“He’s a tired and very valiant soldier.
So is my horse.”
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar [IV.i.28-9]
Merc RX
Aries: I got all hung up on this one kind of music for a while. Went on a kick, listened to nothing but specialty DJ music that was nothing more than various samples looped back on their selves to form a new piece of music. Interesting idea. Then, since I was working a computer with mixing abilities, I thought I’d try it myself. Seemed like no one was doing “Techno Country” at the time. My results? Hey, at least I made an effort. But I’m really pretty limited on the scope of my “country and western” music because I’ve only bought CD’s, and those are usually Texas artists, and as such, the refrains and lyrical responses, plus the all-important backbeat, none of it translates well out of the place where I live. I played some for a neighbor, too, he’s a musician, and his look said it all. I don’t have a future as a Country Techno DJ. Ain’t gone a-happen. I’m not the one to do this. But as far as I’m concerned? It was an interesting effort. It also revealed the relative paucity — in my collection — of true C&W music. I’ve got a good handful of Texas stars, but that’s about it. Look, you’re bound to have a great idea or two. Country-Techno. It could work. Your Aries self might be the one to pull it all together. But right now? I’m just saying, you know, Mercury is backwards, might not turn out as well as you expect.
Taurus: What are holidays without a little fracas or two, just to make life, ahem, interesting? I could do with a little less drama. Besides, the really short days and long nights wear thin on me. This whole “sun going down before the afternoon is halfway over” just gets to me. I feel like I miss about half a day. Feels like there’s just not quite enough time to get everything done. I’m sure you’re more than conversationally familiar with this feeling. One night last week, actually, it was two weeks ago, I think, I dug out the tackle box and started looking through my gear. What do I have? What don’t I have? What don’t I have I need to acquire in the immediate future? There’s particular plastic wiggly thing, and if I reveal its true nature, there’d be run on this one kind of bait at the store, so I’m not naming names. But I could sure use handful more of those guys. I made note of that. Then, as the big shopping holiday approaches, I was going to add those little plastic wiggly bits to the list. However, this is where the family dynamics comes into the play. The fracas thing. My family members are start arguing about who is going to do what. When, and where, is part of that fracas. It gets weird. Me? Me and my Taurus self are going to keep that list of stuff we want for the tackle box a secret. It’s just easier sometimes, to avoid the fray.
“He’s a tired and very valiant soldier.
So is my horse.”
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar [IV.i.28-9]
Gemini: I love that opening quote. The first half sounds good. But with the second line? Makes you wonder. That’s the point. The deal is, I’m sure, in the next couple of days, if you want, you can steal that quote from me, and you’ll be able to use it in a business setting. You’ll be in a meeting, or talking to co-worker, dishing out some gossip, maybe at a high-level strategy meeting, something like that, and when it comes time for a performance review, you can use the first line. Then, under you’re voice, you can repeat that second line to yourself. Or, you can just repeat the whole phrase in your head. Might be better that way. It’s plain and simple, Mercury. Backwards. Opposite sign: Sagittarius. Worse yet? No one — other than your most excellent Gemini self — understands the ramifications of this particular planet placement these days. “So’s my horse.”
Cancer: Weirdest thing happened. Yes, I know Mercury is backward, in Sagittarius, no less, but that’s not it. There are silver linings to this whole mess of planets, if you’re willing to look for them. I was shuffling bills around on my desk, you know, the “must pay this month before they cut off the gas/water/electric/cable/phone” stack? Then there’s the daunting task of looking at the credit card bills, and wondering which one I can charge to another card, to shift the debt around. I’m sure you know the feeling. So I was pushing envelopes around on the desk, and what I discovered was that a book of stamps had fallen down the backside of the desk, and that booklet fell out when I was doing the shuffle. Better yet, they were Xmas stamps. Generic Xmas postage, but still, the Santa Claus was nice to see. Perfect timing, too, as I no longer had an excuse for not mailing off the letters. Well, to be honest, I did have an excuse, I didn’t have any money in the checking account, but at least I now had postage. It’s a small miracle, but one that’s rather welcome. So something is back, from maybe a year ago, and like those stamps, you’re finding yourself one step closer to getting achieving some goal. If I cold come up with some extra cash in there, too, that would be really nice, but those stamps are worth something.
Leo: I have this one close friend, his name is certainly not “Bubba,” and he has the “get rich quick plan” of the day. Really. He usually calls once or twice a day, just to let me know where he is with certain ideas. How far along, what they’re up to, what looks like it will work, what looks like it won’t work, what ideas have been scrapped, and what ideas are just coming up. Here it comes, “See, we could do a web page, and charge admission, and in no time, we’d be rich. Hundreds of thousands of web surfers, all paying you $20 a month….” It was an idea, and he babbled on for a spell. I just listened because, after all, with all good Leo’s, that’s all I can do. “So what do you think?” I think the idea had merit but the price point, in my opinion was a little high. Of course, that’s never stopped a good Leo. Always have those sights set high. Or in this case, sites set high. Might’ve been high, too, for all I know, and his idea, it really didn’t fly as he hadn’t thought out all the details yet. I understand how the process works, though, and I listen. Leo dear, you’ve got some pretty good ideas, trapped in that Leo brain of yours. The problem is, I’m not sure, other than a good friend like me? I’m not sure you’re going to find someone who is willing to listen to those wonderful Leo ideas. It’s Mercury and his errant ways. Don’t blame me.
Virgo: I was fooling around with this one Virgo girl for a while. Her natal Mercury was backwards in her chart. Therefore, when Mercury is backwards like it is, life is supposed to be all right for that one Virgo girl. But after years of testing, one of the recurring themes, “Mercury is retrograde? Ouch, I hate that, right?” Right. Wrong. Yes, Mercury is backwards. In Sagittarius, no less. Hate that? No, no, you don’t hate it. It’s like a natural cycle, Mercury backs up from time to time. He makes us look at communications, he makes us rethink certain issues. He makes suggestions for the future. He’s giving us all a chance to recharge our batteries. Because Xmas is right around the corner, the best gift for a time like this is a gift certificate. Let’s look at the logic: first off, other than the amount put on the gift certificate itself, the only cost for wrapping is an envelope. Then there’s the idea that the recipient can shop when Mercury is not retrograde and find exactly what it is that the person wants. It turns into a win-win situation for everyone. Your individual mileage may vary, but you can go long way with this Mercury thing happening. Just remember that he is retrograde with a vengeance, and as such, communication problems are going to crop up.
Libra: A buddy of mine was telling me about working at a concert. It was a “kiddie show” in that the target audience was mostly accompanied by parental units. “Little girl shows up, looks fine, then her mom gave me her credit card and driver’s license, and when I looked at the date on the license, I realized I was the same age as the mom. I was thinking, ‘Welcome to Kramer’s World’.” (That’s my reputation, but that’s not the way it really is.) However, I’m loathe to let the facts interfere with a good tale. If it had been me, I would’ve remembered what the astrological sign was. However, following my advice, my buddy didn’t let the facts interfere with the story, and this particular tale got repeated, added to and the ages adjusted so I looked like a real dog. It’s no big deal, as one famous author pointed out, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” So I let the facts get twisted around to suit the telling of the tale. Folks are inclined to be talking about you. Folks are inclined to stretch the facts. In fact, the actual details of the story about your Libra self? Some of that material might be quite malleable. Get worried about it? Why? At least folks are talking about you.
Scorpio: A favorite Scorpio barista was fetching me up an afternoon jolt of espresso. Since I try and catch as much gossip as possible, I know, from conversations with other employees at that one coffee shop, that this one particular barista, although she’s very good, she doesn’t actually drink coffee. So she has no way of knowing whether what she does is right or not. I also know, from a recent conversation with said barista, that she was having difficulties with a boyfriend. When I tasted the little double shot of espresso that afternoon, there was a slight bitterness — never present before. I think she used a short draw on the machine, instead of the usual long draw. Just to add a little dollop of Scorpio flavor, would be my guess. I’m not even sure this was intentional. But it fits with the sense for the next few days, anyway. She shot me the prettiest smile, from under those Scorpio bangs, but there was the slightest hint of a menace in there, too. The sarcasm was a little edgy, like it was feeling around to make sure it could determine where the bounds of good taste started — and stopped. Also it was potent. And there was little extra edge to the bitterness. Careful with that, especially when Mercury is backwards like this. Don’t want that extra bitterness in my espresso.
Sagittarius: I usually work in the peace and quiet of my own trailer, with no distractions other than a cat. She’ll curl up around my feet on cold winter mornings. But when I was working on this forecast, I had some music on. A new CD cycled up. A familiar beat thumped out of the speakers, and I was suddenly feeling great. I felt energized, alive and wonderful. I popped a kitty treat into the cat’s bowl, I was feeling that good. She was amused, albeit, briefly. Then I started back to work on the chart — our Sagittarius chart — for these next few days. Sudden downer. Mars/Venus, in Scorpio; Mercury backwards in our sign. The Moon doing a shrinking thing, hitting two fixed signs along the way. Man, it just doesn’t look good. But here in my world? Cat’s happy, the music is good, and I’m feeling “all right!” In our little world, in our own, personal space, things are pretty good. What things? Just about everything. The problems start when I answer the phone or look at the inbound mail. The problems continue when I fail to pay adequate attention to that cat. And when that one song is over? Then I’m doomed to go back to the real world, having to deal with other folks. But for one, shining moment, everything was okay. Might take a lesson from me, too, given where everything is stacking up against us, might try to stay home and out of the line of fire. All those planets and stuff? Makes us likely targets, even when we don’t want to be.
Capricorn: Stop. For one little minute. Just stop. Hold it. Cease. Desist. I’d pop out a little border Spanish but that would choke the spell check and the editor — she doesn’t speak very good border patois. However, un-translated, the command means, “Stop!” Got that? Halt. Don’t move. In your wee Capricorn mind, you’re hearing a voice, your own voice, suggest that here goes another lame attempt by the Fishing Guide to the Stars at some kind of Mercury joke. Nope, not going to go for the cheap shot. You don’t need, nor, for that matter, would you appreciate a cheap shot. Deal is, Mr. Mercury, along with Mr. Sun are both Sagittarius. That’s the sign in front of your sign. Means that stuff is in your 12th house, in bland and mundane astrology terms. Means the nightmare factory is working overtime. Which is why, at the beginning, I started with all those negatives. Look: it’s holiday season. One of the most important days in my calendar is when the Sun goes into Capricorn. Means that the shortest day of the year (Northern Hemisphere) is here. Means the days will start to improve, just as soon as Mr. Sun hits your sign. But we’ve got two elements that suggest this isn’t a good time at this moment. So stop. It’s okay to make plans when Mercury is backwards, just remember that you might have to adjust your plans — and expectations — a few times. Hence the exhortation to “stop” while you can.
Aquarius: One of my Aquarius clients listened to my general overview lecture, and then she complained that Neptune was, and I have to quote, “kicking my ass.” But it’s not. See, except for a very narrow margin of folks, all born around the middle of Aquarius, Neptune isn’t always a big influence. Neptune and his nebulous ways. His confusion and dream-like state. His other-worldliness. He’s also just coming off a brush with Jupiter. Now, Mercury is backwards, two signs away. Plus there’s the Sun, also two signs back from where your forward-thinking Aquarius self is. All this adds up to interesting times. I seriously doubt that Mr. Neptune is affecting you that much, like my one client. However, that Mercury thing? That is pushing all your buttons. It’s easy to hang the blame on some planet, but what it amounts to, is that some of your Aquarius ways that some of us find eccentric? Some of your wonderfully weird ways? Some of your obtuse manners of dealing with certain situations? That’s not working — due, no doubt — to Mercury. Realize, not that we’re in the middle of it, that this isn’t going to be like a normal Mercury Retrograde time for you. It’s going to be every bit as awkward as I predict it usually is. See: you’re normally immune to Mr. Mercury, but this is a special one. You’ll feel it. My usual Mercury warnings apply.
Pisces: I had this great idea, I was going to do a whole week of horoscopes in mime. Can you just see that happening? Sure. But the mime idea has special merit in Pisces. See, it’s that Mr. Mercury and he’s up to his usual tricks. Since communications aren’t working like they ought to, might as well stretch it a little. The deal is, I’ve been exposed to one of the most frightening mime scenarios ever: my sister. She’s a rather vocal Gemini so the idea of her doing mime was scary. Or pleasant, I suppose it depends. As a creative exercise, it was wonderful experiment. In the practical world, though, a muzzled Gemini isn’t such a good idea. However, for the next couple of weeks, you might want to think about the concept of mime delivery, or a muzzled Pisces, or just basically, letting everyone else do the talking while you take notes. Can’t do much about Mercury, although, I have no trouble imagining what gesture you’re going to make. See? Mime isn’t such a bad idea for the next couple of weeks. Beats letting your mouth get you in trouble.
