For the Week starting: 10.25.2007

"Before the Palace of Antioch.
To sing a song that old was sung,
From ashes ancient Gower is come,
Assuming man’s infirmities,
To glad your ear, and please your eyes.
It hath been sung at festivals,
On ember-eves and holy-ales;"
Shakespeare’s Pericles (Act I, scene I)

    Upcoming events, travel information is here. Keep Austin Weird, Keep San Antonio Lame, All about the same, Halloween is a party in Central Texas.

scoScorpio: It’s birthday time in Scorpio, it’s Halloween, it’s All Saint’s Day, it’s a lot of things. It’s also time for a new, more flamboyant Scorpio style to emerge. The point being, since — ostensibly — this about dressing up as a secret fantasy? Be a loud, brash obnoxious character. Be something that you’re just not, not in real life. I couldn’t help but think of a certain version of Elvis, the later day Elvis. Slightly bloated, still a macho figure if there ever was, but the excess does show. With that white jumpsuit? The gold rim glasses? The hair done up just so? Color up? Wild and ragged and yet, quite unmistakable? That’s what you are, this Halloween.

You’re not always like that, but for once, just for once, you want to be a rock-star Scorpio. Or just rock star. Or pop star. Whatever you want to call it, the super-star status. Maybe a little extra around the edges, and maybe some of the glory is a little faded, but still, here’s a chance to act out a dream. In this outfit, the Scorpio will get all the attention, if only for one evening, and that’s plenty. Just for one night, a secret Scorpio fantasy is to be the center of attention. Go ahead, act it out, don the white jumpsuit with gold sequins. Pull on those distinctive shades.


sagSagittarius: Traditionally, I go as a cowboy for Halloween. I was going to break it up some this year, just to do something a little different, and I got to fiddling with the planets, and I can explain how this will work. My plan was to wear a plain, black business suit. Then a starched white shirt. A simple, black tie. Black-rimmed Ray-Bans, with the extra dark lenses. The idea, the concept is great. The problem is implementation. First off, I don’t own a funeral suit.

I’ve got several sport coats, but no suits. And most of shirts are western-cut, with a yoke and (faux) pearl-snaps. And ties? Think about it. I don’t have any normal cloth ties. For that matter, I won’t have any. Send me one? I’ll drop it off at a donation station. I only have string ties, or bolo ties, whatever you want to call them. So the simplest of plans for a costume has been completely rent asunder by the practical mechanics of the situation.

I don’t have the parts to make that outfit, and at this point, I don’t think I’ll ever own those parts again. To a certain extent, I’m just staying true to myself. Now, for the Sagittarius Halloween costume, if you can follow what I suggest, rather than what I’ll do? That’s good. Go for the black-suit look. You can be "Men in Black," FBI, or any other kind of intimidating agent. However, I think I might have to change it, call it Mercury’s fault, and be a "cowboy men in black." That might work.


capCapricorn: Part of this is a function of Mars being opposite you, and part of it might be the devolving Mercury situation, but I was thinking about a costume that consisted of a plain jumpsuit.

Perhaps a military shade, dark blue, black, dark green, camo? The jumpsuit can then be a number of things, it could be a flight suit, and you’re a pilot. It could be flight line mechanic’s suit, too, and you’re the mechanic. It could be, depends on the footwear, I suppose, a parachute suit, and you’re air-borne infantry.

See how the simple item of apparel can be translated and modified into a number of different suitable guises? That’s part of the point, too, give your Capricorn audience enough material to work with, but not too much. Let their own imaginations fill out the details.


aquAquarius: I’m falling back on my standard Aquarius advice for Halloween, and given that Mercury is backwards in air? Even more so. Don’t bother doing anything different for the holiday. I know, you like the idea of dressing up as something wild, but why should this day be any different from any other Aquarius day? You can be whatever you want to be, anytime, and that rich inner working of your finely tuned mind? I’m sure you’re already working on next week’s plan.

When Mercury isn’t making as much trouble. But Mercury is making trouble, less for you, but a lot more for people around you, and that trouble is almost unavoidable. Now, my original suggestion was to do nothing different. And I’m sticking to that idea. Wear what you were going to wear. Act like you were going to act. Just be a normal person. Normal, Aquarius person. No big changes there. What’s going to happen? More than one person will comment on your cute but outlandish costume. Whatever floats their boats, right? Doesn’t matter that you followed my advice and didn’t do anything different.


pisPisces: I’d get ready to be rough for the Halloween holiday. Rude Boys, ready-to-rumble look. Old school punk was what I was really thinking of. I had a client meet me once, and the client had an adolescent in tow, also along for a reading. Do it all the time, I’m used to providing entertainment for the kids. Treat them like adults, usually works.

What was so distracting, the kid was — maybe — 14 years old, dressed up like an old-school punk. It was a little disconcerting for me. I remember the look the first time, when the rusty safety pins were real.

If you’re really old school, hardcore? The dog collar? You stole it from some road kill. Veracity counts for much. Verisimilitude is important. I was thinking about that kid, dressed up in mall clothes that were designed to look like old fashioned punk, and I was thinking about your costume. What’s going to work best? Real punk attire is best. After all, you want to go as something scary? A fantasy? A rowdy punk Pisces. Try chanting, "Anarchy is the only way…."


ariAries: The whole point to a good Halloween costume is to fool the eyes of others. Kind of like make-up, when it’s correctly applied, it fools us. But just like make-up, when it’s not correctly applied? Looks bad, and the costume idea for now? I don’t have an adequate costume for Aries. I’ve got some ideas for some signs, but the deal is, the costume isn’t really going to fool anyone.

What’s worse, you can send the wrong message with the costume you shoot for, try to be too artful? Doesn’t work. There are no simple answers, but the more complicated one looks at the phase of the moon, the relative position of Mars in Cancer, and Mercury, backing down in Libra. All of this points to a costume that, no matter how hard you try, the efforts are not rewarded in a way that you find suitable. I’d stick a little closer to home, and try a little less these days.


tauTaurus: Thought you would sit this one out, did you? Not going to happen. Therefore, as your good friend, what I’d suggest is that you prepare a special, emergency use only, back-up costume. Something to have on hand, just in case you need it. A fail-safe is the old sheet trick. But it does require a white sheet, and the good news is, takes only about thirty seconds to prepare, cut two holes for eyes? You’re done with the preparation.

I’m suggesting that you have a Halloween Costume on hand, just in case. Between the Sun and Mr. Mercury, there’s hint that you might get an unexpected call — some kind of social engagement that requires you to be costumed and ready to go at a moment’s notice. I’m not promising that this will happen, but when the unexpected does occur, remember that I was trying to get you to be ready and as prepared as possible. Just trying to look out for you. And if you don’t use the sheet with two holes this year? You can always save it, it’s style that never fades away.


gemGemini: It’s a perpetual choice problem for Gemini, and I could do a perennial horoscope at this time, every year, but it’s all about choosing — and sticking to — just one idea. I was thinking about this and the Gemini costume choice. Choose just one. Not an idea that starts out as one thing, and then mutates halfway through the creation process into another item. From a nun’s habit to a gory headless guy, the process needs a little containment.

Part of this is a merely a Mercury Function, as the air signs are hard hit by this one. But part of it, too, is the idea that you get easily distracted. Stick to the first plan. Oddly enough, what you started out to do, in the first place? Instead of changing your design along the way? Maybe incorporate those ideas into the original schemata. But stick to one plan. Stick to one idea.

I’m not going to pick the obvious costume for Gemini, that would be the Zaphod Beeblebrox, but I am going admonish that you stick to one costume plan, one idea. To see yourself through the weird times. Just up ahead. Although, that two-headed person would be easy enough to do, for a Gemini, make a quick mold of your face, do a fast fill with just craft-store plastic, and you could have a second head on your shoulders. Be perfect for you.


canCancer: It’s too bad that local rules and regulations will prevent the best part of the Cancer costume to be permitted in most public places. Warrior. Princess or King, one of those. Pick a time and go with that style.

Can be full-on fantasy, or it could be historical fiction, or, better yet, it could be alternate reality. But the fantasy figure I’m thinking of is a noble warrior. Pick a gender. The problem being, the single, most important piece of the costume is a Claymore. Scottish Claymore, the earlier design. Maybe a few inches short of five feet in length, a two-handed, fistful of sword if there ever was one. Imagine the guys in skirts, screaming down the mountains, slaying the Scottish foes. Or other clans. Whatever. Whomever.

The point is the sword, though. It makes a serious statement. A large, double-edged, oh, just go and look it up. I’m not talking about any one-handed jobbie, either. Nope, the big ones. Massive. That’s exactly what a Cancer needs for a holiday costume. Sends a message, too. A strong message that suggests you’re about to cut through all the tripe.


leoLeo: What could be more perfect for a Leo costume? Besides the fact that you should win the costume contest? Go as a Space Alien. It’s so perfect for you. This is a case where the outside, outward appearance mirrors how you’re feeling, on the inside. There’s "other worldly" essence, particularly with this current Mercury fluctuation, and instead of arguing with it, why not just go as a display of what you really think about it?

How you really feel? Like I’m suggesting, this far beyond feeling like a stranger in a strange land, this all about being the alien that you are sure you are? That alien essence is more about the way the world is — and isn’t — revolving around you. Some folks notice, but even then, some of the folks who do notice, they give you "that look," the one wherein you’re sure that your third eye is showing.

I’ve found a little trick for dressing the alien part, a pair basically oblong lens on sunglasses? Cheap sunglasses, at that? What works, then, just wear those shades upside down, and you’ll look like the alien you’re feeling like. The added bonus is that there’s a spooky connection you’ll notice. Maybe the mother-ship will make a pass at you, and see about a pick-up.


virVirgo: Very simple idea, and the best part, it’s not too complicated. The problem is, the only time I’ve seen this kind of costume it was on a female, therefore, this is kind of gender specific. But I love Virgo girls, so this shouldn’t be too much a problem. It’s the "vampire-ghoul slut," and it’s less of costume per se, and more of a costume idea. A little white pancake for the face base, then the rest of the outfit is pretty simple. A sheer, clinging black sheath of a dress. Low-cut, if available. Short skirt style, if deemed appropriate. Black stockings.
Maybe a mask or comical witch’s hat to top it all off. Perhaps a plastic skull on the end of flashlight, all painted, or otherwise covered in black. Just as an accessory.

The point is that the more sheer, more alluring the skirt — or dress — the little black number? The more appealing that is, the better off you are. Besides, it’s less about the costume and the costume components, and it’s more about how you employ those elements to your best Virgo advantage. The first point is black, the second point is sheer, the third is revealing, but only just so, and finally, the last and most critical point in the costume? Shake it. Use what the good lord gave you and use it well. That’s the point. The window dressings distract from the point that the planets are out of whack, and your dancing will probably be less than perfect. But in the dark? Covered in black? Still the most bewitching and beguiling.


libLibra: Cleopatra. Marc Anthony. One of those two, fit it to your tastes as you will. Whichever, doesn’t much matter to me, but the story behind the choices has to do with Mercury, backwards in your sign, and the planet of love, Venus, creeping along in Virgo. This doesn’t spell doom, not for certain, but it does indicate that carefully choosing your fantasy figure for the upcoming holiday? That will help. They all die, Marc and Cleo, at the end of the play.

It’s a tragedy. But then, at least for the time being, that’s the nature of romance in Libra-land, too. Not exactly tragic but then, not exactly the best of times. Which is why, you know, a mighty queen with a grasp on an asp? That would work well as the Libra choice. Get one of those cheap, plastic snakes. Makes a great prop. And later, like when things are going well again? That prop, the fake snake? You can always use him as need be to remind yourself of what happened in the play. Unlike real life. Then too, you can use that prop to keep Anthony in line. Or Cleopatra. Whomever.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at

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© 1993 – 2022 Kramer Wetzel, for &c.

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