For the Week starting: 11.24.2005

“And follow so the ever-running year
With profitable labor to his grave.”
Shakespeare’s Henry V [IV.i.291] Happy birthday. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Mercury (retrograde).

Aries: “Don’t you have any good news this week?” Aries complaint. No big deal, and no, not really, I don’t have a lot of good news. It’s the holidays and they are going to be full of the usual mistakes. Frankly, other than my own birthday, I’m not too pleased with the way anything is running these days. However, it’s a lot like the weather, that’s not a lot I can do about it. We get a couple of days in November, right around Thanksgiving, when the middle of the afternoon feels like a spring day. I get out for some excuse or another, like I have to jog up to the post office, or maybe over to some boutique to see if I can score a late Xmas gift. I get to burn off a little bit of Thanksgiving Holiday excess. Not really enough time to get in a good hike, but one day in the next seven? I’ll have that really nice weather, and I’ll get a chance to get out and get disconnected from the news, I’ll leave the cell phone behind, and I’ll lose touch with reality for an hour. Life is suddenly merry again. Try connecting by disconnecting. It’s more along the line of seeing real people instead of just digital images and disembodied voice. Makes a difference, if only for a little while. Then it’s not so bad.

Taurus: Last week? Week before? When I was looking at the Taurus chart for this week, Thanksgiving and all the holiday material? I was thinking about all of that while I was putting some new fishing line on a spinning reel. Light line, only about 6 or 8 pound test, and the line is packaged in a purple box. Now, the packaging clearly states that the line “Low Vis Blue,” but to my eyes, it looks purple. Or some shade of purple, especially when it’s brand new, and just reeled on fresh. Earlier in the season, I’d commented on this line’s appearance to a fishing buddy, and he allowed as how I must be colorblind. I’m not about to argue about something trivial like the color of the fishing line, not when it’s a color that I know works. To me, it looks like a lighter shade of purple, or some variation on that theme. Perhaps it’s the way the light hits it, or maybe it’s the way semi-clear line rolls up on the fishing reel. Now, I’m pretty sure it’s purple. Or a shade thereof, despite what the marketing hype — and other fishing buddies — tell me. But argue about it? What’s the point in that? It is what it is, purple, blue or even pink with orange polka-dots. Catches fish. That’s the point. Whatever works. That’s the point. As long as Mercury is moving backwards in opposition to you, maybe, just maybe, worrying about the color of something that doesn’t matter? Maybe that’s not the vest use of energy. But it is purple, I swear.

Gemini: There’s one Gemini I know, and this is a good time for her. But she’s a bit of an odd one, and the usual machinations and gyrations of the planets aren’t affecting her like they are hitting everyone else. The rest of ya’ll are a little uptight, a little worried, and little frantic because of the way the planets are treating you. Ain’t a happy place, holidays notwithstanding. I can’t make the planets behave in a better fashion, but I can offer a little advice about what to do. Nothing. “Huh?” Inaction is sometimes one of the best types of action to take. Do nothing. Sit back and observe. Watch other folks get frantic, frenetic, all balled up over some perceived sleight, some perceived injury, some missed cue, and watch how it will all work itself out, if you just let it alone. Personally, I’m suggesting that more Gemini just take it easy. “But I’ve got this and that and this and that, and (dot dot dot)” the list goes on. Stop. Pause. Reflect. Catch your breath. Wait. It’s a holiday. Slow down. There is nothing that has to be done right now, there’s nothing that can’t be put off just a little longer. Sister (Gemini) and I headed out to the shopping mall. She was all worked up over something. We shopped for a little while. We looked at people. We laughed. Neither one of us purchased a damn thing. Had some coffee. She laughed at my cowboy hat and I laughed at her clown hat. No big deal. None of the items on her production schedule got accomplished, but when next breaks open, she’ll be refreshed. See? Doing nothing sometimes works wonders.

Cancer: It was years and years ago. I was stationed in far away place, far from home. The ambient temperature was hot, on T-Day. We had us a nice spread, more like a picnic, except that cold sliced turkey did figure as a prominent part of the meal. Then it was on to big screen TV and ball games, most of the males in a somnolent stupor. If not outright napping. Perfect T-day celebration. So you’re in place that’s not altogether familiar, and you’re not exactly pleased about where you find your Cancer self. Not a lot that can be done about the current retrograde disposition of the planets, but there is something you can do. Lighten up. A picnic table covered with plastic tablecloth isn’t exactly a fine dining experience, but paper plates with cold turkey slices? That can be just as fine as you want it to be. It’s matter of how you deal with the exigencies of the times. Attitude can help a lot. Just because the planets want to ruin every thing? There’s no reason to let that happen. Adapt a little. Might not be conventional, but then, that doesn’t make the experience any less enjoyable.

Leo: Park it. In my family, we hit on a perfect way to celebrate the holidays, especially like this one, T-Day and all. Go out to eat. I was busy, right before Thanksgiving, trying to explain that my oven is just a storage space. All those coffee mugs I’ve accumulated over the years? The gifts, the ceremonial tokens, party favors, and the gestures of kindness from ex-lovers? Most of them are stored in the oven. It’s not like a trailer has a big oven, not to begin with, more like a token oven, but I’m not about to even attempt a Thanksgiving spread in my trailer or on my dinette set. Got the image? We’re going out. Some one else will do all the dirty work, the cooking, the cleaning, the serving. All I have to do is figure out who’s going to pick up the tab. Works for me. Follow my example, follow my lead on this one, instead of getting all worked up over trying to do this yourself? Instead of busting your Leo tail, let someone else do the hard work. Plus, as in my example, there’s an onerous weight of the past (like those coffee mugs) accumulating. No need to rattle the past in order to get flustered over a meal? If you don’t go this way, this year? Think about it for your future.

Virgo: Thanksgiving occurs on a Thursday. It’s traditionally followed by a time I refer to as Black Friday, which harkens back to a time when I worked in a retail establishment. Hordes, countless tens of thousands, of shoppers would descend on the Friday after Turkey Day to make the life of a retail clerk a living hell. People from out of town, people home for the holidays, guest, visitors, family and friends, all seem to show up and shop. Why aren’t these folks watching football? They will be. Or should be. You’re going to feel like, between Mars and Mercury, just like that harried clerk that I once was. I’m not much of a drinking man these days, but I can make a Virgo-specific recommendation: Tequila. It does nothing to solve any of the problems, but then, most of the difficulties are that there’s just not enough of your Virgo self to go around. Some Tequila, a little fresh-squeezed lime juice, maybe a splash of triple sec, and you’re on your way to feeling a little more numb. Comfortably numb. This is by no means an endorsement for a lifestyle, or as a permanent solution, but at least once, you’re going to need to put your feet up, tell every thing and every body to hold off, as there’s only one of your Virgo selves, and it’s time for a break. You can’t change the course of the planets, but how you deal with that? Some kind of a refreshing break sure helps. Especially if you have to deal with the retail hordes on the day after — not hat I know anything about this myself.

Libra: Slow down. That’s a simple message and yet it packs quite a bit of meaning. Mr. Mercury is doing a retrograde number that’s going to affect your normally wonderful ability to communicate. A buddy, a client, a friend, did up a series of “mixed” music CDs. While I enjoyed the effort, the combinations of genres was a little bizarre. There was a pop, outlaw country and some rap. The part that was really strange was the overture to a particular movie. Something eerily familiar. In my mind, this track had nothing to do with the rest of the material. In the mixer’s mind, though? I’m sure there was a connection. What does this kind of musical puzzle have to do with Mr. Mercury? Trying to figure out a connection that’s just not apparent? That’s the goal. I found myself listening to the collection of tunes, back-to-back, over and over. I was desperately seeking the connection. Now, by slowing down my mind a little, I could begin to discern that there was a coherent, albeit a little twisted, connection. It’s just a matter of listening to the material, like, more than once. Slowing down, to figure it out? That’s the secret with Mr. Mercury cruising along like he is.

Scorpio: I was walking home to Shady Acres, after doing a reading with a client. She was with me, a young lady, of expected proportions, and it looked like we were a couple. Me, a dirty old man, and her, a sweet young lass. Just a touch of Scorpio in her chart, just enough of the Scorpio stuff to give that one young lady that intense Scorpio allure (sex appeal). We encountered one of my casual acquaintances, and, what I later heard, through the local gossip mill, was all about the unspeakable, but tremendously rewarding things I was doing with that client. She went from “client” to “girlfriend” to “lover” all in the span of about three days. There’s just a hint, an echo, of Scorpio material in the natal chart for that girl, hence the source of the rumors. Plus, on the streets? Unverified news travels fast. Completely untrue rumors are broadcast even faster. Okay, so there was a hint in the natal chart, with its hidden Scorpio implications, and that was the source of the news. As Jupiter approaches a point opposite from Mars? You can be one of two parts in this equation, be the one folks are talking about, making up unverified stories of great imagination, or you can be the one spreading the damnable lies. Either way, there’s more fiction than truth, and good Scorpio folks tend to prefer the truth. Let other folks make up stories about you — trust me, it’s a lot more fun that way.

Sagittarius: Perception versus reality? That’s what I was thinking about. Look at the chart, the astrology chart, and what’s there? Jupiter closing in to opposing Mars, which is backwards in Taurus, while Saturn’s in Leo? Then there’s Sagittarius; our time is here. The impression is that I’m a wild, man-about-town, party guy, always out in the clubs, carrying on with a multitude of female companions. Regrettably, this isn’t the case. Sorry to burst the Sagittarius balloon, but I do live much like a monk. I’m a quiet and patient observer of humanity, part of what I do for a living involves being good at making note of the little details. There’s no time for taking note of finite details if I’m supposedly out being a wild person. While that much-vaunted Sagittarius ability to be the life of the party, while I love that about our sign, I tend to be a little more quiet and reticent. I’m the one, over in the corner, scribbling down notes, or quietly asking questions, like, “What’s your birthday?” This is, perhaps a good time to emulate my quiet demeanor. There’s a lot of activity, both in our charts and in other folks’ charts. How we interact is important. Sometimes, the less said, the better. Yes, it’s happy birthday time, that, too. But we can be quiet about it. No need to draw unwanted attention our way.

Capricorn: It’s all about expectations. I’ve never been a parent, so I don’t understand how this all works, but I suspect that the expectations are a lot like Xmas morning. As a parent, on a holiday, I would expect to sleep in, and as child, I would expect to wake up and open presents. I suppose that such comments suggest a basic Xtian upbringing, but that’s the way it goes. Xmas is one month away, which is why I was thinking about it and expectations. What do you really want? What matters the most? Sleeping in? Ripping the brightly-colored packages apart? Which one is most important? Mars, Mercury, and the Sun. I’d concentrate on those influences. Two backwards, and the other one, the Sun? Not backwards but poking along in Sagittarius. It’s about expectations. Like Xmas morning. Personally, I’d prefer to sleep in, rather than have to get up too early. The undue influences bode no well for the coming few days. Lower your expectations, and be surprised when I’m wrong.

Aquarius: I had an electronic sample of a blues harmonica, and I was thinking that I kept hearing it. The sample was only a couple of beats long, but that harmonica sample was perfect as an introduction to Aquarius. Sort like a blues tune, I think the sample was labeled “blues harmonica,” but there was a definite upbeat to that one sample. I’m sure I could never actually reproduce that sound on a B Flat harp, but the idea is there. Take a sample, perhaps it’s an digital clip of something that is very analog, and run it through that Aquarius mental digitizer. Then toy with the sample a little. Doesn’t have to be an audio clip, it can be a digital image, or even just a line of classic poetry. Tease it out a little. Although the moon isn’t in the best of places, the rest of the stars, especially the Sun, are starting to lend a little extra “oomph” to the Aquarius chart. Try to catch some of this sublime energy and put it to work for you. How? It’s like that one tune, that one riff, I couldn’t get it out of my head for a week or more.

Pisces: Last Quarter Moon, the beginning of Sagittarius, the relative motions of the planets, it all adds up to a little fractious behavior. I would be remiss in my humble estimation if I didn’t warn you that the holidays are beset with an air of expectancy. I’d be remiss, too, if I didn’t warn you that some folks just don’t see the inherent goodness in your Pisces heart. Yeah, well, that’s their loss. Stupid people. Otherwise, in a perfect Pisces world, I see lots of nice, pleasant holiday happenings, then a pleasant, and not too crowded shopping trip. Brisk, fall air. A little sunlight, a nice stretch of the legs. All looks good to me. Then you’re going to encounter a non-Pisces family member or maybe surly sales clerk. Pop, there goers the Pisces’s bubble. The easiest way around this kind of holiday mayhem? Just align yourself with other Pisces folks, or stick to Pisces-friendly individuals like myself. Then it’s all good.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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