For the week starting: 4.24.2008

"With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come."
Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice (I.i.86)

Astrofish.net horoscopes are certified 100% organic, fair-trade, shade grown. No animals or humans were harmed in the construction of these horoscopes. And previously, on this web page

un ad

tau Taurus: A Taurus buddy guffawed, "Gone in what? 180 seconds?" He was watching as a loud yet horrendously under-powered car cruised by. He mocked them, as only an acerbic Taurus lad can. The saccharine sarcasm was dripping, the metaphors were none too veiled, and he was on roll. Unlike the car that belched once, misfired and then rolled forward.

Several more comments and observations followed, like that trailing cloud of smoke. Taurus has it going on now. Now. Not later, now. The problem is, like that car that belched and misfired, there’s a good chance that the wonderful Taurus wit misses the mark. Or, me being an astute observer of the Taurus wit, it hit with me. I laughed. I was greatly amused. I was the only one.

So I’m appreciative, but not everyone is? That might be the point, too. See, there’s a huge wave of change headed this way, and the fine Taurus wit is poised to be on the crest of that wave, just to thoroughly mix the metaphors. Get ready, Tone up the wit, crank up the tone, and get ready. In another few days, I won’t be the only casual observer applauding your fine Taurus self.

un ad

gem Gemini: "I hate it when my purse doesn’t match my shoes!" Yeah, I hate when my purse and shoes don’t match either. It wasn’t a comment that was really directed at me, but it was a sentiment that I was trying to grasp. Gemini girl, explaining about some sort of girl-thing that I don’t quite understand. A lover once pointed out that shoes and purse are kind of like fishing pole and fishing reel. That’s a metaphor I can grasp. They have to match up, look like they go together so that they work as a cohesive unit. Pole and reel. I’m not sure about purse and shoes.

There’s a matter going on in the Gemini mind, and it’s like that one girl explaining to my dumbfounded self about how the purse and shoes are supposed to match. I wonder about that, too, if I have Ostrich or Elephant boots, does that mean I need an Ostrich or Elephant purse? I was wondering if a purse would even go with any of my outfits, such as they are. Although, I do recall once being accused of carrying a "man-bag," which was, in effect, a purse. Although, in my case, it only held certain essential items I needed for generating income.

Look: this isn’t about purse and shoes, fishing poles and fishing reels. It’s about that feeling that something doesn’t quite line up just right. The color is wrong, the weight isn’t correct, the balance is off. I can’t correct that balance, or lack of balance, in the next few days. However, you can strive for it in Gemini-land. I won’t promise that you’ll find the right purse to match the outfit, or the correct fishing reel, but it doesn’t hurt to strive for that balance point.

un ad

can Cancer: I was in a, it was one of the huge sporting goods stores. Along one display case there are hundreds, maybe thousands of fishing reels. Salt water, open face, closed face, I guess, spinning, trolling, surf casting, fly-fishing, bass fishing, sea fishing, lake fishing, and that’s just what I looked at. I was talking to a client on my cell phone, and my eye caught something. The client knew where I was, it wasn’t a surprise, or, like, a paid reading.

I made note to go back and looks at one reel I’d seen, possibly on sale, and possibly, just what I was looking for. Or maybe not. I didn’t know. Being male, I don’t multi-task as well as others. After I clicked off the phone, I went back to find that reel I thought I’d seen. I thought I’d spotted a hundred dollar fishing reel for about fifty bucks. I approached the long display, reel after reel, about six deep, all mounted on L-shaped fishing reel retail display holders, like a fishing pole, only, just the handle.

I couldn’t find the one I was looking for, what I thought I had seen while I was chatting. I did heft a few of the display handles, with reels attached. I was looking for a certain size and price. An elderly gentlemen, another customer in the store, he looked at me, grinned, and told me, "Watch out, looks like they’re trying to sell you a short pole." I was briefly amused. I grinned back. I’m not sure I ever really saw that price deal I was looking for. I was chatting at the time, And when I went back to find it, I couldn’t. I did have fun, and I did get to be the butt of a joke, which, I must admit, I enjoyed. And maybe, just maybe, the interruptions, the kidding, the distractions? Maybe those saved me from making a — relatively — expensive mistake.

It’s not like I need another fishing reel right now. Let’s flip this all around for you, Cancer dear, sometimes, the ribbing and the phone? Sometimes, those can save you from making ill-timed choices. Like now. Missed opportunities might pay off big in this next week.

un ad

leo Leo: I watched, the other morning, as a waiter went to work with 12-pack of coke. I know he’s a waiter by his uniform. I know he works in one of the downtown hotels. The rest is conjecture, but I’ll bet they started charging him for the coke he drank while on the job. That 12-pack was probably good for a few shifts, at least, making a judgement call about his age.

Probably cost less than one ‘fine dining tip,’ too. I’m guessing that he’s coming out way ahead with his deal, other than the hassle of having to haul a 12-pack of cans to work. Last time I paid for a drink in place like that? I think the coke cost me about three dollars. Not much less than that waiter’s 12-pack of cans. I don’t recall if my price included a gratuity, either. Sometimes, though, due to the way the home office handles billing and such? There are some times, when, so it seems, it’s just easier to bring your own damn coke to work. Maybe it falls into one of those allegiances to particular brand of coke, or perhaps, it’s a monetary thing. Maybe store-bought is cheaper than full-retail the employer charges.

I’m just saying, in the next couple of days, I’m hoping to see a Leo or two, toting their versions of a case of coke to work. Might not be coke, per se, might be some other items, like lunch, or coffee, or a coffee maker, or something. I just expect our Leo friends to be doing to the "fine, I’ll just do it myself" thing. Soon. Which is fine, too, as you will do it yourself. Better, even. But that’s no surprise.

un ad

vir Virgo: Landing in the big DFW Airport, I’m sure it’s possible to see, just a little north and west, the big DFW Bass Pro Shop. Someplace in the area, too, there’s a Cabela’s. South of Austin, there’s a Cabela’s. West of San Antonio, there’s Bass Pro Shop. One claims to be the world’s leading retailer of outdoor equipment. The other claims to be the largest retailer of outdoor stuff. I’m not sure which is which. Not that it matters.

As a consumer, I’ve got choices. Quality, brands, and prices seem to vary greatly. It’s weird. One store will have a surfeit of a particular item, and that same product won’t even be on the "we’ve got some coming soon" list at another store. I never could figure out the ways of the retail merchants. In a similar vein, one discount sporting goods store will have a lot of coastal gear, south of San Antonio, whereas another branch of the same chain, on the north side, won’t even carry coastal gear. The big, huge, mammoth-sized retailers, they are pretty evenly distributed so as not to be in each others’ space. Yet, there’s still a kind of war at work between the two, a rivalry that me, as a consumer, should benefit from.

There’s also a couple of these stores in the Houston area. I think I stopped there once. So I’ve got choices. Virgo? You’ve got choices, too. It’s going to take a little time, but you’ve got to shop and compare. I’m of the mind, I’m usually the "impulse buy" guy. That doesn’t work, not now. Shop. Takes a little work, you might have to drive to Houston to check out the prices, but it’s worth it.

un ad

lib Libra: Maybe a half-dozen years ago, I’m not sure, there was perfect alignment in my astrology chart. Maybe the then girlfriend was nice, maybe it was fresh romance, maybe it was just spring time in Texas. I recall the exact location, a field south of the river in Austin, almost next to the freeway. A place I used to walk past with alarming frequency. It’s a portion of Austin’s Hike and Bike Trail. I leaned down with a cheap, digital camera and snapped a couple of shots of a field of Bluebonnets. Inadvertently, I got a couple of stunning close-up shots of Bluebonnets, the State’s flower. I did so by holding the camera mere inches from a flower.

This wasn’t that well-planned photo-shoot. It was a almost a mistake. I pocketed the camera and walked another five or ten miles that afternoon. The pictures turned out superb — it was not skill on my part — more like luck. I’m not promising that you will get an award winning picture of native wildflowers. This year, they are kind of sparse. And that was a cheap camera, I don’t even have it anymore. The image, however, lives on.

It’s a matter of being in the right place, at the right time, and trying something different. Just a little nudge, a little push, a little shove, and you’ll get an alignment like I had those years back. To this day, those are still my favorite Bluebonnet images. What makes them even better? The inadvertent nature of the picture-taking. Whim, fancy, idle speculation? You might not see the results for a while. But there will be results.

un ad

sco Scorpio: Listen closely. You’ve got a couple of (astrological) points that are going to spur you to action. Only, in a good Scorpio way, sometimes you can’t be bothered. I was riding in the front cab of a pick-up truck, and I cracked the passenger-side window, rolled it down for a little fresh air. The breeze at 55 MPH ruffled my hair. What’s left of my hair, anyway. I’d taken off my cap, too, so I was left with hair in a slight state of disarray. Not that it bothers me too much. I looked out the window as the two-lane highway split into a four-lane highway, which, I could only assume, meant a town was approaching. Which is a strange way to phrase it, as the town was in one position, and we were actually approaching its location.

A lot of meandering thought in here. Happens to be a Scorpio kind of a thing, too. Sun, Venus, Mercury, all in the sign opposite you, like that wind ruffling my hairs. Messing with my head. Wondering about items that might not really be important. As a Scorpio, with this little influence, I’d urge you to turn you attention back to watching the road ahead instead of wondering about apparent language contradictions.

Then too, there was another thought, almost an afterthought. There’s one spot on this split highway, state road, where it is southbound, going into a little town. Sunday nights? Almost always, there’s a cop there. Sheriff, highway patrol, local constable? I don’t know. I know that a Law Enforcement Official is usually represented. Be aware of this. He catches folks who are day dreaming at night when those dreamers fail to realize the speed limit dropped at the edge of town.

un ad

sag Sagittarius: There are days when we all have to rely on the kindness of strangers. There are days when the assistance of others is most important. There are times when we have to admit that our Sagittarius selves are not islands unto ourselves and we most (graciously) accept help with a problem.

That’s a quite buildup to let you know that someone is going to come along and offer assistance. Accept it. Don’t turn it down. The Lone Ranger, I can do it by myself, I don’t need nay help, that kind of an attitude? Lose it. This is time when the assistance, the kindness of strangers, this is time when that type of help is plays a pivotal role. The first time I typed "pivotal roll," and I wonder if that wasn’t an intentional slip. Roll with what comes up. Cant count on the kindness of strangers, but there’s always a chance that something does work out.

un ad

cap Capricorn: I was looking over a website with fishing images on it. Fishermen and their tales of monsters, whales, and other possible hyperbole and untruths. One picture was this guy, a coastal fisherman, he was standing in front of his truck. It had an American flag on one side, and not far from the (patriotic) flag sticker, there was a Grateful Dead "Steal Your Face" sticker. Kind of an interesting mixture in that message. One I can understand, but I’m not sure that a lot of the typical flag-waving people would grasp.

In my own mind, the Grateful Dead really were an American Band, born out of a time of excess, and the beginning of the changing of the guard for America. I’m not sure that the myth matches up to what I understand about the band, I don’t qualify as a Dead Head. I’ve only got a couple of cuts, although, there’s one studio album that I find particularly beautiful, that doesn’t qualify me as an expert. So the two stickers, one patriotic, one from a rock and roll generation, those two items, next to each to each other, does it match? To a non-Capricorn person, no, this doesn’t work.

To a good Capricorn, the astute observer and occasional chronicle of the bizarre? This does make a weird kind of sense. Mars, still frying along opposite you? When there are troubling images, or deeds, that would bother normal people? Step in, step up, or just observe, but make the point that it really isn’t that weird.

un ad

aqu Aquarius: "Holographic colors and 3-D eyes! Just like real life!" I’ve always wondered, if this is for the fish, or is this targeted for the fisherman? I’m sure that the holographic graphics and 3D eyes works for some people, I’ve found that the fish really can’t see that well. Most of the water is kind of murky, so I’m unsure of how realistic the presentation is supposed to be. Can a fish see those realistic looking eyes, and do those eyes look like the lure is alive?

And can the fish tell me what does, and doesn’t work? That last question is slightly, maybe more so, rhetorical, The fish do tell me, albeit, they don’t talk to me. The fish show by biting. The more energetic a bite, the better the bait. I’ve always suspected that it wasn’t the look, more than likely, it was the feel and the smell. So the holographic colors? The 3D eyes? When yo see that? Is that targeted for the fish? Or the (Aquarius) fisherman?

un ad

pis Pisces: One of the most important — to me — elements of fishing is that I have to remain in a learning mode at all times. In that respect, at least to me, it’s much like astrology because each one has its individual quirks and tweaks. Then, too, I have to be able to adjust, adapt and there’s a certain amount of willingness that goes with it.

Each encounter is a new experience. It’s never, not quite, anyway, the same old thing day and day out.

Pisces, my friend, you have lost touch with that "every day is a new experience" aspect. I’m not saying it’s bad, but you’ve let the drudgery factor accumulate, and that means it’s not any fun anymore. Lose the loser attitude.

un ad

ariAries: At the end of this week, more like at the middle of next week, Venus bumps her way out of Aries. I’m being fair-minded now, and I’m warning you about this planet action, now. When it happens, the extra layer of charm and wit you’ve enjoyed lately? Might not work as well as it worked in the past. I am not suggesting that you are not charming and witty, no, that’s not what I said. At all.

What I was implying, and I’ll spell it out for you, charm and wit have a place in daily interactions. You got by, for the last couple of weeks, like, since before your birthday, you were able to succeed where other signs failed because you had that extra layer of charm and wit. It worked. It worked well; it was flawless. Your delivery was wonderful. You were amusing, and even the time you made a mistake? You made it look like you were supposed to do that — like you’d wired that in as part of your delivery.

So the good luck you were relying on? Gone. That doesn’t mean there’s not a lucky break, or that characteristic Aries diligence won’t pay off, it’s just that extra, kind of cushy charm, does, well, Venus is moving. So is her charm. It’s just a friendly note, can’t bank on her good looks past this weekend.

About the author: Born and raised in a small town in East Texas, Kramer Wetzel spent years honing his craft in a trailer park in South Austin. He hates writing about himself in third person. More at KramerWetzel.com.

Use of this site (you are here) is covered by all the terms as defined in the fineprint, reply via e-mail.

© 1993 – 2024 Kramer Wetzel, for astrofish.net &c. astrofish.net: breaking horoscopes since 1993.

It’s simple, and free: subscribe here.

Next post:

Previous post: