Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006
by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
For the Week starting: 8.24.2006
“The satirical rogue says here that old man have grey beards, that their faces are wrinkled, their eyes purging thick amber and plum-tree gum, and that they have plentiful lack of wit, together with most weak hams.”
Shakespeare’s Hamlet [II.ii.195-9]
It’s Hamlet himself, addressing Polonius, and supposedly, Hamlet’s reading from a book when, in fact, it sure looks like he’s dissing Polonius.
Aries: Torpid summer heat has few respites. There’s just no way to best it. The sun’s out to kick our collective backsides. It’s hot. We’re miserable. Or some folks are. I found a great way to beat the heat was sitting in the creek. The Texas Hill Country, the highlands of Texas, as it were, has something like 1,100 natural, limestone-fed springs. Find one of them, find a submerged rock, and sit in the water. Works for me. A couple paddled by in a canoe. Or rather, the guy was in the front of the canoe, lounging, and the girl was in the back, paddling. If it wasn’t searing midday heat, I would think that it looked like a near-perfect arrangement for me. I’d have to add a fishing pole, but again, that’s just me. However, to beat the heat, I was just sitting in the cool water, up to my chin. What’s left of the hair was floating behind me. A single tiny perch was curious and wondered if I was food, nibbling at a spot on my leg. Now, my methodology for getting around the summer sun is simple: cool it. However, I’m more inclined to see Aries as that one female, in the back doing all the hard work. When the canoe, the good ship Aries, arrives at its destination? Consider a dunk in the creek’s clear water to cool your self off.
Taurus: My first thought? Kick it into gear. Doesn’t matter how, just kick it. Then I got to looking at the chart a little more closely, and I figured I’d better slow that down just a mite. Reminded me of a particular editor-publisher-writer relationship I was involved in. With. One of those. Hence the problems, too, as my grammar isn’t always that good. There was a fair amount of tension in this particular scenario, and I wasn’t happy. However, since I didn’t control the purse strings, nor, for that matter, did I control what was output to the printed word, I had to take my fervent energy elsewhere. Yelling at someone who controls a knife over one’s work? Not a good idea. So I took my energy for a walk, and the whole way, around the miles on the trail, I was fuming and angry. I wasted the better part of two hours being upset at something I had no control over. I finally gave up, but I wasted a whole two hours of my time, two hours I’ll never get back, being mad about some perceived slight. So this memory of a wasted two hours came back to me when I looked at your chart. Same deal, only, my first exhortation was “kick it into gear.” What that means? Move on. Don’t waste your time being upset that stupid editor-publisher is having bad day. Not your Taurus fault and you don’t need to make it your Taurus problem.
Gemini: It’s family lore, and the tale’s been handed down to me, so I’ll just repeat it as I understand the facts (and it’s a fishing tale so the facts might not be reliable). My grandfather was fishing with two flies tied to the end of his line. Heavy fly line, light leader. What are the odds? Trout hit both flies at the same time. Snapped the leader right off the line. Many bad words, according to the myth. Then, the next day, fishing again, he noticed two trout, swimming at a certain distance, parallel. What are the odds? In a small lake, high up in on the western slope of the Rocky Mountains? It could happen. He was a good fisherman, my grandfather, and he landed another fly right between those two fish, and he reeled in two trout at once. True story. There were, at a time, witnesses, so it can be verified. Not that I would doubt any fishing tale…. So here’s Gemini, and the Sun’s in Virgo, and something snaps off a carefully arranged Gemini double fly-tie thing. Next day, you get a target and what seemed to evade your grasp? You can catch it. If you’re careful. And patient. And if you can land the fly — or whatever — right between the double that got away.
Cancer: Ever want to say the right thing, only, you couldn’t find the words? Welcome to my world. Welcome to “this week in Cancer,” too. Right word, wrong place? Wrong word, but it’s what you meant to say? I can help save you a little trouble. That’s what I’m all about, making the world of the Cancer a better place. Cool it. You’ve got one too many good ideas, and you’re running out of correct words. Me? It doesn’t bother me to say the wrong thing, at the time when it is most likely going to get me slapped, kicked, hit or otherwise pummeled. But you don’t have to do this, my excellent little Cancer friend. Sit on it. In fact, sit on your hands, too. That will keep you from typing the wrong thing when the verbal delivery seems to be lacking. It’s not all that bad, either, as you’re wonderfully creative at this point. But the planets are coaxing you to talk too much. Which results in the wrong word. Worse yet? In the right place.
Leo: I was standing by the edge of the river, and I had a fishing pole in hand. To be expected, I suppose, and I was watching as another piece of trash went floating by. It was a door, like a door to a house, or a closet, or the bathroom. Still had a door knob on it. Which can raise a number of interesting questions, as to how this door got stuck drifting down the river on a hot afternoon. Or, the way my mind works, it was like door into the unknown. Maybe a door to Davy Jones’ Locker? Could be a number of items, and a similar number of explanations. Which reminded me there was work that needed my attention. My imagination kicked itself in high gear with that image, though, and I spent a number of processing cycles wondering about what was on the other side of the door, like a stairway down under the lake? Like maybe an entrance to subterranean realm? Perhaps it was away to glance into the mysterious life under the river’s surface? Or maybe, just maybe, it was a piece of trash floating in the river. So, are going to open the door and see what’s on the other side? Or does Saturn have you a little gun-shy these days? You might want to think before you open that door, I mean, what’s on the other side? Or is it just debris in the creek?
Virgo: I was staying at a motel, on the Texas gulf coast, and the approaching holiday weekend and all, I was afraid I was going to be bothered by noisy neighbors. Looked like high school aged kids. Sure enough, as I was rolling in that evening, a couple of the punk kids approach me, “Hey man, can you buy us some beer?” I’m a cool guy and a straight shooter, “Sure, I’ll do it tomorrow morning, I’m not going to the store tonight.” It is illegal, although, in the back of my mind, I still wonder if it’s really moral not to buy the beer, but it the point is moot — I checked out early the next morning, and hit a fishing spot on my way out of town. Never looked back. In retrospect, I should’ve taken the kids’ money, but I couldn’t do that. Or, I should’ve made a special trip to the store for them, and I should’ve purchased the beer. But with my vague promise to break the law? And similarly, vague promise to myself — when I was underage, someone had to buy the beer for me — to honor the request? There is no right or wrong answer, not in my mind. What did transpire, with my carefully chosen course of action? I had a relatively tranquil night at the cheap motel. The kids were — apparently — going to start their senior year in high school. It was a last summer fling, stretching the wings of adulthood. When faced with vaguely moral questions? Defer. Like I did. I insured domestic tranquility for myself — and that’s what’s most important to the Virgo lifestyle at this point.
Libra: I was with a girlfriend in the big sporting goods store — fishing store to me — and I picked up a rather expensive fishing rod, “Honey,” I looked at her with my imploring eyes, “how much do you love me?” It’s a $400 fishing pole, and if I had one of those, I’m sure I would catch more fish. “Kramer,” she tiredly said, “my love for you knows no bounds, but I’m a little strapped for cash. Sorry, best you put that back.” She shrugged. As a passing sales clerk looked at her and me, and then the girl I was with just mouthed something about over-grown children. Roll of the eyes, and all that. Kind of a typical adventure for a hot summer afternoon in Texas, when riding around with me. Kind of what you can expect, too, just like me, you get all excited about the prospects of how the rich girlfriend might pony up some cash for a nice item, only to get met with the roll of the eyes. To be fair, the comment was kind, with only a hint of condescension, and to be bluntly honest, I didn’t expect that I would walk out with an expensive new fishing pole. In Libra-land, you might hit on some item that you just know, in your Libra bones, that you need. Don’t be upset if you’re greeted with that same set of rolled eyes.
Scorpio: Apparently, some issue has cropped up in Scorpio land. Usually, I can count on my fine Scorpio friends to make carefully reasoned and sensible plans with a lot of thought into their Scorpio endgame. Most of the time. Forethought, it’s a good Scorpio quality. This one issue, though, it’s something that you didn’t deal with effectively a little while back? Yeah, that one. Something you ignored and just hoped it would go away? Yeah, that’s the one. Far be it for me to remind you that this little problem is still there, and this little hassle needs your attention. What’s more important, as I twisted your chart around for a different way of seeing it? No hasty responses. What that means, don’t fire off a quick note, make a quick call, or otherwise start the ball rolling on this little problem — don’t do any of that without thinking it all through. Then, maybe think about it a second time. Let’s say, it’s like a fire in wastebasket, right? And let’s say, you threw something into that wastebasket, something you’d lit? So there’s the problem. You see the smoke, and you grab the first container of liquid that you can find, and you’re about to throw whatever it is, onto the fire. Read the label: caution: contents are flammable.
Sagittarius: The relentless heat of the summer can feel oppressive to some. It’s Central Texas, and it’s hot. What did you expect in August? Lawns are parched, a dull brown, the only wildlife that seems to be thriving is the cedar trees and the crape myrtle. This summer heat, seriously oppressive to some, doesn’t bother me too much. I sneak into swimming pools, I stay submerged in cold creeks, and I drink a lot of fluids. Only way to beat the heat. Only way to beat the system is to sweat it out. I got stuck wandering around town the other afternoon. Wasn’t my choice, not really, but I had appointments and business to tend to, so I grabbed a shirt and took off. The biggest problem I faced was that I’d scheduled a couple of appointments back to back in different locations, therefore, I had to hustle to make it everywhere on time. Which I did. Drenched in sweat. However, as an example, and as a way to deal with the influences this week? Perfect. Sweat it out. I just imagine that I’m purging toxins from my body, and the people I meet? This summer, no one is expected to arrive without the faintest sheen of perspiration. It’s hot out. The key to Sagittarius success is to seat it out.
Capricorn: Exhortations and exaltations. Two “e” words. Excitations. Three. There’s a little problem with motivation, at the present moment. But there’s not a problem with opportunity. There’s a chance, an opening, and it’s all about perceptions. What you do with you’re dealt, so to speak. Play it. Play it all the way through. I was wondering if a good bluff wasn’t called for, too. I can meander on about this idea of bluff, but I’d just push all of your chips into a pile, and put them on the line and say, “Call.” The point of the bluff is to push the other side to either pony up some cash and play on through, or get the other folks to fold. I can’t promise you’ll win. But occasionally, a good bluff goes a long way in solving your problems. Besides, are you really bluffing, or do have an ace in the hole?
Aquarius: I’d gone swimming in the creek, the other afternoon. Barton Springs is the city’s pool, fed by Barton Creek, and below Barton Creek, technically, like on a map, it’s Town Lake. But the below the pool, it’s free, the water is still relatively clear and fast-flowing, and it’s as good place to swim as the city’s pool. Plus the creek doesn’t have any lifeguards telling me not to jump in the water. So I climbed out of the creek onto the dry mud bank, and slipped my sandals back on. In doing so, a tiny amount of grit worked its way under one sandal’s strap. Heading towards eats and beverages, I had that slightly annoying itch, like there was a finite amount of dirt, under that one strap. I shook my foot. Nothing changed. I ran my finger under the strap. Still no change. This was a very minor irritant, but it could raise a blister, wear through the strap, and I’d be hobbling in no time. Eventually, I sat down and purged the offending bit of sand. A single grain of something. With the shift of the planets into Virgo? It’s like that single grain of sand. Or mud, Or pebble. Or whatever was caught in the strap. If you’ll take a minute, maybe just 30 seconds? You can avoid the irritation. Otherwise, consider that this is just minor problem for the week. Nothing you can’t surmount, if you’ll pause.
Pisces: I was fishing in a crook of the stream, from the bank, and it’s a “honey hole,” from time to time. I’ll catch the same fish, a couple of times, and then they’ll get tired of me, and I’ll have to move on. I tend to avoid this one spot except in the dog days of summer because it’s kind of hard to get to, slide down a steep bank, land on a rock, and there’s not much space for me to cast, working in and around the branches. I have to be careful, the usual urban creek side material chokes the shore. I hadn’t visited that spot all summer, and I stumbled down there the other afternoon, looking for fish. I flipped a bait out past a dead tree, and I had no more time to adjust myself or think, as I caught small Large Mouth Bass. Tree bass, really. When I yanked the pole back to set the hook and started reeling the fish in, I managed to tangle my line around an overhead branch. More like eye-level. If it’s not the snags in the water? Then it’s the snags overhead, huh? That little fish was headed up towards the branch, not towards the shore, and I’m sure he was confused. Bright, august afternoon, suddenly lunch was pulling him up into the sky. For his size, too, that little guy was a fighter. So he’s now a “tree bass,” as far as I’m concerned. What happens, with the planets where they are? The undue influence of Virgo, especially? It’s like a few extra obstacles. Like the tree branches and so forth. I did land a fish, but it wasn’t without a little added excitement. Same for you.
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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net
