Fishing Guide to the Stars
by Kramer Wetzel
(c) 2005, 2006 by Kramer Wetzel for astrofish.net
For the Week starting: 12.7.2006
“Draw, you rogue, or I’ll so carbonado your shanks.”
Shakespeare’s King Lear (II.ii.24)
A combative tone was best, as Mars goes into Sagittarius, and as I sailed off towards the shopping center.
Aries: A real touchstone is a type of basalt used to locate iron or other minerals. My source for the information was a little academic research I was doing into a clown’s name in a particular Shakespeare play. Just another piece of useless trivia, and I was thinking about it, in part, because it was what I was delving into the other evening, a little Shakespeare history. And some mineralogy. Plus, I was thinking about Aries, and the real meaning of touchstone. Then I started thinking about the meaning that I’m more familiar with, the more quotidian version of the word, a keepsake, memento, a symbolic item that reminds us where we are. Plus, in some cases, and like its antecedent, there’s a symbolic gesture that occurs. It’s a touchstone, and it’s here to help separate that what might be real gold from that what might be a more base metal.
Taurus: I have a note, left over from I don’t know how long ago, and it was about something I saw on cable TV. Cable TV, the stuff that shows up in motel rooms, when I’m traveling. For work. I’m continually amazed at the material, the depths of depravity, that occurs in front of the obvious lights of a TV camera. This one tickled me to no end, it was called “Cheaters,” and the camera crew staked out a supposed cheating spouse, then caught the action — and the confrontation — on tape. For a cable viewing audience. As the credits were rolling, I’ve seen this show once, I noticed that the production office, headquarters as it were, was located on Lovers Lane in Dallas. Just another fine product from Texas — another production to be proud of. I’m fearful that the dripping irony of my conceit is lost, and that’s the problem that my fine Taurus friends are facing, the delivery, intent, and the message itself gets confused with hyperbole and flowering language, and thereby, the real intent is lost. Careful with the rhetoric, especially as the holiday season swings into high-gear.
Gemini: There are good holiday seasons and then there are bad holiday seasons. The winter holidays are like that, and this one has the potential to be one of your worst holidays ever. There is a way to avoid that, but a little understanding of planets and energies is required. First off, the Sun is in Sagittarius. That’s opposite Gemini. Second off, Mars just entered Sagittarius, again, this opposite Gemini. Finally, Jupiter is in Sagittarius, again, this is opposite from Gemini. In one school of astrology, the oppositions like this are good. In my own observations, it’s more like a 50-50 deal: can be good, can be great, and it can all go horribly awry. I figure it’s pretty important to be aware of those options, too. I’m the last person who wishes that this be a problem-filled holiday, but I would be remiss if I didn’t try to warn about the energy. It’s a lot like feeling out of step with everything. Everybody and everything. The way to put this energy to good use? Remember that you’re half a step ahead. Remember that you’re maybe two or three steps ahead. Most of the time, anyway. Remember that Mars is infusing you with extra energy. Remember all that, and try to be a little more cautious, as Mars will make you act rapidly, sometimes, especially this holiday season, a little too rapidly.
Cancer: I ran into a Cancer client downtown; she was shopping. She had two bags of gifts, I’m assuming, in one hand, and she gave me a perfunctory hug. Then it was idle chatter about this and that, and that one store, which was closing, and how they had a “going out of business” sale, and what good deals there were. We parted ways, and she continued with whatever she was doing. Just a spot of xmas cheer in cold winter’s day. The bleak arroyo of downtown, the overcast sky, and that singular Cancer visage, a bright spot in an otherwise bleak day. Holidays do that to some of us, you know. It’s a time for the Cancer folks to be cheery. Even though it’s getting dark downtown, like, at 4 in the afternoon, there’s no reason for a good Cancer not sally forth and cheerily battle with the masses. Do so with a bright, shiny happy smiling face, too, as is your typical style. You can certainly brighten some folks day. The lunar cycle isn’t really great, but the rest of the influences? I’m sure you can overcome the moon’s influence..
Leo: “Bang,” the gavel comes down. Guilty verdict. In the plea arrangement, the guy was charged with selling fake Rolex watches over the internet, simple fraud, the defendant’s lawyer was trying to position the criminal as if this was a victimless crime, imagine the lawyer saying something like, “Those buyers, they had to know it was too good to be true.” The judge, I’m imagining this, looks up over his reading glasses, “Just ask the judge in the chambers next door. He bought one.” It’s all about justice, and the word play. I’m suspecting, that the person who bought the watch was a Leo, and I’d like to think that the person getting the maximum sentence is not a Leo. But there’s a little caution in here, too, like, if you’re selling obviously fake watches? And you get caught trying to pass off some item that isn’t what it’s supposed to be? Can’t expect leniency. Flip side of that problem and its solution? If you’ve been done wrong? I’d expect full restitution (although you might have to wait until the perpetrator is out of jail in 18 months as the wheels of justice do turn slowly).
Virgo: I stepped out into the cold, blustery December morning, fishing pole in hand, and a quick idea I wanted to give a spin. I had a cork on the line, and under the cork, I had an artificial lure. Just something a little different, and it wasn’t much of an idea, but I was trying to combine a couple of elements and fool the friendly fish. Yeah, it’s always about fishing, isn’t it? A couple of young bucks scattered as I stepped up to the shoreline, so I knew that fish were active. At least, I knew there were some fish nearby. I’m guessing that the water was a lot warmer than the air, too, not something I was particularly interested in trying out myself, not on a cold winter’s morning. I gave the rig a little test, and while I saw — really just felt — some action, after a few minutes in the face of the north wind? I gave up. So it was closer to an hour, but still, enough cold weather to put me off the idea of fishing. For starters, consider putting a couple of items together that you don’t normally associate with each other. Then, in the face of adverse conditions? Consider a nibble, maybe not a whole fish, but just an indication of fish? consider that a success. I will.
Libra: I was grabbing a cup of coffee on a cold winter’s morning, and I was ambling off to meet someone important someplace — don’t ask, I don’t recall. Unless you’re the tax man, and then I’ve got all my information dutifully recorded on the back of the receipts. So I listened while someone, at the coffee stand, ordered up some Tofu BBQ. I thought about it, dismissed it, and kept on moving. A little later, there was another item on a menu someplace, tofu tacos. If I hadn’t been traveling some, in South Texas, this wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow, or a question. It’s also pretty much normal for Austin, a town whose mantra is “Keep Austin Weird,” and that’s issued, like a challenge or something. This is just part of my landscape and the fact that it isn’t weird makes it weird. Sure, doesn’t everyone enjoy a little tofu BBQ? Isn’t it normal? What this about is what’s normal, in your region, on your own home ground, what’s acceptable, or even quotidian, and what’s not. Face-to-face with holiday bustle? Got wish list you haven’t dealt with yet? Consider something out-of-the ordinary for a quick answer. Better yet, what’s ordinary in your Libra world? To someone else, that might appear unusual, exotic or even foreign. Just an idea, though.
Scorpio: There’s a Scorpio waitress, round the corner from me. Nice enough lass, has that muted Scorpio appeal that all good Scorpio folks have. She placed a salad in front of me, ranch dressing on the side, the requisite tiny platter of rolls and cornbread, and she looked at me. Before I could come up with any good banter, “You mouth to the gods’ ears, I’m still waiting.” She smiled and turned quickly away. I hadn’t interacted with this one Scorpio in a few months, so it was a tad odd, to me. I don’t recall what I was saying then, much less what I was supposed to say at that moment. And I’m a little worried about prognostications with someone serving my food. But there’s a quiet kind of calm, and succinct way of delivering a short message that packs a lot of information. If I were more Scorpio, it would be better so I could shorten the scopes a little. But I’m not. So it’s a matter of reeling in the long message and being pert and pithy, all at once. It can be done, witness that Scorpio server.
Sagittarius: I took one look at this chart, our week, and the first thought, with Mars aligned with Jupiter? Chicken-fried steak for breakfast. Then a straight plate for lunch (three meat enchiladas covered in chili, covered with onions and grated yellow cheese) and topped with two fried eggs. And a bucket of ice tea. Then, for dinner? Besides having my plumbing overhauled, I mean? Or my head checked? Maybe shopping for bigger waist size in pants? The reason I was thinking about food is that it’s a natural reaction to the way the planets are lining up. There’s always a little bit of holiday stress, too, and I was wondering if “stress-eating” was also a factor, but for my dollars, I’m pretty sure it was just the planets’ influence. It’s an issue, though, because the good luck and good fortune is like that. It’s birthday time, party time, the holidays, and all that good luck brought by Jupiter. Plus Mars. Careful with excess, or my dream of chicken-friend steak twice day plus some hearty Tex-Mex to even it all out some.
Capricorn: Sometimes, it’s not what is said that’s so important, it’s what’s not said. Or, in some situations, it’s what’s not shown. A friend, or rather a friend of a friend, had this fantastic art display on the wall, It was a collection of gold gilt frame, the heavy, ornate kind. Rather baroque, I think. There were, maybe a half-dozen of the frames, arrayed along as wall, and the wall itself was painted, if I recall, deep umber. Or ochre, or one of those colors. Personally, from what I remember, the whole display started as a hoax, and it then spiraled out of control, until this guy became known as a collector of gold frames. Weird. But it’s what not there, as op-posed to what’s there, and that’s why I was thinking of that singular wall of art for Capricorn. Sometimes, it’s less about what’s inside the picture, and it’s more about what frames the image. These are dark times for Capricorn, “Yeah buddy, the darkest before the storm, huh?” Rather than that, I’d suggest it’s just darkest, and almost coldest, right before the dawn. Going to be a new day soon, and then the Sun will warm everything back up. Think about those empty frames wherein the frame is more important than the picture. Or, of course, this cold just be a cheap decorating tip.
Aquarius: I’ve tried telling canned jokes that have been shot to me over e-mail. Sometimes, the point is good, and the joke itself illustrates a valid scenario. Other times, though, as near as I can tell, the joke fails. Or it’s been done to death, and the joke itself is no longer funny. Other times, I try to make an allusion to a comedic canon of work, and again, oft as not, that fails. But I keep trying. I had originally intended to use a joke I heard, or read, but the joke, while I found it vastly amusing, just doesn’t seem to translate well into this medium. Although I’m wearing a large these days. The point I was trying to get across for the Aquarius section is about active activity versus passive activity. With the Sagittarius line-up of planets, all I can suggest is active activity, not the passive form. Which spark a debate that rages inside my head, about whether or not reading is active activity or passive activity because I tend to interact with the text, and therefore, I find it interactive. But I’m not sure that it works that way in the real world. Anyway, get out of the house, up and on the feet and put one foot in front of the other. It’s the only way to get it done. And that joke?
A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
“OK,” says his wife as she gets up and unplugs the TV.
(I thought it was funny. It was. I guess. At the time. Maybe a little sexists, but who cares?)
Pisces: I was wandering home on a cold winter’s evening. It was dark. Very dark. Happens most nights. I was wrapped in a black overcoat, a black hat, and a black muffler loosely wrapped around my neck. With the brim pulled low, not much of me was visible, and it was dark out. I did mention that, didn’t I? Not to belabor the obvious, but there wasn’t much that cold make me out from the shadows. I took a long route, and found myself by the edge of the river, the quiet frost, the dark night, not much of a moon, like it is now, and a usually friendly neighbor was walking her dog. She glanced up at me, pulled her big (old) dog close, and stepped out of my way. I smiled but I guess it wasn’t visible under the hat and in the shadows. My boots crunched the cold gravel, and I hesitated for a moment, jus to bid a good evening to a neighbor, ‘Oh, it’s you. I didn’t recognize you without a fishing pole in your hand.” I was expecting the part about being fully dressed, too, but then, I’m not one to belabor the obvious. Plus, my hair was down, and that neighbor usually sees me in daylight with a pole, and my hair pulled back. Winter versus summer. Pisces versus Sagittarius. Gave quite a start to that one. Didn’t mean to, just sort of happened. Careful with tall, dark strangers on moonless nights. Not all of them are friendly sorts like me. Like my neighbor, err on the side of caution and be rewarded. Even if she didn’t recognize me without a fishing pole in hand.
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copyright (c) 2005, 2006 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net
