For the Week starting: 10.12.2006

Fishing Guide to the Stars
For the Week starting: 10.12.2006

“He that will fish
For my least minnow, let him lead his line
To catch one at my heart”
Shakespeare’s “The Two Noble Kinsmen” (I.i.115-7)

Aries: Friend of mine lives by a very busy grocery store. It’s an “up and coming” neighborhood, which means, that grocery store stocks a number of different items. Since I was by there, the other afternoon, I asked, “You think they got live bait?” It seemed like a reasonable question, really, at least, to me it seemed like a reasonable question, well within the parameters of the ‘hood. “I know they’ve got sushi, same thing, right?” I was tempted to explain that live bait is something that is still moving whereas sushi would tend to be of the cut bait variety, no longer moving. As cut bait, though, sushi does have its uses. But I was really looking for something that was still wiggling. It’s sometimes hard to fool those autumn fish. That’s what you’re looking for, too, something to fool the autumn fishes. There comes a time when nothing but live bait will work, too. So it’s matter of finding the right critter to put on the end of the Aries fishing line in order to get what it is that you’re looking for. Sometimes, you’ll have to ask a silly question, but there’s no time like the present to go ahead, just like me, and ask. Even though, in hindsight, it does sound like a silly, almost pointless question. Never hurts to try.

Taurus: I was sitting on a crowded airplane. The center seat, next to me, was open. A last minute passenger was getting on, and I pulled my legs under the seat, so she could have a seat. “Why, thank you,” she murmured. I observed, as she sat, that her diminutive legs didn’t reach the floor. So she sat there, and her little legs went swinging back and forth, inches above the floorboard. Just an image from various travels I’ve had in the past. But I got to thinking about that image, the legs too short to reach the ground, swinging back and forth, and figured that’s a lot what you’re going through. I don’t know if you’re too short, or, for that matter, if the seat’s just too tall, cold be either kind of a situation. Now, the passenger seated next to me, she was Taurus, of course, and she was a merry about her predicament. I think she rather enjoyed the incongruity of the plane’s seats not fitting here, and as a “vertically-challenged” individual, I’m sure she was used to just such accommodations. Adjust the scenario to fit your Taurus situation, but realize that you’re not going to be getting the traction that you want. Not that it’s bad, it’s just the way the seats — or whatever — are situated. One size does not fit all.

Gemini: Gemini — the sign associated with Mercury — is usually noted for a verbal ability. Instead of relying on your verbal ability, though, there’s a better way to get ahead. Substitute “twist and shout” for “push and shove.” I’m considering that a more physical, less auditory approach is what’s called for in order to advance the Gemini agenda. I’m all about advancing the Gemini agenda, too. I’m all in favor of that. What’s required, though is action, not words. Deeds, not chatter. A process server was knocking on the front door, a little item about a failed appearance, and rather than face the problem, I tended towards the Gemini advice of “push and shove,” as demonstrated by my action. The knock on the front door? I grabbed a fishing pole and conveniently placed my self at a remote spot along the shore of the lake. Problem solved, at least, that was a good, temporary solution. It’s not “twist and shout,” it’s “push and shove.”

Cancer: I saw diamond ad in a magazine. I couldn’t help it, I thought it was terribly clever advertising. There was a solitaire setting, with a single stone, and under it, as its caption, “I do.” Next to it, there was a diamond tennis bracelet, and various loose stones, and its caption? “I did.” Tickled me, although, I can’t afford diamonds, not at all. I tend towards cheap knockoffs, since I don’t bemoan the loss of three-dollar earring. Occasionally, I’ll pin an earring on a fish, too. Tagging the fish, as it were. I’m still waiting on some other fisherman to report back about my tagging efforts. But that’s not the point, the point is a binary situation for Cancer. Is it an “I do” situation? That single stone is an investment, an investment in the future, a promise. Whereas, ultimately, the more expensive choice? Lots of sparkling stones? “I did.” Pregnant pause. There’s a way to avoid a costly mistake, in this next week. Realize that Mars, plus a few other influences, but mostly Mars, in Libra, is making you a little more accident-prone. Hence the “I did” gestures. I can hope that, after reading this, you realize that the “I did” solution isn’t always the best, and the easiest way to prevent that solution? Don’t do it. There’s an adage I tend to embrace, “It’s easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission.” Works for me. I’m not Cancer, not this week. My rule might not hold up. Don’t do it.

Leo: One of my most common exhortations is, “Go with the flow.” I typically use such a command when faced with inexorable odds, and sometimes, it’s just a lot easier to not fight, and by not g=fighting, get to wherever it is that the I’m going. I came across a piece of unconventional wisdom, borrowed from another fishing buddy, “Only dead fish swim with the stream.” In part, it’s a little fishing advice about how to place one’s bait in the right spot, that sweet spot that lands the hook in front of the fish’s eye. In broader sense, though, it’s also about what’s happening here and now, in Leo. It’s about not accepting the “go with the flow” advice, bucking the trend, and fighting upstream to get that what you really desire. It’s going to be a little bit more of a struggle, but if you’re not putting forth the effort, then you’re just drifting along, not making any progress. Progress is important. Progress is what it’s all about. Moving ahead, advancing thy mighty Leo agenda, that’s what is most critical. As this week unfolds, you’re going to encounter a counter-flowing current. Go with the flow? That’s not the correct direction for my Leo.

Virgo: It’s from a historical plaque, or rather, a plaque that mimics a historical plaque: “In 1836, Texas declared its independence. This building wasn’t here.” Old building, but obviously, not that old. Somebody was having some fun, too, but around the corner? There’s another plaque, “No one was shot here.” It’s all about making a big deal out of some point that isn’t, clearly, a big deal. As good Virgo, you can blow particular nuances out of proportion, in almost no time. Therein is both a caution and possible solution. There is point in your life that needs some inattention. Some particular point that you don’t want to draw attention to, an action, a reaction of yours, place, a person, something that you’d like to avoid. A simple solution is to draw the attention someplace else. Like that historical marker that’s not really a historical plaque? It’s not realty a feint, nor is it truly sleight of hand, it’s more about advertising a point that doesn’t attention to keep your Virgo self out of trouble.

Libra: I’m Sagittarius — means I like Libra and I like purple. I get along well with both. I was in a huge discount store, and the “before Halloween” price of a simple purple plastic pumpkin, I think it was for holding candy or something, the price was $2.79. I thought about how one, or more, would look cool as a Halloween decorations, or maybe, to hold bait. Or something. Retail does that to me, from time to time, I get an urge, and I almost can’t stop from buying. But I did. I resisted the urge. No purple pumpkins will adorn my trailer’s step this fall. However, last year? After the holiday? After Halloween? Those same purple pumpkins were on sale. 79 cents. In other words, two whole dollars less than the before Halloween price. Timing is everything, and that’s what astrology is all about — timing. Consider my example, of the “before” price and the “after” price. Consider what actions you’re about to undertake, at full retail price. Consider that, if you’ll just wait, you might be able to save a considerable amount of money. I’m not about to begrudge the big discount store a healthy profit, but two whole dollars? If I’d bought a half-dozen of those purple pumpkins, somebody — not me — would’ve been a lot richer. I’m not saying that you have to decorate for Halloween, but I’m suggesting that you consider the impulse — and its source — Mars — before you whip out the checkbook. Credit card. Folding money. Mars is still pushing on you, and unless it’s some item that you really need? Is it an impulse, something that might be a cheaper, if you wait?

Scorpio: There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who love and understand Scorpio ways, and those who are just wrong for not loving and under standing Scorpio ways. It’s as simple as that. Who said this stuff couldn’t be black and white? As you encounter both types of people in the next few days? Remember that simple division, some do, some don’t. Although Jupiter is still very kind to you, Mars hasn’t quite reached you yet, and as such, unless there’s a Libra point in your chart, then I’d be extra careful. I happen to fall in the camp of “those who love and understand Scorpio ways.” On more than one occasion, though, I feel like I’m very much in the minority. So it’s you (the Scorpio), me, the writer of these horoscopes, and not many other folks who are going to fully appreciate you for what you are. Not right now, anyway. You have been warned. Armed with this knowledge, I’ll hope that you use it carefully. I finally realize, situation just a couple of days ago, where I felt very Scorpio because my charm, wit, good looks, long locks, attire, steely gaze, none of that worked to warm the other person. I finally gave up. No good Scorpio likes to give up, but I am suggesting that you chalk it up to a loss, albeit a very temporary loss, until that situation comes around, and the folks on the other side join the ranks of those who love, admire, and properly appreciate Scorpio.

Sagittarius: Slow it down, go easy, back off. Just a couple of catch phrases to help ease our burdens in the next few days. There’s always this one Sagittarius, a female, of course, and she’s got a set of reading glasses perched on her head, her hair is hastily tucked back in a bun, held in place by a pencil, and then, there’s a second set of reading glasses, as she looks over at me, and she claims I’m full of it. I’m not brave enough to inquire as to what “it” is that I’m apparently full of. I’m not even sure I really want to know, either. I do grasp the concept that she’s harried, harassed, and she does have a number of items that are demanding her attention at this moment, and she surely doesn’t have any room for another smart-mouth remark from the likes of me. So I’m back to the three phrases I started with, about slowing down, go a little easier, and maybe, just back off completely. You’ll find it helps. I had to spill a cup of coffee on myself to get to the point where I could heed my own advice, but it was a reminder that I needed to slow my pace down. No matter how hurried I got, I wasn’t going to get anywhere faster. Wasn’t going to happen. So following my own advice? I slowed down. I managed to get a pile of work out of the way, in much more efficient manner that way.

Capricorn: I was listening to a friend of mine complain. Artfully complaining, but it was the standard complaints, nonetheless. She was explaining about how she’d been in this situation and she was complaining about the complaint she’d filed. There was a rude person on a cell phone, a bicyclist who didn’t yield the right-of-way, and few more bitches. She’s a friend so I just listen and nod my head, as I should. She was getting all worked up with her descriptions of how she told the other people off, how she moved folks out of her way, and soon, so into the telling of the stories, that I paused and considered a point. Or two. My friend, Capricorn, she wasn’t just getting enough mileage out of the first time she complained or told someone just exactly what that other person should do with a given situation. My friend, she was getting extra mileage out her annoyances by reliving the moments for me, a second time. Double duty. It’s not enough that she got to get up in some poor soul’s face and have an explosive fit of pique, she got to have those same emotions a second time around. Or even a third or fourth time, depending on how many folks had to listen to the tales. Capricorn. She was rather enjoying relating a tale of woe and misdeeds. Might I suggest that it’s the same all throughout the sign?

Aquarius: Buddy of mine was trying to impress his date with me. “Kramer? Fishing god? Fishing Guide to the Stars? Don’t tell me you haven’t heard of him!” Nice press, but it didn’t work. He pressed forwards, “Ah c’mon, surely you’ve read his stuff? He was AOL when it was big, you know, ‘keyword: Kramer’ all of that was him?” His date didn’t blink. I demurred. He kept on pushing, trying to impress, and his every effort met will a blank stare. Personally, in that situation, I’d just make up a story, and then, when I’m far enough behind, I quit. Not my buddy, he kept pushing. The tales got taller, and soon I was a New York Times’ Best Seller, and I was in thousands of location, and from the way he told the story, I was someone if you hadn’t heard about me, then you must be living under a rock. His date looked at me. Pointedly, she asked, “All true?” I just glanced away, probably blushed a little. There are two points here: one, if you’re not getting your point across? Stop. No need to dig hole from which there is no getting out of. And two? My reaction? Think about it. Instead of blatantly denying everything? Instead of sticking to the truth? Instead of making the point that a lot of that wasn’t true? Well, the first part was, but some of it is just the action of a fervid and fevered brain, I certainly looked a lot better, just shaking my head and blushing. I wasn’t blushing because it was true, I was blushing because my buddy was trying so hard to impress.

Pisces: Here it is, only the middle of October, and yet, most of the Pisces folks I know, they’re all getting ready for the holidays. Thinking about, preparing, bemoaning. There’s Halloween, still two weeks away, then T-Day and Xmas, adjust as need be for your own, seasonal variation. The problem is there seems to be an onerous weight of “holidays are approaching” sentiment, kind of a free-floating anxiety in Pisces. It’s all going to blow over, sort of like an afternoon rainstorm. But for the next ten days, or so, there’s still that unattached little cloud over your sweet Pisces head. It’s not really you, just an odd movement upstairs, and that odd movement upstairs is making your normally fretless Pisces self fret some. You can always book me for a long-winded explanation of what’s happening, or you can just accept that this next ten days will have some worry associated with it. Worried about the holidays, worried about the cash flow (or lack thereof), and to top it all off, there will be a sprinkling of weather anomalies which will only serve to heighten this unattached anxiety. I can’t make it all go away. I can suggest that you’re just fretting with knitted brow, for almost no reason. It will work out just fine, just give me ten days to align your planets a little better.

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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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