For the Week starting: 6.8.2006

Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006 by Kramer Wetzel for
For the Week starting: 6.8.2006

“Sire, as I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together.”
Shakespeare’s Cymberline [I.ii.24-5]

Aries: I was in line at a supermarket, and it was late. I don’t think I had too many items, maybe condiments or coffee, or something. There was a guy in line ahead of me, and his girlfriend (wife, significant other) was cooing over his recent tattoo. It was large tribal design, took up most of the bicep. Plus it was a little red around the edges. New tattoo. Fresh. Still had the healing salve or whatever it is that they put on tattoos when they’re done. If it was painting, or art on canvas, I’d suggest that it was fixative. I don’t know. But that tat must’ve hurt some. Mars, in his current incarnation, or rather, in his present position, it’s like that new tattoo. It’s going to look really good one day. I mean, this was a large gentleman, and he had biceps the sizes of my legs. So it was an extensive piece of art on his arm. I doubt it was painful, but the edges did look like it was a big deal. Which it was, I’m sure. I don’t know, I don’t have any tattoos myself. Think about the artwork, the significant other cooing, the guy in line behind you, and the way that artwork looked fresh. Consider the influence of Mars on your Aries self. Might be a little raw, but you know it will all turn out all right. Eventually. How long does it take a tattoo to heal up properly?

Taurus: I was a little burned out from too much travel, too much work, too much time hustling hither and yon, trying to make a career out of my business. Happens, you know? That feeling of “I can’t sleep,” yet “I’ve got a blank day in the schedule” and wondering “what should I do?” It’s not like there are any big fish left to catch, either. They’re out in the middle of the lake, on the bottom in situation, not unlike me, trying to beat the heat. Lethargic, in a “it’s the first week of June” way. Lots of quote marks this week, too. Wonder why? So I grabbed a little light fishing pole, tied on a fine little gold Aberdeen hook, grabbed a handful of worms from the worm bed, and on a Monday morning, maybe it was a Tuesday, burnt to a crisp emotionally, I stepped out the river’s edge and fished. First cast, I was just unlimbering the line, really, I caught a decent panfish. I proceeded, for the next two hours, then three hours, to catch tiny fish after tiny fish. Enough for a good-sized plate of fish-fry, if I was so inclined. I’m not. Tossed them all back. But I was rested, and able to sit down and recount my morning’s travail as a horoscope. For you. The things I do, huh. Just for Taurus, no less. Feeling a little crisp around the edges? Take a break, whatever form, and see if that doesn’t get you centered. I’m not saying you have to fish, but whatever works? Works.

Gemini: One of the lakes I frequently fish is also home to a one of those triathlon deals. There was some discussion to determine what bait would work best on a tri-athlete, as there were a number of swimmers in a local lake, preparing for one of those types of event. “Extra-large treble hook, rigged with a Power Bar, that usually gets them in the net,” was the quick riposte. The real reason for the post and riposte was the let fishermen know that an event was going on, and that the fishermen needed to be mindful of the swimmers. So it’s your birthday? The problem being, there are other folks using this time to celebrate a number of other things, and it’s best to be a little mindful about their use of the lake, too. Or wherever your Gemini self wants to play. However, I’m wondering, just what is the bag limit on those athletes?

Cancer: Going to be a long, hot summer. Oh. I’ve already used that prediction? I seem to use it every year, and oddly enough, if usually turns out that I’m accurate. It seemed to be more appropriate at this point in time and space, due to the effect of a couple of planet positions. I just did a reading for a little flower of a Cancer girl. Woman. Whatever. She’s at that age where she prefers to be addressed as a woman. In a few years? Girl will be a term of endearment, again. Anyway, this one Cancer? She was wilting. Summer heat, the brute force of a June oven was upon us here. She was in shorts and a t-shirt, and much to her dismay, there were big sweat stains on the shirt. Hot day, indeed. Not a happy Cancer girl. It’s a long haul from here, this week to the beginning of the birthday times. You’re going to feel a lot like that one person I was doing a reading for, it was a birthday reading, but the timing was off. Suffering through the last few weeks is like a hot Texas day. Just not real conducive to getting out of the Cancer shell, that Cancer zone of comfort.

Leo: Expectations. It all has to do with expectations. What are your expectations? I was working one afternoon, and next up was a couple. They seemed happy enough, or they put on a good show of being happy until we got into the reading. Then, as it turned out, the reading wasn’t about a happy couple it was about problems. I’m not a marriage counselor. My track record speaks for that. I’m not a relationship broker, either. I can tell what signs attract each other and I can tell when there will be problems, and what the problems might entail, plus, I can offer some guidelines in working out. But the work itself? I leave that to the parties involved. Coming to an astrologer, or any other kind of consultant? Expecting one of us to solve your problems, like, with magic wave of the hand? Not likely. Not likely at all. If I could, and you know that I would for Leo, I would definitely make everything better right away. Right away. This week, this moment, this instant. I can’t. But I can suggest that the easy way out? That might not be the best. And figuring that someone, other than your Leo self, is better equipped to make your own problems go away? Again, not likely. See? It all has to do with expectations.

Virgo: I live a fairly active, out-of-doors life. On purpose. I planned it this way. I enjoy spending as much time as possible, outside of the confines of a small living space (a.k.a, the trailer). Fishing, swimming, walking to and from meetings, or fishing, I mean, it’s like this on purpose. The other afternoon, a truck ran into a power pole on Barton Springs. Brought down the pole plus, there was a little problem with the whole power grid. Imagine an afternoon, in Texas, in Central Texas, when the summer’s sun is getting close to the broiling point, and there’s no electricity for AC. Traffic lights didn’t work. Cars, tempers, and just about everything else was heating up fast. The power outage only lasted an hour or three, but it reminded me that I need to add a message to the Virgo folks. It’s about choices. And living with those choices. No AC? I grabbed a fishing pole and went to the creek. In all honesty, I’d probably done that anyway. When I took a quick spin to meet someone, I was on time. That client eventually called my cell phone to let me know that there was a little delay with traffic. Didn’t bother me. A fishing pole is sometimes a better companion. I’m not saying there’s going to be a power outage again, I’m not saying another truck will turn over and take out a major link in the grid. None of that. But if you’re faced with a situation that seems improbable at best? Cope. Me? I’ve got it easy, a little shortage like this didn’t disrupt my day at all.

Libra: “Oh man, you didn’t hear? She was in an accident, broke her jaw, I mean, she’s okay, it’s just that her jaw is wired shut….” It was on friend, talking about the misfortune of another friend. I’m not related to any of these people. Not really, anyway. It was across the counter at a coffee shop. I only distantly know the third party, with her mouth wired shut. But I had to be me, “Blessing or curse?” I mused. “Yeah, well, it does go both ways, doesn’t it?” replied the friend. No, we’re all sorry and hope for a speedy recovery for the person with the broken jaw. It’s just, a few folks do find it amusing that the jaw is wired shut. Sort of puts a stop to a certain amount of noise for a while. Almost, as if, it was an appropriate action, predetermined by the Fates, or something. Accidents are bound to occur. But if you wind up with a similar situation, no, I mean a chance to be quiet and let everyone else talk for a while? Let them run their mouths.

Scorpio: “The difference is, when you’re in a small town? You can’t, like, run away.” Not every Scorpio lives in a small town, but you will find, that almost every Scorpio does, indeed, live in a small world. Scorpio Land (shouldn’t that be trademarked?) The inherent flaw with living in the Land of Scorpio, is that it is a small community at times, and this means, it doesn’t matter where you live, seems like everyone is up and in your personal business these days. I can’t change that. Personally, I leave my darling, sweet and handsome Scorpio friends alone. I have a very strict “hands off” approach to Scorpio as I’ve found it’s much safer — for both of us. Regrettably, not everyone else is as smart as me. The point, and this is very much like the reputed stinger on the tail of that Scorpio, the point is to go easy with your point. Stinger. Whatever. Life is pretty easy, but the Moon, and some other influences, like Saturn, Mars and so forth? Those planets are tending, this is just a planet trend, not an ultimatum, but those planets are tending to publicize some of your actions. And like the way events occur in a small town, or in the Land of Scorpio, some of the stories are going to get enlarged to mythic proportions. Careful. You can’t run away, but you can help with some misdirection. Or better yet, borrow some of my material, “I live like a monk. Couldn’t have been me, I was out of town that weekend.”

Sagittarius: One of my neighbors at Shady Acres, a Sagittarius lady, was limping along the other afternoon when she was walking her dog. Truly an epic canine, if there ever was, big old brute, friendly as can be, loves to play, and has different colored eyes, one is blue, and one is, like, brown maybe? I’m pretty sure that the dog is a lot smarter than he lets one. At the risk of sounding like I live in trailer park or something, gossip flies hot and heavy through here. Her limp, though, as I’m inclined to go straight to the source rather than believe the rumors floating about, she claimed that the dog pulled her down the steps of her trailer, and hence the sore hip. Leg. Ankle. One of them parts. I liked her story much better than what I’d heard, comments that including drunken debauchery (she’s tee-totaler, like me), malicious boyfriends (she lives like monk, again, like me), car wrecks (she drives maybe once a week for groceries, other wise walks a lot), and other similar tall tales. I went straight to the source, rather than believing any of the gossip. “Dog was eager to get out, pulled me down the steps. Simple as that.” Ah yes, the legendary Sagittarius grace. Or enthusiasm, if one understands that the dog is a Sagittarius, too. So what are going to believe, this week? My simple suggestion? Go straight to the source, don’t believe any second, third, or fictitious evidence.

Capricorn: It was at a place, a local place that serves “fusion” cuisine. Southwest, Texan, Mexican, plus a smattering from the Pacific Rim area. It was perfect conclusion to a weekend. I was with a Capricorn, of the red-haired variety, and we were served, by a Capricorn, of the same ilk. After ascertaining the server’s sign, I mentioned a few musicians who are Capricorn, like Robert Earl Keen, Jimmy Buffett, and Elvis. Turns out, the server shared the same birthday with Joan of Arc. I don’t know why I remember obscure facts like this, either. My Capricorn companion told the server that “Jimmy Buffett’s my ‘other man’ he just doesn’t know it,” and the server explained that she had a few boyfriends like that. Then the server, a Capricorn, made a dismissive gesture and noise towards me. Like I was a boyfriend. Which I’m not. We’re just long-time friends. Not a couple. But the appearance is different. Much like the food served there, presentation is important. How information is presented. Then there’s the flip side of the question, it’s about romance, real romance. That should, oddly enough, be heating up in the Capricorn chart. In a weird way, too.

Aquarius: There are always concepts that are at odds with the real world. Consider one of my tired expressions, “Looks good on paper, but….” And as soon as you hear, or read, that little interjection there, that key word, “but,” you know, I know we both know that there’s going to be a problem. Listen, pay attention to what’s actually being said to your excellent Aquarius self over the next couple of days. Some particular person will come up with one of those expressions, perhaps it’s a little cliché, and that doesn’t matter. Listen. As soon as you hear that key word, “but,” you know what’s going to be coming next. The real facts. The real deal. How it works, not in theory, but how it works in practical application. Mars is getting up close and personal with Saturn, opposite from your sign. Practice, not theory, practical application, not the way some textbook suggests an outcome, that’s what this is all about. Results vary. To bend the results in your favor, that’s my goal. To help with this? Realize that interesting and arcane theories, as put forth, like in an academic setting? That works — some times. And on other occasions? Some times the high falutin’ scientists can’t predict their way out of a paper bag. Hence, the need to rely on Aquarius and your ability to understand that the their theories need to be modified for the real world.

Pisces: I’ve traveled a lot. In Texas. Covered most of the state, one end to the other. Little-known discovery, see, in some towns, the local gas station (slash) convenience store (slash) minute-market (slash) bait & feed (slash) whatever store usually has a few home-cooked items. Or food prepared in the back room. Or locally, anyway. Town with German heritage? It’s a German dish. Czech Heritage? Same deal, different flavor. Close to the lake? Lake food. Close to the beach? Beach food. South Texas, especially south and west? Good bet there’s some kind of local tamales or similar foodstuffs. So when I was talking with a client from a small town, I started out with, “Hey, they have that store there, gas station, we stopped for gas, and they had the most delicious….” Then the client fills in the rest of the details. I’m assuming that this is local color. I’m also assuming this only happens in the places I’ve been. I’m also assuming I might be wrong. Two points, see, one, careful with the assumptions. Just because that’s the way it is where I travel, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t like that elsewhere, after all, there are certain common threads that run through civilization. Second concept, don’t be afraid of local culture. There’s a locally owned and operated convenience store, right around the corner, see, and they have “world famous” Elgin Hotlinks (pork sausage from the Southside Meat Market in Elgin, just a few miles east of town). Establish some common ground with folks. The local stuff can be quite good.

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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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