“Would that the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass with it.”
Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida [III.iii.308]
Aries: “Boys are so stupid,” this one girlfriend was telling me. It really should be phrased “stoopid,” to get the correct emphasis. When I related the tale to another guy friend, incidentally, his nickname is Bubba, he agreed that girls can be stupid at times, but that the way stupidity works, it’s not limited to just the female gender. In the one case, yes, the female’s acting in an inappropriate manner, i.e., she was being stupid (some surprise here: about a guy). Then there’s the flip side of the question, too, as I related this story, a tale of woe and love gone awry, “Yeah, well maybe boys are stupid, but girls can be pretty stupid, too.” For those of us who trade in love — or romance as I prefer to address the issue — then issue is closed. Involve parts of anatomy with parts of soul, and the commingled parts usually results in a stupid mess. Either gender, too. What we’re looking at, what with the astrological weather, is that you’re running into more than your allotted share of folks doing stupid things. Probably, but not limited to, the pursuit of romance. Look, listen, learn. You don’t have to repeat the (stupid) mistakes your friends make.
Taurus: I took a Taurus friend to Barton Springs. Hot afternoon. Killer afternoon, if you ask me, even by my liberal, Texas standards, the old mercury was popping close to a hundred, the recent moisture leaves it all a little more humid than usual, and it was miserable hot. Barton Springs is a constant 68 degrees, although, I’ve never verified that with my calibrated instruments, so I don’t know how true that is. She slipped out of her cutoffs, and behold, there was a Taurus in a bikini, looking as good as ever. She put one little pink-painted toenail in the creek’s water, exclaimed about the cold water, and then primly sat by the edge the shoreline, refusing to get wet. She’d occasionally splash a little water up on her roasting body, but no way was she going into that freezing water. The first swim of the year is usually a shock to the system, but after I’ve done it a time or two, I’m pretty used to the cold creek. Look: my Sagittarius sentiments don’t agree with that one Taurus, not daring to take the plunge, not risking life and limb, plus, she was sure, hypothermia, but there are days when it’s better to err on the safe side. Look at your own Taurus comfort zone. You wore a bikini. That was daring enough, and not going for the cold water? Instead of me berating you for what you’re missing, consider that you’re not miserable from a cold dunk in the creek. Sometimes, sticking to what you know is better.
Gemini: I was discussing spatial relationships and more specifically, giving landmarks, reading maps and asking directions with particular Gemini friend. Texas girl. She opined that she understood certain directions pretty well, list items like, “North East corner of the Square,” “West of the courthouse,” and “Just past the stop sign on Main.” If you’ve never passed through a series of Texas towns, those directions might not make any sense. But if you have made road trip that includes the hinterlands of Texas, or even other parts of the South, or if you were raised in such an environment, then those kinds of directions make perfectly good sense. You’re going to receive a fairly arcane set of directions, something along the lines of, “Past the old ‘seed & feed’ store, off the SW corner of the square, there’s a street, doesn’t have a name, and you follow that street out about two miles, down to where Miller’s barn was, you go over this one creek, more like wash, not much of a creek right now, and then there’s a dirt road, off to the left….” How good are you at following such directions? I have faith, like that one Gemini I was talking to, that directions like that are just as a clear as need be. Other folks? They might not get it. Me? I’ll trust the driving to a Gemini, especially when armed with a set of directions like that.
Cancer: I was working with a Cancer friend, and we were looking certain past issues with her boyfriends. She went through the usual litany of loser boyfriends, ne’er do wells, and so forth until we hit upon this one. “But I wouldn’t call it ‘a relationship,’ you know,” she was telling me, “we never had any problems. No conflict. How can that be a relationship?” I’m of the opinion that relationships, like life, are supposed to be easy. I figure if something is a lot of hard work, maybe it’s not really worth it. I’m also lazy. Does that show? However, sometimes the hard work does pay off, or so I’ve been repeatedly assured. Not up to speed on that one. But look at this way, whether it’s a relationship issue or some other problem at hand, exacerbated by Saturn, and the phase of the moon, you’ve got something that could use a little extra attention. Extra attention and hard work are not always the same thing, I might remind you.
Leo: A Leo buddy of mine got a ticket the other day. Parking ticket, traffic ticket, one of those little pink slips they hand out when your vehicle is in a place where it ain’t supposed to be. He was showing it to me, bemoaning his fate, as in, “How could anyone ticket MY truck? Don’t they know who I am?” There were a couple of extra checkboxes on this one ticket, and I’m pretty sure these are just local. The additional fines weren’t checked, but there was one for “Leftist Bumper Sticker, $50” and another for “Arguing with the ticketing officer, $100.” That one Leo truck, it doesn’t have a Leftist sticker, but there is a political suggestion from one of his stickers. Like most Leo’s, his vehicle could be considered a works in progress. Whoever wrote the ticket was lucky, or the Leo was lucky, because, judging from his ranting, railings, and carrying on, he would’ve gotten that extra “arguing with the ticketing officer” fine tacked on for sure. Find a friendly ear to bend when you’re face to face with a problem, but be careful how you deal with certain authority figures. Never can tell when they’ll try and hit you up for that extra fine for arguing. And yes, in case you forgot, happy birthday to that one special Leo.
Virgo: For a while, there were these little “Zen” gardens that were all the retail rage. A friend of mine had one set up in her trailer’s living room, on the dinette table. Virgo friend. Virgo female with a cat. A box, with a few rocks, maybe just some pebbles, and lots of sand. Clean, pristine, white sand. But it was sand nonetheless. Her cat, I kind of admire that rangy old Tom, sniffed a few times at the tabletop Zen Garden, and one evening, he did what comes naturally, instinctively, and is a perfectly acceptable behavior for a feline, he used that Zen garden as a litter box. Being the good Virgo that she was, finding what her prized boyfriend — the cat — had left her on the top of the dinette, needless to say, none of this went over very well with said Virgo. But look at it from a male cat point of view, sand, box, trapped inside the trailer for an evening, just makes good sense. When someone leaves you a little “gift” like that in the middle of your Virgo dinette set, think about it before you get all upset. Some of us, not limited to males, are entranced by a box of sand. It only seems natural. We really don’t think we’re violating ay rules. It was almost like your Virgo self left us an invitation to do what we did.
Libra: I like wandering in Texas, and in particular, road trips in the summertime are a joy for me. I was watching a cowboy work, not long ago. He was pulling fence, or fixing fence, or doing some other barbwire related fence action, alongside a lonely two-lane blacktop, actually, not too far from here. How’d I know he was a real cowboy? Jeans, short chaps, big gloves, horse, baseball hat, fence tool, and the way he could swing down and tweak fence from his saddle. Not in every case, but as he rode along, he could lean over in some places and just give the top strand a turn. At other places along the fence line, he’d actually have to dismount to tend the fence. I got to wondering about that, and I was going to stop and ask, but cowboys are notoriously suspicious of city boys like me. But think about that action, all morning, all afternoon, there your Libra self is, spending as much time getting down off that horse, then swinging a leg over the horse and getting back into the saddle. At one point, I’m sure your Libra brain is going to try and figure a way to a get this done without having to get out of the saddle. Work, big issue, is like that guy fixing the fence line. Has to be done. Might not be fun, but there’s a steady rhythm you build up, and that makes the chore a lot easier. Some days, riding the fence line really isn’t so bad.
Scorpio: One of my Scorpio clients was running herself ragged with her two children. I found a button I liked, but even her husband didn’t find it all that amusing, “I child-proofed my house, but somehow they still got in….” The Scorpio wit, some days, just isn’t what it used to be. That sense of humor, the dry delivery, the merry smile? All that disappeared a couple of weeks ago. Or a week ago. That’s a problem. I can’t make you happy. I’m not going to try to make you happy, either. But there is some action you can take to make yourself a little more, a little easier, a little “something” better. My friend, although her husband didn’t appreciate the humorous button, did understand that I was trying to lighten her load a little. Bring a fresh breeze to what has turned into, for her, a stale summer. Except, as far as that couple was concerned, my Sagittarius attempt at a light breeze was more like a fetid wind. Am I going to worry about it? Not at all. I know what’s up with the planets and so forth. Are you going to worry about it? Probably. As the other, lesser signs encounter your dour Scorpio face over the last week or next week, we’re going to try and liven up the events in your life. Realize that our intent is sincere, even if you don’t like the way we do it. I still think the button is funny, even though, I’m pretty sure, it found its way to trash in hurry.
Sagittarius: I was watching one of those summer scenes, a father had taken his young son to work with him. The deal is, the guy’s job was the “Chem-can” business. Like, cleaning out those “porta-potties” that get so disgusting in some places. Look: this might not be a glamorous job, but think about it: it’s a necessary job. And I watched as I walked along, that dad was instructing his son in the fine art of portable toilet station sanitation, clean-up and maintenance. Not exactly a glamorous task, but the kid was just young enough so he seemed to be digging on spending a day with dad. Then there was the second half of the message, no matter what task, no matter how Stygian, do like that dad was teaching his son, that summer morning, do what ever it is that you do, do it to the best of your ability. Why the long-winded tale about cleaning toilets? Both father and son were having a good time, and the message was clear, if you’re stuck with what feels like portable sanitation repairs and maintenance, do the best job your Sagittarius self knows how to do.
Capricorn: I was pretty happy by the time I got around to looking over your chart. See, the deal is, it’s like this, things re actually pretty good. There’s one annoying spot in the Capricorn arena of life, that would be the tiny quadrant related to work. But other than that? Socially? Life should be good. It is good. Should be, anyway. There’s a point in the chart, it’s like an astrological Wednesday, the fabled “hump” day, and the way I see it, my perception, is that you’re over that hump. Passed the point where everything is looking grim. Passed the place where it’s all bad. Now sure as can be, I no sooner posit that hypothesis then some Cap shoots me a vicious e-mail pointing out how wrong I am; that her life is in complete disarray. But if you look at it seriously, and perhaps with a little bit better perspective, you can see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, the worst is over, and that there’s some hope. Now, about that work related problem? Ain’t nothing a little concerted effort can’t fix. Might cut into the copious Capricorn leisure time, but that’s just for a little while. Wednesdays have become long days for me, what with getting these scopes together. Hump day, or that hump point in your chart? Almost over it.
Aquarius: Most of my Aquarius buddies are a little distraught these days. Not big distraught, little distraught. It’s not so much a huge exasperating event, it’s a little one, but then, it just seems like it’s one right after the other. Wish I could do something to make that better, but I can’t. Sometime in the next ten days, though, you’re going to have a surreal experience. Sometime, you’ll be sitting there, like me, sitting in a local BBQ place, listening to the plaintive picking of a darn good mandolin picker, a stand-up bass fiddle, a guitar, maybe a fiddle thrown in for good luck, and there’s a tune that comes around. Suddenly, I’m no longer in a hot Texas summer night with its sodden heat permeating my every fiber. Suddenly, we’re on some trek in the middle of the mountains someplace. That’s the magic of music. Normal folks find such events disquieting. Aquarius? In the next ten days? A little reprieve from this anxious feeling? Sure. Doesn’t matter where it takes us, all I’m saying, is enjoy the ride.
Pisces: Ever notice that you have a unique touch? Ever notice that you can just walk past certain electrical devices, and those device just start squawk, squeal, scream or fail to compute? Naturally, I have a perfectly sound astrological reason for this. It’s one of two planets, and both of those planets are lined up to give you a dose of this kind of energy. We have Uranus on the one side and opposite Uranus, is Mr. Mercury, now in Virgo, and Mr. Mercury is slowing down. He isn’t retrograde yet, but he’s headed that way. Means that your wonderful Pisces ability to irritate mechanical devices is going to be doubled, and this special skill that you have will fall in the subset of “electrical devices you get to piss off this week.” Before you even think about sending me an e-mail, asking, “Is Mercury backwards again?” Stop. This can be fun, if you play it right. Imagine the abject horror on a co-worker’s face when you sit down at his or hers keyboard, imagine how that other person worries that your sweet Pisces self is going to screw up the computer. Or phone. Or cell phone. Or answering machine. Or remote control. You can either be the victim of such planetary pranks, or you can be the perpetrator. Your call, Pisces.
