For the Week starting: 6.15.2006

Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006 by Kramer Wetzel for
For the Week starting: 6.15.2006

“Things without remedy
Should be without regard: what’s done is done.”
Shakespeare’s “Scottish Play” (III.ii.11)

Aries: The sign advertised, “Kids eat free!” I ambled into the store. “I’m a kid,” I said. “”You’re over the age,” the underpaid, underappreciated (and lacking any humor) employee told me. Did I mention he was an Aries? ‘No, really, I’m just child,” I countered. “Under 13?” “Sure, ask any of my ex-girlfriends, they’ll attest to the fact.” Didn’t work. I considered a temper tantrum, but then, I’m not sure whether it would work in my favor or not. Probably not. The poor counter guy didn’t appreciate my humor, either. Aries. So in the next couple of days, a smart-aleck (or some similar term) shows up and starts making a fool of himself. There’s an easy way around this. Feign boredom. Act like you’ve heard it all before, goes with the job. The Aries terrain is relatively smooth, compared with what’s going on elsewhere. But I’d be careful about how you deal with the non-Aries people. “Non-interest,” or “I’ve heard it all before, thankyouverymuch,” is a good way to deal with us.

Taurus: Three times in row, I mean, it’s some sort of sign, to me, I’m sure. I do a lot of phone readings, consultations, really, and I tape the readings. As in cassette tape. Remember the original Walkman? That kind of a tape. During a reading, I will sometimes, according to the feedback I’ve gotten, say something brilliant, or hit a good bit of news someplace along the way, and like I’ve repeated so many times, “You never remember the good stuff, only remember the bad parts.” That’s why I provide a recording of the reading. Only, in the last weeks? Three times in a row, I’ll pop a tape in, and the tape runs, and when we’re done, the client, the caller, says, “Oh no, don’t bother to send the tape.” Variety of excuses, “I don’t have a tape player to listen,” or “I don’t want that tape to fall into some one’s hands.” So three times now, I’ve had the tape there, and three times, I’ve recorded a reading, then just had to erase the whole tape, so I could tape over it again. Three times. Like me, you’ve been hit a recurring theme. Might not be about taping a reading, but it could have to do with permanent record of some action. Antiquated media, too. Three times. After the third time? Consider changing it up. If I can get the CD burner to work right now….

Gemini: Buddy of mine has a little website. It’s just a blog, and it usually has profanity, cultural insensitive material, as well as adult-themed links. Nothing new, and occasionally, it’s brilliant. Amazing. Other times? It’s just another blog on the web. He posted a new entry, like two minutes before he called me. “did you read the latest yet? I think it’s some of my best work,” he called and told me about it. Then he got to the punch line, the rant, and he covered all the material he just wrote, not two minutes before. That’s interesting. Or, in my case, maybe it’s not so interesting. I tend to read when I’ve got leisure time, whatever that is, and his work is mostly entertainment. What was occurring, at that time, when he called? I’d happened to read the entry, and I was amused, but in my own, narrow-minded way of seeing the world, I didn’t find the material that engaging. Could be an age difference, or the liberal use of profanity, or the point itself, which was lost on me. A day later, judging from the comments, his post was well-received in certain factions. Works like that. Happy birthday, final Gemini’s. If you’ve got something you’ve written, or said, or whatever, and no seems to notice? Give it a day or two and see what the fanfare says then. Sometimes, the immediate answer isn’t the best feedback.

Cancer: Sandy’s Thursday-Saturday Special, burger, fries, drink. I erroneously accredited the price to $2.95 (with cheese + tax? $3.18). It was $2.59, and it’s a local deal. Sort of a dive, no dining area to speak of, a couple of picnic tables arranged on the inner circle of the drive-thru, shaded by a sad awning that has clearly seen better days. But on Thursday or a Saturday, the place is packed. To the point that there is occasionally traffic problems. Seems like a great number of people that I know will pass through that drive-thru, or the walk-up window, on either of those two days. I even swiped the name for the title of a book. Plus the neon sign is work of art, and it harkens back to day when there were no threats, and food items like burger, fries and a drink were good for you, not bad for you. Sandy’s, a local Austin place, is like a stable waypoint in life. Unless you’re within a couple of miles of Shady Acres, then I’m not sure you can swing through Sandy’s on one of those days. But you can find similar place — I’m sure there’s one near you — where it might not be the best health food, but it’s good stuff. There’s a balance point between comfort, cheap, health and tasty. Burger, fries drink, under three bucks? Hits the spot. Find your balance point. It’s not like you’ll live on a diet of this stuff, but every once in awhile? It’s the healthy balance. Inexpensive, too.

Leo: I brought some frozen bait-shrimp back from the Gulf Coast. Shady Acres is also located at least 200 miles inland from the Gulf. Bait-shrimp look a lot like table-shrimp, only, I suppose, one isn’t going to eat bait-shrimp. Salt-water shrimp in a landlocked, fresh-water reservoir. Doesn’t make sense. But there’s a kind of logic here, and I’ve seen it work too many times not to be tempted to try it myself. The shrimp look like crawdads, sort of. And the shrimp taste like “food” to the fish. So it works, in a weird way. Usually good for catfish, but given local conditions, I’ve had other folks nibbling on the shrimp. What I’m thinking about is work, Leo, and bait shrimp. Or some other item that defies a little bit of traditional logic, and yet, for some reason, it seems to work. I’m all about results for my finest Leo friends, and while we’re faced with the odds, like we are, I’d suggest something that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Like saltwater bait in a freshwater pond. You know, if it provides results, let’s not quibble about where the results come from.

Virgo: Here’s another one I can’t explain. I’ll be on fishing expedition with a girlfriend. Or a buddy will bring his wife. And there we are, alpha males and some girl. Consider a scene from a sport fishing boat, out in the Gulf one time, each of us strapped into fighting seats, lines out, and charter captain making idle chatter. Strike. Big line starts to drag out, singing against the drag. Want to wager which person gets the first fish, biggest fish of the day? The girlfriend. The wife. The spouse. The tourist who was only along for the ride. I’ve seen it happen a number of times, too many times to be a coincidence. Beginners luck? Except, in more than one case, it wasn’t the first time that’s this has happened. Why is this? I can’t explain it. I think the fish know something. I think it’s a conspiracy, but never mind that now. The point is all about the person least likely, least prepared, and least experienced, that’s the person who gets the biggest fish of the day. I can’t figure out why, nor, for that matter, will I waste any time trying to figure out why, and back to the point? No matter how prepared you are, it’s always someone else, right? Given where two planets in particular are, I’d suggest you prepare for the other person to get the big one. That’s okay, at least someone’s reeling them in.

Libra: The week that precedes the Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year around here? That’s a frantic week for most. In the Libra camp, life should be motoring long like a faithful outboard motor, sort of putt-putt putting along, but move forward at a dependable rate. Then there’s the mania associated with this time, and most of the fine Libra folks are going to feel it. There’s an expectancy, a slightly crazed factor, but more than anything else (here in the Northern Hemisphere) it’s just due to the exaggerated hours of sunlight. Plus, as a little bonus, there should be some pretty smooth sailing for Libra. The problems don’t hit until next week, and it’s not like these are going to be big problems, either. What I would do, if I had more Libra in my chart? I’d throw a line out, make sure a hook with some shrimp was attached, and I’d let that drag behind the good ship Libra. Never can tell what you might hook into this week. Could be fun.

Scorpio: It’s an old trick, to put a live shrimp under a popping cork. The oddest thing, to me, the term “cork,” these days? It’s usually a piece of plastic or Styrofoam. Man-made. Not really a cork. I’ve got a handful of real, wood “corks,” but even then, they are made from balsa with some plastic and lacquer finish, again, not really cork. I was wondering about names and conventions with names when I was looking around the Scorpio scope (chart wheel). It’s about what you call something, something in the life of Scorpio. Naming conventions aside, there’s a little, insistent voice in the back of the Scorpio brain, and that voice keeps pointing out that the “cork” contains no cork, for which it is named. I suppose, once I thought about it some more, I’ve seen those wine bottles with plastic “corks,” and I’m sure this is much the same. Again, the problem is the name, the established names, and even though the names don’t accurately reflect the purpose of the product any longer, like a plastic “cork” in a wine bottle. Wouldn’t stopper be a better term? Or a floating bit of plastic to indicate (I’m not a Scorpio) that fish has — once again — stolen my bait. Call it a floater? Or it’s other common term, bobber? Unlike me, though, my fine Scorpio friend, spend less time worrying about the name and the article, and spend more time either putting that stopper back in the wine, or watching the bobber indicate that there might be a good fish on the line. Nothing’s more fun than to see the cork disappear with a fish on the end of the line.

Sagittarius: Popular and largely optimistic horoscopes will be full of distant travel, good news, and the promise of quick cash. I’ve got bad news: no far-flung travel, and no quick, easy cash. That being suggested, though, there’s a breakthrough. A chance to earn some money. I’m with you on this one, earned income isn’t nearly as nice as money that falls out of the sky and lands right in our Sagittarius laps. But that’s not the way this one works. There’s a chance to work, a chance to make some extra, very welcome, cash. Cash under the table. Now, in my case, I tend to account for all incoming cash, as I’ve found it easier than trying to maintain a second set of books. Just easier that way. But that’s me. A little extra cash on the side is a good thing. Helps with the summer bills, the summer expenses, and who knows? Maybe that extra source of income is a way to buy a summer vacation, hence getting towards that far-flung travel. But I’m not betting it’s really enough. So when the chance to work comes up/ Take it. I’ve got a buddy who runs a fireworks stand. Looks like I’ll get a chance to sell fireworks. And you know? As jobs go, it’s really pretty entertaining. Plus I like the extra dough.

Capricorn: I’m loath to invoke Shakespeare’s Scottish Play, but I’m also enamored of that one quote. You’re at a point, fast approaching, wherein you’ve got to make a decisions about a situation. Like it or leave it. In the next month, as you hit a turning point, you can either hightail it out of there, or embrace the situation — and the subsequent consequences of your Capricorn actions — one way or the other. The advantage of good little scope like this? I’m giving you fair warning that you’ve got this point approaching. Instead of having it sneak up on you?: You can get prepared. I can help prevent the usual cry, “If only I’d thought about that first!” So as you look around, there’s one Capricorn dude I know, and he’s thinking, “Oh, no good will come of this. Not at all.” But other than that one Capricorn guy? I’m not so sure that the dire outlook is necessary. There might be some good reason to stick with the original course of action. It might pay off. It might pay off big time. But carefully weight a few options before proceeding.

Aquarius: I’m pretty good about not wearing the fishing uniform. Most, if not all, of the guides I’ve encountered tend towards light khaki cargo shorts, high-tech sport sandals, and an “outdoors brand” shirt, generally a pastel shade, light pink, light yellow, light blue. Both the shirt and the shorts will be festooned with a bewildering array of pockets, tabs, and buttons for a similarly bewildering array of purposes. Some of the shirts will sport a little swatch of lamb’s wool, or faux lamb’s wool, for hooking flies. At one fishing convention, it was amusing, to me, to see all the guides lined up and dressed just like each other. While I’m big on comfort, and I’m rather short on style, my own style doesn’t quite fit in with what other guides wear. Not that this is bad, just different. Like me, you’ve got your own style, based on comfort, utility, and any other number of important factors. Personally, I’ve found that touch of color helps, too, like a nice tropical print, but that cold just be me.

Pisces: As the summer approaches its broiling point, it seems like the river slows down. If only a by a matter of degrees, it does seem like the water’s level drops a bit. I’ll guess that there’s not as much rain in the hinterlands, the highlands upstream. So I’ll guess that the fish are a little deeper, and little further out from the shoreline. It’s a matter of adapting to the current conditions. Or lack of current, as the situation seems to be. I’ve discovered that I’ve got to be a little more stealthy in my approach. I know where the drop-off is, where the little shelf is, underwater, more or less. So what I’ll do is throw the bait way beyond that point, let it settle, then slowly reel it back to where it’s at the edge. Where I wanted it to be in the first place. Overshoot a little, and then pull it back in. With Mars and Saturn still close at hand, throwing the Pisces bait out there, maybe a little further, and then reeling it back up close? That’s a good way to win. Overshoot then gently correct.

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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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