“Shall this fellow live?”
Shakespeare’s 12th Night (II.v.63)
Aries: The last quarter moon phase is ticklish. Nerves are going to be a little on edge. Your darling Aries self is going to be inclined to take something the wrong way. I can see this happening, even now, “What do you mean, ‘wrong way’? Are you jacking with me, too!!!” Notice the three exclamation marks after the question. Not a question mark. Loathe as I am to employ a cheap punctuation way to illustrate a point, it just makes perfect sense. I’m warning you that you might be a little frazzled around the edges, and immediately, you fire back a hasty response that comes across as a challenge. Me? I’m used to irate Aries blaming me for bad scopes. You, though, I’m just trying to let you know that someone is going to make a delicate suggestion, and that delicate suggestion might come across to your Aries self as a demand, an order, or a invitation to fight. Look, it’s simple, the Moon, she’s darkening this week, getting smaller and smaller. That means you’re getting tenser and tenser, and far be it for me to suggest that the problem might actually be yourself, let me just suggest you take a moment before you hit the “send” button. Before you dial that number, make sure you weigh all the options of what was said. Consider tone, time, place. Consider that some of us are not so foolish to start a fight with an Aries, and we might not actually be looking for one. Challenges aren’t always best handled by a prickly response from you.
Taurus: One of my Taurus buddies was sawing her way through a big chicken fried steak. “Meat’s a little tough, but good gravy,” she said, around a mouthful of supper. It wasn’t exactly comfort food for that Taurus girl, but it was a good idea. Can’t go wrong, usually, with a piece of supper that’s been beaten, battered, and fried. Whatever works. The next few days are like that, too. Meat’s a little tough, but the gravy is good. Besides, and I’m sure you’ll agree, after being beaten, battered and fried, some of your Taurus sentiments are little ragged But the gravy part? That’s tasty. Personally, what I like to do with my cream gravy is add a liberal dose of whatever hot sauce is on the table. Used to be, every restaurant in the world had a bottle of Tabasco as a condiment. Locally, there’s a brand of Mexican sauce that is rapidly taking over, are, at the very least joining the traditional brand of bottled peppers. Good stuff, too. In order to get around the tough parts of the next couple of days, to best enjoy the gravy? Add a little spice, some kind of condiment that enhances the flavor of the week. I’m thinking that the right amount of peppered (contents: distilled vinegar, peppers, cayenne, xanthium gum, water, cigar butts, toenail clippings, cat hair — does not contain MSG) sauce will do the trick. Something to help accentuate the gravy parts, you know, make it all better.
Gemini: Way I see it, you’ve just got to make up to the weekend. Anything after that? It’s all rest and relaxation. But you’ve got to make it to the weekend, that’s the goal. Do so without self-destructing. Try to make it without taking a fall, too. Try to make it without doing the magnanimous gesture of “picking up the tab for everyone,” and having that break your bank. It’s simple, really, I just set of goal of not talking, not harassing, not buying anything or anyone until after this coming weekend is over. Sounds like an awful long way away for a gentle and delicate Gemini like your self. But I’m really on your side, only you don’t know that. But try. You might not follow my suggested guidelines with 100% unfailing accuracy, but you’ll soon discover that a little disquieting quiet, a little unremitting silence, a moment or two when, instead of a characteristic Gemini volubility, you act reticent, I’ll promise that you get returns on that action–or inaction–next week. Subtle changes are afoot. You’ll benefit from not taking action in hasty manner.
Cancer: That one Cancer girl? Honey, you’re an angel. The rest of you? If you’re not in that narrow window of good fortune, I’d suggest the main theme for the next couple of days is still along the lines of beating the heat. It’s the dog days of the summer. It’s warm, nay, it’s downright hot with a few days of triple digit extreme heat. Makes getting out of the air-conditioned respite a real hazard to some. At least where I live, it’s considered a “wet heat” as the Gulf moisture hovers overhead, and the heat is like a soft cotton blanket. Which begs the question, why would anyone be wrapping themselves in a soft cotton blanket in the middle of the summer? Brings us back to other choices for escaping the heat, real summertime heat in Texas, or planetary heat, no matter where you are, from Saturn. First thing I’d suggest is taking that wet cotton blanket and stretching it out in the front yard, or the backyard, wherever you can find some support, and turning the wet blanket into an awning of some sort. Won’t afford much shade, but these days, any help from the summer sun is useful. And a wet blanket like that? The gentlest of breeze can make it feel like it’s cooler, like an outdoor air-conditioning unit. Well, sort of, anyway.
Leo: San Antonio, TX, home to mucho fine food. There’s a legendary place, called “Mi Tierras,” Lyle Lovett sings about it. Is there really such a place that’s worthy of mention in a song? Sure there is. Is it that kind of a place? Shore nuff. It’s a 24/7 place, too, according to what the sign says. Imagine that, Tex-Mex cuisine, in the heart of San Antonio, 24 hours day, 7 days a week. Worth it? Of course. Now, last time I was at Mi Tierras, it took almost an hour to eat. I was amused by the parade of characters, local and tourist, and I’m sure I looked a little odd to some, being from so far north, about 90 miles. Was the food worth the wait? That’s up to the individual’s taste. I’d suggest it was well worth the wait. That’s what’s important for your Leo self, is the food at some legendary place worth testing your Leo patience? That’s the question and no one can answer that for you. But I’d suggest that an extra hour spent observing humanity in all its forms is worth it, even if it’s only for the entertainment value.
Virgo: Next week, Mars comes cavorting in your sign. Not sure if “cavorting” is the right term because I know precious few Virgo types who “cavort.” Most of them trudge, plod, or, there’s this one, and she ambles with a slight sway to her hips. However, there is usually a destination in mind for most of my Virgo friends. My aimless wandering is none too dear to them. Until Mars arrive, long about Monday, though, there’s still a “Kramer-esque” wandering, a wondering about whether this is really the right direction or not. Until your aim improves, can I make simple suggestion? No matter where you are, that’s where you’re supposed to be. Might not be where you want to be, but it’s not nearly as bad as you make it out to be. A little more carefree wandering might help some, too. Mars will be along soon enough, and until he hits you, a little less concern about your exact location would help.
Libra: Nothing is more perfect for this week than a matinee movie in the afternoon. What’s even better? There’s a local theater that runs “art films” for cheap. Nothing is better. Then there’s another idea, in the corridors of one of the big, multi-mega-plex theaters? The movie mall? It’s possible to buy one discount ticket and just shuffle from screen to screen for two or more movies. That’s not such a bad idea. Just don’t get caught. I’m not about to suggest that you do anything illegal. But I would suggest that the best way to entertain your self is to let someone else do the entertaining. Like at movie. Plus, I’m a cheap one, so I suggest the discount times, too. From what history I’ve encountered, in “the good old days,” according to my forefathers and such, the only place to beat the summer’s heat was in a movie theater. Think about it. I know, we now have all “the modern inconveniences” of AC, but that doesn’t change the idea that you want out, and all I can suggest is finding some kind of entertainment that doesn’t require more than about two bucks. In the AC, no less.
Scorpio: I was chatting with a friend, he was a on long trip someplace, and he was stuck, rolling down the highway, vast expanses of basically boring scenery, nothing to see. West Texas has several hundred miles of interstate,just like that. I said something that got under his collar, and he was getting a little upset with my turn in conversational matters, me saying something mean-spirited about an ex-girlfriend. “Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean,” he repeated to himself. “Oh right, now you’ll need to stop and pee, thinking about all that water,” I retorted. It always comes back that, doesn’t it? I was playing his Scorpio trick, right back at him. Me? I was ensconced in an air-conditioned trailer, talking into my headset. I could, very easily, avail myself of the facilities. Poor guy, he had another hundred miles to the next rest stop. The next couple of days, due to the relative position of the planets, and maybe the moon, too, are going to be like that. You’re stuck someplace and you would really like to go to the bathroom, but some situation keeps getting in your way. Might not be a good time to call me, either, as I’ll just remind you how far you’ve got to go. Suggestions? Be careful about what–and whom–you rely on for support. Sometimes, those long highway miles are little bit easier if you just put on some of your own music.
Sagittarius: “I love you Sagittarius guys, so unflappable,” came the comment from a non-Sagittarius woman. Yeah baby, and I love that accent of yours, darling, plus the hint of foreign allure. As a Sagittarius, I had to remind myself that we’re all supposed to be unflappable in the face of certain adversity because there is certain adversity occurring, all around. You should see and hear my call list these days. I know a spot in West Texas where there is no cell phone service, no landline, and frankly, no connection to the outside world. I’d love to run away. We all would love to run away. Don’t do it. There are few cranky people all around. There are few folks who are not happy with the current set of conditions. Doesn’t matter what we do, either, some folks just never will be happy. Not our job, and frankly, I’m tired of trying to bolster their attitudes. How many times can I suggest, “Let it go, man”? If you’re really nice to me, I’ll explain that there’s a resort situation, in the middle of the New Mexico desert, where art, architecture and sculpture combine to make a lovely scene. Same for a place in the Texas mountains. There’s an added bonus, too, because both places are virtually cut off from modern communications. No phones, no digital or analog service, nothing to worry about. Since we’re not heading for such a location at this point, there’s the next best solution. I’m turning the phone off for a little while. Doesn’t actually solve any problems, but makes it a lot easier to go back to being our unflappable Sagittarius selves.
Capricorn: One of my first horoscopes, it appeared over a dozen years ago, had a cute little reminder for a Capricorn buddy of mine, “Mow the lawn this week.” It was particularly funny because the environment where we both lived, in the summer, with a little water, the lawn could be mowed about every three days. Know the feeling? It’s about routine tasks that require immediate action, over and over. It was funny, watching my buddy read his scope, “Hey, let’s see what it says for me, ‘don’t forget to mow the lawn,’ hey, I’m not sure these things are any good, see what it says?” When it finally put it all together, saw my name on the byline, he chuckled. I was thinking about this while looking at your chart, thinking, “this is a good time to remind the Capricorn’s to mow the lawn.” Someplace, one of my old school chums is going to look at this and get disgusted. Maybe more than one Capricorn will get disgusted with me, but I’m not too worried about it. Routine tasks can be enjoyable. Plus, the neighbors will appreciate what you’ve done.
Aquarius: It was a perfectly acceptable dinner party, just a gathering of a few friends, and I was invited by my Aquarius friend because she had issues she wanted to discuss, astrological issues, and going to dinner party, we touched on these items. Then, at dinner, me being who I am, I wasn’t surprised when I felt a feather-like touch on my bare thigh. “Uh-huh, it’s that Aquarius, teasing again.” I turned my dinner table conversation towards her, and I thought that caress on my thigh was a sexual come-on, a tease, a hint, some not-so-subtle innuendo. The only thing I can claim is that, being an unflappable Sagittarius, I wasn’t surprised when that Aquarius grip tightened up. Under her breath, she hissed, “Republicans,” as if that word in whole, in part, or even at the dinner table, was just a disgusting word. It’s no surprise that I lean a little to the left. It’s no surprise that I have obscure political notions; however, none of them involve me doing anything more than voting, usually for the losing party. Besides, I’m not against that one party, but I’m not fond of their current track record, either. Politics is ticklish matter to discuss at the dinner table. What was gripping me, literally, my Aquarius friend? I was afraid if she tightened her grip anymore, I’d have an involuntary reaction and I’d wind up kicking someone under the table. Might actually have been her plan, who knows? Look: when you find yourself hissing mad, grab the closest ally you’ve got. It’s what friends are for. I kept her from making a scene last week. Maybe some kind soul can do the same for you this week.
Pisces: “Damn! Men!” It was a Pisces client, and she was screaming, literally, into the phone. I held the handset away from my ear while she ranted and raved. This week, same thing. Kind of hard [but not impossible] to imagine that some of my male Pisces readers would be complaining about men, so I can suggest that you switch the gender affiliation as need be for your personal situation. But everyone knows what it’s like to have a woman really irate about all members of the male gender; this is almost comical. Except, of course, to that Pisces on the other end. She was none too happy. Turns out that she had what I consider a typical Pisces complaint, out of her stable of a half dozen or more, none of the boys (that should really be spelled with a Z) were available when she wanted one. Anyone, didn’t matter. The banker, the baker, the candlestick maker, nor the guitar player or the cop. None of her ready-made “boyfriend-lite” guys were available at the time and place she wanted, hence her frustration. As her astrologer, I was available, but only to listen to her rant and rave. Took half an hour just for me to hear all the complaints about missed connections, juggling boys for different nights, and she was still winding up alone, every evening. Frustrating? Sure. My solution? Get a dog. Great pets, always glad to see you, and dogs respond to a thump on the snout a lot better than boyfriends do. Or girlfriends, whatever your Pisces heart desires.
- Aperture: ƒ/1.8
- Camera: iPad Pro (11-inch)
- Flash fired: no
- Focal length: 3mm
- ISO: 80
- Shutter speed: 1/60s
