“Thou art the best of the cut-throats.”
Shakespeare’s Scottish Play [III.iv.16]
Sometimes, being the best at being bad is a good thing.
Aries: I was attempting to seduce a young lady. Well, not really seduce, as I did already have a date on my arm, but I was trying to be nice and charming. Both are a stretch for me. “Let me buy you a drink, okay?” She looked like she didn’t understand, and with the background din of a barroom, maybe she didn’t hear me so I reiterated, “You know, something alcoholic?” She perked up, “Oh, like the guy sitting on the barstool over there? Sure, I’ll take him!” My sparkling wit was trumped, rather easily, by that one comment, not much of reply I can snap back. With the way planets are stacking up, you’re going to be just like me in that situation. You try and be nice, maybe smooth over a situation, and the situation — or person — snaps right back with some comment that’s more entertaining, more charming, and wittier. Some days, you can just sparkle. This isn’t destined to be one of those days. Instead of worrying about the right comeback, just go with it. Giggle at their wit, and possibly, just succumb to their charms, instead.
Taurus: “Careful, or I’ll go medieval on you!” One of my Taurus friends was explaining how he was dealing with a certain set of frustrations at work. The term “medieval” might not really strike fear and terror in many hearts, in fact, in some circles, just such an expression might garner a chuckle or two. Here’s the hitch: he’s a trained sword fighter. You know, helps the local theater stage sword fights and such. He’s scary. When he goes medieval, it involves a long sword, not a rapier, but something a little older, more primitive. Think: broadsword. So this threat is less of a joke and a more serious proposition, put in its proper context. Yeah, I’m worried now. I’ve been to his place, and I’ve seen what he has on hand. He can be a scary person. When he’s described various techniques, it’s not this “parry and riposte” scenario, none of that elegant sword play found in theater these days, nope, none of that. It’s all about slash, thrust, slash, lopping off body parts. Of course, he’s also a peaceful brute, and seriously doubt that he would ever get provoked enough to actually “Go medieval” on someone, but I’m not suggesting breaking into his domicile. You’re just like that one Taurus buddy of mine, making noises about doing something. And like my one friend, I really hope that they don’t push you to deliver, because, like my buddy, you’ll unsheath a broadsword that can really cut.
Gemini: I was wandering around, and I noticed a big red van parked in front of an apartment building. Then, on the stoop in front of a certain apartment, there was a certain dog. She wagged her tail at me. I meandered over, not really meaning to insert myself into a favorite Gemini’s morning, but she was glad to see me, as was that dog — it’s a pretty smart dog as dogs go — and we sat in the fall morning, sipping coffee and discussing Gemini matters. “I’ve been really depressed the last few days, look at my phone, no one has called,” she said. I flipped the cell phone open, and I scrolled through the last ten numbers received. Ex-boyfriend #1, ex-boyfriend #2, two girls we both know, and an Aries “best friend.” It was before noon on a Tuesday, and the time stamp from all those calls was the previous day. Anyone who understands my intimate group of friends knows that no one makes a call before noon. The fact that I was out had to do with a breakfast meeting. I pointed out that there was ample evidence that people still called her, and I pointed out that it was before noon, and I pointed out that she seemed just as popular as ever. Sometimes, though, the way a Gemini perceives facts and the way the rest of see the exact same set of information is going to vary. I’m suggesting that you look at the data in slightly different way. That morning with no calls really isn’t as bad as it seems. Besides, proffered evidence did suggest that she was as popular as ever.
Cancer: I had to do the “looking for a job” rap the other evening, and I thought I would just repeat it here, as it seems to fit with everything else that’s going on in the land of my dear, sweet and somewhat disturbed Cancer friends. It usually starts with “Man, I got fired.” We start with a list of previous positions held and what he’s done before, and how that one sector of the economy isn’t hiring right now, and then he pulls out he classified section from last Sunday’s paper (this was on Wednesday). I had to ask, and I knew the answer but I prefer the didactic method, “Did you ever land a job from the classifieds?” “Well, no, but…” Then that’s not the place to look. Never worked before — why are we starting with a process that’s never worked before? My buddy slammed the dog-eared paper on the coffee table, “Then what should I do?” Start some place new. “Online?” Doesn’t usually work, now does it? That Cancer personality shines through, in person. He needs to be face-to-face with potential employers. Think about that. You’re looking at a stack of resumes, maybe a potential project or two, and you need to sell yourself in order to get the job. E-mail, postal mail, even video clips don’t work near as well as just about five minutes of “face time.” Just what you need. Your shining Cancer countenance works best. Use it.
Leo: I was just leaving a coffee shop downtown, having just wrapped up a reading, and the fall sunlight was spectacular. I loosened up my shirt, thinking about peeling out of it, and I was paying attention to the minute details around me. Add a soundtrack of birds chirping or something. I rounded one corner, and there was a Latin busboy lounging in front of a swanky restaurant while he took a smoke break. Probably a slow day for him. Approaching me, on the sidewalk was a tall (stately, elegant, whatever) woman who, in heels, was well over six feet tall. The busboy — I’m assuming here, but it’s an educated guess based on demeanor, attitude, attire — looked her up and down. He liked what he saw. While the more prurient minded would just naturally assume that I would check out the babe, I was interested in the way the busboy arched his eyebrows. She was almost a whole foot taller than he was. His eyes wandered up and down, undressed her, then dressed her back up. He took another drag on his cigarette. His gaze caught my bemused smirk. Both of us were busted. He arched his eyebrows and as she passed, he shrugged his shoulders, ever so slightly, along with a sly and wry grin. Whole volumes of information passed between him and I in those briefest of seconds, not one word was said. Attractive, nice looking, too tall for him, but…. But what’s the point? I don’t think that the woman was ever consciously aware of the amount of information she passed our way, my observations of a guy checking her out, the way he decided that she was too tall, but nice to look at? Do like I did. I didn’t stare at the obvious focal point. I looked a little off to the side and observed someone observing. You’ll learn a lot more — and probably find yourself amused — if you look beyond the obvious.
Virgo: I was trying to get a date with a Virgo, and if I’d been a little better prepared, I’d realized that it wasn’t going to happen First there were complications. Then there were extenuating circumstances. Finally, there was pressure from business concerns. And add just a tiny amount of family pressure, too. The deal is, and you may not be trying to duck an astrologer based in Austin, but the deal is, you’ve got a tremendous number of details you’re trying to balance. Plus, at least one “revenue source” (job) has a person making some rather heavy demands on your time. That’s a problem. Additionally, you’ve got all other kinds of folks leaning on your usually good-natured Virgo self asking for your precious time and attention. What are you going to do? This is where some good organizational skills are important. A little more “schedule juggling” is going to be called for, but I have high hopes that it’ll all work out.
Libra: Tension is in the air. As much as I love writing something that’s just altogether wonderful and full of good promises, I’ve got this little problem when I look at the charts for the next few days. See: in the lovely land of Libra, there’s a little bit of tension. It’s not going to last long, and it’s not something that can be completely ignored. Getting through the tense moments? That’s going to take a degree of patience, which, quite frankly, shouldn’t be part of a birthday celebration. It’s like having a minor tantrum right before you walk into the room where everyone runs out and yells, “Surprise!” Good warning, too. No, not that you’re about to receive a surprise party but that the minor tantrum? I know it feels good, you know it feels good, but that doesn’t mean that it’s in your best interest. Besides, that somewhat irrational display of angst? That outward way you have of indicating your displeasure with some situation? That’s will pass. I know it’s not supposedly a good idea to keep certain issues bottled up inside, but while there’s this free-floating tension? Maybe keep a lid on it until the next few days are over.
Scorpio: “Me wee mum” — my much put-upon Scorpio mother — nominally Ma Wetzel — had sent me a little nickel-bag of some mighty fine coffee from London’s original specialty purveyor, Fortnum & Mason. It was Jamaican Blue Mountain, or so the label read. So I was looking at a small bag of rather well-traveled coffee beans, going from a plantation in Jamaica, over to England, then back to New York, and eventually winding there way down to Texas. I opened the package on a cold autumn morning in Texas, and as I ground up the beans, sniffing the aromatic blend of real Jamaican coffee beans, I was thinking very kind thoughts. Those beans, the morning coffee, the good feeling I had? It lasted for several days. You’re getting a chance to do something special for someone. Might not a big deal, but you get an opportunity to make someone’s day. It could be real Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee for a guy in central Texas. Or it could be something different, but it’s the thought that counts. As I tweaked and twiddled the Scorpio chart, I kept coming back to the wonderful way that coffee smelled. I usually go with a darker roast, but for the next week or so, as long as that little bag lasts, I’ll have nothing but really nice thoughts about Scorpio. This isn’t a veiled plea for Scorpio’s all over to send me exotic coffee beans, what it is? It is a story about how one such instance, and the impact the Scorpio kindness had on the coming few weeks. Just a simple gesture on the part of a single Scorpio can go a long way in making a lot of folks happy.
Sagittarius: I was reading an article about film theory, specifically, “thriller film” theory. Two elements in every successful “thriller” or action-adventure film include the hero — or protagonist — portrayed in some capacity as a victim (of circumstances), and the same hero has to make a speech, at some point, in praise of the villain. Personally, this is material that I’ve never covered before, and while I was reading that magazine article, I was thinking that those two elements seem to be true. Not that I watch a lot of those movies, or, for that matter, that I’m much of a movie critic, much less, a person who understands script development. Doesn’t matter. During the next couple of days, you get to make an epic speech. It should run a lot like a movie script, too, as you’re going to need to praise the enemy. I’m not sure that your dastardly bad guy is one of those evil, gun-toting, trying-to-take-over-the-world heinous villains, but you get the idea. Then there’s that other element, the part where our good Sagittarius nature is put out because, after all, if you just understood, we’re all just victims of chance. Victims of circumstance. The reason I was thinking about movies is because all the Sagittarius I know are going to get a little bit of extra attention in the next few days. Not like it’s our fault, and it’s not like we went looking for this attention. Couple of factors contribute to this, but mostly I was looking at the way the Sun faces off against Mr. Saturn, and how that imparts a degree of tension, and that degree of tension is what forces out Sagittarius hand. Be prepared to play the unwitting hero.
Capricorn: The started roofing a building next to Shady Acres. I watched as the workers assembled the new roof tiles on the roof in question. Sure seemed like a lot of effort. What was worrisome for me, is these guys started rather early by my lazy standards. By mid-morning, despite this being mid-October and all, the workers had stripped their shirts off, and they were naked to the waist, wearing jeans, knee pads, and baseball hats. Working away, too. They hastily stripped the old roof, and before that was even done, another portion of the crew had already started laying the new stuff. When the sun seemed to be at its worst — or best — the guys wrapped it all up. In their wake, there was a huge container full of old tiles, and new roof. In the middle, there was a lot of hollering, yelling, jabbering and the persistent beat of an air-hammer, nailing everything down. Unfortunately, in your Scorpio world, someone is coming along and stating a project right next to where you live. And that person, or that construction crew, is going to do their best to wake you up. I was just grateful that workers only assembled on location at 6 in the morning, they didn’t start hammering until almost ten. By then I was thoroughly awake and unhappy. I’m sure you know the feeling. Now, this means that there will be an untimely interruption to your carefully crafted Scorpio existence. This also means that there will be something good that comes out of it all. What? I’m not sure. May be something as simple as the neighbors’ getting a new roof. Could be cover for you own head, too.
Aquarius: Dreams are important. I don’t mean those subconscious anomalies that occur at night, I mean the conscious ones, that stuff you dream about. I recall getting a “potential booking” for a Halloween event. Astrologers, fakirs, soothsayers are usually popular entertainment at this time of the year. This one gig looked really good, too. Promised to pay hundreds of dollars an hour for hours on end. Looked rather enticing. In my mind, I was working with that money I was going to make. In my Aquarius brain, I was spending all that cash, long before the big night. I was on a spending spree in my mind. I even thought about making a credit card purchase or two, based on the idea that I would have enough money to pay the bill when it came due. But if you look at the bio, my sun is not in Aquarius, and I reeled in on that virtual spending spree before I ever plopped down the cash. Good thing, too. Guess what didn’t work out? The gig. No big gig, no obscene profit, no extra dollars to pay for a big-ticket item I had my eyes on. In some cases, I’m not really that much different from other astrologers. But I’m not promising you a big payoff, and I am suggesting you wait to spend that money that is promised, both by me and other astrology advice columns. Wait until you get the dough before you spend it.
Pisces: I’ve seen some strange sights in my time. I clearly remember seeing a comet through the Northern Lights. Means something, but I’m not sure what. I’ve heard the Northern Lights crackling. Another personal favorite image, one that I’ve tried to do a photographic study of, is a particular dive-type burger-joint, its neon sign, against an Austin-tatious sunset. But me and the camera have never been in the right place. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, the colors of the neon echoed by Nature’s display of brilliance, as a backdrop. Retro-neon and the Texas sky. Shooting stars. Items that are right there in front of your Pisces self that no one else seems to see? That’s the point. Strange sights are not really that bizarre, not if you’re wiling to pause long enough to look. The portents for the next few days in Pisces are plenty weird. There’s also a sense that you can’t quite get everything together at the same time, at the same moment, to make it all work correctly. Timing seems to be just a bit off. Not bad, just not quite right. I’ve warned you about your timing, now it’s up to your sweet Pisces self to make the proper adjustments.
