“I shall live to knock thy brains out.”
Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen (II.ii.230)
Parking rules. Given the way traffic congestion is these days, and what with the price of gasoline, I thought I’d run with parking rules for the signs. For one week.
Aries: Ever notice that folks who are either picking up a passenger or dropping someone off, how the driver usually just stops in the middle of the roadway to load and unload? Or when a passenger has to pop out and dash into the convenience store for one quick item, again, the driver generally feels like there is some kind of unwritten rule that allows that driver to just stop and block traffic? Your Aries self has seen this type of behavior before. Some other car stops right in front of you and you have to wait while there’s a long good-bye, maybe some cash changes hands, and then, after an interminable delay, you get on your way again. Mars is roasting along in Pisces, which a perspicacious Aries will realize, is the sign that happens before Aries. So you remember how annoying it is when someone else holds up traffic like that, right? You know the feeling of banging on the steering wheel, or you honk at the folks doing their deed, stopped in the middle of the road, and the driver just gives you a friendly wave, as if to say, “Right. I’ll be moving shortly.” Think about that frustration you felt. Now, when you have a similar errand, like dropping a fishing buddy at the airport? Pull over and get out of the way. A courteous wave is nice, but just easing the Aries car on over to the shoulder — or into a real parking spot – is much nicer. Get out of the way. Mars and cars, you know.
Taurus: Since I am basically just a pedestrian, all the time, this one trick is a lot of fun — for me. I exit a crowded venue, and I see a line of cars circling the parking lot, searching for that one parking spot up close. I cut between two cars and stick a hand in my pocket. Some other driver puts on the turn signal, thinking I’m leaving. Wrong. I’m just a pedestrian. I’ll wander the parking lot, zig-zagging through the parked cars, causing much consternation with those drivers who are still circling, still looking. Makes for an amusing time, as pedestrian. If I were a driver, I’d think nothing about parking about six blocks away because I know there’s a shaded spot to park, and I can get in and out a lot quicker. Mercury is flying through the trailing edge of Taurus and starting next week, slides on into Gemini. There really are a few other astrological factors to consider, but the message is clear. Number one, don’t fall for a pedestrian trick of someone jangling the key ring in his pocket while you wait for a parking spot. Number two, consider that shaded spot about two blocks way and avoid the congestion at the front door of the store. Makes life a lot easier.
Gemini: I do dearly love Ms. Venus, and I truly enjoy the benefits she’s bringing to you these days. However, as long as Jupiter is still backwards, it’s a good idea not to push your luck too much. Imagine that you’re in a crowded parking lot at the mall. Or the big super store. It’s a busy shopping day — of course it’s a busy shopping day, everyone should be buying gifts for Gemini birthdays. Now, a guy in a truck is signaling to get into a parking spot where someone is just about to pull out. You come up from the other direction, and as the car vacates the spot, you have an opening, where you could slide into the spot ahead of the guy who’s been patiently waiting for hours (minutes in real time, hours in Gemini time). Most of the time, you’d just let the person who’d been waiting pull right in. However, birthdays, Sun, Mercury, Venus, all in Gemini by now? Might not be a good idea to push your luck. I know that you feel like this was an opportunity just gifted to you from the heavens, but taking advantage of some other person’s good nature and bad parking decisions? Not a good idea. Go ahead and let the first car take the spot. Trust me, Venus will open up a spot for you on your next lap, right next to the handicap parking — I mean — right up front.
Cancer: There’s lots of untoward influences kicking in your chart, and this reminds me of some personal action. Nothing’s better than really taking matters into my own hands and doing something about it. I’m not even sure what the antecedent to that pronoun is, either. But I take some kind of action. I was in a superstore parking lot, in fact, I do this every chance a I get, and I noticed a stray shopping cart. The previous user of said cart had been kind enough not to set the cart free, free to wander aimlessly around the parking lot, scratching customer vehicles, but that cart was parked on the little median, stranded. Unused. Unloved. Much like Cancer these days. Doing my best for humankind, plus making my life easier when I enter the store, I tend to rescue the abandoned carts. Plus, and here’s the good part, that cart won’t scratch anyone’s car. Wouldn’t make it through the layer of grime on my truck, but it’s a good favor. In the parking lot of life, sometimes the simplest of gestures makes your life better. Plus you save some other customer from having heart attack when that person sees a scratch on the new car.
Leo: I was watching as a Leo couple were “discussing” although, the term discussion could be better broken down into “dis” and “cuss” as that’s what it sounded like. What they were arguing about? Who has a clue? Who cares. In a few minutes, hours, or, at the very most, in a week, the argument will be long forgotten, at least, the point of the argument will be forgotten. So having a discussion, while parking the car, or having a loud discussion, perhaps even an argument, while parking the Leo truck? Not good timing. Timing is important. That couple wound up in a parking lot, not taking up one spot, but sitting there, no flasher, no turn signal, just stopped, in the lane of traffic, while waiting on each other to hurry up and concede a point. The driver behind them? It wasn’t me. I’m glad, too. When that driver honked, the Leo driving — without so much as raising an eyebrow — just offered up a one-finger salute. The middle of a crowded supermarket parking lot, on a Sunday afternoon? That is not the time or the place to engage in these discussions. Timing.
Virgo: The shopping center, on the northeast corner of Oltorf & Congress? It’s a very old shopping center. There’s an exit lane, from the parking lot, westbound on Oltorf, that’s canted at an angle so it can only be used as an exit. Unless you’re clever, stupid, or some combination of both. The exit lane is clearly curbed in such a way as to insure that folks will only use it as an exit, and only for travel in one direction. When I’m driving a rent car, or one of my friends smaller vehicles, I consider a point of pride to enter via the “exit only” lane. It’s a little tricky as the parking lot has to be clear, there can’t be any outbound traffic, and the turn has to be negotiated rather carefully unless you don’t mind curb surfing. Which I do mind so I can’t make this in long-bed pickup. But in someone else’s vehicle? Sure. Life’s a little weird in Virgo land. Just because it’s supposedly and “exit only” avenue, that doesn’t mean you have to obey the rules. Besides, like that one ramp, there’s really no sign so entering isn’t really against the law or anything. Just common sense.
Libra: There’s always one, isn’t there? You’re in crowded shopping mall’s parking lot, and right up front, some yahoo with high-priced new vehicle has to park diagonally across two spots. Quite the irritant, right? Deal is, even though you’re not feeling it, if you’re up early enough, you get a chance to do just that, park diagonally across two spots. Prevents door dings, no one mars the finish on the shiny Libra truck-ette, and it looks good. Only, stop and think about it, before you take up two spots like that, remember how it irritated you when someone else did that? Yeah. The deal is, see, my fine Libra friends? You’re in a situation where you certainly feel like you deserve both parking spots. Right up front. I’ll agree with that. But the deal is, also, taking up more than your allotted space? That’s going to piss someone off. Do you do it? If I had a chance, and if I was Libra? I would. But no one can really damage an old truck that hasn’t been washed in a few years.
Scorpio: Old trucks are valuable because they usually have decent ground clearance. As in, a standard curb is not an obstacle. I was parked on the freeway, headed south, and the Interstate looked like a parking lot. Must’ve been the Friday rush-hour traffic, only this was on a Thursday. Sometimes, the traffic backs up early, you know. The feeder road, the ubiquitous Frontage Road, was pretty clear, so I did what anyone driving an older truck would do. Instead of sitting in traffic, as it looked like the parking stretched all the way from my suburban location on into downtown, miles away, I just eased the truck up and over the curb, and I got stuck in surface street traffic, a few miles closer to home. However, since I took some action, I felt much better, any action, like hoping over the median. I’m not advocating using sidewalks as a personal Scorpio thruways, but I am suggesting, rather than being stuck in the traffic jams of life, one of those deals where the freeway more closely resembles a parking lot? Just take some of alternative action. Anything. Just go for it. Even if you have to blaze a trail.
Sagittarius: I’m mostly a pedestrian. Therefore, I can observe more often than participate in this kind of activity, although, I do believe I’ve been a target from time to time, but that’s another tale. See, with Mars frying his way through Pisces that creates some impatience within our sign, compounded by the Sun and whatnot in Gemini? There’s a car in front of you, the light is green, and the car is turning. Pedestrians have the right of way. Or maybe there’s some other obstruction like a car parking? Or maybe it’s just the usual line of traffic? Whatever the deal is, the second car back whips around the stationary car and comes really close to hitting the obstruction. Deal is this: chances are, you’re that second car, whipping around in fit of pique, and the outcome bodes no well. Now, if you’re that second or third driver in line? Maybe counting to about 42 before you yank on the steering wheel and hit the pedal to make it go fast? If you’re first car, the one waiting? Perhaps a wave and smile would be better? And if you’re the pedestrian like me? Maybe look a second time before crossing the street.
Capricorn: I was catching a ride with a Capricorn lass (of epic proportions and red hair, but that’s not important), and as she pulled out of Shady Acres, I beckoned her over to the dumpster. I took about 30 seconds to grab all the loose material in her car (truck-ette, really), and I tossed it in the dumpster. Food containers, mostly empty, old coke cans, a half-consumed cup of coffee in a Styrofoam container, some sort of science project growing on the surface, the usual debris that litters a vehicle when trying for the lived-in look. I knew where we were going, I knew that, based on my observations about gravity, that some of that trash would fall out when I popped out of the passenger side. In order to prevent this being an unwelcome event, nothing’s worse than litter in a parking lot, I preempted that event with just about 30 seconds of clean-up, ahead of time. Not much effort on my part, but I prevented an egregious error, with just a small investment of my own time. Don’t litter the big parking lots of life. Take a few extra minutes, just a few seconds really, to help someone out. You’d be surprised at how this pays off, too — I found two dollar-coins on the floorboards. She told me to keep them, as a tip.
Aquarius: You get a choice when you wake up in the morning. You can make a basic, binary decision, which way it’s going to be in Aquarius land. I was sitting in the parking lot, waiting patiently for an SUV to pull out of spot. What I didn’t understand, though, was why that SUV driver didn’t just pull through. It was a double space and the space ahead of the driver was empty. When I saw the reverse lights come on, I just stopped, and waited for the driver to cautiously back up, pull forward and back up again. Took a total of three tries to get out of that parking spot. As soon as that SUV vacated, I just pulled right on, passed through the recently vacated spot, and I was aimed towards the store’s front door plus I was parked in way for a hasty exit. The choice was simple, I suspect that the driver was an Aquarius (from California, according to the vehicles tags), and the choice was to back out. Even if it took three tries to not mar the finish on the SUV. Me? I just proved my point by waiting patiently and then pulling on through. The choice is simple, and I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t have all the facts, and there might be a very good reason why that other driver backed out. It’ll screw up the Aquarius rhythm, but if you wait about half beat longer than usual? There will be a clear — good — option that opens up for Aquarius.
Pisces: Pause. There’s always time for a good pause in the middle of busy parking lot. Imagine that your Pisces self has just left a crowded restaurant or busy shopping mall. You’ve got Mars frying in your sign, so you lucked out and got that primo parking spot, right up front. As you limber up and lower yourself into the Pisces vehicle, you notice that one, then two cars, start jockeying for your parking spot that you’re going to vacate any second now, right? Take your sweet Pisces time. You need to make sure the seat belt is properly adjusted. You need to make sure the rear view mirrors all work. If you’re a sweet female Pisces, might want to take a few extra seconds and touch up that make-up. Mars, you know, he exudes sexual charisma, and by now? That one guy who was waiting to pull into your spot? He’s getting tense. If you were shopping? It’s okay to dig through the recent purchases and look at your prizes. Notice that it’s much better to be the person sitting in the car, idly taking his or her own sweet (Pisces) time about getting out of there? If you’re in the other car? Chances are you’re getting steamed up. Maybe even literally, as I watched when a similar event occurred and the poor — impatient — fool, waiting on a Pisces to pull out? Radiator almost boiled over.
