Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
For the Week starting: 6.29.2006
“For his verity in love, I do think him as concave as a covered goblet or a worm-eaten nut.”
Shakespeare’s As You Like It [III.iv.22]
July 4th, rapidly approaching? Mercury RX? Careful with those short fuses on firecrackers. Or anything similar.
Aries: “Look, you caught a fish!” It was a neighbor, an Aries neighbor, and she was exclaiming that I caught a fish. I had fishing pole in hand, a box of worms beside me, and I’d like to suggest the obvious, that catching a fish was the purported goal of the exercise. Am I being unkind to an Aries? I hope not. It was the 4th or 5th fish that particular afternoon, and none of the fish were of any size worth noting, much less taking a picture of, but let’s not interfere, okay? I was probably a little annoyed by the comment, I mean, half a dozen fish in an afternoon at Shady Acres isn’t too bad, not really. But stating the obvious? I’d be careful about that. I was nice and polite, but I understand where the planets are, and what those planets are doing. I’m not so sure that every Aries who states something that is obvious? I’m not sure you’ll be treated as gently.
Taurus: Idyllic afternoon, here. I was fishing, with some clouds overhead providing faint relief from the summer sear. A log was drifting down the river, and that log sort of lodged itself right in front of the dock, not quite adrift, but the log itself wasn’t quite anchored, either. I was flipping bait just on the other side of the log, and watching the line as big bass would dart out and take the bait. So I hoped. Happened like that, sort of. Feller snatched the bait, I tried to set the hook, and I did set the hook, only not in the fish’s gaping maws, but in the bark on the underside of the log. It took a little wrestling, but eventually I got my hook back. Fish got the worm. He was a big one, too. The fish, not the worm. Clever, I might add. Using that fallen tree for cover? Worked well. Now, in this situation, in the next couple of days? You’re going to be in a similar situation. Play it right, snatch the bait, and watch as someone else gets frustrated that he’s hooked a log. Again. But play it wrong? And you’re like me, struggling with fallen timber, trying to rescue an empty hook.
Gemini: I was chatting with a darling little coffee-maker girl. I’d like to think she’s a girlfriend, but alas, I’m probably older than her parents, “Dad or date” jokes notwithstanding. “I missed you the other day, where were you?” she asked. “I do have a coffee-maker at home,” I said. Which lead to a lively discussion about the lifestyle of the rich and famous astrologer who can afford to have his own barista to run the espresso maker, whenever he pleases. Right. That’ll happen. But I was tickled by the typical Gemini response, and the usual merry Gemini banter. These are dark times, relatively speaking, and in the astrological world, dark times bode no well. A little bit of the sly, Gemini wit goes a long way in relieving some of the pressure. Just make sure the banter is light and airy, and make sure that your audience understands that this is light chatter designed to entertain, not enrage.
Cancer: One quote I picked up a long time ago? “It’s 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.” I forget the source. Then I found a better quote, about being a good writer, “3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.” Which is certainly more true, especially around this place. That’s also the message from the planets to you, dear Cancer. Don’t get distracted. With the tough stuff just starting to simmer down some? There’s a good chance that you let yourself get distracted by a bright, shiny object. Or web page that seems to be full of good ideas, but frankly is probably just more of a time-waster. Careful about that. Like the quote suggest, 97% of the task is not getting distracted by web pages.
Leo: In my neck of the woods, “feminine protection” might have a double meaning. A little 9 mm, perhaps with a cute pink holster? Something that matches the outfit? What matches the outfit the handgun, the permit to carry the handgun, or the holster? Who knows? It’s concealed. And legal. I’m not saying that you need to carry a handgun, nor am I about to enter the debate, as I’ve got loyal readers on both sides. I do know a local person or two, who do have permits, and are dutifully authorized to carry a piece. I must admit, I’ve always found it sexy when my date is armed. But that could just be me, and given my ability to piss off a date, maybe it’s a little foolish on my part. Not that being foolish has ever bothered me. But being foolish does bother certain Leo types, and you’re bound to run into those types. This week. Next seven days. What’s important, whether your packing or not, is to remain cool. Sometimes, you know, it’s best not to return fire, even though it might do your heart some good. Sometimes, to err on the side of caution? Might not be bad.
Virgo: Meta-fiction, or meta-horoscopes? I was working on this horoscope, and I clicked on the astrology program, ran the dial up to the Virgo side, and put you guys first. I looked at the planets. I clicked back to the word processor, and I saw a word that was not spelled right. I went to change that, and the whole scope disappeared. As an ever-vigilant Virgo, you’re aware that the problems with Mr. Mercury are mercurial. Can’t pin them down. So this is the second attempt at writing this scope. First one is in the “ethers” someplace. And since I don’t have a Virgo-like mind, I can’t recall the exact words I used. Careful, this is going to happen to you. Save often. Make a back up. And when the little problems of an errant mouse-click resemble the little problems of Mercury sidestep, recall that it’s the planet’s fault, not yours. Plus, with the holidays and all? I just figure every Virgo action is going to take about twice as long to complete. Just a function of planets and alignments, nothing more. Plus, whatever happens? Don’t get upset. That won’t do either of us any good.
Libra: since I once wrote about romance, and since I was once an expert on what signs get along with other signs, I get stuck with certain readings that are, to say the least, a little unusual. It feels like I’m marriage counselor, expect that the couples, or the three-way action triangles, are often not married. At least, not yet. Plus, if they don’t resolve the difficulties, then there’s going to be some emotional fireworks. Again, it’s not always a pretty sight. Feel my pain, as the guy who is stuck in the middle. Thank you. Now, I’ll return the favor, in true Libra fashion, and I’ll feel your pain, too, as you’re stuck in the middle, between two warring factions, and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to keep the peace. Plus this is a heinous little mercury Retrograde, at just the worst time. Knowing what’s up, though, that can help. Communications, tempers, and communications, plus talking about, e-mailing, web-logging, and the news media, and did I mention other types of communications? Like phones? Some how, you find yourself in the middle of someone else’s situation. Listen. Take notes. But with the current planetary array? Maybe the usual Libra trick of keeping the peace isn’t what’s called for.
Scorpio: Living in a place that’s like trailer park? News travels fast. Unassisted? Rumors travel even faster. One afternoon, couple of weeks ago, one of the main sewer lines either broke, leaked, or got stopped up. Next thing, there’s yellow caution tape everywhere. By the next morning, notices on trailers’ doors, “Water will be cut off sometime today for repairs,” and the rumors mill got cranked up. Way out of proportion. It went from basic plumbing problems to the owner sold the trailer park, and the developer was putting in new lines for restaurant/high-rise/lakeside development, and we were all being kicked out with no place to go. I listened while folks got all worked up and in a dither. I sauntered by the maintenance guy, supervising the backhoe, and I asked him what the real deal was. “Sewer broke, just replacing a line,” and then he added some extra emphasis, “that’s all.” All right, Scorpio friends, what’s it going to be? Give into the rumor-mongering and start looking for a new place to live? Or are you going to go straight to the source, and find out what the real problem is? And possibly the real solution, too? Your call.
Sagittarius: I sauntered into a coffee shop to meet a girlfriend. “Hey baby, what’s up?” I asked, “How’s my favorite (insert sign here)?” Saunter was the wrong style. I should’ve been crawling. I was still damp from a dip in the creek, or Barton’s Pool, one of those, and I smelled faintly of fish, creek water, and that damp odor that accompanies me wherever I go in the summer. I was in a good place, happy to see my friend. She was not the least bit pleased to see me. “I’ve been here for an hour, waiting on you,” she fumed. One of us, probably not me, had written down the wrong time for the meeting. Off by an hour. I’d blame Daylight Savings Time, but that’s really not going to work. “You didn’t call my cell, either,” I excused myself, trying to wriggle out of touchy situation, and I reached for the cell’s holster. Empty. My bad. Although I’d like to think I’m not the guilty party, without a cell phone handy, I couldn’t be reached, and the problem couldn’t be fixed immediately. The whole time, I was doing the “I’m sorry, I messed up,” although, when I checked, I’m pretty sure I had the right time, not the person I was meeting, as she had the time wrong. But I’m not expecting an apology, and I did smooth some things over. Which is why I really do live like a monk. Mercury? He will create a similar situation. Maybe double check to make sure you’ve got all the communications devices attached to your body — and make sure those devices are turned on — before you set out on your merry Sagittarius way.
Capricorn: The facts are shrouded in the mist of memories, but the story is the same. I was doing a personal consultation, and I said something that was meant to be uplifting, only, to the person I was doing the reading for? It came across as a reason for tears. My jocular, supposedly uplifting delivery was merely a cause for consternation. What was intended as a simile, a metaphor I spun out of the airy firmament of words, what was supposed to enlighten the listener? Just caused grief and pain. Tears started to flow. Honestly? I missed the mark by picking the wrong example to illustrate a point. I can save you the tears, or the causation of such, if you’re a little more careful., Mercury begins his errant path, and while this a great time for some, it’s also a time to use a little more caution. For Capricorn? Especially for Capricorn, as you’ll share my ability to say the right thing at the wrong time. So maybe keep your mouth shut, or maybe think twice or thrice, before spinning up a yarn, even if the thread of that yarn doesn’t seem to harm, you can never be too careful.
Aquarius: Timing is a big deal, and timing is what astrology, applied astrology, should be about. So let’s consider a certain time: after dark. Around here, the days are long, the nights are short. Yet, in the cool of the evening, on into the wee hours of the morning? That’s the best time for the Aquarius soul to get done what needs to get done. It’s all best done under the cover of the night. I had another example, too, some of those brilliant fireworks displays? The rockets that shoot up into the air, explode with a loud noise and then shower gorgeous, burning elements throughout the night sky? Just like Aquarius, those fireworks are really much better at night. So consider the timing, and consider, now that Mr. Mercury is starting to back up, opposite you? Consider that a little Aquarius stealth, or just beating the heat, consider the time that is best for you to act.
Pisces: Years ago, a certain horoscope writer asked for specific details in a horoscope. Being naïve, I sent a letter to the address. I included specifics. Teenage angst, love gone awry, the usual litany of complaints, matters that can easily be blamed on the stars. I never heard back from the author of that request. In retrospect, I must admit, a nationally syndicated writer, I really shouldn’t have expected to ever hear back. But there was a lesson for me, in that experience. I tend to answer all the e-mail that I get. At least, I make an effort to read everything that comes in, and I’ll answer what I can, when I can. Might take a day or three, but I usually get around to it. There are individuals who will abuse my good nature, and that’s why my keyboard does have delete button, but as a rule, I tend to at least frame a quick answer, if nothing else. Acknowledge that a real person, me, actually read the note. In the holiday crush, the heat of the summer, and the end of the bad timing you’ve had recently, consider answering some of those messages. Sometimes, even the barest of notes, a just quick one-line response is all it takes.
All Rights Reserved
copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net
