“Why thy brawls thou hast disturb’d our sport.”
Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve (II.i.57)
Aries: I love Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Eve. Just one of those plays that’s got a lot of whimsy and just chock full of a second layer of, well, if nothing else, magic. Part of why I chose the introductory quote that I did. It plays well against the way you are feeling, or might be feeling, at this very moment. Or maybe it isn’t right this very moment, but you’re going to be like that character, and your sport will probably be disturbed by a mistake. I’ve seen this play, literally, dozens of times. Film, on stage, done by a full set of players, done as a minimalist group with only a handful of players doing multiple roles, and each time the play’s been good. To be sure, some performances are better than others. Each has its own flavor, so to speak. Likewise, how your sport might be disturbed will have its own flavor, too. Mistaken identity? Sure. Wrong guy in love with the wrong woman? That, too. Right woman in love with the wrong guy? Could be that. In short, it could be just about any scenario in that play. Does life oftentimes resemble what happens on stage, in a movie? Sure. What can you do about it? Puck gathers up his loins, and scatters himself to the winds to undo a bit of mischief. You might be like that faery, or sprite, or whatever he was, dear little Puck, trying to recover from an honest mistake. Imagine, Puck, telling his boss, Oberon, “Dude, like, I did what you told me, right?” Right.
Taurus: It’s been a while, but one of my buddies had a cell phone with programmable rings. Not like this is any kind of technologically advanced piece of hardware. In his case, it was just a toy. He had a ring for his girlfriend, some kind of love song (from the 80’s no less), he had a general rings for most folks, and he had a special ring for service calls from work. That works noise? It was Homer Simpson, sampled from something like years ago, and Homer was saying, “Bitch bitch bitch.” Is this really funny? Consider what it sounded like when that tiny little phone erupted in a Homer Simpson noise, with those enigmatic words? Usually good for a laugh. And, the way his work was going at the time, pretty apt description of what was happening. He was a doing a lot of “customer service” and “tech support” calls at the time. Never, ever underestimate just exactly how stupid the general public can be. Or underpaid service industry people. Or any variations on those themes. So that ring for work and work-related calls was appropriate. Plus, in some situations, it was pretty funny. The problem is you feel a lot like my buddy or Homer Simpson, or worse, both. The work phone keeps ringing and no one is better equipped to handle those calls than your Taurus self. Your work-phone might not have such a cool ring installed. But you know the feeling. The point to the message is to find cartoon humor within the not-so-gentle confines of work. A little humor goes a long way to making you feel better.
Gemini: I never imagine that a Gemini is a lazy person. Just doesn’t fit with the way you’re supposedly wired. However, there’s a suggestion that maybe you are little on the indulgent side, especially this week. Next couple of days is just going to be like that. “I can’t be bothered,” is the phrase I’ll be hearing, I’m sure. Like, “Yeah, I just couldn’t be bothered by the boss, so I told him to put it where the sun don’t shine.” This lazy streak doesn’t do you one bit of good, though. It gets nothing done. You sit around and collect dust. No Gemini should ever sit around and collect dust. You can collect many things but dust isn’t on the usual list. What I’m making a big exhortation about, my not-too-subtle kick? Get out and do. It’s perfectly all right to be self-indulgent, no one knows how to spoil you better than yourself. But just sitting there? That will never work. Activity. Do something. Even if you’re just doing something for yourself.
Cancer: A number of my Cancer readers have explained, patiently, vocally, stridently, how they are all ready for things to be good again. I’m with you on that. I’m all for making solid predictions of balmy bliss ahead for you. However, I would be remiss in my job if I did that. It’s not exactly balmy bliss that we’re looking at. It’s a series of bumps. These are bumps that intended to slow your patient forward progress. Not long ago, they “repaved” a portion of the parking lot here. In doing so, they had to destroy the existing speed bumps, and those got replaced with these terribly tacky plastic jobs that were, and I’m not making this up, bolted to the ground. The plastic would eventually warp under the weight of vehicles, so the new and improved speed bumps have two big bolts, one at each end, holding them down. Now, the purpose of the those speed bumps is to hinder forward momentum. Usually works, too, except, speed bumps don’t really work well on guys with long hair in old trucks — we just bounce like we used to. The problem you’re facing, though, is that there’s going to be series of bumps, to the point that you feel like your driving over corrugated roadway. There is a balmy, blissful destination at the end of the road, though, that I can promise. But unless you’re in an old truck, I would suggest you slow down.
Leo: I was busy listening to one of my Leo friends explain a situation, “See, it’s like this….” And the rest of the tale is the usual set of extenuating circumstances that all clearly lead to an inescapable conclusion that the Leo in question is certainly not at fault. I knew that before we ever started. I’m also not one to tell a Leo to shut up. Problem being, besides myself, I don’t know many people who are willing to put up with long-winded Leo explanations, no matter how colorful, and I can’t say that many of your friends are going to be willing to lend a sympathetic ear, not for long, anyway. The problem is the all the details. Circumstances are what they are. I know that you’re in the right. You know that you’re in the right. This is just the Fates mocking, you but not mocking you very much, more like gently chiding you. All I’m warning you about, is that some of the less-Leo-centric people in the world? Over the next couple of days? They are less than wiling to listen to your long-winded tales. Yes, you are correct, but that doesn’t mean you have to belabor the point. Rest assured, you’re still Number One.
Virgo: I was visiting some friends in another state. Old buds from a long time ago. While I was there, I got to drive a buddy’s latest toy: a 1971 454 Vette. Yes, one those. Corvette — the much-maligned, horribly vilified, and otherwise abused hotrod fun car. 1971 was a vintage year. Pulling out into traffic, I eased along, we had the top down, and my buddy kept urging me, even goading me, to go ahead “put your foot into it.” That car didn’t have “neck-snapping” acceleration, to be completely honest. But then, I was also a chicken about driving such a rare toy. The up side was the noise. It made one of those fantastic rumbling noises, just cruising along. I didn’t need to floor it, although, eventually I did, and I didn’t need to do much more than notice that the steering was a little heavy for my sporting tastes, but still. I’m not going to rush out and buy one, either, as my buddy, he kept his as a toy car, a Sunday driver, a choice second car. Something to play with — that’s all. It’s okay to indulge in adolescent fantasies in a vehicle that’s older than some of our girlfriends. Or boyfriends. It’s okay to play like we’re on Route 66, having adventures. In the Virgo mind, all of this okay. In the much talked about “real world,” back to where I was, after I parked that vehicle? Once I slid out of the driver’s seat? We’re back on terra firma, and as such, the fantasy was over. Cool memory, nice jaunt into a make-believe world.
Libra: These are happy times in Libra-land. Mostly. Pretty much for all of ya’ll. One or two Libra folks might not be too happy, not happy with me, not happy with life, not contented with the job. But other than the one or two malcontents, I’m pretty sure the rest of ya’ll are in good shape. Life in Libra land is good because Mr. Jupiter is here. And Mr. Jupiter is the lucky one. There’s one teeny-tiny problem with Mr. Jupiter and his good luck. (You knew there would be a catch, didn’t you?) It’s a matter of self-control. Personally, I don’t have a lot of self-control, so it’s not much of an issue around here. Therein is the problem, too, because your fine Libra self — who usually does display a modicum of proper self-restraint — that little built-in self-limiting voice, or your conscience, or whatever you call it, that bit of a moral compass might not swing in the correct direction. Of course, calling it the “correct direction” might be me putting an unnecessary value judgment on your decisions. All I’m trying to get you to moderate some. Moderate in ways you didn’t think you needed to. Jupiter brings a whole boatload of good stuff with him, that’s the upside. And after what you’ve been through, it’s about time you had some good luck. The deal is, you’ve got to take it a little easy with what you expect Mr. Jupiter to provide. Book me for a fishing tour, and we’ll motor you around the lake. Catching fish? That’s up to your Libra self.
Scorpio: Austin, as I see it, is situated on a river. That means, coming in from San Antonio, there’s a long, downhill grade to get to the river. Likewise, coming in from Ft. Worth, it’s a long, downhill grade to get to the center of town. I was considering this geographical fact when I was looking at the way life was going in the Scorpio chart. See: coming into town on a train, from either direction, the train has to slow down as it approaches that last, long downhill slide. There’s a train, the Scorpio train, and it’s heading into Austin this next few days. Be a little more cautious than usual. Of course, every Scorpio I know is a cautious person, but a little extra caution is important. You’re getting someplace, you’re going somewhere, but this is like that last, long, downhill grade coming into town. To factor in a kink, too, one that I think you should be aware of? In the middle of Austin, there’s an “S” curve in the rail line.. It’s either right before or right after downtown, depending on how one looks at it. Trains have to slow down for that bend. Got it? There’s a bend in the Scorpio tracks, sometime in this next week. It’s nothing to be worried about, it’s been there for a long time, this isn’t new material. But you do have to slow down in order to negotiate the turn. “There’s a train a-comin’.”
Sagittarius: It’s fixing to be pretty darn good. Just that simple. I’m not accepting anything else for an answer. Pressures, probably, but not limited to, financial questions, are on the front of your Sagittarius stove. Yeah, yeah, we all have the burden too much we want and not enough of what we need. Philosophically, a good Sagittarius can deal with this. In reality? There’s trouble. There’s a new model of fishing pole that I want. It’s graphite core, carbon frame, and I don’t recall all the details, but I figured that I just needed that pole. Plus, as long as I was shopping for a new pole, a new reel for it would be good, too. Then, of course, I like that fancy super-strong titanium fishing line, and that stuff runs a pretty penny, a dollar a yard. So I was looking at all of this, and I didn’t dare open up my wallet because it had a just a few dollar bills, enough change for an ice-cream, and one piece of plastic — a card I recently paid off. The pole itself wasn’t that much, but by the time all the accessories got added on? It was getting to be a little too much. Max out the card? Again? Pay usury rates for something didn’t really need so much as want? While the desire stirred up my imagination, I considered all the options, and until I make a little more money, or sell some more books, I’m just holding off on that new fishing pole. The lesson here is pretty obvious, while it’s an item that I can rationalize and justify, it really doesn’t merit going in debt. Again. But shopping? That’s almost as much fun, provided you’re like me, and it’s all an academic endeavor.
Capricorn: At dinner, after working at an event all weekend, like, on Sunday night after the event, I had a chance to talk to a “first time reader.” She was rather frazzled. It had been her first time to sit and do readings for hours on end. I’ve been on this road for well over a decade. I’ve worn out computers, luggage sets, and footwear. I’ve shuffled myself and my cards so many time that I can slip on into the convention center or hotel room, and I’m right at home. I’m also careful, too, as I’ve been doing this for so long, I know how not to get too burned or bummed after three 12-hour days back-to-back. But for a first-time person? I was rather amused to see her delicate, fried, burned-out, over-wrought face. Poor woman, didn’t know which way was up. Now in the experienced hands of Capricorn, with Capricorn dedication and stamina, such a situation — that burned out feeling — wouldn’t exist. Alas, my friend, the new reader, wasn’t a Capricorn. There’s a tricky balancing act, and you’re going to feel a lot like my friend, burned, bummed, and somewhat elated, all at the same time. In fact, if you don’t have some kind of balance going for you, you will be feeling burnt. The secret ingredient? Water and vitamins. Take plenty of the right kind of nutritional supplements and drink plenty of water. Look at it this way, at the end of the event, when you’re all tired out? Look at all the money you’ve just earned.
Aquarius: I was passing through Refugio, TX, a spot that’s almost lonely, down south of Austin. It’s sort of a place that’s on the way to the Gulf Coast. Situated on rolling, coastal prairie, it’s easy to imagine the early Spanish explorers taking one look at the countryside and think they’d found a heaven. Rivers and streams cut through the landscape, the low hills roll with gentle undulations, the grass is frequently green, copse of willows gather along the edges of the creeks, it’s quite idyllic, like, in the fall or the spring. In the summer? South Texas. What were you thinking? It gets hot. So we were cruising along, taking in the countryside, rather enjoying ourselves, no hurry to get anywhere, and we’d stopped there in Refugio. Probably at a combination service station, gasoline depot, and coffee shop, but don’t hold me to that. What I recall, more than anything else, were seagulls, over head. Wheeling overhead, crying and squawking like only seagulls can do, nattering, kvetching, and otherwise carrying on with that familiar sound. It just seemed rather strange, out in the South Texas Brush Country, to hear seagulls, to see them, wheeling overhead like that. Odd. Put in the proper context, the town’s not more than, say, 25 miles inland from the great marshy Gulf Coast. But out of context, it seemed so weird. Strange, even, to hear that laugh of the seagulls in a place that seemed like cattle country. Put your week into context, too. When you encounter avian laughter where you least expect it?
Pisces: You do realize, my favorite mutable water sign, Pisces, that you’ve got a whole year of folks saying that you’re supposed to be “in the money”? That’s right, most of the places that publish any kind of horrible-scope will be making the same worn-out predictions for yourself. Money, love, travel. The big three. Individually, all of those elements are important. Collectively? Isn’t it a little unreasonable to expect to hit the lotto, win the big jackpot, have Prince Charming show up, and then whisk you away on a whirlwind tour of the world? I don’t want to be the one who dashes all your Pisces hopes. In fact, looking at the next week, I’m guessing that two out of the big three will come through. Pick two. Pick the two you think, you feel, in your Pisces heart of hearts, pick the two that are most important. Money? Sure. Love? Sure. Travel? Sure. Which two are the most important? Figure out that riddle, and then be prepared, as you get two out of three, but the cosmic order of events might not deliver the two you figure that you think you want. The cosmos has a weird sense of humor, and you might just get the two that are most important.
