For the Week starting: 5.3.2007

    Sir Toby Belch: What shall we do else? were we not born under Taurus?
    Sir Andrew Aguecheek: Taurus! that’s sides and hearts.
    Sir Toby Belch: No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!
    Shakespeare’s 12th Night (or What You Will), very end of Act I, scene iii

Taurus, in my own astrology, I’ve always associated with the throat and voice. But that could be me. I’ve just found that a Taurus part in a chart makes for a melodious communication device. Find out where Taurus is in your own chart: upcoming events, information is here.

tauTaurus: It’s birthday time in Taurus. And I was thinking about a certain Mother’s Day — look, I saw this last year, but I was considering it now. Saturday before Mother’s Day, there was a line, at the mall, outside the jewelry store, on Saturday morning. A line of unexpected proportions. Like, they’d all thought about this at the last minute. Not cool, and not Taurus-like.

I expect a little more planning from my fine Taurus friends. The day before? That’s the wrong time to be planning something. Consider that line, and then consider it from the merchant’s point-of-view, like this was a sudden gift from the heavens, all those people, desperate need, time to adjust the retail prices up just a little. Price gouging? Or free market economy? One of those, I’m sure. But just a smidgen of better planning, like, only 24 hours earlier? It’s all about thinking long-range.

gemGemini: "Here we are in Texas," a tourist announced to his brood, maybe one or two shy of a half-dozen, "what are you hungry for?" Some murmurs went up, a suggestion or two got bantered about, and I couldn’t make out the noise, until the alpha adult asked, "Los Pizza Place?"

Tourist or not, certain kids equate certain foodstuff with a holiday spirit, I’m guessing. And while I don’t know of any restaurant called "Los Pizza Place," there are number of joints that would fill that description. And owing to local flavor, they usually have Mexican Pizza, if not a TexMex and BBQ version, as well. I can make pizza recommendation, but I’m not sure that’s what this is really about. But it could be. Or, it could be about choices that you make.

Could be something simple, and matter of following what the group wants as opposed to what it is that you, nominally the leader, thinks you and the group should have. I’m experienced enough with tourist elements to know that certain tourist groups are not destined to get along with local cuisine. Too much fire in our food. To some folks, local color is just that, the images seen, not necessarily trying adventuresome local dining. All a matter of perspective. But consider taking a poll, and consider pandering to the crowd, for a change. Don’t demand that your group of Gemini followers all follow you — get a consensus. You might not agree, but the rest of the camp will be happier.

canCancer: Early next week, Venus creeps into your sign. Unless you follow certain, rather esoteric, schools of astrology, this should be a good time, approaching, Venus and all. But I’m also here to warn you, too, as that needs a mention. Mars is doing good by you. Venus will do good by you. But following this brief interlude, there’s going to a be degree of uncertainty, and point wherein Mars flips on over to Aries. Again, not necessarily a happy place for Cancer.

So as my advanced warning Doppler astrologer radar network gets up and running, what I’m suggesting is a little bit of planning and forethought. There’s a little bit of leftover sadness, and it needs to be addressed before this goodness gets all lined up. I’m not asking for much, but I am suggesting a little bit of retrospective, on the Cancer life, where things are, and how things are going — and the parts that aren’t going? What can you do to fix that? What’s fixable? What’s not fixable by your actions? Get this stuff sorted out. Then, starting early next week, you’ve got a chance to take appropriate action to fix them things that you can fix. Problem solved. And with the problem solved? Happy Cancer person.

leoLeo: I’d spin a little attention on over to the relationship section of the Leo sky. Relationships — not necessarily of the romantic variety — but relations between mighty Leo and other signs — this bears some examination.

I’d like to suggest, perhaps, a little action on your part. There’s this one Leo, and I tend to look forward to a quick, witty, oftentimes insightful, e-mail note from her. Just a short line or three, nothing more. A quick update and appraisal of current conditions, what sucks, what doesn’t suck, what’s hot, what’s definitely not hot. Just a short, two-line notification. Simple, easy. Or, better yet, one time it was just a piece of graffiti, a simple "love" sign left by an unnamed (and probably illegal) artist, someplace. The e-mail came in from a phone camera. To some, this would be too cute, but it was a simple message and heartened my afternoon. I’m not sending out any such messages, but I’d suggest, not for me, but for someone else, there’s a relationship — maybe not romantic — that cold use a little touchstone. Like a short and sweet message.

virVirgo: I overheard part of a conversation, "No, Grandpa, you’ll like him." A young lady, I’m guessing college age, was addressing man not much older than me, I’m guessing, although, he was a bit better attired than me. Not that sartorial splendor is ever going to be one of my long suits, either.

"No tattoos?" Grandpa asked. He glanced at me. "No ponytail?" I missed the rest of the conversation, but apparently he wasn’t a bad looking lad, and he didn’t have any of the warning signs, the tattoo, pierced parts, or ponytail. I would go one step further and wonder if there were any pierced parts or tattoos not showing, too. Then again, there’s the familial problem, that no man will ever be good enough for that daughter. Or grand daughter, I’m guessing.

No modern male has a chance to live up to the lineal expectations exerted. Therein is the problem, no way to live up to what’s expected. I would tend to see my Virgo friends as being in the same boat as that granddaughter, too. No matter what you do, there’s going to a certain authoritarian figure in the Virgo life who will not take kindly to the Virgo decision process. I’m not saying you’re presenting a suitable suitor, but at one point, you’re up against a situation wherein you can’t win. Shouldn’t stop you from trying. Tattoos, ponytails and pierced parts notwithstanding.

libLibra: This week — what’s left — is fine. Okay. Not bad, at all. But coming up next week? There’s a point that’s sort of like an astrological trigger. An event — an astrological event that occurs. It’s like a "once in a blue moon," but no, it’s not a blue moon, or anything like that. That’s just an expression.

You’re normally one who can gravitate towards the spotlight. Normally, you’re a shining star. But this isn’t normal. This is different. Consider, if only for a moment, stepping aside, and letting someone else have the center stage. There you are, your lone Libra self, off to the side, like minor character in the play, and the stage is like, life in Libra, and you’ve been regulated down to a minor part.

You were a big player, only, now, you need to step back. Let some other character take the spotlight. Step aside. This is only a temporary setback, and it isn’t a real setback, just a momentary effect of the planets. Step to the side and pretend like you’re just a bit player. That’s not how this works, but some days, maybe you don’t really want to spotlight, after all.

scoScorpio: You only get one warning on this: follow the instructions. No shortcuts. No, "I think if I tried this is might make it easier…." And none of that, "But look, this is an easier route, cuts off a few miles." No shortcuts.

From Austin to the Gulf Coast, where I like to fish, there are several routes. Some meander along the highways and byways, in and out of little towns, following historic paths. It is a lot shorter, by almost 30 miles, maybe more, depends on who and what is counting. But just sitting on the interstate, while it bends a little out of the way? It’s a more direct route because it’s easier driving. No slowing down for small town sheriffs. No spurious highway patrol. Few problems. Faster (legal) speeds.

For a non-Scorpio like myself, the back roads are more interesting. For a Scorpio, though, the most expeditious route is straight down the interstate. Don’t deviate from your path. And, like I suggested, follow all the instructions.

sagSagittarius: I never validated this, so I’m unsure if the information is really correct. I should use multiple sources, but I’m not. I’m Sagittarius, and I tend to be a bit on the lazy side. What I read, was that the real definition of the term "Fitz" meant illegitimate. Therefore, the name Fitzroy, really means, the "The King’s Bastard." Of which, in certain histories, there were plenty.

The illegitimate offspring of a monarch isn’t always a bad position. It’s not the best, but it could be worse. And that’s what this is like, wherein it could be worse. It’s not bad, but there’s a certain kind of feeling, a sense, a little rub, that’s causing us a blister. Bad? Hardly. Annoying? Yes. Surmountable? That’s the eternal question, and I’m here to suggest that the problem is fixable. It’s doable. It can be conquered.

However, as our Sagittarius selves are used to having some assistance along the way, some of that assistance might not be available. Might have to do it ourselves. Might not be able to call upon our royal retainers to help smooth out the road ahead — again — we might just have to do it ourselves. Kind of like the problem with that name, you know? Or worse the problem with the position. Good, but not quite royal, other than a royal pain.

capCapricorn: I was with two female accomplices. We were standing in line at the convenience store, I had some food item, I’m trying to recall what, in my hand. I made a typical comment. One girl looked askance, the other sneered. One woman behind the counter snickered.

"Hey," I said, "who are you going to believe, huh? Me or her?" Four heads swiveled in my direction. In unison, "Her." The woman in line behind us? She muttered, "I’d go with her on that." Five to one. It was perfect.

Couldn’t have timed it better myself. It was one of those moments that should be recorded for comic timing, display, action, and the way they all answered as a single chorus, "Her."

Ever feel outnumbered, outgunned, and low on ammunition? That’s what it felt like. I played the role because I enjoyed it, and it made a dramatic point. Although, the point made wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for. Still, it was good for a laugh. And the point was made, whether I was right, or not.

aquAquarius: Sharp hooks. Nothing works better for catching fish than sharp hooks. Sharp hooks will also gather up stray hems on clothing, particles of rug fiber, bedspreads, my shorts, and just about anything else that is close.

I was tending to some tackle issue — fishing gear — and the lure had three treble hooks on it. One of those hooks, just a single barb on a treble, that’s one out of nine, caught the edge of a finger. I cussed a bit, let one drop of blood slide out, and then I went back to whatever issue I was addressing. It’s important, from a fishing point of view, to have sharp hooks. It’s important from a human point of view to beware of those hooks because the hooks are sharp. The right tool for the right job is bland advice. Make sure your tools are sharp, again, staid advice. Be careful of the sharp tool that you now have? Maybe that’s the point.

pisPisces: "These shoes hurt to walk in," the Pisces said, as she stepped along, gingerly. Begs the question, from my mind, why wear the shoes if they hurt? But that’s me, trying to be reasonable in the face of fashion — which — clearly — I don’t understand. I mean, the shoes looked nice and all, but I doubted that they were worth the obvious pain on that Pisces face. I’d tend towards a more casual approach, and I prefer sandals, whenever possible.

I have kind of a minimalist approach, sandals, bare feet, or boots, as in, for real, cowboy boots. Don’t think I even own anything else. Not a lot of middle ground, but certainly a lot of room for comfort. Which is really what this is about.

As long as Mars is where he is, and the moon and so forth, what with the rest of the planets? Now is not a time to try too hard to be a fashionable. Adopt a little bit of my kind of attitude, if the sandal — or boot — is a good (and comfortable) fit? Then you’re good to go. But if there’s a problem? Think about that one Pisces wincing as she walked. Trudged. Proceeded forward with as much dignity as she could muster, but her feet still hurt. Makes for a bad time. Do what’s right, as in, due what’s right by you.

ariAries: Two guys, messing with a laptop in a coffee shop, trying to run a demo of some kind. Sitting with them, a girl. She saunters over and asks me what network I was on. I suggested that three were available, but only one worked well, the in-house system. She wandered back to the two males, named the system, and then, they — the two guys — suddenly "figured it out," with her help. Aries girl.

Most females would, at the least demand a little recognition for a good turn. In this case, it was as simple as asking me a straightforward question. Two, high-tech guys, sweating profusely while batteries dwindled and the connection wouldn’t connect, stopping the flow.

A single Aries, a single question, and a quick answer? Solved the problem. Saved the day. I was just amused that the guys wouldn’t stop and ask for assistance, even though we were all on the same kind of machines. It could be a really simple question, like the directions, or what WiFi channel is open, or whatever. Might be a little more complicated, but I’m depending on Aries to ask the right question and solve the problem — at the very least — for the time being.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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