Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006
by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
For the Week starting: 4.27.2006
“When a gentleman swears, it is not for any standers-by to curtail his oaths.”
Shakespeare’s Cymberline (II.i.11)
Aries: I was sitting here, twirling your Aries charts around, twisting them up and finally, I’d even go so far as to print out a copy of the weekly charts. One of them, anyway. What’s with my frustration with your chart? Planet influences are weird. I finally wadded up that one chart and tossed it at the wastebasket. I don’t have to worry about the Dallas Mavericks or San Antonio Spurs seeking me out, based on that one miss at the trash. There are several items that are kicking in your chart, and lot of them are good. Or better than before. The frustration, my frustration with the chart, your frustration with me, stems from none of those influences seem to line up at the right moment. Like that shot at the trash. Close, could of bounced off the rim and made it in, but it didn’t. The cat watched, not too amused as the ball of trash is no longer an amusing toy. If this I’d tried that toss next week, like after Monday? It would’ve probably gone in. It’s all about timing, and for right now, you’re a little clumsy, like me. Just slow it down a step or two, and be a little more patient. There’s a good influence or two, going on, it just means that you might miss the basket on the first try.
Taurus: Venus is moving into Aries, at the beginning of next week. Middle of next week. Something like that. About the same time Venus moves into Aries, the Sun will be, briefly, be opposite a retrograde Jupiter yonder in Pisces. Good or bad? Sort of both. Can be excellent, as it’s birthday time, and that means you’re supposed to enjoy yourself. I ran into a Taurus the other afternoon, a server at a local place. He looked like, suffice it to say, he looked bad. He had a long and sad story about a night of excessive alcohol consumption, problems, troubles, some kind of an encounter with a uniformed peace officer, and then, to top it all off, some part of the tale included something about bail money. Apparently, the lad had a tough night. As a funny footnote, in the middle of the jail part — no, the Taurus didn’t go to jail — his girlfriend supposedly tried to represent herself as legal counsel. The good-natured cop at the desk just asked for ID. Didn’t fool him. Anyway, after hearing the story and correlating facts with planets and a chart, I figured it out. The Taurus wasn’t in jail. That’s a plus. The girlfriend’s slip, the perfidy? Ignored. So luck is weird, but like I kept trying to point out, the Taurus guy wasn’t in jail, just trying to come up with some bail funds to get his buddy out. Probably, almost had to get his girlfriend out, too. Hint: don’t let this happen to your fine Taurus self. Exercise just tad more caution.
Gemini: I got up the other morning, and I thought to myself, “Self, just a little fishing before writing the scopes?” Then I thought to myself, “Self, last time you did that, it took three hours two fishing poles, and several types of lures before you caught that one fish.” Plus, as I recall, there were a few hooks set in submerged obstacles. Not an auspicious start to the day. I did get the fish. Out and back in the lake in less than 30 seconds, just a nice photo-op for the black bass buddy. Now, what this is about is how doing what you want to do, like me, fishing, or anything else, instead of what you’re supposed to be doing? Again, like me, in an allegorical sense, putting pen to paper. This is all about “butts in chairs.” I can’t catch a fish if I’m sitting at a desk, working at a keyboard. But I can do what I’m supposed to be doing, rather than what I want to do. The excuse I kept coming up with was that the solar-lunar tables suggested it was a good time to fish; therefore, I should be… working. Follow my lead here, stick to the “must do” material first. You’ll be a lot happier.
Cancer: Every once in a while the planets align, the forces of nature conspire to bring about a degree of harmony that otherwise just wouldn’t occur. I was thinking about this over a plate with two meats on it: pork ribs and brisket. It’s a traditional, was, anyway, for me, a traditional Tuesday treatment for whatever was wrong in the world. At that one place, it’s rather hit or miss. Some days, it’s the ribs that absolutely out of this world, thick, meaty, smoked long and slow, with a crunchy, smoky exterior and tender, flavorful interior. When the ribs are good, they can be absolutely a transcendental experience. Can’t hit it that good, not al the time. With brisket, I tend to really savor the end cut, unlike my steak, which I like as close to living as possible. The brisket, that end-cut? Full of the texture and flavor, and a little charcoal, all goes to show the smoker’s craft at its highest. Or lowest, as, at that one place, it’s a little bit of guess as to what’s going to be superior on any given day. But next week? I’d suggest your version of a Two-Meat Tuesday, and I’d suggest that by then? Everything will align, and it will be one of those rare days when both the ribs and the brisket are exquisite. I’m a simple person, so properly done BBQ is all it takes to make me happy. I’m not sure what will make you happiest, but it’s coming. Soon. Could arrive even earlier than next Tuesday’s special.
Leo: I opened up a new container of spice. I generally just use cayenne pepper. Put it on just about everything that is prepared (read: nuked) here at home. Good on beef, burgers, chicken, tuna, salad, textured-vegetable protein, & etc. Leftovers, good on that, too. Adds the right spice so frequently missing from normal cuisine. The problem was, or is, that old container of pepper was almost two years old, quart-sized bottle. The new, same size, had a little seal on it, so I popped that and poured the usual amount out. Only, the new stuff? It was, or so it seemed, a lot stronger. Not so much as to hurt me, or ruin the meal (fake hamburger made from vegetables), but it reminded me that the new container was “fresh,” whereas that old batch of pepper was probably getting a little stale. Does pepper, especially Capsicum, get stale and lose its potent flavor? I can’t answer that. But I do know the new batch was stronger — better — or maybe I misjudged the tablespoon-full. Like my spice, and like the way it had extra burn to it? Leo’s like that. There’s a new, stronger, more potent Leo starting to emerge. Just be careful that you don’t get too much on the meal.
Virgo: It’s a familiar, at least to me, phrase, “Hey, don’t I know you?” It’s generally followed by either a question about whether I play guitar (I don’t) or if I am who I really am, that guy from, you know, that astrofish guy. But this one time, it was different. I was in a grocery store, and I recognized the woman who was handing out free samples of something. Granola bars? Fake soy burgers? I don’t recall. I do recall that she was a Virgo, and she works at Sandy’s, around the corner. A popular Thursday/Saturday destination. Hard to recognize someone like that if she doesn’t have a hairnet. I seriously doubt you’ll run into a Sandy’s employee in a grocery store. But you will run into a situation wherein you’re used to hearing one of two items, like “You’re that guitar player,” or “You’re that astrology fish guy,” and there’s no way you’d expect to hear the third item, like, “I know you as customer from that legendary hamburger stand.” I’m pretty sure the hamburger place is older than me. Caught me off-guard. Don’t get caught like I did.
Libra: True story from the front of the bass boat. We were on the discharge side of a power plant, and there was feeding frenzy going on. The little schools of baitfish were being hammered by the big bass. I got me a good one on the line, got her up close to the boat, and since I was very fair to the fish, I said, “Hey, toss me the net.” My fishing buddy grabbed the net then gave it a good heave. Right into the lake. “It’s okay, I think I can get this one by hand, anyway,” I said. When there’s a fish on the line, nothing else matters. I was supposed to be sworn to secrecy about the net deal, but it was too funny not to repeat. The net might have been aimed at me, but it was a failed “Hail Mary” pass that just didn’t make it. At all. Bottom of the lake. We did try to hook it with a naked hook, but we couldn’t really find it. So look, Libra, when I ask you to pass me the net, maybe giving it a good toss isn’t such a hot idea. Might not be the net, either, cold be just about anything, but you do have tendency to overshoot, over-throw, or otherwise over-propel some piece of hardware. A little more caution would be helpful. Or when I say “toss,” maybe you just want to hand it to me?
Scorpio: “It always comes back this, doesn’t it?” A Scorpio neighbor wasn’t addressing me, but she was looking at her little dog. It’s one of those, ah, I don’t know, a rat-fuzzy-mop-looking kind of a dog. Probably exotic. Certainly pampered. And a definite “him.” Although he’s been “fixed,” he still has the drive to mate. He was, at the time of the conversation, trying to mate with a larger dog. A much larger dog. A dog that was about ten times his size. She just sat down, and that action put an end to his actions. Plus a good tug on the leash. I’m guessing, a Scorpio neighbor, therefore, a Scorpio dog. Lots of drive. Scorpio myth, got to keep that alive. Plus, here was a little dog trying to tackle big dog. To me, it was funny. To the dog, it was serious. To the dog’s owner, it was annoying behavior that refused to be modified. Which one is it? Which action are you going to be this week? You can be the little dog, trying to surmount (or mount insurmountable) challenges. You can be me, much amused by the whole scene. Or you can be the owner, and give us all a good tug on the leash, just to try and correct (slightly) aberrant behavior. With Jupiter and the Sun? I’m betting, you’re like the neighbor, pulling on our leash. Does so nicely — you’re interrupting what we were doing.
Sagittarius: One of my neighbors was out at the edge of the creek, smoking a cigarette. In the spring (felt like summer that evening) twilight, we were discussing certain aspects of business, how long I’ve been on the web, the fact that I’ve got a regular weekly column that’s more than a decade old, the trials and tribulations of business, what kind of percentage the credit card processing takes, and what it’s like to work in the Capital Complex. That’s where he works. I don’t work there. He was fairly knowledgeable with the ways of the web, and he understood some of the intricacies of the business end of what I go through. He was a little appalled at the way a couple of formal business institutions regard me, like a little problem with one of my banking institutions, but I patiently explained that my type of work falls into the cracks in the sidewalk of big business. I’m not legit enough to be classified as one thing, but I’m also too mainstream not to be a legit business. Blah-blah-blah. I was fishing. Little fish were teasing the fishing line. A larger perch was out there, and I was trying to hook him. Or her. I can’t tell with perch. This neighbor had the day off or something, and he was interested in what I do. He also noted that I spent a good portion of the nicer spring days, idly pitching bait into the lake. Which is one of the reasons why I like the business the way it is. Look at the way you do your business, or work. Can you make it easier for yourself? That’s the key, making it so you can exist in more peaceful manner. I’ve given up arguing with the banks and the State of Texas about what I am. I’d rather be fishing. Might want to stop and assess what fights are worth fighting, and sometimes, us Sagittarius type? We might have to pay a slightly higher percentage, but you know, is the struggle worth that extra half a point?
Capricorn: I was cruising along the internet, I believe the term is “surfing,” although I tend to move at a more relaxed pace wherein the term should really be “slothing,” and I came across a link that a had a cool piece of niche software. I downloaded the trail version, played with it, and thought about the price, less than $50. Less than a half-hour reading with me. Not a bad deal. This software it does one thing well. It accomplishes output in a certain format, combines two kinds of files and lets the creative juices do whatever the Muses dictates. Sort of interesting. Eventually, I paid for it, just because I was intrigued. I enjoyed the hours I spent pasting together interesting images from my files, arrange material in format I’d not thought of. I’ve got other programs that accomplish the same goals, but why use a catfish pole to catch crappie? So think about it. Right tool for the right job, even if there is a duplication in services.
Aquarius: I was “sight fishing” the other afternoon. I watched, in the creek’s clear water, as a nice little bass put my bait in his mouth (it’s a him, I’ve caught him before, we’re old buds), then spun sideways in the water, releasing the bait before I ever had a chance to set the hook. He got a mouthful of plastic, realized what it was, “Kramer and Mars, up the their old tricks again,” and before I ever felt anything, I was just watching, the line didn’t twitch, no hint that he was toying with me, he’d spit that lure right out again. I can fool some of the fish some of the time, but I can’t fool all the fish all the time. You, my extra nice Aquarius, can fool some of the people, some of the time, but don’t count on fooling all of us in these next couple of days. I wouldn’t call this situation a loss, though, as the visual portion? I had a chance to watch what does, and for that matter, what doesn’t work. Valuable lesson. Plus, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch this with a pole in my hand rather than watching, like on a fishing show in TV. Experiential rather than canned material.
Pisces: We’re headed towards one of those moments, here in the Land of the Pisces, a moment when it all comes together. Going to happen, pretty soon. I was in San Antonio for its annual spring party. After looking at the rides and the cattle, I kept seeing this one kind of food, looked like chicken on stick. Or maybe it was fish filet, on stick. What made a fried strip of some kind of (assumption) white meat appealing? At the very end of the stick, the kabob of some kind, there was a slightly roasted pepper. Nice, big juicy pepper skewered at the end of “meat on stick.” Turns out it was baked chicken, done with a breaded, batter-looking cover, then transported to the fair grounds. But the pepper on the end of the stick? That was real, and they were being roasted right there. I got one. I think it cost about four or five dollars, and most of the proceeds went to charity. Plus, that chicken wasn’t all that fired-up great or anything. But the pepper? Made all the difference. It was hot, tasty, and the seeds dribbled down my chin. Typical local foodstuffs to be expected at an outdoor event. Think back, think forward. Think about some item you’ve touched recently, or had, or wanted. Is it the item itself, like that chicken? Kind of non-descript for meal. But with the roasted pepper on the end? Brings a smile and, in my case, a grin. What’s going to bring a smile, maybe a grin, to your Pisces face?
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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net
