For the Week starting: 11.22.2007

"If one be mad, or hang or drown themselves, there they go — Jupiter bless us!"
Shakespeare’s The Two Noble Kinsmen [IV.iii34-5]

Happy Sagittarius!


sagSagittarius: I ran across a hot sauce sampler, must’ve been a Texas gag gift, called "Bull Snot Hot Sauce Sampler." I can’t make this stuff up. The various samples had even more endearing names, like "Fire in the Hole," "Butt Burner," and "Texas Tail Torch." I think there was even one I’d like, "Cowboy Cayenne."

I didn’t buy the set, either, not because I wasn’t intrigued, but I don’t know many people who would set back and really sample some of this with me. Too hot for most of my non-native friends, and too tame for some of my hardcore amigos.

Mars, and his pattern, it’s all about limits. Knowing what those limits are. Although, as a Sagittarius, we are renowned, far and wide, for our adventuresome and less-judicious senses. Or lack of sense, as some have suggested, that doesn’t mean that we’re just so totally insane as to try some kind of sauce, perhaps it’s a trick, just a novelty item, and we’re not in some great need of demonstrating our prowess. Not this way. There are easier, less painful ways to show off. Think about it before you plunge into it. Might be a good gift — for some other, non-Sagittarius person.

capCapricorn: "If one be mad (and so on)…" is really a pagan blessing. In this sense, too, the word "pagan" means of "of the country" as opposed to more urbane city-folks. Perchance a little rough around the edges, but nice, nonetheless? Sounds like a Capricorn, no? Some edge, some depth, and yet, that special sense that you’re not the most suave and debonair character at the party?

While you may be a little rough around the edges? That doesn’t mean that there’s not a hidden depth just chock full of all kinds of nifty and tantalizing reserves. It’s a matter of getting in touch with that depth of reserve, calling on it, and finding a proper outlet for that well-spring, that fount of Capricorn wisdom. It’s there, the question, and the answer, is how to put it to use.

The holiday time places a unique stress on you, that, and the planets. I’d fly in the face of conventional wisdom, and suggest that you take a swing, take a stab, fly that idea out there. There’s some immediate turbulence, holiday delays, and all that. But get something launched, or ready to, anyway.

aquAquarius: You need to dig deep. "Like what, a six-foot hole in the backyard? Ha-ha." That laughter, it’s a little bitter and a little dry. Too brittle, too. That’s where the printed word fails us. I’m not sure I can evoke the right response. But the idea of digging a little deeper, and looking a little harder at what is already there? That’s a good point.

Family dynamics are a big issue. And there’s a way to navigate around the issues, if you’re willing to dig a around a little. Root around some. Be willing to look deeper to find what the root of the problem really is. I’m not giving odds on this one, but nine out of ten times, the real source of the trouble in Aquarius land is self-imposed limits. I mean, that’s not always the case, but these days, given where the planet trouble starts? I’d suggest that you look no further than your own, Aquarian, backyard. At least, for starters.

pisPisces: "Where you from?" That was the question. The answer? "I’m local, I’m from here." The problem being, that, at that one place, so many people are imports, a real and true local person is rarity. I won’t name the store (Sofa King), but I was sitting on a chair or a stool, with my legs swinging freely underneath me. I was with a friend, and she was looking for something. Eventually, I wore out, so I did what I usually do to pass the time, start asking birthdays and making observations.

That one guy, he was Pisces, and he had long story about a customer who refused to believe that he was from here. Local. Born and raised. Slight "south" to his Texas accent, which would lead me to believe he went to a more rural school, at some point in his education. But that’s a guess. With a little less twang in his talk, it’s easy to understand why someone wouldn’t believe that he was really from around here. But he was. And he was Pisces. Understand what our problems are these days? As long as we’re dealing with Saturn opposite you? Biggest trouble is going to be getting folks to believe that truth is the truth.

ariAries: "What’s the story?" I asked a young Aries lad. He had full-sleeve tattoos on both arms, and a singular design stuck out, to me. "Eye 4 eye" was all I could see. And therein hangs a tale of betrayal, blood-lust, revenge, the dark recesses of our minds, and best of all, his ex. The woman who inspired the original design? She lives in small town, close to here. In a trailer park. With another boyfriend. It’s not a pretty conclusion. But the ink, that tattoo, it’s really rather a fetching piece of work, and it serves as a reminder.

Sometime, the best way to extract revenge? Do nothing. I realize that this will alarm and upset more than one Aries. But think about that young man’s lesson. And think about the teaching, that lesson, permanently inked onto his arm, "Eye for an Eye." Then consider, what he did. For that matter, what he didn’t do. He never took any action. He nursed his wounded pride, but he didn’t take any action. Justice was served. He was a bigger man than the person who wronged him. Consequently, he got a great "life lesson," nice artwork, and valuable lesson, sometimes, no action is required for the wheels of justice to run our way. Think about it. Maybe, for a change, do nothing.

tauTaurus: T-day itself might be problematic, and that’s just a way to measure how mature you are. After that, though? From Black Friday right on up to Xmas and beyond? It’s better and better. Just sure to remember that Mars is in a backward moving situation, I mean, he’s not really moving backwards, but it looks like he is, compared to the other planets, and anyway, why let one little angry red planet interfere with a good time?

It’s a matter of grasping that Mars will ruin some normally good communication channels. Not that it’s bad, either, because the internal emotional balance? For Taurus? That should be in good form before this scope is up. Now, there is still the problem with Mr. Mars and what that shows is that you’re going to be unable to get your point across. Doesn’t matter what you’re trying to say, the message gets hopelessly garbled. My suggestion is to sit there and silently enjoy the good times. Imagine that, it’s like, your favorite team is playing on Thanksgiving Day, but the show is only available on cable and the cable goes out. You can spend countless hours screaming at the CSR, on the phone, but that’s not going to get the cable hooked up any faster.

gemGemini: Much trial and error has brought me to this point. It’s a bit of holiday advice. Get a big thing of Cheerios Cereal. Personally, I prefer the local version of the trademark-free kind, circle wheat cereal. Two pound bag ought to do. Then two one-pound boxes of Rice Chex; although, cheap like me? I tend towards the trademark-free version. Finally, hit the specialty grocery store, and get a pound of dried cranberries and a pound of "wasabi peas." Mix it all up. You’ve got the ultimate in healthy, high-in-fiber, low-in-sodium, high in color, low-in-cholesterol, DIY holiday mix.

No cooking. The wasabi peas are a lovely green in color and cranberries are red. Holiday colors, and four pounds or more? You’ll be surprised at how fast that goes. It’s cheap; it’s easy; it’s fool-proof. And you can adjust the mixture anyway you want. What’s with cheap snack mix? The planets dictate you need and want to munch. Make it something healthy and inexpensive. Won’t solve all the problem, but it’s a Gemini-perfect method of keeping yourself entertained.

canCancer: The way the story goes, and I’m not sure if this is urban myth, except since it is about a cowboy, that would be sub-urban myth? Rural Texas myth? Anyway, the cowboy is rolling into his bedroll at night, hears a rattlesnake, and launches a boot at the rattlesnake. No more rattlesnake. Cowboy gets up the next morning, and he fetches his boot from the other side of the campfire, finds the snake’s carcass, and the cowboy pulls on his boot. A rattlesnake fang, embedded in the boot, and the fang, still full of venom, scratches the cowboys foot, as he’s putting on the boot, and later that day, he falls out of the saddle, no more cowboy.

I suspect there’s more myth and lot less reality in the story, as there are numerous holes in the plot, the action, and how the critters, both man and beast, act (and react). But the point isn’t about whether it’s really a true story. It’s about dealing with a problem, like a Mars problem — the rattlesnake — and having successfully, so you think, dealt with the problem, there’s always a question. And a little later? If you’re not careful? That problem comes back to bite you yet again. Even from beyond its grave. So, in honor of Mr. Mars? Check the boots — or whatever — before you pull them on.

leoLeo: I’m used to a single shot of coffee in the afternoon. Usually, it’s espresso, can be a regular cup of coffee, can be a lot of things. So I got an idea, and I was looking for a certain size of French Press. It’s a fancy coffee maker, add coffee and hot water, then squeeze down some from fresh coffee. I saw one, or so I thought, that was about the right size, at a specialty shop. Didn’t buy it because I thought, specialty shop and all, probably cost too much. The way I priced it, that time? It was worth a whole month of afternoon espresso before it would pay for itself. However, this train of thought resulted in an obsession and I kept looking, just for that perfect size of afternoon coffee machine. 12 ounces of fluid. Not too much. Really, more than a single 8-oz. cup of coffee, but still, close enough for a good afternoon brew.

With a French Press, anyway, I tend to leave the last little bit as it’s full of coffee grounds. The search continued, for that perfect afternoon coffee press, for most near a year or more. Finally, it showed up. Not at fancy food store, not at fancy coffee shop, and certainly not at one of those international chains of stores, no, I found my holy grail of a perfect afternoon coffee press in local place. Not far from home. A little "mom & pop" store. Coffee shop. Good coffee, friendly service, know me by name (and what I order). Without hesitation, I bought the press. I’m not saying that a major find for your Leo self will occur, but you know, after hunting for almost a year, I finally found what I was looking for, in a small, creature comfort way. Same for you.

virVirgo: There’s a problem with what’s coming up. While it’s the holidays, and everyone is festive and all that crap? There’s an undercurrent, mostly just in Virgo, but the flavor is the same, this weird tone. It’s a more pronounced sense of foreboding. More so than usual. It’s weird like that, too. "I just know something bad is about to happen," my little Virgo voice tells me.

There’s another theory, one that suggests anytime you go looking for something, it will eventually appear. So if your Virgo voice is telling you to go looking for some trouble, that means, sooner or later, you’ll find that trouble. I’m not one to suggest that it’s what you’re looking for, but I do tend to concentrate on the happier, more uplifting side.

I’d suggest, for the time being, as long as we’re all dealing with a happy Sagittarius Sun, and Saturn in Virgo, my endorsement is for that Virgo voice to look on the upside. Tone down the disaster-seeking noises. I should note, in all fairness, I didn’t say that my little Virgo friends shouldn’t be prepared, I just suggested that they not talk so loudly.

libLibra: Personally, I think Xmas should have to wait until after T-Day. Just the way I am. Old-fashioned? Maybe. Traditional? That too. Or maybe, I’m reaching for any chance to procrastinate. Whatever the excuse, the real Xmas season shouldn’t start until the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday, which according to some is followed by "Cyber Black Monday," the most common shopping day on-line. I wouldn’t know, I’m not going to be giving any gifts, again this year, because of the paltry income and the excessive business expenses. But like me, do your Libra best to procrastinate.

The more you can put off until later? The happier you’re going to be in the present. Which is the point. It’s all about making things good right now. In order to make the Libra life a little easier at the present time? Be willing to delay as much as possible. Putting some particular action off, until a better time? Doesn’t hurt at all. You can always borrow one of my favorite lines, "I’m working on it." The real translation? "I’ll get around to looking at that problem, well, maybe next week. Or the week after."

scoScorpio: There’s an eternal fascination with Xmas decorations. I tend to think local and I tend to subscribe to the theory that this is just something that happens in my own neighborhood. Not actually neighborhood, but in slightly larger sense. There’s a subdivision, and all the houses, up and down those streets, are all done up in the most wonderful display of lights.

I’m not sure "wonderful" is the correct term. To some, the ostentatious displays might be a bit over the top. Might be way over the top. Might be open to ridicule. The problem being, when trying to poke fun at some of these displays, like Austin’s 37th Street, or San Antonio’s Windcrest, the examples of Christmas lights are so outrageous, in and of themselves, that there’s no way to mock them. Some of these areas are even visible from commercial flights. Dare I suggest, even visible from low-orbit satellites? Who knows? But it points up a problem, and my offering of a solution, in Scorpio. Okay, instead of mocking the outrageous and clearly secular ostentatious household displays? Just let it mock itself. One of my favorites, in the middle of a South Texas prairie, in front a certain restaurant, there’s a Santa in an inflated snow globe. Right next to cactus.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

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