For the Week starting: 11.29.2007

"And this our life,
Find tongue in trees,
Books in running brooks,
Sermons in stones,
And good in everything."
Shakespeare’s As You Like It, Act III, Scene 1


sagSagittarius: This one stymied me, and I just didn’t get it. I suppose, there’s some kind of a message, but I don’t get it. As the holidays roll over and start up? Expect to see a number of items like this. It was a Ferrari, bright red Ferrari, low-slung, and wicked-looking. As only an Italian sports car that cost more than a trailer (or two) can look.

Pretty enough car. I’m a guy, so I get the usual visceral and completely stupid reaction to such a car. Guys, we’re like that. But there was something wrong with this one, when I saw it, it was in the handicap parking spot, at a convenience store. No amount of money makes that right, not in my mind, and don’t care how special the car — or driver — is, that’s just wrong. Until I got around to the front of the car. There was a handicap hanger dangling from the rearview.


capCapricorn: An insurance guy got a hold of me, and he wouldn’t let go. He was trying to convince me that I had to have a thorough risk-assessment done, and, like a good salesman, he was offering it for free.

Incident monitoring, risk assessment, and hazard-identification.

I eventually let him in the trailer. Scared him off. One-man show, that’s me. Only serious bio-hazard? Got some really good catfish bait in the ice box. All me, all the time. Little trailer, that was all he saw. He was sure, I’d made up some mock stationary, once, that Kramer Wetzel and Astrofish.net was a large, multi-national concern with office in London, Austin, NY, LA and so forth. As if.

The stationary came straight out of my ink-jet printer, nice-looking letterhead and was completely false. Not really, I do have mail drops in various cities and countries, but let’s get real, I’m just a hack writer. Who works alone. I like it that way. In this story, are you going to be the salesman, let down after all that effort, only to discover that the target is exactly what he says he is? Or are you like me, bemused that someone else is going through this much trouble, just to get our attention?


aquAquarius: Strictly third party, observational. I was sitting in the diner, sawing my way through a tough yet tender chicken-friend steak, and I was watching people. Probably waiting on a client, my notes are Spartan, to say the least. There was an obvious patriarch, with his matriarch, and then, pretty clearly, two daughters. All three of the females looked alike. I don’t mean facial features or bone structure, no, it was way more scary than that.

The wife had high frosted hair. Big hair with those big bangs in the front, followed by frosted hair lifted unto the heavens. The older daughter, identical hair. And for that matter, identical skin-tight jeans, and fluffy blouse, carefully revealing cleavage, but not too much. Daughter three had the same hair. The youngest had a slightly less revealing blouse, out of decorum, I’m sure. Or parental admonishment, I’m not sure. The family seemed happy, and eating out, at the diner, in the pre-holiday crush? Probably so.

Maybe they just got done doing Xmas card photos, hence the similar hair. But by my observation, I was figuring it went a little deeper than that. I figure style, in some cases, it’s, like genetically encoded. Can’t fight genetics, even if it’s an outdated style. Hair spray, runs in the family. There are certain, entrenched modes that are running concurrently in Aquarius Like that family, genetically styled together, you’re encountering a routine, tradition, or something as simple as a style. Can’t fight it. And since you can’t fight it? Don’t.


pisPisces: I was listening to two older ladies discuss some point, Not sure if it was business, sales, or just chatter. One of the ladies was explaining, "What I always do, I start out with an affirmative, like, ‘I see how you can feel that way,’ and then I’ve got them." I suppose there’s some kind of book someplace, which talks about effective negotiating tactics, and I’ll suppose that it’s from one of those. Top it off, I’ll also suppose that such tactics, while proven and effective, for a large percentage of the time, those very tactics don’t work now, and such tactics don’t work on gentle, sweet and kind Pisces.

Doesn’t matter how we try and soften the blow, the Pisces corner is stuck. I don’t have any immediate solution, but I did have an idea, and I know, it’s a cheap shot, but borrowing from those ladies, the other evening? As you start to pitch your Pisces pitch, as you start discourse? Consider that little bit of advice, dig around and find the positive to start with. From there? Makes it a little easier for you.


ariAries: I saw a great viral commercial. For men’s underwear. It was a shapely model, doing what any single guy would do, and she was wearing a pair of the brand’s underwear. No milk, so she pours a beer on the cereal, putting the empty milk container back in the ice box. I think she belches. Or some body function that males tend to be amused by and females tend to look askance. Because of the partial nudity, I doubt this aired in the US. But as a viral video, it was huge success, and the tag at the end? It ran something like, "No one wants to look at naked men." I might have that wrong, but that’s close enough.

Besides, this isn’t about naked bodies, this isn’t about underwear, this is about Mars (and the Moon). Think about how ungainly it seems, to have a pert young lass behaving as a grouchy old man, down to the same mannerisms and bodily functions. Upsetting, to say the least. Not what one would expect, at all. To my mind, it was all very funny, because, well, if there hadn’t been a partially clad, shapely female form, I wouldn’t have bothered watching. Which was the point. Combine a couple of elements that don’t seem to belong together, and see if that new, recombined item doesn’t fit, just like that commercial.


tauTaurus: An old girlfriend showed up the other day, had on an Xmas hat, red jacket with white faux fur trim, and green leggings. Oh man, I could’ve gone all holiday season without that. It’s not that the lass didn’t look fetching in the elf/santa’s helper/merry whatever outfit, that’s not the case, it’s just that it was so over the top, I guess, would be the easiest way to express it.

One or two of any of the items would’ve been fine. But the whole package, all put together? Just didn’t work. It was, as if, the poor person was trying to too hard to impress the holiday spirit on everything that she touched. Likewise, there’s the holiday spirit, or some kind of emotion, running around in Taurus. Likewise, too, you’re going to be inclined to go a little too far in making the point. And finally, just like my friend, I’m sure you’ll get your point across, but that’s like trying to beat the cheer into the rest of us. A more gentle, perhaps a more subtle approach? That works much better.


gemGemini: I got a picture, one year, of me, in shorts, sandals and Hawaiian (print) shirt, standing next to a giant snow globe. The Xmas decoration was somewhat out of place, a little bit of discordant display, in the middle of a hot December afternoon. I’ve seen snow by Thanksgiving and I’ve been swimming in Barton Spring in December. Cold weather and hot weather. I’m used to anomalies. As a Gemini, you’re used to such vagaries, whether it’s the weather or it’s some other aspect of life.

As the seasonal shifts occur, stop and consider what works, and for that matter, what just looks out of place. Like that giant, plastic snow globe, with Styrofoam snow circulating in it. Just odd. Weird, even to me. Not the oddest thing I’ve seen, and I’m not sure I can find the photo anymore. Not that it matters, it’s the image that’s so important. Xmas decorations are starting to blossom. The weather’s been strange. Deal with the incongruities as they appear, which they will. I’d consider that, an image like I described, me next to giant snow globe? Something like that would make a good Xmas card.


canCancer: I was filling up a tea kettle, my trusty tea kettle, and a girlfriend was watching. "Is that how you fill a kettle?" While this particular tea kettle does have a lid covering a top opening, I just tend to fill it through the spout. Easier, fewer moving parts. Less to think about. I was probably boiling water to make coffee, not tea, so I wonder if it’s really called a tea kettle.

What I was doing, an action born out many years of living alone and seeking the quickest, easiest way to get some task accomplished. The little water tap only runs so fast, and the way I’ve worked it out, my system while slightly unconventional, is the most effective way, and more important, my method has the fewest number of steps. Always a consideration.

While my methodology might seem a tad bit strange to some, when it comes to defining or redefining a situation, or more important, a process, go with what uses the fewest number of steps. Easy way out. Others may scoff, but let’s face facts, your easy way really is the simplest. Like me and my tea kettle.


leoLeo: Roll around in it, my fine Royal Leo friend. You deserve a break. I’m not saying that you’ll catch a big break, but there’s a little chance of some kind of golden opportunity, and the best Leo should grab whatever comes your way.

All right, maybe "golden opportunity" is the wrong choice of words. Perhaps it’s more like a copper or tin opportunity. Not a lead opportunity, but as I was looking at it, you have Mars RX in the sign on one side and Saturn in the sign on the other side. Which means, both those planet energies are not affecting you. Too much.

So it’s a sweet spot. Maybe not so much a sweet spot, maybe it’s an artificial flavor sweetener spot, yet, you’re in a better position than before. The fake sugar stuff gives me a headache these days, so maybe you’re like me, and you don’t want to sample the fake sugar sweet spot, but do something to take advantage of your big (little) break.


virVirgo: There’s a railroad overpass, on a certain street. The two "low bridge" warning signs differ. Makes for unusual signage. "LEFT LANE 13’2"" and the other side? "RIGHT LANE 13’10"". It is an anomaly in which I find great amusement. I take great delight in knowing that the rail line drops a full 8 inches in the span of just one lane. Might just be the bridge, might not be the rail line itself. Doesn’t much matter, though, as I’m sure that the signs have caused mirth in a number of people, for quite a few years.

The way I see Virgo? It’s like, you’re screaming along down that road, in truck that’s 13’4" in height. Or I might have the inches wrong, but it’s under the mark for the right lane, but too close to call for the center lane. Without me, you will forget about the height issue. You’ll forget that the Virgo truck won’t fit under that one lane.

You have to be in the correct lane, or there will be trouble. And it isn’t bad trouble, it’s just that an insurance claim, a crumpled truck roof, the tow truck to haul you out from under the railroad bridge, the structural integrity study afterwards, and the Virgo complaint that the sign wasn’t clear in the first place. All of that is valid. But I can save you the trouble: just change lanes. Look what’s up ahead, and adjust your trajectory so it doesn’t include a fixed object.


libLibra: End of November, beginning of December, Central Texas sees some weird weather. Cold, freezing, and then it warms up for a few days. I’m not sure, the cause or effect, but the results are some warm weather factors in early December. I was watching as some tourists tried a local favorite, "paletas," which are nothing more than frozen water mixed with gooey, sugary, fruity flavors, in a number of combinations. Popsicles, to some, I’m sure. The flavors tend towards tropical, and the colors tend towards exotic. The vendors tend towards Hispanic, too, not that it matters.

The real joy lies in watching a tourist couple buy and try the paletas, on that warm winter night. The first half was good, but I guess the couple underestimated the rate of defrost-decay, and the delightful sticky mess, after it was only half-eaten, wound up in the hands. This is where I started to feel sorry for the folks, because that stuff is like bubble gum in its constancy and stickiness factors. Mostly sugars, I’m guessing, but it’s a mess. None of this is really harmful, dangerous, or that problematic. But still.

There’s the sticky factor. Poor tourists, didn’t grab near enough napkins to help clean up their mess. Paletas, even in the winter, still can fall apart. I’m not saying it’s bad, but make sure there’s plenty of clean up material on hand.


scoScorpio: Given that Mars is backwards and the rest of the planets are heading towards Sagittarius, here’s a quick, short tip, only for my Scorpio friends.

Want to be the smartest one at the dinner table, over the holiday? As soon as someone else makes a stupid comment? Think of an equally stupid and inane retort. Then don’t say it.

Easiest way to be really wise? Shut up. Think of something stupid to say. Then don’t say it. Don’t thank me, just send money.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

Use of this site (you are here) is covered by all the terms as defined in the fineprint, and there might be, maybe, a material connection between the hot links and this site (sometimes).

© 1993 – 2021 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c.

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