of assistance of someone else is certainly the noble gesture, it’s not always the right thing. How much of this problem is your business, and how much of it is not really of paramount concern to your Aries self?
Taurus: Latin is a dead language. To this day, though, its roots are felt. Plus, I love bantering about a few words or expression because in Latin because it makes me sound educated. Erudite. There’s a snobbish appeal that shakes folks up when some hick-looking hippie drawls some expression in Latin. One of my favorite expressions, and you’ll have to look this one up yourself, in translation, it says, “Anything said in Latin sounds wise.” True words. Great quote. Onto the problem for the week? You’ll quote something in Latin, and the receiving end of the quotation, the person you’re trying to impress? You’ll get that glassed over, “ain’t nobody home” look. Matter of fact, you might not even be speaking Latin. You could be carrying on a perfectly normal, slightly excited Taurus conversation, when you realize, about halfway through your tale, that the folks listening to you aren’t really listening. Or, worse, they’re listening , but they’re just not getting the message. I was addressing this problem in a chart, and the person [not a Taurus] came away from the reading saying, “Kramer said was going to rain, but it’s still sunny outside….” Missed my point entirely. In the Taurus verbal blender, I’d like to suggest that you try not to mix metaphor or languages for the immediate future. It’s us — it’s not you.
Gemini: Don’t you just love fireworks? Sure. Lots noise, big explosions, incendiary devices going off in the air, sparks flying everywhere? Stuff that goes “boom!” Fun for the whole family, the Gemini child and the Gemini adult, it’s good all the way around. Certain, non-Gemini folks will read this and wonder how to differentiate between a Gemini child and Gemini adult, but you and I, Gemini and astrofish.net buoy, we understand. Snicker a little at that part. Then, let’s get back to blowing things up in an artful and refined manner. The way it works, around here, one of the main attractions for living along the whores of the riverfront, is that the actual, city sponsored display is pretty amazing. Traffic stops on the bridges, and we all make a party out of it, dragging lawn furniture out to watch the conclusion to the 1812 Overture. Boom. Much fun was and will be had by all. But especially the Gemini. The problem is, over the next week or so? Some folks will take Friday off, and start the celebrations then. Others will take Monday off. Some of us will take both days off, and the offices will be closed for four days. Good thing this is a website, and that’ll be up and running the whole time. It’s a problem with the long weekend, and the resultant celebrations. You’re in a mode to get a few extra things out of the way, and no one seems willing or able to respond to your calls, pleas, and requests for service. Buddy of mine named Bubba runs a fireworks stand, just past the city line. Check it out, he’ll be glad to help you. But if it’s not a fireworks stand? Count on some of the usual tasks taking a little longer while everyone else celebrates.
Cancer: Cancer: I’m not sure it’s that bad, and I’m not sure that everyone can relate, but it is a little disconcerting to see one’s own neighbor dumpster diving. What I really noticed first was that long, brunette hair, the shapely calf, what was in the cutoffs, and then, I realized, she was bent over the side door of the dumpster. Worse, I realized she was rooting around inside the garbage. “This can’t be good,” I thought to myself. As a Cancer, though, since I’m aware of most of my neighbors’ eccentric habits, I realized that she wasn’t actually foraging for food, but she was looking for something to use in her “found object” artwork. However, it took a moment or two for me to realize this. In that moment, until I figured out what I was really looking at, I had this image of a Cancer, destitute, down on her luck, and reduced to digging through the trash to find something to eat. Know the feeling? Down on your Cancer luck? Joked about “will work for food” signs lately? Things look bleak? I feel your pain. No, I really do. What can I offer? Saturn? Served up right? Sure. Run with it. In the most unlikely of places you will find inspiration, and even though it’s going to be a little like dumpster diving, it will be good.
Leo: A Leo buddy of mine, named Bubba, was experimenting with delivery systems. He took a string of little firecrackers and tied them to the nose of a medium-sized rocket. He lit the rocket’s fuse then the string on top, and he was using his best estimates on timing for those fuses. He actually tried pyrotechnical engineering three or four times, with varying degrees of success. The first one, the fuse was way too long on the payload. When the rocket exploded, it took out the little ones with out much more of a bang. Another time, the payload fell off, and fizzled into the river. Then, once the payload came separated mid-flight, and landed not far from where we were, not exactly a success, but the firecrackers did go off. Come to think of it, he never did achieve the results he was looking for. In this case, with my buddy and his aerodynamic engineering efforts, some of the failed efforts were a lot more amusing than if it all worked right the first time. And he does this every year. Timing is everything, and he keeps thinking he’s going to get it right this year. And we are all amused by his efforts, yet, particularly this fireworks season, the Leo timing will be off. The one I was waiting on, and I’m glad I wasn’t too close, never happened. But it could, if you’re not too careful. Imagine the payload for the little rocket being too heavy? Know what that would do? The Leo rocket would lift off then crash right back down, and possibly run an explosive little line around the trailers in the park. It’s not a good idea to explore what the upwards limits are on your payload these days.
Virgo: I don’t care what that inner, whining, nagging voice that only your Virgo ears can hear, I really don’t care what it’s saying. It’s not bad, it’s not going to be bad, and you will have a good time, if you’ll only get off your backside, get out and look around. Light on out of the place where you’re at. Get the lead out. Insert your favorite positive motivation. I have to emphasize that the theme is positive motivation. Negatives don’t work well. Sometimes just moving around helps, too. It might not be that big of a deal, but getting yourself out of the existing framework, getting out of the cozy confines your own domestic bliss, that’s going to help a lot. New vistas, new horizons, maybe an adventure someplace will help. I was in a tacky, tawdry “tourist court” for a night. It was July Fourth weekend. The gravel outside the door would crunch at everyone’s step, and the only thing nice about gravel driveways like that? Despite what you see on TV or in the movies, car tires don’t squeal on gravel. I was surrounded by kids, out partying for the weekend. Young kids. Children, even. Not sure they were old enough to drink, but they were drinking, Had them a case or two of beer, and bottle of tequila. Recipe for disaster? Maybe. But with my long hair and sandals, I looked pretty cool to them, like I was an adult who could be approached. Got invited to party with the animals. By scaring them off with my tales of bravado, I did manage to get a quiet night, at least, it was quiet until about 5 in the morning. But those kids were intoxicated by then, and their noise didn’t last long. That’s the good news. Besides, there was a carnival air to the whole affair. Do like I did, enjoy what’s there, even if it’s not exactly your cup of tea.
Libra: I was figuring out how to politely explain to one of my close associates that he was wrong. He was misguided, off the mark, and basically, just wrong in one of his assumption. I tried to hint around that he was mistaken. Didn’t work. I tried to suggest alternatives; he didn’t listen. I did everything but kick, yell, scream, and hit him upside the head with a bat. Nothing seemed to work. He just wasn’t getting it. There’s a politically expedient way to make a point and win an argument. There’s a good way to get your vehemence across without resorting to violence. There’s a way to make all of this happen, but it takes some work, a little perseverance, and patience. Problem is, you’re facing an opponent who’s just like my buddy: stubbornly wrong. Perhaps wrong is not the correct word. Misguided? Inappropriate conclusion? Not firing on all cylinders? Unaware of all the facts? Any of these could cover the situation. So how are you going to deal with this particular problem? While some astrology lore suggests that Libra can be stubbornly tenacious, it’s never a trait I’ve attributed to the sign. However, in the case of making your point, especially to that one person who doesn’t want to see where they might actually be wrong? You might find it necessary to repeat the facts, again and again, just to get your point across. I wouldn’t suggest this if I hadn’t just been there myself.
Scorpio: One of them funny stories I heard a while back was about a firefight two neighbors had, just for fun. “Man, it was WAR!” Across the backyards, the two were launching little bottle rockets, lighting and tossing Lady Fingers, and generally having a good time. No one was hurt. No permanent damage was incurred by either property. While, I think, it’s still illegal to ignite fireworks within the city limits, and I’m pretty sure this little mock battle was, in the strictest of terms, illegal, that doesn’t stop it from being good fun. Little recommendation, after looking at your Chart, Mars and Saturn: Don’t do it. A battle like that can escalate to massive proportions. This time of the year, and for this holiday especially, the city services are already inundated with emergency calls. Can’t you just imagine that you’d be sitting there, firing bottle rockets at the neighbor’s place when a larger round lands on your own Scorpio roof, starting a fire? Being the high-quality Scorpio that you are, the first action might not even be a call to the fire department, you might just have to retaliate first. Then call in the emergency. See how an innocuous bit of fun can spin out of control? Instead of being the one involved in the firefight, why not be the casual observer, just for the next couple of days?
Sagittarius: Work is a fickle thing. I’ve been freelance for so long that I don’t understand some of the concepts. I don’t quite get the “show up at a certain time” thang. For over a decade, my commute has largely been from the bed to the keyboard, usually by way of the kitchen for some coffee. So I don’t always understand. During the “time of Cancer,” when the Sun is in the Tropical Zodiac Sign of Cancer, I tend to get up earlier than usual. I found myself rolling out of bed at some odd hour of the morning, just after daybreak, and settling into work at an acceptable pace. By noon, I will have logged close to six hours of actual work time. Consider that as a goal for yourself. Nothing’s wrong with hard work. Nothing’s wrong with working hard. Nothing’s wrong with getting up early to get this all accomplished. Well, yes, there is something wrong with it, but that’s not germane to this discussion. It’s the holiday weekend, coming up, and it’s a party time for most. No one likes to play more than us Sagittarius types. But work in a little extra work. Maybe get up a little earlier to get more work actually done before anyone else is even awake. You’ll find that these efforts will have good rewards , on down the line. Promise.
Capricorn: I was in a shabby discount store the other day, the kind of place that I prefer, partly for what it offers, and partly for the assortment of colorful characters that are shopping with me. There was a stand of “cell phone accessories.” I glanced through the interesting offerings. Pseudo leather cases, faux fashion carriers for phones, chargers and straps, ear buds, batteries. Then I happened upon an item that really piqued my curiosity. I almost bought it, more as a novelty than for any real use. Discount store, remember? Cheap stuff? It was a “Cell Mate,” in bright yellow packaging. It wasn’t much more than two pieces of double-sided tape with hook & loop material sandwiched between them. It was advertised as a driving accessory — a hands-free adjunct device. I marveled at two details, one the bright yellow packaging, which certainly caught my eye, and two, the name itself. “Cell mate.” Oh, it’s no wonder it was in a discount store. Marked down from $29.95, I think it sold for about ten bucks. For what was nothing more than about three cents worth of Velcro and double-sided tape? Plus some packaging? I’m wondering if the packaging didn’t cost more than the product. But whoever picked bright yellow? And the name? Was that supposed to be cute? Cellmate? What does that remind you of? Sounds like I’m started on a rant here, but there’s a point to this story. Look beneath the fancy packaging, the hideous colors used, and the terrible name. Is this something you really need? Or can you just go the hardware store and purchase about three inches of sticky Velcro and make this yourself?
Aquarius: it’s almost a tradition. It’s almost a ritual. It’s Bubba’s “let’s go blow stuff up” Fourth of July party. I got out of the habit of attending because I don’t always see the reason to drop a lot of money of firecrackers then go out to some place at the edge of town and set the firecrackers off. Just doesn’t appeal to me much anymore. The symbolic gesture no longer carries the importance it did a few years ago. However, I’m sure you like the idea. I’m sure that the resultant bangs, booms, pops and occasional fizzle works for your Aquarius side. You like the idea of arming yourself with accoutrements of war, and going forth to “blow stuff up” even if this is only allegorical. Got the idea? Got the picture? Now, here’s the catch: actually being the pyrotechnical engineer these days? While Mars is opposite you in Leo? Maybe that’s not such a good idea. I recall one wound, a deaf ear and a short fuse. The little firecracker went off just as it was leaving my hand. My fingers were rapidly shoved open from a semi-closed fist, and one fingernail dug into the side of the ring finger, causing a little incision. No real damage, not a lot of blood, just odd to have myself hurt in such a fashion. I’m a guy — we all laughed it off. “Wow! That was COOL!” I’m okay, and the upside is that I don’t think I’ll need earplugs at the next metal show I go to. The downside is that Mars isn’t opposite me, and I’m not sure your Aquarius self will be so lucky. Maybe just sitting back and watching other folks light firecrackers is better idea.
Pisces: I experimented with poetry. I played with prose. I wrote about writing, None of it really worked. There are times, when no matter how hard you try, folks just don’t get the message that your sweet, demure, quiet, priceless Pisces self is trying to get across. Some folks just don’t get it. What can be done to handle this situation in a more refined manner? Not a lot. You’ve tried coddling, noodling, and just about every other kind of sweet way to get your message across. Fireworks themselves are probably illegal in your office. Maybe even inside. In fact, I can’t even think that it’s a good idea to get an actual device of gunpowder and paper, and light the fuse at work. But think about doing that on some kind of other level. Got a co-worker who really needs an M-80 under his chair to get motivated? Maybe a sheaf of bottle rockets, all let go at once, towards another cubicle? Sounds like it would make your Pisces self feel better? I think so. Consider one of those big rockets, too, the one’s with the long sticks for stability. Maybe just showing up at work with a few devices like this would work. “What’s that for?” And your Pisces self answers, “Just in case I need to emphasize a point….”
